The God that Compensates!

I will never forget an incident that happened when I was a child. It was a birthday party and of course we were slugging it out on the dance floor (In case you didn't know, we are champion dancers in the Thompson family LOL).

Dancing is in our blood!

We were told to dance and that good dancers would be rewarded with a sweet. A number of people know that we used to dance then to win a prize - we took no prisoners!

As we were dancing, sweets were being distributed. Even though I danced with all my might and all my strength, giving them moves known and unknown, up and down, left and right, I didn't feel anyone tap me to hand me a sweet!

What happened was that my mum(!) was in charge of distributing the sweets and because she is a woman who wants to be fair and unbiased to a verrryyyyy large extent, she refused to reward my hard labour with a sweet, all because we were related! People who were not even doing half of the calisthenics I was displaying on the dance floor got a sweet! Lol

After a while, one of the other mums who had been watching stood up and exclaimed saying "This girl has been dancing so much, please she deserves a biscuit!"... Alas my hardwork hadn't gone unnoticed and where others got a 'paltry' sweet, I got a nice, bigger biscuit! :-D :-D

I can never forget that experience. This happened many many years ago but the lesson from that day still encourages me and I would like to encourage someone with it as well.

Looking at life and the bigger picture, God is a God that compensates. There's nothing on this earth that you do that goes unnoticed (good or bad). It may seem like no one knows or others are getting a reward, yet you keep putting in so much with nothing to show - it's only a matter of time, don't stop, don't give up, your reward will come and it will compensate you for all the time it seemed you were ignored or neglected.

With the benefit of hindsight, would I take the sweet? Heck no!! I will not change that story at all. The biscuit was worth the wait!

Your wait will be worth it. God will compensate you for every single effort, sacrifice, commitment, disappointment and any other thing you think you might have been deprived of! Hold on, don't stop, keep doing, it will come!

No Short-Cuts, No Settling, No Yielding to Pressure

Don't

Have you ever been tempted to cut corners?

You've waited too so long for 'the promise' yet nothing seems to be happening.

Have you been mocked by people who felt that you were being quite slow/naive/foolish/dumb *insert other adjectives here* when you could easily find a quick solution to your problems.

Have you ever felt the pressure to just settle?

Well, I know someone who must have felt all that and probably a bit more. His name is Joseph and this particular incidence is quite popular. Indeed many times, reference is made to this story extolling his virtues of self-control, patience, discipline, integrity, loyalty and Godliness. You can read Genesis 39 for a full version of what happened between the slave Joseph and the wife of his master Potiphar (unfortunately, her name didn't get a notable mention)

However, I would like to imagine what Joseph's friends' reaction to his predicament would have been. Now remember, not many of them would have shared Joseph's sentiment nor faith. Joseph was special, he had been raised to know and respect the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Furthermore, he had a dream - not once but twice - about his imminent greatness. The only problem at the time was that his lofty dreams of grandeur put him in a low-life position garnished with a lot of trouble. From a favourable position, he became a slave in a foreign land. The dream seemed but a dream.

Now, something interesting happened. Something that he probably wouldn't have imagined or expected, something he definitely didn't plan. To many others, it might have seemed like part of God's plan, after all, all things work together for good...

His Master's wife was interested in him.. Not in his welfare or his development, no, like properly interested in him.. She could have borrowed the words of the popular song "Joey you should let me love you, let me be the one to, give you everything you want and need...") She made advances and unashamedly pursued with the simple request "lie with me".

I imagine Joey Joseph's colleagues and fellow slaves hearing about this 'golden opportunity' and patting him on the back, hailing him "You lucky boy, you! Your prayers have been answered! Indeed Your God is a great God!". "Do you know what it means to be the Madam's boy? We will all be at your service, bowing to you, treating you as the king of this place. You will be second Lord of the manor after Potiphar. We might even have to call you sir! See promotion! Please remember us in your kingdom ohh"

I can also imagine their surprise when he says that he won't be taking up the opportunity because of his faith

What????
Foolish boy / Missed opportunity!
God wants to bless you and you are proving 'holier than God'
You will never get this opportunity in 2 lifetimes!
You will die a slave boy!
What is wrong with you? Everyone is doing it! How do you think X,Y,Z made it??
Just do it once or twice.. Get the favour.. She will move on after a while
She will kill you! How dare you say no!!
If it were me... Oh God! Give me this blessing

Sounds familiar?

