Helper to My Man!

So April is meant to be the start of more posts here on 1 + The One!

It's only April 6 so please don't write me off yet :-)

It's another Wednesday and you know what that means!!! Vlog time!!!

Today, we start a series of a topic I have written about in the past.

It's a personal enlightening topic I share with you about the beauty, power and responsibility of being called a helper to my man. I hope that you will enjoy watching and learn something as well.

Thanks for supporting 1 + The One.. Thanks for the emails and comments. God bless you loads xxxx

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Really wonderful? Or a Sweet Invention of Your Dreams?

If you ever watched the 1997 Rodger's and Hammerstein's version of Cinderella with singer Brandy as lead character, you might be able to remember the above excerpt from one of the many songs in the movie.

My sister and I loved singing this among many of the other very catchy and lovely songs from the movie (we both love songs and are incurable romantics too! lol).

I was singing it a few days ago and the words hit me afresh. The questions asked in those lines are very valid in a relationship! (You can read again).. Permit me to rephrase:

Do you love him / her because he / she is wonderful or is your perspective coloured by the fact that your feelings for them are so deep that at the moment you are very blind to their shortcomings or to the fact that this person isn't good for you!

Open your eyes love

They say love is blind, I say marriage is too important for you to go into blindly! I consider romance and physical attraction very important ingredients of a great marriage, however it is important to be objective in a relationship and be realistic about your partner... Like really look and evaluate this person that you would potentially share your life, dreams and destiny with.

No human being is perfect, but there are some imperfections that you can live with and others that would drive you up the wall!

It's not enough to say with a dreamy look in your eyes "He's just *deep sigh* wonderful!" when really and truly there are a number of things not quite wonderful about him.. You get me?

Here are a few ways for you to check your relationship and partner objectively:

1. Your Loved Ones: Watch what they say and think about the person you're dating/courting. If they really love you, they want you to be happy! It's amazing how our close relatives and friends can spot a phony even when the person seems very perfect to us. Don't be quick to dismiss their opinions.

2. Their Loved Ones: In this case, you are the one who would do the observation. Watch how they treat and relate with their family. Does he/she respect them? Are they sacrificial with them? How do they view commitment to family? You see, if you do get married, you would become 'family' therefore, they might treat you like royalty while you're dating but when you become 'family' their idea of what it means to them is how they might interpret it with you.

3. Their Words: Listen, like really listen to what they say. Don't toss it away as just 'speaking in the moment' be careful to listen to comments they make, how they respond to situations and speak about the future. Are they negative, positive, aggressive, measured, critical or benevolent? The words that proceed out of someone's lips is a good indication of what's going on inside.. After all, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.

4. Their Friends: Very simple - 'Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are'. If it seems to you that except your partner, all the their other friends are bad then you might want to check again. I don't know about you but I may have many acquaintances but most of my close friends are people I share certain values and norms with.

5. Strangers: By strangers, I mean strangers who serve them. You might have heard this before but please do not ignore - watch the way they talk to and treat people who are of no help to them. Are they courteous to waiters when you go out to dinner? How do they talk to people who serve them at stores? Are they brash, kind or dismissive?

The list above is in no way exhaustive so please feel free to add yours when you comment!

I must say though that when it comes to human behaviour and personality, one brush is insufficient to paint the lot. There might be exceptions to the rule but very importantly, know your man, know your woman! Don't be blinded by emotions and feelings. Ask questions, watch and above all pray for God-ly insight.

Thankfully, Cinderella was right about her Prince, it wasn't just a sweet invention of lovers' dream.. How do I know? Well, they lived happily ever after! :-D

May God give us the grace to open our eyes to really see the stuff that our partners are made of in Jesus name. May He also build and mould us to deal with our shortcomings and be excellent people ourselves.

xxxxx

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Let Me Love You...

*Simples*

Yesterday was a dear friend-like sister's birthday! (Happy Birthday - whoop whoop!!)

Now, my friend is such a wonderful person and we hardly ever disagree on much however one of the things that we disagree on a lot is her phone culture.. or shall I say her lack of phone culture lol.

It can be very very difficult holding her down on the phone! It's not because she's not a phone person but that she often has a very long distance relationship with the device. If it hasn't been tossed somewhere far-off, it is dead due to its battery not being recharged!

