Where do Broken Hearts Go...

"I feel like such a fool!!

I feel disappointed. I feel hurt. I feel like I don't have sense. I feel unlovable."

Those were real words from a text I sent to a dear friend once. At the time of sending that message I was a heart-broken girl. At that point, I wasn't the confident Ayo, the 'healthy self-esteem' Ayo, the bold Ayo, the goal-getter Ayo, the positive Ayo, I was just the broken, hurt, sad little Ayo.

Many of us might be able to understand what it means to face rejection or be broken-hearted and I'm sure you know just how terrible it feels.

It's sad that one moment, one word, one decision can make you feel so unworthy, making you forget everything else that's good and just focus on that one area that isn't working... Such a bad place to be!

It's amazing how we sometimes allow the actions of one person drastically change our perception of ourselves in the twinkling of an eye. At that point, it doesn't matter who you are, what you have achieved or what God has blessed you with, it is easier to focus on being empty and perhaps not good enough.

... And that's such a BIG lie! A Big lie that you mustn't allow to sink in or be established in your heart and mind. You see, the devil plays tricks with our minds, allowing us to wallow in a state of unworthiness to the extent that we start to believe his lies and make the truth of God concerning us irrelevant in our lives.

We think, ruminate and allow our self-worth get rubbished by thoughts we form in our heads as a result of a bad experience.

You are not useless
You are not foolish
You are not unlovable

You are beautiful
You were created with so much love and attention to intricate detail
You have so much in you to give
You are stronger than words
You are stronger than rejection
You will survive

It's alright to hurt, it's alright to feel sad, but don't stop there, pick yourself up and if no one else is doing so, affirm yourself!

Surround yourself with people who can encourage (I thank God for I have them in abundance!) - if you don't have any, I'll be happy to be one for you! {Email below}

Immerse yourself in the word of God and let Him speak truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth to you. Let His word define you, not the circumstance, not the words, not even your own thoughts.

Pray. Tell God every single thing and express yourself without holding back on how you feel. Let Him know that you need His help. Trust me, He loves you enough to respond to even the littlest or most trivial need. His heart is moved by your tears, He hates to see you suffer. Tell Jesus.

Listen to music. I would recommend songs that would uplift your spirit. Please don't waste your time listening to break-up songs, it would probably only make it worse! Be intentional with the words you feed yourself via music. Let God use music to soothe your soul. It works!

Where do broken hearts go? They go seeking for help, for reassurance, for peace... And there's no better place than in Jesus. Let Him help you.. You are worth it!

Note to Self - Never Forget!

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Don't be a fool, choose your love wisely

Whenever I hear of yet another case of domestic violence, it makes me so sad! Like why? why? why on earth?!!

Why would you inflict such hurt - physical and emotional on someone that you profess to love or that you have made a commitment to?

I believe very much that 'prevention is better than cure'.. Usually people say that there are signs in relationships that you can identify to tell what someone is capable of or not (not in all cases) but in enough cases to avoid being in a depleting, draining and destructive marriage.

"But I love him/her!" 

- "Oh, zip it!!"

Why do you stay when you know that the person is somehow inclined to do horrible things to you? Why do you go ahead when you know that this person has the potential to hurt you! Forget the 'good days', because if you do go ahead, they will pale in significance to the horror of the bad days! This not only applies to domestic violence but other bad habits too - cheating, emotional abuse, stinginess, irresponsibility, lies...

Why would you mar your destiny and life because of the inability, wisdom and confidence to make an informed decision.

My people perish for lack of knowledge..

If you don't know, get knowledge.. As a single individual, do your research... Don't sit down and count sheep, and when it's time to make a decision, you are so devoid of knowledge and information that you don't even know counterfeit when the signs are written all over their foreheads! You deserve so much more!

And when you have information, be wise.. Don't ignore the signs. Be real with yourself, your future and your destiny.. The pain you will experience now in breaking it off is worth more than the future horrors of remaining.

                                        source

Children have been left orphaned, broken, destroyed due to a careless choice. Don't add to the statistics..

Great destinies lie unfulfilled, in the grave, never seeing the light of day because of a really bad choice, don't be a statistic.

Mothers, fathers have had to go through the harrowing experience of burying their own children because of a very bad choice.. don't add to the numbers.

Men and women who are but a shadow of themselves, walk pass you day by day - 'alright' on the outside but oh so empty on the inside/ full on the inside but unable to express the greatness that lies fallow on the inside, all because of a terrible choice they made.. please don't do that to yourself..

Save your future, save your generations to come.. Get knowledge, get information, ask questions, confide in mentors, prepare yourself. There are sooo many resources available to us all today on relationships, marriages et al. There are real life examples to learn from too.. Don't ignore the signs.. If you have to, leave NOW!

"Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding". - Proverbs 4:7

Walk into your future.. It's time to let the past go

Yesterday, I saw....

