I'm Coming OUT! Hi, my name is....

Lol..

The time is now!

Hi my name is Ayo Thompson and I am a blogger!

I have been off and on since 2008 but I think I have been a bit more consistent in the past year or two. I hope that improves even more!

I have met such AMAZING people here - some whom I now count as friends. I loveddd my privacy and being able to say as much as I could (not like I did anyway! lol) without thinking "hmmm"..

However, today, and as part of the goals for 2014 - 'Building Relationships' for this blog, I am coming OUT! :-D - What better way to be better accesible and hopefully build better relationships with blogsville than becoming un-anonymous ey? lol... I'm so nervous mehnn!!

 I love Man U and the no 7!

 I have a SWEET tooth (many actually lol)

 ... Buy me food and I can literally fall in love with you!


   
I believe that everyone should let out their inner child frequently!

 This picture was probably taken the same year I started the blog!  :-)


That's all folks! Now you can ask me any question you want! lol

PS Waiting and Loving IT series continues tomorrow xx

Follow me on twitter too @1plustheone or email oneplustheone@gmail.com

Prelude to the BIG disclosure!

Hiya people! Hope you had a fabulous weekend!! I did.. Busy but fabulous!

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So, thank God I am still on this amazing winning streak - Yayyyyy! lol.. I won another giveaway from the lovely and sweet Frances Okoro who blogs at www.imperfectlyperfect92.wordpress.com .. It was a ticket to see any movie of my choice and I was delighted!! Thank you so much hun, you absolutely ROCK!! God bless you and keep blessing you until you don't have room enough to contain it!

By the way, as I got comfortble in the packed cinema, I looked to my right and I thought to myself "Aww, cute couple" - It's always nice seeing them all cosied up etc.. I looked a little closer and guess who it was?!! None other than Berry Dakara of www.berrydakara.blogspot.com and her Cakes!

I was mega excited! lol.. I just smiled like a fool and I hope they didn'think what is wrong with this one?

Anyways, hope you all had a great weekend.

I am excited about tomorrow's couple on the Waiting and Loving It series! + I have news up next!! xxxx

Waiting and Loving It! - Feat Eziaha and Bolaji Olojo!

When the plan for this series started to take root last year, my dear FAB E of www.eziaha.com was not yet married, but we her loyal readers knew about the FAB Mr Olojo! I was impatiently waiting for her to sign the dotted lines and I don't think I gave her much breathing married space before bombarding her with the request to be featured here lol.. She graciously obliged - She's absolutely fab like that!

I thoroughly enjoyed reading their interview and I know that you will be blessed too! Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present to you, our third couple of the series *drum roll* Mr and Mrs Olojo!

1. Please tell us a little about yourselves

                     

(I would be answering this on behalf of my hubby and I so...) My name is Eziaha and hubby's name is Bolaji Olojo. Hereafter referred to as E' and Aku m. We got married Nov 30, 2013 after courting for 5 and half years (LOL). Ours was an inter-tribal marriage and so came with plenty drama but hey, we made it!!! I am largely extroverted and Aku m is introverted.

He is a Lawyer and I am weeks away from completing my NYSC (She has actually now completed it - Congratulations E!) after which I begin my career as a Social Entrepreneur with an IGO.

We are both born again Believers and we live by the Word.

2. How did you meet? 

We met on Campus. He was a Pastor in Winners Campus Fellowship and I was an Executive. He was the Pastor that girls had the hots for and I was the member the Pastor had the blazes for...

3. What initially attracted you to your spouse?

                                            

We had been thrown together in several projects and his wisdom and maturity (especially with how quiet he is) in handling challenges threw me off balance lol (he did have a lot of female admirers ooo cos he was just wisdom personified and had a solution to everyone's problem but dude had his eyes HOT on me and I gave him plenty wahala too) while my energy and effervesence attracted him to me (I was MISS POPULAR in Uni then, had about a gazzilion Admirers and wasn't your poster girl for BORN AGAIN Christian) Classic case of opposites attract. Not too many gave us a chance of a snow ball in hell. We were just too opposite. I think most people pitied him. They felt I would just give wahala to this quiet Man of God. Lol

4. How did you know that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him / her?

                                    

This may sound very spiritual but at about 16 or so, (I was a spiritual daughter of late Pastor Bimbo Odukoya and so got a good foundation EARLY in relationships) I had an encounter with the HS (Holy Spirit) after which I was led to write out the qualities I would see that would confirm the man I would marry. It was in TOO MUCH DETAIL. I still have that book till today as it contains several of my dealings with the HS. I didn't carry the book around ticking off qualities in the many toasters and admirers I had (I didn't consider unbelievers at all) but it was after we became friends and were getting closer that I checked the book and I was goose-bumped at the similarities with him. I was a teen when I wrote it and some of those things there were definitely not the TDH and fairytale the average teen was looking for. It had what you would term 'imperfections' and stuff (incidentally, some of them would go ahead to make my Parents disagree at first and vehemently too in addition to tribe and in that book, I already knew Igbo men stood NO chance). He wasn't perfect but it was HIM. I knew in my Spirit man, which I must admit has been well fed and so sensitive to spiritual promptings in every area of my life. For him, aside the fact that this bubbly, all-over-the-place, Miss Popular totally had a heart sold out to God, he felt PEACE. We had several challenges but we knew God was in it. God would tell me stuff and he would confirm it and vice versa. Sometimes it was scary. Then we had Pastoral consent. I am my Pastors' baby girl, a very special daughter to both and so it was very important they accepted. And they did. They just love him. His Parents too accepted me easy but the challenge came from my parents who weren't crazy about their babygirl following 'ndi-yoruba'.