You're not alone. Many times, the 'popular choice' goes against your faith and belief and sadly, many have yielded and missed their real blessings and God-ordained destinies.

Don't be one of the 'many'.

Like Joseph, dare to be different. Dare to stand on God's word and promises, dare to stand against pressures and provocations. Dare to represent the God that you serve. Dare to wait on Him for His best.

Joseph did, and even though the initial response must have been hellish, ultimately it was designed to lead him to God's promise for his life. He could have missed it if he jumped at what looked like an opportunity for greatness but was all shades of wrong according to God's standards. He could have missed it if he decided to settle for the known rather than wait for the unknown.

If you are there right now, wait... be patient... It will come. No matter how long it has taken, you are closer to getting it than before. God never fails.

No short-cuts, no settling, no yielding to pressure..

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The Gift of Waiting

"God has put dreams and desires in every person's heart. But most of the time, there is a season of waiting involved. Maybe you are waiting for a relationship to improve; waiting to get married or waiting for a promotion. Much of life is spent waiting...." - Joel Osteen

I was sent this very beautiful piece of encouragement this morning by my beautiful mum. It's an extract from Joel Osteen's devotional 'Today's Word with Joel and Victoria Osteen'.

That last line is the truth - "Much of life is spent waiting".. Waiting or praying about something. Can you look back at your life and think of a time that you weren't expecting something or 'trusting' God for something? It's difficult right?

When?

Personally, looking back, I remember when the most important thing for me was being able to make good grades in school. Next, prayers changed to being able to gain admission into a great University. Following that, was to graduate with a good grade. After that, I needed a great job. Afterwards, I wanted a great man and a great marriage.. After this, there would be the desire for children and to conceive, next would be for them to be born healthy and then for them to be safe etc etc.. the cycle continues. The truth is that there's hardly a time in our lives that we are not hopeful about something, committing it in prayers and trusting God to answer!

Now, one of the things about prayer and answers from God is that we don't always know when the answer would come. We determine the course of action (prayer), we are assured that God will answer (Matthew 7:7), however, often times, what we cannot tell is when He will.. This is where the waiting comes in.

You and I can agree that waiting can be the MOST difficult thing! Argghhhhhhh.. Who invented waiting??! (You and I know who right?) lol

Nevertheless, just like everything God makes is good, waiting on God is good (don't shoot me yet!). Indeed, there are many benefits I have discovered in waiting. It's hardly ever a pleasant experience, but I believe that a lot of our character and strength is moulded in the place of waiting. Particularly, waiting on God!

1. You learn how to trust God more. You learn the power of pure dependence on God.

2. You learn how to be patient - Oh you do!

3. You learn how to pray (praise and fast!). Your walk with God is enhanced.

4. You appreciate your blessings.. Sometimes, it becomes more valuable.

5. You KNOW that the God that you serve is faithful indeed.

6. The gift is not the prize, the character you build in the process is the real gift of waiting.

... There are so many benefits of waiting and I enourage you to think about it, focus on that rather than on what is yet to come. Trust God, He is ever faithful. Know that He has only your best interest at heart. Has He made a promise to You expressly personal or through His word? He will definitely come through for you. It's only a matter of time.. Do not waste your gift of waiting in the place of idle anxiety.

May 2016 be good to you by the grace of God.

What's your waiting story? What have you learnt in the process? Please share...

Lots of love xxxx

PS Don't forget the Understanding Purpose Conference this Saturday, 16th of January, 2016. I'll be there, hope to see you!!

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How far is Far? Part II

It's another Monday morning *Woop woop*! Yeah, it sure is great to be alive so perk up and see the beauty of the day despite the fact that you had to wake up early for work!

