Friday 3 February 2012

Warning, Excess Luggage!

Mehn I need some baggage detox!

One very important thing I am learning in my new 'journey' is that each one of us bring with us into new relationships our own baggage. Some resolved, others unresolved yet still baggage.

Having lived a considerable amount of time on this earth, I have had my fair share of experience and so has the Mr (let's call him 'my love'). I realise that our characters and attitudes are moulded and shaped after the things we have been through, our backgrounds, the people we have met along the way of life and of course our faith and relationship with God. More importantly, many of these things are things that we allow to come along with us as we move forward. And we all know that every successful relationship, should consist only of 1+1 + The One aka God (Eventually, all things working out, 1+1 will = 1).

I am discovering that a lot of times, I relate with my love based on some of the things I have experienced in my past - relationship-wise. The thing is I never imagined that any of these things were lurking in my memory bank only to reappear again now.

This is the reason why when someone has been hurt many times in the past, they find it difficult to trust a new person even if he/she is the best person on this earth. We hear things like "I've been hurt before, I'm only trying to protect myself"..
When you've been used to a certain pattern, you either conform and be the same way or rebel in a new relationship and ensure that you do the exact opposite.. Either way, your experience is having a direct or indirect effect on the way you relate to your significant other.

For me, there are a few things that I notice that I am afraid of them repeating themselves in this relationship that I am sometimes over-wary and too careful with my love and the effect is not very pleasant for him and for my peace of mind! I am learning and praying to manage it properly and get to relate with him on virgin territory and not interpret some actions as similar to what person A or person B did..

Oh, to have the same frame of mind as the days of my first love when it was the purest and most innocent love-affair. I had nothing to worry about because then, I had never suffered a heart-break so relationships were black and white to me, I had not heard the stories of my girlfriends who had suffered terribly in the hands of undeserving men.. I did not know or understand what it meant to feel insecure as in my little innocent heart, I was ALL his and he was ALL mine and no one had ever given me reason to doubt or snoop around etc.. In essence, I was coming as I was, no Person A's experience + Person B's effect, just me, myself and I.

In this step to letting go of this baggage, I will be reflecting in the next few posts the things that I have learnt from past relationship experiences and hopefully as I do so, I will pick up the bits and pieces that still affect my now and bin them forever and ever (So help me God!)