You can imagine the frustration in trying to communicate with her.. I think I'm getting used to it ("think" being the operative word lol).

Now, back to yesterday being her birthday, I gave her one of my unsolicited lectures on the importance of having her phone with her and alive a few times during the day (in the most loving way of course - it was her day of birth after all :-D) because again, that phone-LDR was going on and people had been trying to get through to her to no avail!

As you would imagine, I'm not the only one who has a thing or two to say about her phone habits, her family and close friends do too! I have come to realise that the reason why it gets to us so much is because we actually want to talk to her, communicate with her, be able to relate with her at different times of the day, particularly as it was her birthday.. In short, we wanted to show her some love and it was mega frustrating to be deprived of that opportunity!

You know the interesting part of it all? She doesn't quite get what the fuss is all about! Lol

Now, the reason for that long story was to draw the attention that in the same vein, when you love someone, one of the ways you express that love is by allowing them to love you.. You get me?

Sometimes, we could get so independent that we forget that it is important to let go sometimes and allow people in our lives the opportunity to love us..

You don't always have to be 'fine', sometimes, show your vulnerability to them and give them the opportunity to help you so that you make them feel needed and important in your life. If they love you, it makes them feel very good doing it for you.

Give them access to your world - Don't try to 'shield them away' or protect them from your troubles. People who love you want to share in your pain and struggles. In the same vein, don't feel that you don't want to 'disturb them' by sharing little or what you might consider trivial milestones in your life..

Bottom line is as you show love to others, give them opportunities to love you too.. Being independent and self-sufficient is great but sometimes (or perhaps more than you know), they want to be able to be there for you too!

#TheEnd

Lots of love :-) xxxx

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Where are Your Manners?!

How was your weekend?! Mine was wonderful! It always is after the Holy Ghost Service at the Redemption camp on the first Friday of the month - Theme for the night was 'The Blessed of the Lord'.. I feel blessed :-) May this be an exceptionally blessed month for you too in Jesus name.

So, I learnt something important early Saturday morning. 

I was sitting with my beautiful Aunts, Uncles and much younger cousins after the Service, quite tired and ready to snooze while watching my cousin play a racing game on his Dad's tablet. As he played, another young boy who was walking past was so drawn to it that he lost himself and just stood over my cousin watching the game. My Aunt and I said to each other "Wow, games are so addictive, look at the boy, he hasn't even realised that he is peering over a stranger's shoulders and it almost seems like he is about to fall into it". We went on to imagine the level of punishment and abara (famous back-slap invented by Nigerian mothers in 1843, known to cure most forms of deviant behaviour with alarming speed) we would have had the 'pleasure' of, if it had been us. 

Oi! Where are your manners mate?

Like we thought to ourselves, no manners! I mean, how could you just wander off, happen to see another boy in the midst of people and just stand over his shoulders, absolutely engrossed in the game that he was playing! (You know how you get when someone is reading your newspaper over your shoulders without being invited lol). Good manners say that you control yourself and just keep walking right?

Well, not too long afterwards, my Aunt whispers to me that "The woman sitting across us is his mum and can you believe that she has 5 young boys (2 sets of twins) and I happened to just make small talk with her about how she copes with all of them, when she starts to tell me with tears in her eyes that she does it alone, as their father was recently killed in Borno state by the terrorist group - Boko Haram".

I must have felt a douse of cold water on my face! I couldn't believe it! I looked again at the young boy peering over my cousin's shoulder and what I now saw was very different. I saw a boy who possibly needed to make new friends and probably escape from the hardness of life. My heart reached out to him as I couldn't imagine what life had dealt this young boy and his siblings. A life without a father.. A myriad of thoughts crossed my mind, "How does he feel?" "What did that sad loss mean to him?".. He was old enough to know what the loss of his father meant, but too young to have to deal with it.

I couldn't care less at that moment if he wanted to grab the game from my cousin's hands! It wouldn't have really mattered then. All I could see was a boy who needed all the love and understanding he could get. Far gone was my disapproving look and thoughts.

I asked God for mercy for being so hasty in judging his lack of good manners! And it dawned on me how quickly we sometimes stick our noses up at people for the way they are now or they behave, yet we do not understand the story behind that individual.

Judged until proven innocent

We want them to do 'the right thing' behave 'the right way', yet at that time, all they need is just to be.