There has been a lot of responses and reactions from the Tuesday Waiting and Loving It series and sometimes when I read an email, get a BB message, or read a comment with questions, decisions made et al, I just say 'Thank You Lord'.. Usually there are more personal questions that people want to ask or clarify in a private space and the truth is that people really want to do right by God!

One of the most common questions I get is "How far is 'far'?".. I have written a post about it HERE and I will also share an email I got about it which is a bit more specific.... I am sharing it with permission, hope it blesses you xx

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Dear One,

First of all I'm a V (proudly one :) {Team V aka Virgin r us}
I have the most amazing boyfriend on earth. We are heading to the altar as soon as we can. He is not a V, however he has been celibate since we met and has vowed that we are going to wait till our wedding night.
I'm so happy about this as this has always been a bone of contention in my past relationships.
However, we kiss, touch, fondle, quave, had oral, very few times.
We don't get to see often because we live in different countries. When I went to visit him, I stayed in his house because I didn't think it made sense to get a hotel there as he was the main reason I went.
We ve sort of vowed ourselves to each other. Something happened awhile back that caused us to commit to ourselves and God (Don't worry, it was not a blood covenant, lol). In my mind, I feel it is just formality that is remaining. In my opinion that was the day we got married. Because I feel, marriage is when two people commit to each other with God. Abi?

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Hello dear,

Thank you very much for sharing this with me and I believe very strongly that you reached out because you really want to do the right thing - that's wonderful. I believe that God loves a sincere heart and He gives grace to those who ask and I pray that God will give me the grace to respond properly.

I am very proud of you and the decision you and your boyfriend have taken to keep sex until marriage - thats wonderful. It's not a decision made only to honour one another but most importantly, it's done to honour our heavenly Father.

Before I answer your latter question about what qualifies as you being married, may I just share something with you. I wrote a post a while ago about "How far is far?" (http://oneplustheone.blogspot.com/2012/11/how-far-is-far.html ) and there I shared this bible passage which states

'But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people' - Ephesians 5:3 (NIV)

Simply put, as a chosen, holy child of God, we are not to have any kind or form or type of sexual immorality. Sex has been made for you and I to enjoy with our spouses in the context of marriage. In this context, there is no shadow of guilt, no questions asked, no looking back or second thoughts - the only thing probably on your mind is how can I please this man even more?

While, penetration itself is full sex, there are other acts that are of a sexual nature and I believe should be avoided too.

The truth is that when God asks something of us, He requires full obedience - no half measures. Therefore, if I'm saying no to sex before marriage, then I am saying no to sex before marriage and all its relatives. I hope you understand what I am saying? And you know what? God gives the grace to do it, and also bless you for it.

God loves you soo much and He wouldn't want you to hurt or be hurt in any way - He wants to protect you and protect your interest! My dear, there are some certain things that are left sacred for marriage between 2 people who have decided to fully commit to themselves for life before God - And God knows the reason why He made it so.

To answer your question about whether you can do 'married things' since you are as good as married, I ask 'What is marriage?' or 'What defines marriage?' - I don't think there's one complete human description of marriage because it wasn't created by human beings, it was created by God. God sets the standard. However for your question, you have to ask yourself some questions

1. Does the law recognise us as being married?
2. Do our parents and family members recognise us as being married?
3. If I wanted to make a claim on him, would I be justified to do so before anyone?
4. Is there something to prove that I am his wife or he my husband?
5. If anything ever happened, would I be covered or could he easily walk away as there's no obvious binding evidence of commitment?
6. If either of us died, would the reason for considering ourselves married be valid to present to God?

If you are unable to fully answer the questions honestly with positives then I would please encourage you to hold on until you do the right thing - God is a God of principles and order - Infact His word says let everything be done decently and in order (1Corinthians 14:40). God recognises the laws laid down by human beings too! (Remember Jesus said we must give to Caesars what is Caesers'). Therefore, in addition to the special bond you share with this man, please ensure that you do right by each other - before your parents and the law. Then you can boldy, unashamedly and unreservedly take what belongs to you in marriage - and that is very beautiful!

I hope this helps dear?