There's this girl who had been in  a relationship with this guy. She had loved him and thought they were going to get married. She wasn't being presumptuous as she had indeed been introduced to his parents, siblings and vice versa. He was everything she wanted in a man. I bet she must have confided in him her deepest secrets, shared with him her deepest fears and been grateful that after the rough experiences she had been through thus far, there was finally someone who made it alright in the end.. Her own man.

They shared a deep interest in the same thing, her mum loved him and supported the boy's family who weren't so well to do at the time and she whole-heartedly supported his dreams - she knew he was going to be very great.

His big break came and she couldn't have been more excited or proud... She threw herself in 100% to be able to support him, without expecting much in return from him, just his love and acceptance..

Alas, one day, he tells her in not the most dignified of ways that unfortunately he had to break off the relationship because he had been advised that in order to move far and quickly in his career, he didn't need to have any 'entanglement'.. She was devastated, she was hurt, she felt betrayed, she was ANGRY.. She cried and cried and hoped and hoped...

This happened a few years ago and today they are sworn enemies. She hates him desperately and still hurts from how he treated her. She can't stand to be in his presence or in the same vicinity as him and has vowed never to forgive him as long as she lives.

Now, this story just like any story about heart break makes me sad.. :-( Here's a lovely young girl who has been so affected by one guy's treatment of her that it is affecting her whole life and ability to move on in life...

The truth is that there are many people - male and female who are hurting right now.. who are bitter right now.. who are angry right now... who feel cheated right now.. who are asking 'why?' right now..

While no one may be able to fully understand your hurt or give you the answers or get things back the way they used to be, I just want to highlight the fact that when a man or woman ends a relationship with you and hurts you, you do yourself a disservice by being bitter.

Bitterness only eats you up slowly and makes it difficult to move on. You give permission to that person to keep a hold on your mind, heart and life as long as you remain bitter. Without being flippant, the truth is that it has happened and as sad as it is, you have to find a way to forgive and let go so that you can get freedom from your past..

God has so much more in store for you, so much better prospects for you but if you keep holding on forcefully to how much the person has hurt you or done you wrong, you keep blocking yourself from receiving what God has for you..

Try collecting something with your fist clenched or palms closed (holding on to the past) it's not possible but the moment you choose to open your hands and let go, you simultaneously open your hand to receive.

If you're struggling, please ask God for help. He can help you.

I will also be very happy to pray with you... If you would like that, please send me an email oneplustheone@gmail.com and I promise to pray with you. You don't even have to share what it is if you are  not comfortable. You may just need to have someone (virtually) hold your hands, joining you in prayer.

May God release you from the burdens of the past to walk into your glorious future.



Lots of love xx

Cleaning out the Closet...

*Hoovering the dust*
**Side note: But One, this is getting kinda old! *sheepish smile*

Hiya everyone.. It's been a while..

So I was reading an article on Myne Whitman's page here about who gets to keep the engagement ring after a breaking off of the engagement?
The comments were quite interesting but majority of the people supported the fact that it should be returned to the guy since he probably bought it.

Now, I have never been engaged so I don't know what I would do, I guess probably return it to the individual but also I have come to realise that it may also depend on how the engagement ended...

Now, I want to ask as well, after the end of a relationship, do you return the gifts ie the ones that are quite significant and/or expensive?

When I was going out with HOG, one of the great things he used to do very well was give gifts - very nice and poignant ones.
In the past, I haven't had any qualms about using an ex's gifts after breaking up but this one is kinda a bit different and I have been wondering what to do.. To keep? To continue using? To discard? To give out? To sell?

So he loves jewellery a lot and I got a few from him. One of the first gifts he got me was this expensive friendship bracelet which he had a similar type.
On our 'first week anniversary' he gave me a nice Swarovski necklace that had some kind of significance (there was some explanation involved)
He also got a matching ring over Christmas (not engagement) but another thing we had in common, as well as a nice watch.
On another occasion, he got me another nice necklace

So, a while after we broke up, I stopped wearing these things cause:
1. They were quite personal
2. I saw him a few times and I didn't want him to see me wearing them (*covers face*)

Thing is sometimes, I think "What's the big deal, they are mine now" and other times I'm like why are you still holding on to these things.

I have been tempted to sell them (££ hehe) or give them away or give them back.. But I have some reservations about thse options.

At the moment, they are just lying in a box on my bedside table and I'm thinking 'what a waste!'

So what do you think, to keep, to give back, to give away or to make some money? :-)

xxxx

Lettin' that bad bwoy go!

So one of my friends asked recently during a discussion how a 'young heart moves on from a broken relationship with someone who is not good for them or someone who is maltreating her but can't seem to move on'.

Now, I I'm not an expert on this topic (and I hope never to be by experience! Lol) but I thought I may just share some of the points that I have found personally helpful when it comes to going through that process.

The truth is that a number of us have gone through what is referred to as 'wrong love' syndrome and the worst part is when for some, after the relationship ends, you are unable to or find it difficult to let go or move on.