So that was a tick on all counts save my Parents and though the challenges were intense, almost bloody, they were sentimental (just based on tribe) and the conviction and love we both had (plus counsel from my Pastors) were stronger and saw us through. Eventually we got the victory and frankly, the sweetness of the marriage has reduced to less than nothing all the wahala before. The devil just lost in a very disgraceful way. We practically buried the devil.

And we are still testifying...

5. What made you make the decision to wait?

The Word. Simple. Obeying the Word is important to us. Plus I had a good foundation in Pastor Bimbo. She married a Virgin and she was soooooooo proud about it. She would say it so much at our 'Single and Married' meetings. She made it very attractive to me. I wanted her testimony. We need more vocal people like she was. She is my perfect role model on this... She was very pretty, eloquent, fabulous, attractive, a power dresser and married a Virgin and had a made-in-heaven marriage. She was the 'glamour girl of the pulpit'. I wanted to be and have all of that and more. She gave me a very good example to look at. In that book I earlier mentioned, I wrote out a commitment to stay chaste till marriage at that young age too and signed it. I pretty much had my mind made up on that. In my good fortune, I met a man too who had vowed to wait till he got married (His vow was even extreme lol). We were both practicing the Word in other areas of our life, abstinence inclusive. Sex before marriage was NEVER a consideration no matter how it was doing us. We made that commitment even before we got hooked in any relationship. It is very important you plan to WAIT even BEFORE the spouse appears.

6. What practical measures did you take to ensure that you stuck by your decision?

Our Pastors were very involved in our relationship so knowing that we were very accountable helped too. I recall one time we were to take a vacation together and I mentioned to PK, and he said 'Don't do it. Different country, cold weather, long story, you may fall so don't tempt yourselves...' End of vacation. Lol.

For 4years out of the years we dated, he was in a different town. When I visited, sometimes he would lodge me in hotels, or he will leave the house for me and go stay with a friend. Even when we slept in the same house for one reason or the other, we both had defined the boundaries of our relationship. Plus we knew we had many years ahead of us to have all the sex we wanted to so why the rush. Now that I have crossed the line, I would also wanna say as an advice especially to single ladies, sex is such an intimate thing where you share the whole of you with someone else without restrictions (especially if other forms of sexual activities beyond just vaginal penetration is done). It is me stripping all of me to another. It is me at my most vulnerable. At my 'messiest' It is tooooooooooo intimate (I can't think of the right term I mean) Personally, I can't imagine doing this with anyone else or even before the commitment of a marriage. If that guy truly loves you, he will wait abeg. He should wanna protect you. And as a lady, please love and respect yourself enough to wait. You deserve more than having to share yourself with random men (or man) who hasn't covenanted himself to you before God. Nobody should just be dumping stuff IN YOU anyhow. Ewwww... Single Ladies abeg eh, close your legs!!! Thank you.

In marriage, sex or lovemaking is PERFECT. It is GODLY. Outside marriage, sorry to say, sex is dirty, irritating and debasing to the woman. I almost wanna say it is a curse abeg...so WAIT!!! If he can't wait, he should take a really long walk on a short lane and you throw a party on the streets cause God has just saved you from a SELFISH BOY (operative word: BOY) who has shown you that he will keep crossing the line even in marriage with women he aint married to. REAL men and WOMEN wait!!!

I know some people fear that they may be sexually incompatible which may lead to bedroom frustrations but trust me hun, sex is not rocket science!!! You will learn on the job. I am. We are. And where we need some help (please don't be shy to get help ooo), there are medical/professional materials online and everywhere too, there is my Christian female network of married ladies too I can ask questions and of course there is the Holy Spirit. God is not wicked. He created sex and he can't shortchange you on anything, especially not sex. So wait for the right time and all would work well. I promise. You may also wanna visit this SEX confessions a friend Mrs. D has on her blog. Totally awesome. It helped me and is still helping. (See link HERE)

7. What one advice would you give to your single self in preparation for marriage now that you’ve crossed that line?

                                 
Everything I did as a single I would do again if I had a second chance.

