It's been AGES!! I know, I know, I have gone on one of what is becoming a bad habit of 'suddenly dropping off the face of the beautiful world of blogging'. As always, you have to believe me when I say that I have missed blogging immensely and all you my dear cyber friends :-). Even though I haven't been here, I have been very much around and I've kept up to date with my blog-rounds so kudos to all the faithfuls who keep me entertained and make turning on my laptop worth it! *kisses*.
What's been good with y'all? For me, it has been quite busy and can I say erhm quite eventful. Let me expand: What I have been up to:
1. I have cried over a dude
2. Seen a guy I liked go with another chic
3. Started having some sort of wistful thoughts (?) about my first boyfriend aka my first looove! hehe
4. Mr E is getting married next month (sorry no time to explain, read previous posts for clarification hehe)
5. Decided to take the wise words of Matthew 6:33 completely, focus on THE ONE and stop stressing about meeting the one.
You see in the past few weeks, I have gotten to discover something about myself in this journey to meeting the one, and this has enabled me to make certain decisions. You see, I'm sure I have mentioned it many times on this blog how important I consider marriage and how much I want to have a great marriage. Consequently one of my greatest fear in life is to have a broken marriage/home. I think I'm so concerned (actually concerned is not quite the word, more like bordering on obsessed) about it because of the things I have seen and experiences of people, especially women whose lives have been so messed up because of a wrong decision in the choice of a life partner. I have seen the hurt and damage that a bad marriage does to individuals and I NEVER want to be a victim.
Furthermore, I am a Christian so I believe that I will be walking down the aisle ONCE by God's grace.
I have always felt that as a Christian and a young woman who absolutely believes in God and who has been through many things in life that has solidified my trust in Him that my faith in God in taking care of me was firm. I have always imagined that I have experienced the faithfulness in God in so many amazing ways that it was easy for me to trust Him to handle everything that I faced.
I was wrong. I have come to realise that while I trusted God and allowed Him to have His way in every (or most) areas of my life, I guarded my future marriage/marital life jealously. It was so important to me that I wanted to handle it MYself and be very careful and meticulous about it. While I could have faith in God in other areas of my life, I felt I could never try to 'gamble' with my future marriage. I wanted to worry about it on my own, I wanted to look for the 'ideal' man on my own, I wanted to pick at every fault and look very critically at every young man that comes my way and chase every 'waste-man' from a mile. I would
You know what? I have failed! And I have failed not small, not medium but BIG TIME!
I have learnt that just as the bible says "by strength shall no man prevail", there's a lot or actually NOTHING I can achieve by my own wisdom and calculations. I NEED God. I need Him to help me. I need to trust Him enough to let go and let Him. I need to learn to be foolish before Him and allow Him to work on my behalf. I need to learn to relax, to chill and let it go to Him. I have learnt that no matter how much I love myself or care about my future, I cannot out-love God even for myself, I do not care about my future more than He does. I have decided (by His grace) to look unto Him, seek Him earnestly and wait for Him to act on my behalf.
And this is the hard part; the waiting. The waiting patiently for His best and for His time. The waiting without compromising, the waiting faithfully with complete trust in His love for me and His ability to come through for me.
But one thing I know for sure is that; With God, it's ALWAYS worth the wait!
PS, It feels soooo good to be back xxxx