*********

PS, I also want to share this post on knowing yourself and trigger points in order to protect yourself.. Just like every act of obedience to God, it goes beyond making a decision, you have to determine your boundaries and limitations based on your strengths and weaknesses and ask for grace... http://oneplustheone.blogspot.com/2013/03/how-to-be-in-relationship-ones-school.html

I welcome your additional comments too! God bless you xx

If you have a question too, please email oneplustheone@gmail.com or follow on twitter @1plustheone

We are now on Facebook too - www.facebook.com/1plustheone

Have a wonderful and blessed week xx

Dear One... I did it again!

A few days ago, I got an SOS call from one of my dear girlfriends who was feeling very low cause she had done something she had made up her mind not to do again! She felt so awful and like she had let herself down..

I wrote this a while back to another girlfriend of mine in a similar position.. See, on this road to doing the right thing by God, sometimes we fall off the wagon, we fail BIG time.. I remember I even had to do a mini confession HERE .... 

I am posting the letter here for anyone who feels like they've 'failed'.... God's love is so much greater! I pray it blesses you xxxx

My darling,

First of all, let me start by saying thank you very much for confiding in me. Like I said in our chat, it must have taken a lot of courage and boldness to bare yourself and I am grateful to you for speaking out.

The bible says in Proverbs that in the multitude of counsel, there is safety so when you speak out about an issue, it is a great step towards finding help. The lie and bondage of the devil is to keep you quiet, in isolation and allow the issue eat you up. Thank God for the grace of God.

Please I want you to remember that there is nothing that God cannot do. There is nothing that takes Him by surprise. There is no sin at all that is too much or too bad or too vile for Him. He sees all, He knows all and He loves us all the same (if you forget everything else, please don't ever forget that). Romans 8 tells us clearly that nothing can ever separate us from the love of God. The voice of God is not the voice of condemnation, He is love. His reaction to us is always love. That's His nature and that's the only way He responds to us. GOD IS LOVE. 1John 4:8.

If God does not condemn you, no one on earth has the right to do so. Remember even the woman that was caught in the very act of adultery, Jesus did not condemn her and even dissuaded people from doing so. Anyone that condemns you, does not act of God and their opinion does not matter (including yourself lol).. But honestly, the bible calls the devil the accuser of the brethren, it's his voice that condemns you, that tells you over and over that you are terrible and there's no point trying...

God's voice chastises to repentance in love.

First, my dear, make your peace with God. You need God more than anybody on this earth. You need His forgiveness - cause no matter what you do, it's not just to any man any longer, it's to God who you are ultimately accountable to. Ask Him sincerely for His forgiveness and mercy (He is very wiling to do so and set you free.. You remember that bible passage in 1John that if you confess your sins, He is faithful and just to forgive you of your sins and cleanse you from ALL unrighteousness.

Then, you need to forgive yourself. Dearie, no one should condemn you, including yourself. Once God, who is the only Judge has forgiven you, no one has the right to keep bringing it up. We are all saved and redeemed by GRACE.. We don;t understand grace, we cannot understand the way it works but we believe in God who freely gives it.

Now in terms of moving forward, I will say a few things.

1. Thank God you already realise that it is not right. You realise how much it is hurting your loved ones. Especially your relationship with God, and your self esteem as well.

2. You need to take some very strict measures for yourself and by God's grace abide by it.

3. You will pray as if it's the only solution and then act as if you don't know how to pray. (Faith without works is dead)

4. Commit it into God's hands and pray - please fast as well.. Set out time to fast and pray specifically about it.

5. You know your weakness, now set boundaries around it. Write it down if possible and have an accountability partner.

6. You need to improve your self esteem - Read books, surround yourself with good people, talk to someone (have an accountability partner, possibly of the same sex), listen to tapes.. Keep reading and reading.. Don't get tired of reading or thinking that you can't see the difference yet. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God.

7. You need to believe that you are all that God says you are - Complete in Christ Jesus. Worth it as a virtuous woman, priced above rubies, with a high price paid on your head, the temple of the living God that not just anyone can mess with or have access to. You are divinely exclusive. 

