Thursday, 10 July 2014

Conversations with One - Men and Communication!

I read this truly brilliant post about 'Men and their Feelings' by Cornelius Lindsey and I found it really interesting and informative.

It's amazing how so differently wired men and women are, and it's really important to be able to understand this and work with this knowledge to avoid a lot of 'heart-aches' lol.. 

Usually when I read enlightening articles like this, I send it by email to a group of my friends (male and female). Now, this one sparked a very interesting email conversation that I share below...

Mr Biishop
Finally, women can begin to read about guys and truly understand how guys work!!!!

Eh! Surely theris God O!!!!

Thanksgiving tinz on Sunday

Lol, serious thanksgiving tinz on Sunday.. Getting my praise on.. Infact including testimony too!

I have gleaned the information, and God will help me to apply.. But mehn, sometimes I wonder why men and women are so different.. If we thought the same way, it would make life so much easier ... And possibly very boring too! lol

God definitely knows what He was (and is) doing!

Ms Hope
In recent times, I have really come to know, understand, respect and then appreciate these variant wiring.
Baba God you do well oooo. Lol.

We need a post as well describing the importance of men understanding the need for them to compromise once in a while and just talk!

Mr Biishop
I think all women should read this post and have as devotion sha, that way there will be more world peace. #JustSaying.

Guys should also learn about women and all, but you girls are complicated sha.

Ms Hope
But what's so complicated in 'open your mouth, heart all and talk?' Lol. ‎Talking is good, talking is therapeutic, talking is beautiful, blissful, *rme* (rolling my eyes). I don't know why they don't want to talk. 

Btw (By the way), I've learnt to develop an interest in sports, politics, science and all those other very dry sturvs. Lol.

This is what they teach them in 'Men School' lol
Mr Biishop
Well if men talked as much as women did... Hmmmmm
I can't imagine it, even some guys who are gifted with the art of talking frustrate women.
Guys are very chatty at the early stages and then...

"Enough already!" Source

I think it would be quite a 'disaster' if men talked as much as women!  (who will do the listening?!) lol. BUT it's still good for them to express themselves to their partners. Love is a risk, which includes being vulnerable! Therefore, if you have made that choice to love then you have to take the responsibility that comes with it too - the good, bad and ugly (including talking lol).

Erhmm, by the way, is that not double standards (being chatty at the earlier stages).. Later they will say women pretend during courtship!

Ms Hope
Thank you.
Then what happens?

Mr Biishop
.. Then I think the guy has gathered whether or not to allow some intimate parts to be shared, in my own opinion, I say guys are like onions, layered and you don’t rush to peel otherwise two things happen - either you cry (eyes get watery) or you mess up a layer or other aspects of the layers yet exposed, a true revelation of a guy's mind and girls is in the book 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'. A must read for both guys and girls.

Hmm.. That's very deep - I like the onion analogy.. But gosh, that's some longgggg sturves.. I think the key is patience/long-suffering - Not in the time I think it should happen but when he is ready to open up (Lord please make it quick!! lol).

I have heard a lot about that book and I hear it's a worthwhile read, just like 'The 5 Love Languages'.

Ms Hope
Yes, the best way for a woman to deal with it is to be at peace with the situation, don't pressurize, let your actions and inactions show him his secrets are safe with you and ultimately place the situation in prayer.

*End of Conversation*

So what's your take on it? Should men be more expressive? How do you work with a chatty or non-chatty partner?


  1. i get so uncomfortable....keep a distance and when he's ready we'll's not so easy but just to keep sane.

  2. You are a very patient lady ma'am! I get mega frustrated lol... But I am learning to just let it be and be patient. xx

  3. I don't know why, but males don't seem to have a problem opening up to me. I've experienced the reverse over the years. It seems like because I'm generally not too much of a talker, I'm engaging in conversations but not overly chatty, perhaps thats why?

    Having a guy/man become completely vulnerable to you can also be leave you feeling uneasy, hence why I keep everybody in 'my brother' category because you get to know tooooo much about them, weaknesses and all. Any way that's not a bad thing I guess, I seem not to be able to handle it or perhaps I take my male interests for granted.

    1. Honest, it's a different ball game in marriage.

  4. @HF, I guess you probably inspire confidence in them which is great. It would be nice to know if it's the same in your relationships? Sometimes, like Mr Biishop said, men are chatty at the earlier stages or as friends but seem to kinda close up later on when you want to delve in deeper, 'peel the onions' :-)
    @Ireti, Yes I believe it is, and there more than ever is communication key.