With all humility, I consider myself very blessed because I learnt very early and from the best all the right godly lessons on marriage and relationship. From Pastor Bimbo and Taiwo Odukoya (Single and Married) to Dunamis and Sophia Okunowo (Kisses and Huggs though my time was very short with them) to Pastors Kingsley and Mildred Okonkwo (Just Us Girls and Love, Dating &Marriage) and Rev Femi and Teju Oduwole (Sex, Dating and Marriage). I prepared myself like a soldier going to war. I was armed with an arsenal of information... Many books, millions of CDs and tapes, question and counselling sessions, etc. I have always attended churches that weren't shy to discus relationship and sex (and seriously, we should talk sex more in church so young people don't learn the premium CRAP we have out there) I was blessed to have a personal relationship with them too and I saw them lead godly homes and enjoy the marriage of their dreams. Aku’m goes to Winners and relationship is not their forte there but he happily devoured all the regular supplies I was sending to him and he was very willing to learn too. He too has a relationship with my Pastors (esp The Oduwoles) outside of me and I know he gets counsels too. So I was a wise and knowledge-loving single woman. From day one of my marriage, I keep hearing their voices leading me on the right path. Like I said, we are burying the devil, one testimony after another.

8. Describe in 3 words / sentences the best part of being married!

                             

The knowing that someone is just COMMITTED to your good at all times. I mean, we are falling over ourselves to do good for each other. I stop worrying about me because he has me covered and he has better plans for me. He stops worrying about himself because I got him covered. It is a lovely thing. Especially when the two people are NOT selfish.

The fact that I can enjoy the incredible pleasure that comes from love making and knowing that it is NOT sin. Ah!!! Heaven. In the beginning, I had to keep telling myself (while speaking in new tongues) 'This is NOT sin, This is NOT sin...'

There is a certain respect that people accord you when you are a Mrs. Or a married man. Especially when young and born again Christians. I mean both of us are far from 30 so people just auto assume that you both must be very responsible and stuff. I am not saying this is ideal but society just has this thing for married young couples.

And one more for the road...

The favour and blessings that come from God when two people leave Father and Mother and become husband and wife... It is like heavens open and blessings start to pour out.

Then for me especially is the exhilarating feeling that comes from knowing that this is my home and so I can build it to my own taste. I have a say in choosing the furniture, kitchen ware, beddings etc. I own my kitchen and I can cook up a storm. I almost get orgasms (lol) from just planning the weekly food roster. I can do English, Thai, Chinese, anything!!! The buck stops at my table and that feeling is priceless yo!!!

Lol.

Marriage is a beautiful thing darlings, and the best gift you can give yourself is marry well.

And it is not too late to make the right decision to abstain. Our Jehovah forgives, wipes our slate clean and gives us a fresh start...

And so here's to right choices and new beginnings...

Muah


E' and B. Olojo

I'm sure you were blessed by that! E sums it up nicely, it's not too late to make the right decision to abstain!
You can get more from E's fountain of wisdom, inspiration and fun on her blog www.eziaha.com - Thank you Mr and Mrs Olojo! xx
PS If you have any questions, would like agreement in prayers or would like to be featured on this series, please send an email to oneplustheone@gmail.com!

Lots of love people! xx

Will I have a good marriage?

Not everyone is looking forward to getting married.. Some people are scared of the prospect of marriage! Like, what would happen after we say 'I Do'? Would I be happy? Would we be true to our vows and committed for the long haul?

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There are deep set doubts as to being in a committed relationship and sometimes the thought of it can be almost suffocating.

For some the desire is there alright, but it's like what if I get it wrong?! What's the guarantee that I would not end up like Mr A or Mrs Y?! They started happy and all that, now look how they turned out!

I used to be scaredd (bold and underlined!) of the prospect of marriage! Don't get me wrong, I wanted to get married, sure! I have always had a bone of romance but I had seen so many bad examples of marriages that the thought of it scared me! I had heard and seen people being destroyed or a shadow of themselves as a result of poor marriage decisions! To be honest, at some point, I used to genuinely believe that after 5years of marriage, couples endured each other.. You do your duty as a mother, he does his as a father, you find a way to relate (awkwardly) with each other and if you can manage that, you stay married! (Did I hear you say "Oh dear!")

This fear for me was real because I am a Christian and like the bible enjoins, I don't believe in divorce cause God says He hates it so as I thought then, God help me if I end up in a wrong marriage, with a wrong man.. Imagine a lifetime of agony! Real hell on earth!! Trying continuously to 'fix things'.

As I grew in my relationship with God and I grew older, I started to actively pray about it - my fears, my concerns, the prosperity of my marriage! I remember then, anytime they asked for a prayer point/request - mine would be concerning marriage "Lord, give me a good marriage, I don't want to marry wrongly, I don't want to endure my husband or my marriage".

And God answered my prayers concerning my fear about marriage..

I have mentioned previously that I believe that marriage is one of the biggest acts of faith - deciding to commit to a long term relationship without actually knowing what will exactly happen afterwards. Many of us know that "faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God". Now how that was translated in my life was that God started with my mind and what I heard and saw. He transformed my thinking and renewed my mind by bringing me in contact with people who had exemplary marriages - like the real deal, not TV stuff..