So here goes, suffering from a broken heart + 'wrong love' syndrome and want to move on / let go? Hope this helps:

1. You need to want to move on. You need to come to a place of understanding that the relationship is not good for you and not for you. If you keep thinking 'what if', moving on will be extra hard.

2. You need to believe that you are WORTH a good man. If you are happy to settle with someone who is not good enough or who will not treat / celebrate you as you ought, it will be difficult for you to move on.

3. You need to constantly affirm yourself as the lady that God has made you to be and believe it. Books / audio messages help a great deal. Listen to some Joyce Meyer / Pastor Bimbo Odukoya / T.D Jakes / Christian friends for some encouragement. You need to hear things to reassure you that your self-worth is not determined by any man or relationship... Remember faith comes by HEARING!... Hear the right things!

3. You need to try as much as possible to avoid the triggers that remind you of that relationship. Not a total cutting off (although that's necessary sometimes) but avoid those things that bring back memories of both of you being together, as much as possible. Then also stop texting/calling/fbooking (even if it's just to 'check on him' - yup we all know that line! lol). Let considerable time pass before you begin doing that again.

4. Now, the most important and helpful thing for me is the assurance that GOD gives of who I am in Him, how much He loves me, and how much He has invested in me. At this point, you need that closeness with Him, pray for strength from Him. Cry if you want to, but everyday until it happens, ask God for the grace to let go. It may not come immediately, it may seem like it's getting to you badddd but the wonderful thing about committing things to God is that He has a great way of turning bad situations into great testimonies.

He may not come back but there's a reason why that door is closed and in due time, you will see it. Trust your faithful Father in heaven and patiently wait. You will certainly see it and thank God for it.
If he is yours, he will come back but not on your terms or by sitting idle waiting for him to realise he's made a mistake, you have to move on with your life by God's grace and let/watch God move on your behalf.

I can certainly testify that no matter how bad it seems, when you look back on it, you will have much to thank God for. Trust Him, He has only the best will for you.

So my friend, let that bad bwoy go! xxxx

PS there's no text book answer or solution as each person is different so please feel free to share your helpful points :-) God bless you xxxx

LETTING GO 1

One thing I have learnt over the years is that letting go is one of the hardest and most painful things to do in this world! But the sad thing is that like change it is inevitable, you could call it a necesary evil... :-(

It may be letting go of a relationship, a position or even a favourite top! Letting go is quite different from losing something or someone, the latter sometimes may be something good or bad that you may not have control over -and it goes without you having a lot of control in the matter. On the other hand, in letting go, you may have control over it and you may well have to make a conscious effort to do so ( I hope I have been able to convince you and not confuse you...lol).

Personally, I have had to strive/work hand to let things go. It ranges from the serious - emotions/feelings, position, boyfriend.. to the trivial - shoes, clothes etc... As I am sure those who have had to go through this process know, it is not funny business at all!! But it has to be done..

I remember when my first ever serious relationship broke up, it was hell!! Oh my goodness!! I thought I would just die (thinking back I know that was quite drastic :-) but to be honest I understood what those novelist used to say about preferring a physical pain to heart-ache cause at least the physical pain could be seen and would soon be remedied but with your heart it's like you can't see it and there is no solution... lol (I am just a romantic fool! lol). But the breaking up wasn't the hardest part, the letting go process was.....

It was hard letting go the fact that I would go to bed without talking to him (all those looooong phone-calls) I mean, who would I tell all those meaningless nevertheless "news-worthy" events that happened in the day? It was hard letting "my" boyfriend go. Breaking up meant that special bond we had was gone, no more talking to each other with our eyes or a covert gesture in a crowded room. No more hearing that special "my boo" ringtone that I have specially for him (the song won't be the same again). No more special preference with him nor being so close that we were able to exchange passwords to high important accounts like facebook or hi-5 lol!.... These bits are what make letting go very tough after the end of a relationship! Long after the first few weeks of awkwardness (the first few times you see each other again), you are able to put up a "I'm good and alright" face up yet inside you still haven't completely let go......

For a lot of us, we can't turn on/off our emotions like a tap. It takes time to fully completely let go. That's why we usually secretly despise (ok, cannot be friends) with our exes immediate new girl/boyfriend after our exit lol (admit it!!). It's either his/her nose is a bit on the large side or he/she isn't just good enough lol (alright, some people are nice/weird like that and they actually become bff with them :-)

But is this behaviour normal or are we (me and you) a bit out in the head lol....How hard is it for others to let go? Is that why some people would rather stay in a draining relationship, rather than face the harsh reality of a break up?

Well if it is partially normal behaviour :-) then I can only say that one thing that never fails to work or help is God! TRUST ME, when I am in the lowest of lows, I try to remember how special I am with Him even if "he"-the boyfriend doesn't think so at this point lol....or even if I am not feeling it myself!! God does wonderful things to my self esteem!! I definately whole-heartedly recommend that!! :-)

I shall continue in the nearest future...hehe

God bless xx