  5. Men and women are just different, period! Funny enough, as I read this, I thought of that "Mars-Venus" book, and then ... Voila! You mentioned it!

  6. RB!! Where and how have you been? Hope you are good? I haven't actually read that book, I need to go get myself a copy!
    Interesting new picture by the way :-) xx

  7. I'm with Highly Favoured on this... I'm not much of a talker and I often have difficulties expressing my emotions and all that mushy stuff... The guy in my life however is the complete opposite which is great! He processes his thoughts verbally which is fantastic so I always know what he's thinking... Loool!

    I am trying to work on opening up though and expressing myself because like the article said, in relationships and in marriage communication is key... And if I can't be vulnerable with my husband, who can I really be vulnerable with? Loool

    Thanks for sharing!

  8. @UB, He processes his thoughts verbally? That's wonderful! It's interesting that just like HF, ladies who are quite reserved meet men who are more expressive.. Opposites attract perhaps?

    You're very right, communication is key both ways! (Come, let me teach you how to talk haha)

  9. I agree with Ireti, it's a different ball game in marriage. It can sometimes be hard for men to truly express how they feel because they do not want to be judged or criticised and they feel women don't just understand the men's world. I have come to understand in my 5yrs of marriage that, if you truly want your man to confide in you, then you have to learn to be patient and not make un necessary comments which is very hard for ladies not to do.

  10. @NS, Oh the unnecessary comments lol.. God has to personally help my mouth (and patience!). Thank you very much for your comment. Like you said, it's important to understand that men do not want to feel judged or criticised (women too).. xx

  11. My experience is that when men are in the right setting, they DO talk. I am seen as a rather talkative guy in my environment, maybe that's due to my communicative family or my personality, but generally I don't buy into the idea that all men necessarily talk less than women.

    What I love about some men is that they can enjoy silence without feeling awkward. With some of my best friends I can just sit, watch and think, while some women (at least some I know) feel the need to ask questions such as "What are you thinking now?" "Are you really okay?", which can be annoying at times because sometimes we just need some space to think/pray, in my opinion. Maybe this is why Solomon wrote:
    "Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart
    is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day,
    and like vinegar on soda" (Prov 25:20) or "Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart
    is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day,
    and like vinegar on soda" (Prov 27:14)

    But anyway, I believe you don't need to learn to talk to "guys" or "girls" in general, but learn to talk with individual boys and girls. I found that the dynamics of communication are different with each person I am talking to. So in marriage, if both parties are willing to adapt and to be sensitive, I am sure (or at least I hope^^) that with time communication will work out for both :)

  12. Ayo: Thanks for asking. I've been on "sabbatical" ... Lol!

    That's me in the picture o.

  13. @Sebs, you're right, it's down to the individual. Know your partner and work with their unique traits.
    @RB, are you sure it's you!? lol

  14. Okay... So having that I met a girl **clears throat, i think I am in a good state of mind to comment on this. **Adjusts Agbada. :)

    For me oh, its more of Push and Pull. If i tell a girl too much info, I will grow boring in her eyes, and she will loose the flair of the entire ""relationship"" we Guys always keep a part of us back. Its like a Rule, never say the true contents of your heart, never say it all, cause if you do, Experience has taught me that they will use you to catch groove ( which means in English: Your own e haf finish in her eyes).

    P.S: You know I like to write yeah, so I was chatting with TS daysback, and the babe said i was very expressive, in my mind i was like Yekpa!! I am finished, cause that means she knows too much already. Its that simple. But oh well.. issorait. Bonds are not forced, they are created.

  15. Hahaha.. John-the beloved, it seems like you meeting this 'mystery' lady is about to get all shades of interesting!
    LOL @ 'your own e haf finish' theory.. I get your point but if it's a serious relationship, your own better 'finish' on top the matter :-D
    PS, if she said that to you, she is a happy person. Although I hope she is not trying to pass on some subliminal message like the picture in the post?! iKid.. The way she said it matters - did she smile or pause afterwards ie, did you have a 'moment' after she said so.. lol
    PPS I hope you are #WaitingandLovingIt too! *wide grin* xx

  16. I think men should talk too
    but when you can't make them talk
    just 'be' jare.
    If you know you are safe in your s.o 's hand.
    If he talks o, if he doesn't talk, be at peace.

  17. Amen to that! Peace is the key-word..


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