I didn't even know what He was doing until a little after. One way or the other, I started mixing with people who had been married for a while and still enjoyed being married to each other.. not one, not two.. My faith was being restored, good marriages no longer belonged to novels but were achievable! I read a lot and prayed some more, renewing, changing, re-setting my mindset to agree with God's idea and plan for marriage.

God did a work in me from within. He didn't wait for me to get married to prove this to me, He healed my heart and my mind when I didn't even realise that I needed it! It was practical - I feel like I went through a 'school of marriage' by watching examples of others, listening attentively to lessons learnt etc. And I didn't plan it - the Master Planner did!

And now, I look forward to the prospect of marriage and I KNOW that by God's grace, I am having an exemplary husband, marriage and home in Jesus when it comes - until death do us part!

                              
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This explains a little bit of my zeal for building relationships, celebrating God-ly marriages and discussing fruitful relationships. We are highly influenced by what surrounds us, what we hear, what we see and what we interact with!

Marriage was created by God to be beautiful. It is God's own creation/idea. He saw a need in Adam and decided to make him a helpmeet. God created an avenue for companionship, friendship, sex, fruitfulness and generational continuation. Everything God made was GOOD.. Marriage is GOOD!

This post was inspired by a question asked HERE by Mizadventures of Mizchif and I know that some people may be facing doubts about marriage based on many factors - probably having never seen nor understood how a good marriage can happen, an experience of a bad relationship or from negativity and lies that have been constantly fed on.

God wants you to have/enjoy/live life and have it in abundance! If you are struggling by an impaired perspective of marriage, you can ask God to renew your mind and ask Him to teach you how to get it right..

"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God" - Romans 12:2

My Forever Valentine

My forever Valentine,

The complete Love of my life, Sweet Gentleman of Galilee - gentle, compassionate and careful with me.

The One who makes me feel priceless, like, nothing could ever be too much for me; and that nothing I could ever ask for would be too huge. For me, you make all things possible. I feel like a shining bright star with You.

When I’m with you, I feel as light as rain and as beautiful as the clouds. The very essence of you overshadows my shortcomings – with You I feel like I can do anything, I can be the best, I can go on and achieve all things! With You I know I am covered – You have my back!

Your love for me gives me strength, gives me courage and makes me want to spread my wings and fly, knowing that I have no limitations in You.

Lover of my soul, You satisfy me, I am content in You.

Thank You for the great love that You have for me. I have tried to imagine and to compare, all in a bid to try and understand the depth, manner and strength of your love for me but I know that I cannot even scratch the surface because your love is one of a kind – none like it. Thank YOU.

Sometimes, I want to break into a song, lift my voice, scream for joy, do a new dance to celebrate the love of the King of my heart! You hold my heart secure – now until forever! No one would ever take your place or share your space in the kingdom of my heart. For there you rule, you reign SUPREME”

I love You, I love You, I love You to the moon and beyond.

Thank You Jesus for being my best friend, my heart’s song, my completion, my all.

Love forever,

One xxxx

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There's nothing greater than the love that God has for you and I.. He died for every single human being, without the assurance of acceptance. He did it anyway, for love's sake

"This is Real Love - not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His only Son, as a sacrifice to take away our sins. Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other" 1 John 4:10-11

Remember that time I fell in love and became a bore?!

I got into a relationship and then I became boring..

The above statement is one that I became quite familiar with personally! You see usually, I lovee having a good time and a laugh! I enjoy doing things in a unique way, doing it differently where possible! I enjoy a good laugh and in the right crowd, my sense of humour is something to write home about lol.. I shine, I sparkle, I smile, I laugh!

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These are very attractive qualities in anyone! People see it and are drawn to you! You meet that dude or chic who just wants to be with you all the time because you see, pleasantness is verryy attractive and people want to be with others who bring out the best in them and make them want to shine too - someone who is generally 'fun'!

However, sometimes when we we get into a relationship or commitment, we forget to be the person that made our partners fall in love with us!

I was quite guilty of this and looking back, I detest what I cheated myself of! In the relationship, I was so focused on getting it right, 'fixing' what may be wrong, thinking about whether I was really really sure I had made the right decision, focuing on what wasn't working that I forgot to be the girl he first loved! I became a bore.. Nagging here, mood swings there, "we need to talk" here, demands there.. *yawn* - how massively boring and tiresome!

Sometimes it's the reality of life that gets to us - usually referred to as after the 'honeymoon' stage in marriage! That point where you stopped trying..

Are you at that place right now? Take a moment and chill! When last did you smile in that way that makes people weak in the knees, when was the last time you laughed heartily (try doing it now!), when was the last time you took of that mask of a frown and tilted your lips to a happy bow!! When was the last time you made an effort - made that particular hairstyle, wore that particular dress, made an effort?!