It was a huge lesson for me - Always give people the benefit of your doubt. Be charitable always to others, you never know just what life has thrown at them or the enormity of what they have had to deal with. You never know what may be responsible for their actions - it doesn't excuse it all the time but it means that you empathise and just give them a break.

I will never forget a quote I read not too long ago - That individual who seems most difficult to love is probably most in need of love.

May God help us to be charitable in our thoughts and actions and to show love to all, at all times.

Have a wonderful and blessed week xx

Love - THE Risk

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Love is a risk..

When you read that statement, what comes to mind?

I heard this yesterday and I had to take a moment to really consider the import of that statement.

Is love a risk?

When you choose to love, you choose to be vulnerable with the other person. Not in a negative way, but the truth is that when you release yourself to love, you expose yourself to being hurt, to being more VERY tolerant and accommodating, to giving a very significant part of yourself to someone else without really knowing what they would do with it.

If love is a risk, then does it mean that in taking that 'risk', it's important to be wise about it? You see, when you choose to love someone, there's some measure of release of power that you give to that person over your emotions, your thoughts, your desires and so much more.

Because usually, it's the one that you love the most that has the power to hurt you the most. It could be child to a parent, spouse to each other, friends or relatives. It could even be an object!

I guess that's one of the reasons why some people would rather not love... hold back a little, not be vulnerable, not relinquish that great deal of power to someone else.

I dare say that unfortunately, that's a very poor choice..

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Yes, love is a risk, yes it makes you quite vulnerable, yes, it could open you to hurt sometimes but love is such a worth-while risk!

Imagine a world without butterflies in your stomach? (lol) Imagine a world without warm companionship? Imagine a world without sacrifice? Imagine a world without hearing the words 'I Love You' and knowing that those words come from a deep place? Imagine a world without the pride you feel when you hear them say 'Mummy/Daddy' for the first time or when they come to you with a problem that only you could make better?

*deep sigh*

Yes, love is a huge risk - It takes a lot of courage and trust to truly love but it's a risk definitely worth taking!

So go on, take that risk :-D

Have a love-filled evening people :-) xx

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What's your take on it?

Happy 1st Anniversary Tobi and Ben Ugbene!

Happy Easter Monday everyone!

Hope you are having a great time :-)

Yesterday was the 1st wedding anniversary of one of our Waiting and Loving It alumnis Tobi and Benjamin Ugbene! (One of my marriage inspirations and family by love). You can read their story HERE

1 + The One wishes them a continuous happy and blessed marriage.! May your marriage and home continue to be a blessing to others in Jesus name.

                  

A love-ing YOU - 2014!

Hello everyone!

Like I mentioned in my previous post HERE, the theme for this blog in 2014 is BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS!

As an individual, I am passionate about seeing relationships flourish.. Not just romantic ones but even platonic relationships too.. I am interested in the art of improving the way we relate with one another as human beings.. and in particular, this topic is dear to my heart as a Christian - because God says we must love Him (relationship) and love others as we love ourselves (more relationship)!

I have discovered that building relationships starts with building one's self.. Yes, it starts with YOU! - In some instances, you would need to change YOUR thinking, YOUR reaction and improve the way YOU relate and communicate with people.. It's not easy at all but one thing I know for sure is that it's WORTH IT!

So ladies and gentlemen, let's do this! May God give us the grace to be better spouses, children, parents, siblings, relatives, friends! And above all, may it give God pleasure :-)

Lots of love people xxxx

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Today and always xxxx

PS Apologies for not fulfilling my promise of starting the new series last week! Things happened and now my access to the internet is very limited (temporary though).. I will start this month by God's grace.. Thank you for your forgiveness and understanding *wink* xx

It's a new day, it's a new month, it's a NEW YEAR!

Happy and blessed 2014 my darling darling blog community! May God bless you immensely!

It feels GOOOOOD to be back :-D

Thanks to all those who left a comment here and via twitter @1plustheone. I gat too much love for you all! You make life extra extra beautiful! *smiles*

Hope your new year has started on a great note? 2014 feels like is going to be a GREAT year!

The theme for the blog this year is BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS! With God, significant other, family, friends and basically everyone around us! It would be exciting and enlightening by God's grace woohooo!!

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So get ready folks, it's about to get all kinds of great here!

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PS, something new coming up tomorrow!! Stay tuned.

Love you, God bless you xxxx