Wednesday 25 May 2011

Don't Worry it's YOU he chose....

Lucky you?!
You know I have heard this phrase so much it’s becoming old and irritating. It’s used to excuse cheating partners and husbands, tolerate bad behaviour and accept nuisances.

“Don’t worry, at least it’s you he chose”..

Perhaps, I don’t really understand the meaning of that sentence fully. Yes, I know that the man finds the wife as stated in the bible that “when a man FINDS a wife, he finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord”. Actually, it is a thing of pride and of joy to be ‘found’ but many people have used and abused that syndrome.

When a man is cheating on his girlfriend or wife, people are quick to ‘reassure’ her that “don’t worry it’s you he chose”.

When a man is not providing for her as he ought to, she is quickly reminded “don’t worry it’s you he chose”.

When he is grossly misbehaving, it is made known to her “don’t worry it’s you he chose”

The worst part is when he misbehaves and he starts to tell you that “don’t worry love, the other girls don’t matter,  it’s you I chose!”

So he ‘chose’ you ey?  Did you not ‘choose’ to accept?

Many times, some women are led to believe that the man is doing you a favour by being with you or that he has bestowed upon you an honour by making you his wife/girlfriend. Yes, I do agree that it is honourable to be ‘wifed’ to a GOOD man, emphasis on good. It is pleasant, it is beautiful, it is indeed a blessing. The bible did say that two is better than one; that if 1 can put a thousand to flight, then 2, ten thousand. You have a covering, you have a shepherd, you have a companion, you have a lover, you have a partner in life. It’s no longer a solo journey in life; you now have a friend to go through it with, you have a confidant and you have someone to share both the burdens that life sometimes bring and celebrate the joys of different days.

I know that sometimes societal pressure mostly on ladies make some guys feel that when it comes to marriage they have the advantage. Also, statistics don’t help matters either as it is said that there are twice the number of women in this world than there are men, hence it seems like men are ‘scarce’ resources.  Nevertheless, it is important that you are not made to feel that he is doing you some kind of favour by being with you.

Isn’t it interesting that the bible says that it’s the man who finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord when he finds you. When you know your worth as a woman of God, it is difficult for any man to devalue your worth by making you feel that he is doing you some form of favour by being with you and that you should accept and excuse a lot of excesses because of that.

A good starting point is by renewing our mind, our thinking and the things we’ve been told and made to believe. We need to keep reminding ourselves and speaking it if possible “I am a good thing, any man that finds me will definitely find favour with God, I am a blessing to any man that finds me and that I agree to be with”.

We need to start believing what God says about us in His word. Don’t accept a half-baked relationship/proposal or marriage.

If you are currently with someone who doesn’t appreciate you or treat you in the wonderful way you ought to be treated then it’s time to boldly exit the scene and wait for someone who knows how to identify a treasure and handle it. When you carry a teething child and give he/she your diamonds, they will put it straight into their mouths as if it were a pacifier. This is because they do not recognise its value, to them, it’s just another toy or instrument to relieve their discomfort. On the other hand, when you give that diamond to a grown man or woman, they will treat it with the utmost care and handle it delicately. We need to stop being in relationships with toddlers and start talking to grown men who know the value of a good thing and can appreciate it.

Yes, he chose you, but in choosing you lady, he chose a good thing and by choosing you, his life just became better! Know it, thank God for it and take pride in it!

Sunday 22 May 2011

Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy,

It's your little girl again.
My Daddy, my Hero, my Best Friend, my Encourager, my Lover, my Defence, my Shield, the One who never looks down on me, the One who never gives up on me, the One who loves me unconditionally, my Greatest Esteem Booster, my No1 Fan, it's me again.

It's been a while since I wrote to you. I know I speak to you quite often (not as often as I would like though; all faults being mine!) but as I have stated before, there's something about writing a note to you. Sometimes I'm able to write to you the things I cannot quite say.

I don't really know what to write but let me start by stating that I love you and I love the way you make me feel about myself. Your love for me inspires me to believe so much in myself and the plans that you have for me makes it worth waking up day after day and stand even when things aren't looking so 'up'.

So,I'm still struggling with waking up early to spend quality time with you and even though I have taken to making the sitting room my new bedroom so that all I have to do in the morning now is sit up and talk to you, meehn it hasn't quite worked out, lol... Infact my body goes into a new sleep-drive once the alarm goes off! Eek! I need your help!!