When was the last time you paid them a compliment, wrote a love note, shared a secret, planned a surprise like the old times?

Take your eyes off what's not happening and choose to focus on what's happening and happening well! You deserve to live and enjoy it too! And you deserve to give you and them a break - Life may not always be perfect but it is your decision to make the best of every situation you are in by God's grace.

Be exciting again, be you!

Don't let the pressures of life, new job, children, activities, unmet expectations - take the shine off you.. Be YOU, be beautiful!

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So people, any experiences? Any words of wisdom as to how to re-ignite the fire in you? xx

*Special HUGE shout-out to Tosin Oludare of www.msjsbass.blogspot.com for my beautiful ASOS belt (I lovveeeet!) A sweet and beautiful woman! It was a pleasure meeting you yesterday albeit briefly.. God bless you much and reward you richly!!

Waiting and Loving It! - Feat Derin and Debo Omole

Hiya my lovely people!

First of all, thank you soooo much for the response and comments to the first feature of the Waiting and Loving It! series... You people are a huge blessing to me!

I am excited about the features and it's wonderful to know that people have been blessed by it - Thank God! If it's your first time here, you can read a mini introduction and the first feature HERE!

Without much ado, I bring you this week's feature on Waiting and Loving It! As usual, please sit back, relax, enjoy and above all, be blessed! xxxx

1. Please tell us a little about yourselves please 

                          

                                  
Debo: I am Adebowale Omole, a Facilities Manager by profession and an easy going individual. Been Married 5 years and I've been blessed with two pretty girls.

Derin: Aderinola Omole, a daughter, sister, wife and mum. A Human Physiologist and Sexual Health Promotion practitioner. Been married 5 years plus (Oct. 4, 2008)

2. How did you meet?

                           

Debo: I first saw her (while taking mental notes) and had the briefest of conversations when we were both rejected along with a few others at the first place of primary assignment during NYSC. We were later brought together at our Community Development group in Benue State and I had the opportunity to really meet her. I took more interest in my church when I learnt we attended the same church too.

Derin: Met my husband during NYSC precisely during the CD(community development) activity (though he says we met earlier than that but my first recollection of meeting him was during the CD activities) and then later church.

3. What initially attracted you to your spouse?

                              

Debo: Her ability to get what she wants from others without making a fuss. She’s also got Angelic looks.

Derin: During our NYSC CD day, he was usually there early to set up and never saw himself too big to help anyone do anything. Basically his humility and on a lighter note his voice (really deep considering his size) and of course he is good looking!

4. How did you know that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him / her?

                                                        

Debo: I knew I wanted to because on my list was “a God fearing woman who was disciplined”, but I got more convinced after we had our first major disagreement. When we made up I knew we could manage our imperfections.

Derin: Hmmm… The God factor was there because I did pray about it because he was someone I had never met. We did not have any history together however vague (like going to same schools or living in the same neighbourhood or having mutual friends….there was no history…we did not even cross paths on NYSC camp!) to tell you the truth I can’t really say it was one thing or the other because he did not exactly tick all my boxes, though being God-fearing and a family centered person dipped in his favour but one thing I was quite sure of when I agreed to the relationship in the first instance was that there was no going back. It was simply going to get better and better and that, it has been so far.

5. What made you make the decision to wait?

Debo: Paramount on my mind was the fear of having a baby!! Secondly, I asked God for her, Thirdly, I love her that much to make our first time special.

Derin: First of all, as part of obedience to God’s word that says that marriage is honourable and the bed undefiled. Secondly, I knew I wasn’t ready to or couldn’t bear whatever consequence came with premarital sex especially pregnancy.

6. What practical measures did you take to ensure that you stuck by your decision?

Debo: We promised to be honest about how we felt. If for instance I was feeling aroused I would tell her and she would suggest we join friends or family to kill the feeling and vice versa. We also prayed about it separately.

Derin: Being gatekeepers of one another. Constantly reminding ourselves of the decision to wait and being practical with the way we feel in our bodies.

                    Now very legal! haha

7. What one advice would you give to your single self in preparation for marriage now that you’ve crossed that line

Debo: Waiting will not kill you and do not tempt yourself

Derin: Be prepared for the unexpected.

                                   

8. Describe in 3 words / sentences the best part of being married!

Debo: The best part of being married is having someone to share the best moments with, having someone to encourage you and having someone you can officially “ahem” with without guilt.

Derin: Having someone to share your thoughts, fears, aspirations, successes, failures, moments (good or bad) with. To be openly ‘open’ with without judgment or prejudice and someone to encourage and tell you he understands even if he really doesn’t understand so you can feel better.

                    

Such a delightful couple! May God continue to bless their marriage and home! xxxx

My memorable Valentine!

So, Valentine's day is in 4 days! Whoopiee.... Yeah, I'm going to be talking about Valentine's day today.... In case you didn't know.. Hi, my name is One, I love love, Valentine's day and other cheesy things.. Actually I'm big on celebrations, anything to celebrate - I'm game!

