Monday 7 April 2014

Dear One, I feel so hurt - He friend-zoned me!

It's Monday again!! Whoopieeeeeeeee! I hope you love Mondays just like I am getting to do.. How was your weekend? Great? Great!

Mine was superrrrrr! Holy Ghost Service at Redemption Camp, Thanksgiving Service at Church, gists with my beautiful family and my sister by love-adoption lol, good news all round (engagements, relationships - you know that makes me incredibly happy right? lol).. I am grateful to my Abba Father for a great weekend!

I got an email a while back from a beautiful lady who I now consider a friend. She was writing about this dude she met after breaking off from a long-term relationship because she had made a decision based on her new relationship with God. The guy started showing some form of interest in her and things had been good between them. It seemed like it would naturally progress to something more and she was excited about that because he was a good guy and she had started to develop some form of feelings for him. One day, dude said they needed to talk (I thought only ladies did that!?). Now his conversation was to establish the fact that he thought they should define their relationship and to state that though it seemed like a relationship looked like a good thing, he felt that they should remain good friends... Hope she understands?


As expected, she was surprised and disappointed. She said she also felt rejected as it was totally unexpected. In her words:

".....but really why do people like to complicate issues? He was the one who initiated the 2 dates we went on, he was keenly interested (or so it seemed) and was keeping in touch and all that. I was even begnnning to feel like I was boring and needed to reach out more, and then I get this!!!! Like seriously??!!!! I dont even know how to explain how I feel right now. I feel like whatever it was, the least he could do was let me that so hard? I didnt beg nor ask him to date me!!"

My dearest sis *hug *hug*...

I can imagine how disappointed you must feel! It can get so frustrating and I'm so sorry it had to turn out this way! Especially when you felt that you were starting something that could potentially be meaningful. Even if you hadn't started developing real feelings for him, the wasted effort could be so upsetting!

Please dear, don't get defeated, discouraged or feel like it's a mark of rejection cause of what happened with the guy! The best part for me is that you actually gave yourself the opportunity to step out and let yourself think of entertaining the idea of a relationship with him. Thank God that he sent someone your way, no matter how brief it was.

Sometimes, we get to a point when almost anyone will do but God would have none of that! He would only give you His best that you deserve, as long as you don't give up on the fact that He would come through for you in Jesus name.

I remember this dude I was really getting close to and I thought yeah this looks like it! He was the one who did the initial 'pursuing' but he just kept holding back on taking it further and we just remained good friends while I was patiently waiting for the 'change' to come!. You can imagine my hurt when I heard he had started seeing someone else! I cried oh! Like, no way!
Looking back, I am grateful that I didn't end up with him because the guy I met after was better x 100 and suited me more lol.. And it made me see that God always does better for you.

We may feel that this could be the best thing or at least alright for me but God knows the man that he has moulded to suit you perfectly. You may meet many good men but there is one that is exactly good for YOU...

Don't focus on the disappointments dear, God is still working - don't ever forget that. 


There may be days when you feel especially mindful of your single state ( I know I do!) but encourage yourself that God is bringing him very soon! He wouldn't fail you.. I have heard and seen so many testimonies!! And when you allow God do His work, when He brings the one, you wouldn't even remember all these ones that didn't work out - infact you would thank God for them.

I am grateful that you shared this with me *kisses* God bless you..

I will continue to pray with you and believe God along with you for His best.

Love xxxxx


PS, I love this song by Rascal Flatts 'God bless the broken road'... (you should listen to the words). It's the story of many people today! 
Irrespective of what it looks like right now, God is working out the best love-story for you.. Don't stop trusting, don't stop believing.. He'll come through for you xxxx

Twitter: @1plustheone


  1. I can totally relate to this...oh well! I believe God is writing my Love story and it will be a sweeeeet one

  2. @ Tommie, Thanks hun xx
    @Anonymous.. He is! And it will indeed be sweeeeet-er than your imagination!

  3. I can relate to this Story. My Dear, please move on and don't let that stop you.Infant you might see the guy in few years and just thank God that you didn't end up with him.

