Tuesday, 18 September 2012

I need your help please!

Hiya lovely people!

First of, I have good news, especially for Toinlicious and Aloted.. I am happy to say that captcha has finally gone! Our relationship is over - done and dusted :-D Thanks to Myne Whitman for showing me the way! (See, I value your wonderful feedback :-)

A huge thanks to everyone who commented on the last post (Let me just say, I'm really grateful for having very nice people who visit this blog)....

I was particularly touched to receive an email from a lovely lady who reads this blog and decided to ask for help for what is quite a dilemma for her in her relationship. I admire her desire to want to do the right thing and I say thank you to her for giving me the opportunity to share on here so that people wiser and more experienced than me can give her useful tips.... 'In the multitude of counsel, there is safety'...

She would really appreciate your input, thank you!

I am a lady in her twenties, I am a Christian who respects and adores God, although I am not perfect but I am trying. when I was in my teens I made a vow to God in church to keep myself and not have sex with any man till I get married. I got into a relationship 2 years later with a dude in my university and the issue of getting 'petty' came up, but one thing I always made sure i did before going into a relationship was 'define my vow and get him to understand the situation'...he said he understood and wasn't in a rush to do anything but fast forward 2 years later he started 'stylishly' demanding sex from me, I told him I couldn't give in (I always did the kissing, necking bla bla bla but no going further than that) so we had to break up.

A few months later, I fell in love and started dating again. This dude was crazy in love with me and as usual said he'll do without the sex because it's me he loves and not my body. That he did quite alright, but I noticed whenever we were together he was always getting 'touchy'...he'll start caressing and fondling and you know how hard it is to resist all that sometimes (I'm still very human)........ I'm not going to bore you with all the long story, but I ended up having sex with him last year.... I felt really bad giving it up despite the vow I made with God and all. The issue now is I want to quit the relationship because he's always very touchy whenever we are together and it's very hard to resist that and I don't wanna keep going back to sin. but at the same time, I am really scared that I may not be able to get over him or find someone else cos we've been together for 5 years.

I know it may seem like I am so tied to him, but the truth is I love him with all my heart and I always wish I'd spend the rest of my life with him but he's always leading me to sin...typical example, I could just be lying down and working on my laptop and he'll just come and start touching my butt, boobs n all and the funny thing is he knows where to touch to get me very aroused. then eventually I give in and we get very sexual...but afterwards, this very weird and painful feeling of regret and guilt fills my soul and I just can't shake it off. it's like I feel I've let God down over and over again.

I'd appreciate some advice or comments or anything, because I am tired of fighting this battle's really weighing me down and all...

P.S - We also work for the same organisation and in the same department, so you can now begin to imagine how hard a break-up will be.

Help Please? God bless you all! xx

Wednesday, 12 September 2012

So we Kissed....

I have a confession.. don't take it personal. I have a confession (please) you gotta listen.. (Thank you D'banj! :-)

Ok, on a more real note, I have wanted to write this post for a while but I haven't had the 'energy' to do so but I feel that it is quite important to do so.

Some of you may remember the note 'Taking it Back Old School' where I expressed how I desired my relationship / courtship to be like and hoped it would work out that way. I think I wrote it a few months to my next relationship. I knew that in order to achieve something, it was important to plan ahead for it. I wanted to 'purpose in my heart' like Daniel in the bible did concerning certain decisions, dos and don'ts in my relationship with the One so that things wouldn't 'just happen'. Summary of the post was that before marriage, I wanted to do zilch / nada / nothing sexually with my intended.. so including but not exclusive of kissing, 'quaving' (I don't know if that word still exists!), petting, necking, rubbing etc etc lol

Anyways, thanks to you wonderful people, I had so many encouragements and comments and 'yes you can!' and 'Yes, I will too!'. It was something I desired intently to adhere to and sometimes I would tell my friends, speak it, plan towards it etc.

So, when I met this Christian, tall, talented, gorgeous human being whom I totally totally 'digged' a few months down the line, I was like YES! Thank You Jesus. It was a very flash-fast point from properly meeting / talking / liking / joy / relationship. In fact, point of interaction to relationship was under 1month (God is good! lol). He ticked all the boxes and the most important thing and attractive for me was his walk/relationship with God (that has the potential to make me fall in love with you in seconds haha + the extra summin' summin').

So the day he 'asked me out' (lol) aka for us to become exclusive, inside I was dancing but I was like ok, before I answer, I just have to set out some things and what I had wanted my relationship to be like so I shared with him the 'Taking it back Old School' vision - that was the deal breaker ( I even showed him the post!).. He was mega impressed and totally sold on it agreeing that it was what he wanted as well and could definitely abide by it by God's grace. Haa I was like singing "Jesus, I love you oh!" lol.

The next few weeks was great! We saw each other weekly (we lived in different cities) and it was lovely, just holding hands and hugs when we see + talking, sharing plans and hopes and vision for the near and distant future - it felt GREAT!... But as the days grew by, my attraction shot up by 1000 x 1000 x 1000! I was like mehnnnnn what manner of dilemma is this one? You mean actually 'no kissing'? Oh my! Lord have mercy!

So, One initiated the first kiss.. Yes I did.. I was just like nothing more, just the kiss (I didn't say it loud, just thought it) and it just felt very good, like *sigh* with a tinge of guilt. But as we know, usually after the first taste, other things are bound to follow. We didn't have sex or go deep but there was some kissing and touching (Lord please protect this post from my mother!).

Anyways, why am I sharing this with you? I want to be quite honest with you. From my heart, this was something I wanted to do ie taking it back old school. Not just for the sake of achievement or punishment but more because I honestly wanted to honour God in that way. I have seen people who have done it and I really wanted to commit my relationship to God and honour Him in every way possible. That was my decision and commitment to Him + there are so many things that have started innocently and small and trivial and have ended in a way that we never expected nor planned and I don't want to take that risk at all!

So, I kissed + more... I didn't 'old school' it at all! BUT, I repent. I want to take it God school by God's grace. We broke off the relationship and in a way I thank God for the perspective it's brought back again. I know it's easier said when you're not in a relationship and the attraction is not there to propel you but I believe it's possible. God knows I sincerely want it to work in a way that is pleasing to Him and in a different way for Him.

I have decided that I won't give up my desire and given the opportunity and grace, I would attempt it again - only by GRACE. I have also learnt a lot of things for my future relationship that I hope to share in coming posts.

Also, may I encourage you that if you made a pledge / commitment / decision and for one reason or the other you have failed to do so, God is wonderful in the way He has mercy and forgives, He never gives up on you and I so don't give up on yourself irrespective of how many times you have tried! I believe that He honours effort and gives grace to achieve.

So, ladies and gentlemen, One is taking it God's School! .... So help me God :-)