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So yeah, if you don't see the fuss about Valentine's day or you believe that 'love should be shown everyday and not just reduced to one day etc etc', this post may not be for you lol.. Actually stick with me, you just might like this one...I revel in things like Valentine's day.. I wish they had it each month (but then again, peoples may be broke all the time lol)..

So yeah, thinking back.. I am still looking forward to wonderful Valentine's Day treat! It just so happens that I have not been in a relationship on Valentine's day, except the one time and that is still probably the best Valentine's day one has had :-) (story for another day!)

So the next best Valentine's day happened last year! I wasn't in a relationship but being the optimistic daughter of her King that I am, I trusted that something 'must to' happen!

So I was at work when a delivery guy walks in with a box and all (I smile as I write this).. I didn't even kid myself into hoping it was for me - there were two other colleagues of mine who were married so I assumed it must be for one of them. To my BIGGEST surprise, the name of the recipient was mine! I was E.C.S.T.A.T.I.C! hehe.. I was beyond delighted and the box contained what I could just indulge in all day - cakes!! Beautiful pink-iced cupcakes with different designs all begging me to "take a bite" lol

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I wondered who on earth knew me, knew my office address (I only just started working there) etc etc to do this! (Have I mentioned that I absolutely loveee surprises!).. I did the necessary research and alas I found out that it was one of my dearest (female) friends who was thoughtful enough to play cupid to a few of her friends by sending beautiful surprises to their workplace (there's just something about receiving a 'delivery' at work! And she had to do some research to find out my office address!)).

I was immensely grateful for her thoughtfulness - not for the fear of 'roasting' on Valentine's day but that she went out of her way to spend money to put a smile on other people's faces on Valentine's Day without expecting anything in return! (And I wasn't obviously her boyfriend!)- It was incredibly sweet of her! I will never forget that selfless act of kindness.

You see this kind of thoughtful gesture deepens friendships and builds relationships. Something not quite usual, something done knowing that you probably may not get anything in return! Something to just say to your friend - I'm thinking about you and I care enough to spend my hard-earned money to make you happy!

Don't wait to give surprises only to your boyfriend/husband.. Learn to do it for platonic friends and family members, or people who would appreciate it! It goes a long way and trust me, they usually would never forget and would keep blessing you in their hearts!

It's Valentine's Day again, make someone's day, build relationships! :-) xxxx

PS Frances of imperfectlyperfect92 is doing something lovely for Valentine's Day with her friends. You can read about it HERE.. And please join in too! xx

*Yay! Tomorrow is the 2nd feature on Waiting and Loving It!*

Dear One... I did it again!

A few days ago, I got an SOS call from one of my dear girlfriends who was feeling very low cause she had done something she had made up her mind not to do again! She felt so awful and like she had let herself down..

I wrote this a while back to another girlfriend of mine in a similar position.. See, on this road to doing the right thing by God, sometimes we fall off the wagon, we fail BIG time.. I remember I even had to do a mini confession HERE .... 

I am posting the letter here for anyone who feels like they've 'failed'.... God's love is so much greater! I pray it blesses you xxxx

My darling,

First of all, let me start by saying thank you very much for confiding in me. Like I said in our chat, it must have taken a lot of courage and boldness to bare yourself and I am grateful to you for speaking out.

The bible says in Proverbs that in the multitude of counsel, there is safety so when you speak out about an issue, it is a great step towards finding help. The lie and bondage of the devil is to keep you quiet, in isolation and allow the issue eat you up. Thank God for the grace of God.

Please I want you to remember that there is nothing that God cannot do. There is nothing that takes Him by surprise. There is no sin at all that is too much or too bad or too vile for Him. He sees all, He knows all and He loves us all the same (if you forget everything else, please don't ever forget that). Romans 8 tells us clearly that nothing can ever separate us from the love of God. The voice of God is not the voice of condemnation, He is love. His reaction to us is always love. That's His nature and that's the only way He responds to us. GOD IS LOVE. 1John 4:8.

If God does not condemn you, no one on earth has the right to do so. Remember even the woman that was caught in the very act of adultery, Jesus did not condemn her and even dissuaded people from doing so. Anyone that condemns you, does not act of God and their opinion does not matter (including yourself lol).. But honestly, the bible calls the devil the accuser of the brethren, it's his voice that condemns you, that tells you over and over that you are terrible and there's no point trying...

God's voice chastises to repentance in love.

First, my dear, make your peace with God. You need God more than anybody on this earth. You need His forgiveness - cause no matter what you do, it's not just to any man any longer, it's to God who you are ultimately accountable to. Ask Him sincerely for His forgiveness and mercy (He is very wiling to do so and set you free.. You remember that bible passage in 1John that if you confess your sins, He is faithful and just to forgive you of your sins and cleanse you from ALL unrighteousness.