  4. This is a difficult issue that happens quite often, but let me defend this man, or as you say dude ;)

    I don't really see that he did much harm. All he did was dating her (only 2 times), he probably wanted to get to know her before starting a relationship (which is wise!!). While he got to know her he realized that she is probably not the one, so he was open and told her that he does not see this progressing past friendship. It seems that he did this in an early stage, which is really good because it prevents future heartbreak.

    As hard as it sounds, but sometimes you realize after a few informal talks that it is wise to stop going further in order to guard each other's heart.

    I would suggest not to think too much into things unless a guy clearly indicates interest. To put it bluntly: Don't dream about your wedding day when he has not properly told you (with his mouth! not with his actions!!!) he loves you and that he wants to start a relationship with you.

    Otherwise I agree with your lovely and wise response, especially the part about trusting God for your future.

  5. @Anonymous, You're right dear, it takes hindsight to see how blessed we indeed are by that disappointment.
    @Anonymous, lol.. Thanks a lot for defending the man.. You're very right - The guy had the right to walk away as there was no formal commitment yet and it was still at its budding stage (however, in some cases some people both guys and ladies could lead someone on.. We have to be careful about that).. Love your comment, thanks a lot! xx

  6. God bless the broken road was my song for the longest if times. It got me through some cold "where is Lord" nights. I love the Natalie grant version but either way the song is powerful. Great advice Ayo!!!

  7. Lol.. Thanks Inthe! You listened to that song too?! Nicee.. The alumnis we'll both belong to are increasing lol
    God bless you much xx

  8. It is disconcerting to know that you no longer seem interesting to a guy but here's the thing:

    Anyone deserving of YOU- the apple of God's eye, and can't stand the heat in the kitchen deserves to be OUT of the kitchen.

    No compromises. No giving ground. Sold out for Christ. You're everything in Him...don't look for missing pieces anywhere. I'll stop my rant get my drift.

    Is it weird that I feel like I carried last on this song you and inthe know but I don't? Ha must listen at once! lol

  9. To think the jokes about friend-zone is usually relating to men.
    Great post Miss!

  10. @Nikkisho...I know right! I would have thought only ladies 'friend zone' guys but times are changing and we're seeing more guys now leading ladies on with no real intentions or 'exploring their feelings'.
    Anyways, I love your response Ayo, only God can write the best love stories. Even this will form a part of your ministry sweetie so thank God for the loss and Hello bright future 😀😎
    I'm just glad that we have a High Priest who sympathises and identifies with our secret pains Heb 4:15 and He's working it out for good xxx

  11. Beautiful song. Its true not to assume until the guy speaks up and define the relationship.

    I am happy for the writer cos a guy led me on for 1 year before saying he wasnt interested.

    When I say lead on, I mean going on dates and doing relationship stuff. Do I regret it? YES but guess wat I insist a guy say wat he wants or define watever we are before we go ahead.

    So my dear thank your stars cos I know how I cried for months, in middle of the night etc. Its harder when everything seem nice and he seem to tick all the boxes on ur list.

    Find comfort in christ and trust him for the best. Sometimes friendzone is good as it allows you to watch well

  12. @Maggielola! Thanks a lot.. And lol@carrying last, I hope you are now 'in the know' hehe xx
    @Nikisho, you know! We usually hear of guys being the victims of friend-zoning but it works both ways oh!
    @Isioma *Hi-5*.. Even the not-so-pleasant experiences form part of the beautiful stories!
    @UG, God bless you for your commen, thanks a lot! I can't imagine how that must have hurt! But you know, like you said, it is so important to define the relationship! God will help us indeed xx

  13. What can I say? All that came to my mind was 'some guys are just like that.' Toying with women's hearts, but we have no choice but to leave it to God, cos we know something better will come along.

  14. @ilola, you're very right.. We can't but leave it to God and trust His better :-) xx

  15. Like this is me right now. I don't know why guys do this, christian ones at that! Doing all the nice things that the girl likes and would make her like you, flirting with her, complementing her and always hinting at your desire to be in a relationship yet no direct commitment. For my own peace of mind, I've decided to stay away - no more long phone conversations in the night and so on and so forth. It's so unfair to play with someone else's emotions and waste their time. sorry for the rant :)


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