8. If it helps, you can write this down and say it to yourself again and again everyday. (I believe very much in writing the vision down as it says in Habakkuk 3:17-19)

9. Where you have a weakness with a particular guy, DELETE everything about him in your life - guard your heart carefully and very aggressively).. Don't associate with him in anyway. If it helps, see him as a devil that you cannot afford to mess with - He wants to steal your inheritance, your heritage and he will not succeed in Jesus name.

10. You have to see it as you being in battle and be aggressive about it.. Guard your heart aggressively.. There are some things that others would do and it will be alright but for you it may be expensive so don't use someone else as your yardstick.. You know what gets to you, avoid it like the plague..

I will stop here for now. I would love to talk to you still but babe I want you to know one thing, I will be praying for and with you. God is awesome and able to do all things. You will win in Jesus name

With God, you have no other option but to win. And by His grace you will fulfill your purpose on earth. You will not miss your blessings, you will not be cheated of your Godly inheritance in Christ in Jesus name.

I pray with you in Jesus name that affliction will not rise a second time. God will keep and guard you so that you will be set free from anything that holds you bound in Jesus name. What the devil meant for evil, the Lord will turn around for good in Jesus name.

I love you sis, you are an amazing, phenomenal woman! 

One xxxx

Don't forget people, keep building your relationship with God - That's the most important relationship you could ever have!

"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord" Romans 8:38-39

Still waiting...

Have you ever wondered - "Lord, why is it taking so long??". Well, I know what that feels like.

My friend came to visit me today. She just got married and she also made the statement above many times before marriage. I saw it, I heard it and I joined her praying fervently for the manisfestation of God's promise.

When God showed up, He showed up BIG!

We shared today as usual and it encouraged me even more.. God never fails.. No matter how long it takes, He always delivers at the right time. And when He does, you forget what it felt like to ask the question above..

Don't despair, God is still working xxxx

PS, Patience Lord, I pray for patience for your best xx

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How do I know for sure if I don't sample?!

Hiya!

So, last week, I wrote a post that I had been meaning to write on being proud to be a member of Team V! You can read it HERE

Now, I'm writing this post in response to one of the comments that was posted from a dear reader. Now, this comment did not come as a surprise as usually whenever this topic comes up, it is one of the most popular concerns/fears/questions about not 'testing the goods before buying' or as in this case, not sampling the dude or dudette before agreeing to spend the rest of forever (well at least while you breath) with this one person..

When I initially read the comment on my phone, I was like YES.. Let the discussions roll in, let's talk about it, let's get answers to questions we want to ask but don't quite feel comfortable asking before they think one is 'corrupt' (haha, who remembers when that used to be the worst insult everr?).. I was very grateful to my darling InThe for sharing her link HERE to help the person connect with the truth (God bless you InThe *kisses*).. I recommend you take a few minutes to read it too.. It talks about what sex is not.. very enlightening, especially for those in doubt..

Now, I remember saying once that marriage is one of the greatest acts of faith EVER! Imagine willfully committing your life, your plans, your future to someone else and saying that from now till forever on earth, you are the one that I want to wake up to each and every single morning, you are the one that I want to share the bringing forth of my future generation with, from now on, you share my history - you will ALWAYS be a part of my history. I choose you to walk with you as my partner on this journey called life, it is you that will have full access to my body and it is only you that I will 'romonce' for the rest of my life.. No scoping other guys/girls, even if I see a better looking/richer/more focused/more intelligent/more caring/more spiritual individual (because trust me, there will always better).... Now that could be a scary thought! Like really?! Forever? Forever and ever? No return policy? lol

And you go through this with very limited information... Limited, limited.. Because usually, even when you think I just KNOW this person Bam! they go ahead and reveal more unknowns (good and bad) after you say 'I do'.. You never fully know a human being.. Only God knows the make-up and capabilities of the indiviual HE created.. You see why you need Him?

Sex is an aspect of faith in marriage that being a virgin enables you to have.. How would I know that we will be sexually compatible? Am I sure that he/she can satisfy me? What if we don't know what to do? What if...?