Then, you need to forgive yourself. Dearie, no one should condemn you, including yourself. Once God, who is the only Judge has forgiven you, no one has the right to keep bringing it up. We are all saved and redeemed by GRACE.. We don;t understand grace, we cannot understand the way it works but we believe in God who freely gives it.

Now in terms of moving forward, I will say a few things.

1. Thank God you already realise that it is not right. You realise how much it is hurting your loved ones. Especially your relationship with God, and your self esteem as well.

2. You need to take some very strict measures for yourself and by God's grace abide by it.

3. You will pray as if it's the only solution and then act as if you don't know how to pray. (Faith without works is dead)

4. Commit it into God's hands and pray - please fast as well.. Set out time to fast and pray specifically about it.

5. You know your weakness, now set boundaries around it. Write it down if possible and have an accountability partner.

6. You need to improve your self esteem - Read books, surround yourself with good people, talk to someone (have an accountability partner, possibly of the same sex), listen to tapes.. Keep reading and reading.. Don't get tired of reading or thinking that you can't see the difference yet. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God.

7. You need to believe that you are all that God says you are - Complete in Christ Jesus. Worth it as a virtuous woman, priced above rubies, with a high price paid on your head, the temple of the living God that not just anyone can mess with or have access to. You are divinely exclusive. 

8. If it helps, you can write this down and say it to yourself again and again everyday. (I believe very much in writing the vision down as it says in Habakkuk 3:17-19)

9. Where you have a weakness with a particular guy, DELETE everything about him in your life - guard your heart carefully and very aggressively).. Don't associate with him in anyway. If it helps, see him as a devil that you cannot afford to mess with - He wants to steal your inheritance, your heritage and he will not succeed in Jesus name.

10. You have to see it as you being in battle and be aggressive about it.. Guard your heart aggressively.. There are some things that others would do and it will be alright but for you it may be expensive so don't use someone else as your yardstick.. You know what gets to you, avoid it like the plague..

I will stop here for now. I would love to talk to you still but babe I want you to know one thing, I will be praying for and with you. God is awesome and able to do all things. You will win in Jesus name

With God, you have no other option but to win. And by His grace you will fulfill your purpose on earth. You will not miss your blessings, you will not be cheated of your Godly inheritance in Christ in Jesus name.

I pray with you in Jesus name that affliction will not rise a second time. God will keep and guard you so that you will be set free from anything that holds you bound in Jesus name. What the devil meant for evil, the Lord will turn around for good in Jesus name.

I love you sis, you are an amazing, phenomenal woman! 

One xxxx

Don't forget people, keep building your relationship with God - That's the most important relationship you could ever have!

"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord" Romans 8:38-39

Waiting and Loving It - Feat Tobi and Bukky Atte

Hiyaa!

FINALLY! This is happening! I am so sorry that I have procrastinated and moved the 'launch' date for so long! I was trying to sort some things out.

I am particularly grateful for all my partners in this for their patient willingness and quick response to the request.. God bless you!

So this is a new series on this blog! Like I mentioned HERE, the theme of the year for 1+TheOne blog is Building Relationships, in addition I have said HERE and HERE on this blog, the importance and beauty of waiting to get married before getting intimate/having sex with your partner and my personal decision to do it to honour God and in obedience to His word. I know I have come across a number of people who want to do it but do not quite know how it can ever be possible or what practical measures to take after you have made a decision to wait (I listed some HERE). I have also advocated HERE for more visible role-models to be vocal about what it means to keep sex in the beautiful context of holy matrimony as I have come to realise it could just encourage one person enough to want to make that decision!

So, every Tuesday, this blog will be featuring a married couple who decided to wait until marriage before having sex. They will hopefully let us in a little into their world to understand why they made the decision and what happened afterwards... For some of them, it wasn't always the case in their relationship but the significant thing is that they asked God for mercy and made a decision to honour Him in their relationship!

I hope this series blesses you.. Enjoy! xxxx

Ladies and gentlemen, our very first guest on 'Waiting and Loving It' is... *drum roll*...


Please tell us a little about yourselves

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Tobi is a Licensed Relationship, Life and Motivational coach and speaker. Bukky is a Public Health Practitioner. We are such home bodies. We love God. We enjoy the movies and good food. Tobi is the crazy one and Bukky keeps him in check (guess who wrote that.lol)

How did you meet?

We met at the National convention for The Redeemed Christian Church of God in Texas. At the Young Adults/Single breakout session, I (Tobi) had just spoken and Bukky had spoken briefly before I took the stage. After my talk, Bukky came up to me and told me that we may have a mutual friend and we did. I remember seeing her later that evening at the other side of the huge hall and giving her the “Call me!” signal. She just smiled and kept walking. I didn’t stand a chance. Anyways, a few days later, after she hadn’t called me, I sent her a message on Facebook, telling her that she could be arrested in the State of Florida (where I lived at the time) for not calling me. I think that scared her because she called me and we started talking. The funny thing is that I had seen a picture of her on a mentoring website about a year before and thought “wow this girl is sooo beautiful…but she is way out of my league” I reached out to her anyway on that mentoring site…I sent some foolish concoction of a paragraph like “wanting to see what she thought about the mentoring site and blah blah blah” She sent back like three words “It’s great. Thanks” I was turned off and never replied …..So fast forward to the convention…it had been a year, I didn’t recognize her or even remember her (remember the exchange was very short with the “girl’ on the mentoring site).