I am still a confused little girl at the moment with regards to the ONE.. Even though I know it's not my job to worry about it, I still do! I want to make sure that he is everything I ever dreamed of or wanted and I keep trying to meddle and try to make 'things work' but again and again it seems that you keep saying to me "Relax child, I'm still very much in control, just let it go.. I gat you" :-)

So Daddy, your little girl is laying it at your feet and watching you have your way. Who better to hand-pick my Love than my First Love, but I ask that you give me grace to be patient and trusting completely!

I look forward to time in your presence tomorrow with your other precious children.

Love you always,

Monday 9 May 2011

The Other Woman....

Hi my lovely lovely blogsters!

I am writing this blog post being inspired by one written by an amazing fellow blogger, wailacaan, check out her fantastic, witty and down-to-earth blog here and the said post here


In summary she shared with us how one of her male friends was finding it difficult to move on after 2 years of breaking up with a girl that he thought and felt was 'The One' (Coincides partially with the name of the blog lol)..

*Side-Note - What is it about finding 'The One'? Why can't we know immediately, without a shadow of doubt when we meet such a person? Wouldn't it be oh so fantastic to have a bell embedded in us that goes 'tinkle tinkle' when we meet The One'? Life would be so much easier.. The One and I would have been tinkling our way to happily ever after by now! *sigh*

Anyways, digression asides, her article made me think about my own experience of 'The One that got away", but I am writing from the perspective of 'the one that got with the one that had a one 'that got a way'... Get my drift??? Ok, let me re-phrase that. I am writing from the perspective of the new girl that met the guy who feels he lost the one that got away.. Clearer? Ok don't worry, I will get to the gist of the story in a bit....

The most dangerous kind of guys to be in a relationship with include:
1.  The one that just recently broke up with his long-term girlfriend.
2. The one that his long term girlfriend cheated on him which led to the break-up.
3. The one that just broke up with his beloved girlfriend because of irreconcilable issues such as genotype, culture, parent disapproval.

In a nut shell, if he feels that he just lost 'his one that got away' or may I rephrase that, his 'perceived one that got away'.

This can be one of the most painful and disappointing relationship experiences. It feels like you are competing with an unseen other. You may never seem to match up to the idealistic imagery that he has in his mind of his 'one that got away'. It makes you feel as if you are inadequate and it can be esteem-blowing to be compared to someone else and appear to come short.

Let me tell you about this wonderful young Christian man I met last year. He ticked a lot of boxes in my ideal man - Yes, he was tall and good looking, yes he was very charismatic and a real 'peoples' man, yes he was friendly and down to earth, yes he seemed responsible, acted maturely and was a leader in many ways, yes his thoughts and aspirations of the kind of husband and father he hoped to be were admirable and YES he loved the Lord with all His heart.

Good news was he showed that he was interested in what he saw (moi :-) and acted as such.
It was nice to finally meet a Christian brother that had all the good qualities and was looking to settle down.

The only snag was that I always felt  that he was holding back in a way. We ladies can be quiet intuitive and can read some unspoken language that the guy may not be expressively saying. At first, I was not able to put my finger on it, sometimes things were so good that I convinced myself that I was just looking for what wasn't there but the truth was that when I felt the relationship should make a progression to something more committed, he kept holding back.. To be honest,  it was very frustrating and I had to exercise patience.. praying that God's will be done.

On paper everything was good but nothing was happening. I realised then that he had a 'One that got away' and even though he downplayed it and reiterated that they could never get back together for some important reasons, it was hampering the promise of a new relationship with him.

I feel that he kept holding out with getting into another relationship because in his mind he kept comparing other girls to his ex and they kept coming short.

The problem with being in this situation as a girl is that sometimes no matter what you do, you would still come up short.. I know some ladies have experienced this and they try and try and try and... (you get my drift).. The thing is the problem does not lie with you, it does not mean that you are not a good enough girlfriend material, it does not mean that you are not caring or wonderful a person enough, it means that he has an issue that he needs to deal with.

Truth is, it's not you, it's really him. You need to recognise this and stop beating yourself about not being the 'right enough' girl for him. You are all that and much more but unfortunately, he is blinded enough not to see and recognise the great person you are. And what a loss for him!

If you happen to be in this predicament, don't accept half of him, don't settle for less than the best! If he is not ready to make you no 1 then he does not deserve you at all. Like a famous preacher said 'You deserve to be celebrated and not tolerated in your relationship".

If needs be, give him some space to get himself together and sort himself out. Pray for him that God would give him the grace to heal from his broken heart and emotional attachment because it is a difficult thing indeed for him as well. But you need to guard your heart and ensure that he is not making you feel bad about yourself or doubt yourself as a woman!

Lots of  love xx