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"But without faith it is impossible to please God".. (Heb 11:6a)

Rephrasing - "When you have faith, you please God".. When you say "Lord, I know I cannot see it or I do not know it for certain, but I trust that you got me covered".. "Lord, you know me, I like to meddle, to be sure before I go into any venture, talk more of such a HUGE commitment, however, I will obey you because I know that You will sort me out" - You please God. That takes GREAT faith..

So ladies and gentlemen, on this issue, you have two choices - you can decide to take matters into your own hands and test the goods to be sure and live with the choice you make with your very limited ability or you can choose to say okay Lord, my wisdom doffs it's hat to yours, over to you, I trust You.... And please Daddy, make it super-liciously GREAT! *wink*

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You KNOW God always delivers.. and as you like it - Big, small, medium, super, super strength.. He did say "Ask and you will receive" (Matthew 7:7)

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He sure does!

Team V for the win!

This post is loonngggggg due! And it was re-inspired/'re-gingered' by this POST written by one of my blog favourites Inthemidstofher.com!

She was responding to a question about sex before marriage and something she mentioned struck me and reminded me of a 'project' I'd wanted to undertake for a while..

For many friends of this blog, you would know that I am proudly and unashamedly Team V! Don't know what Team V stands for? Well it's a term that I got introduced to by InThe in one of her comments on a post I wrote previously..

Team V simply means Team Virgin aka Team Virgin 'r' Us, aka Team no sex before marriage by God's grace aka Team saving it till he puts a ring on it aka Team staying celibate to honour God's word aka Team only by grace can I ever achieve it!

Now, I don't write smugly - not at all (who born?).. I don't write because I feel I have superior will-power that has enabled me to abstain throughout the years! I write cause I want to stand to be counted as one who says - it's by no means easy, but very possible (for both men and women!) by God's GRACE.. Is it easy you ask? Capital NO.. Infact, I dare say it's easier to give in to the whole hype of 'Sex - Everyone is doing it,Pick a Partner today' than to say:

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Everyday sex is thrust in my face through different means and channels.. Both overtly and through innuendos.. People are too happy to share their latest sexual escapades and new adventurous styles.. I sit and listen like a 'foolish' virgin to the 'wsidom' spewed by experienced friends at some bridal showers, reunions etc and I have to admit that it's usually 'safe' to siddon and look rather than tell them the beauty I have experienced in waiting..

Now, when I say beauty, don't get me wrong.. It can be toughhh! I talk to a guy who I totally fancy and I know how my body reacts! (Girls are moved by words afterall).. I read a book or watch a movie and all they have to do is kiss and I know that I'm like "Father can you hear me??!" But has it been worth it? YUP..

It gives me more pleasure to know that I am not compromising my precious relationship with God.. I can do a LOT for it including saying no to pre-marital sex.. It has helped me get over break-ups easier because I know that I haven't left a part of me with him or him with me.. I leave without a 'keepsake'. Then of course, let's not forget the plethora of STDs that I avoid .. And it goes on and on! (I will share in subsequent posts)..

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Anyways, the whole koko of the post is that the silence of people who have chosen to wait can be deafening.. It almost seems like we see it as a 'burden' rather than a gift.. To be quite frank, if we were meant to be shining the light or salting the earth, we are not trying much.. It seems that the candle of pre-marital sex is outshining the bright lamp of (glorious) sex in the context of marriage..

I will be doing more posts on this and hopefully showing how wonderfully possible and incredibly beautiful saying no to sex before marriage is!

So wanna join Team V?? Excellente! It's not too late xxxx

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RE: I need you help please!

Happy new month all! May it be a month of good news and God's blessings!

So, I was going through my archives and saw a response to an email sent by one of the readers of this blog who I also consider a friend on how to maintain a relationship without sex by God's grace if you had already been sexually active. I posted the email HERE and welcomed your responses to her as she really wanted support. 

Below is an excerpt of the response I sent to her. Just to add that if you are also in this situation or struggling with something similar, God's grace is more than sufficient for you. It's never too late to do the right thing by God (as long as you have breath) xxxx



Hi dear,

First of all, may I just thank you very much for sending this email, I am indeed very humbled - and also may I say well done for the courage and strength it took you to pour out your heart in such a way. 