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After we started talking for about 2 months or so, I was in one of my usual Bukky’s Facebook page stalking sessions where I drooled over her pictures (don’t judge me. She married me right?) and saw a picture and stopped. I felt I had seen that picture somewhere before and couldn’t figure out where. So we started investigating and she started thinking of where she had used that picture. Yea...you guessed it. She was the girl on the mentoring site. The girl that was out of my league was now madly in love with me (Just stop and imagine the fist pump I was doing) Crazy…but that’s how God works because between the short interaction on that website and when we actually met, God had individually taken us both on a journey of individual growth. I had learnt so much...I was a different man and she was a different woman. God=Awesome

What initially attracted you to your spouse?

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Tobi: You know…I don’t know…her lips, the way she talked...her eyes…her hair. OMG it was this funky natural hair. Yes. What she said…she had depth. She spoke with me for 5 minutes and I thought “She is going to affect the world”. Also, I had missed a word during my talk (my talk had fill-in-the -blanks) and she was the only one who came to meet me afterwards right away to ask what that word was. She was paying attention to what I said. More importantly though, she met (and surpassed) all the things on the list that I believe God gave me.

Bukky: When I first met Tobi, I met him as a friend and someone that anyone would want to have in their life. A truly nice guy. We lived in different states at the time so majority of our conversation was via phone and Skype. Through our conversations, the initial thing that attracted me to Tobi was the type of connection we had. Here I was, chatting away on the phone with someone I barely knew and I was very open with him telling him things I’d never told anyone before, and he had that ability to just listen and give sound advice. Most people would consider me shy or soft spoken but around him I was totally myself.

How did you know that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him / her?

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Tobi: I really spent some time seeking the face of God asking him to make my “list” for me and when I met her, she was a match for that list. It was surreal. I asked her out officially to enter a relationship before we actually went on our first date. I knew I was going to be spending the rest of my life with her.

Bukky: I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life because the way I met Tobi was nothing either one of us could have planned. I saw God in it and that gave me the assurance. As Tobi and I began to know each other better, there was an overwhelming peace that I felt in my spirit and that’s besides the fact that he’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a man and a lot more :-)

What made you make the decision to wait?

Tobi: I knew that I had a calling to help people figure out many aspects of life…especially the area of Godly relationships. So it wasn’t about “doing it for her” or doing it because “it was morally/socially right” no. I NEEDED to do it because I needed to be able to have lived what I will be helping people live. That said, it was probably the hardest thing I have ever done but God saw us through and I am even more equipped to help others.

Bukky: I’ve always known that I was going to wait until marriage. It was a decision I made early in my walk with God. So meeting Tobi didn’t change my resolve. I did not want to disappoint God.

What practical measures did you take to ensure that you stuck by your decision?

Before we went on our first date, we sat down together and talked and created a modus operandi /manual document that covered different areas of our lives and how we will carry them out. It included areas like: How did we get here? Why are we in a relationship? What is our marriage mission statement? What does it mean to be helpmate? What does it mean to be a leader? Sex, how we handle conflict and so on. Then we went on our first date.

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What one advice would you give to your single self in preparation for marriage now that you’ve crossed that line

· God made you. He knows you best. Ask him for what you need in a spouse.

· Don’t look at sexual purity before marriage as something you are doing for the other person’s sake…or as a gift you are giving the other person. Look at it as something you are doing for yourself. (Just ask Samson and then ask Joseph) So much easier said than done…I know but it’s important. That’s why as men, you want to date a woman that you see yourself marrying and you want to marry her sooner than later.

· Have a marriage mission statement. Why do you want to get married? What is that marriage supposed to accomplish in life and in the kingdom of God?

Describe in 3 words / sentences the best part of being married!

a) God teaches us a lot about himself through our marriage. The lessons aren’t always easy but it’s great to know that via marriage, you are in God’s elite school. It’s like selecting a few people in the army and putting them through rigorous training so they can join the Special Forces.

b) Having someone that is “ALL IN ONE” with you every day (your bestie, fashion consultant, fellow soldier, personal assistant, boss, sibling, lover, adviser, partner in crime, cuddle buddy, hobby buddy and so on…all in one person)

c) Someone that can really challenge you without belittling you. Someone who can really call you out in love on issues that matter and help you grow.

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I hope you loved reading as much as I did!

PS - Did you know that Tobi also runs a fantastic blog here at www.ijustmetme.com ... So many treasures there on relationships et al.. Thank me later :-) xx