Honestly, the first step to change or getting a solution is acknowledging there's a problem and then also voicing it out, not keeping quiet and not staying in isolation. I pray that as you typed each word and wrote to me, that the Lord who sees it all will give you an answer Himself and show you the best way out.

I have been meaning to respond to your email but I have just had to take a moment to really think/pray about it ask some of my close friends for advise as well as to answer you in the most appropriate way by God's grace.

So, the situation you're in is one that can be very difficult but nevertheless it is very possible to embrace the best that God wants you to have.

I will go on to the practical things I could suggest but first may I say that the most important thing is finding that peace and mercy from God. Like I said in my last post, He's a God who is willing to give a 2nd, 3rd, 4th.. chance without any form of condemnation or 'I told you so'. 

1. You need to go back to God. You know the way your relationship with God is or how you want it to be. Ask Him for mercy and let Him forgive you and give you peace and grace to do want He wants, how He wants it.

2. If your boyfriend is a Christian like you, you need to have an honest discussion with him. Let Him know that you want to make that decision to do the right thing. Please don't do this in his house/room, your house/room or an intimate place where only both of you are. Choose somewhere public and as much as possible, do it face-to-face. Don't worry if you can't manage a face-to-face meeting, do it somehow. (I pray for God's grace)

3. In order to be real with you, I will have to say that you would most likely have to take a break from that relationship. You need time apart to heal and if at all the relationship is meant to be, let God orchestrate it. Throw yourself at the feet of God. If you continue to see him in that way, the triggers will always open the door for you to keep on going back and repeating what you don't want. 

The truth is that sex is a very enjoyable act. It's lovely, it feels good so our body wants it, likes it and would usually respond to invitations but you and I need discipline to ensure that it is only done in the right context. Let the fear of God inspire discipline in us. Not because we don't naturally want to do it, but because it please God to hold back. Let us be accountable to Him.

My sister, ask God for grace, trust me if you ask sincerely, He would answer. He wants to help you, He really does.

Stay away from the relationship for a period, so as to get back on track again and get strength to recover. What has helped me are things like messages, books, write-ups - I will recommend people like Joyce Meyer, (Late) Pastor Bimbo Odukoya, T.D Jakes.. Read books about sexual purity and abstaining from sex before marriage. Let the word of God and encouragement fill you up during this period.

Occupy your time. Sometimes loneliness makes us do certain things that we would normally not do. Whatever it takes, even if it means enrolling in classes, hanging out more in church, hanging out more with friends, just get busy!

Get good friends! I cannot tell you how much having wonderful godly friends in my life has made such a huge impact on me. Your friends matter a lot. You need to surround yourself with people who will build you up, encourage you to do the right thing, give you sound advice, help you when you fail - to dust you and then tell you to start again and help you along the way. Friends who can hold you accountable so that they can give you that 'warning' when you're treading on dangerous grounds. Friends whom you can confide in (I will be happy to be your blog-friend :-)

I know it may seem like you may not get back with him or that he may leave or that you would not get over him and I definitely appreciate the fact that you love him very much. 5 years is a worthy investment! (wow, well done hun!) BUT, you can have 10years of courtship and have a lifetime of misery in an unpleasant marriage or 7 years of blissful relationship and eternity without peace of mind and without God - there's no comparison at all.

Nothing beats knowing that you have God's full approval. It's worth a temporary heartbreak. God knows how to reward obedience excellently. At this point, I want to share a story of another blogger whom I respect and love and whose story I feel will inspire you by God's grace

http://www.erosinspirations.com/2010/09/god-let-me-show-you-how-to-fulfill-your.html

(You can also read some of her life stories to help)

I could write and write but it's not a one day thing or there's no manual that is the authority on this, asides the Bible.

But I will be very happy to be a buddy during this time and pray along with you for strength and courage to do the right thing.

I am soo proud of you and I can bet that God is prouder!

Lots of love,

One xx