Friday, 15 March 2013

Leave her man alone 2

I knew him first. We knew we had something good almost special (well, I believed we did).. I have even blogged about it HERE

I wanted it to be better defined, he explained why it couldn't be and for some reason, I agreed with him (diary of a fool mugu in 'love'). You see I was so into him, I was happy to have(?) what we had.

Then unceremoniously, she came into his life and just like that, I hear that they were both an item.. I was sad, mildly heartbroken actually, I couldn't understand why? But like the big girl that I am, I didn't cry (well at least not outwardly, but mehn best believe the inner tears were real!) but then the experience taught me, humbled me too - You see, I was that girl who always looked down on girls who 'allowed' things like that to happen to them *rolls eyes*, now I am more empathetic and understanding - I love that as I said HERE

It also taught me to Define a Relationship and not be satisfied with settling for just anything + if a guy is really into you, he would define the relationship..

Anyways, we remained friends - no need to sweat the stuff - and I always felt that he was grateful for that. He still remained one person I knew would bend over backwards for me and I was grateful for that.

(Can I make a confession? I think sometimes during our friendship, I  hoped that one day he would 'come to his senses' and come back).. That was of course until I heard that he had proposed and then they got married. For me that marked the very end - A guy in a relationship is still somehow somehow.. but married?! That's finito! finished! No mincing words about it - I wouldn't even go there!

I respect the institution of marriage and more than that, I respect God!

I maintained my distance and even thought to get to know his wife properly as a protective measure as we would always still be in the same circle (that didn't quite happen). To be very honest, him being married kinda did it for me.. I was not in any way interested in him as I said HERE

Recently, we met again and we had THE talk hence my post HERE.. Again, no hard feelings. We still enjoyed each others' company. He still referred to me as his biggest no 1 fan, he still wanted to do things for me. It was so easy to fall into old habits.. I was beginning to forget that he was married and just remembered the fact that this is my friend, my dawg, we go wayyy back!. To him I would still make an amazing wife, a good mother, great friend et al (of course, this was said friend - friend).

I started to look forward to his calls, talk to him more often.. I mean, this is my bwoyy!

And then I had to stop right in my tracks "ONE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!!" Forward ever, backwards never!

What started innocently could potentially violate everything you believe and advocate! I am also a firm believer in 'doing unto others what you want done to you' and I had to be honest with myself that I would not be happy to have my husband that dangerously close to someone with the potential of things going out of control.

I had to GUARD my heart and respect my God and his marriage.

Again, I had more lessons to learn - it doesn't take a lot to do things you never thought you would do.. A little here, a little there.. That's all it takes..
Emotions don't erupt suddenly.. It takes time and can be developed in the little things - a helping hand here, a gratitude there, a weak moment here, a  nice comment there.

Don't get me wrong.. I have many male friends.. Some married as well but I'm learning to recognise when to set boundaries, respect that shiny gold band on their left finger..

In respect to my fellow woman in his house, in respect to him in supporting him to keeping to his end of the deal, and most importantly, in respect to the One I have to give account to when I kneel beside my bed at night or as I communicate with Him throughout the day.

God help us!


  1. loool at the drama on ur other post...I totally agree with you..we need to tell ourselves the truth!
    Im happy you shared your experience btw I tell my friends to flee from every appearance of evil..its the best way

  2. Hmmm......bigs ups for making that extra hard decision. I've been in a similar experience n can write a book about it. Let me just say God will HONOR your sacrifices.

    Ps... Got your email. Omo, do you have to ask me??? You know that's my bread n butter. When's the deadline? Could you send me ur email.. I need to yarn u some things.

  3. lol @Sugabelly, I think we'll get along great in person.
    @The Fashion Engineer, thanks a lot for your consistent encouragement and for bringing people my way :-) God bless you girllll! :-) xxxx
    @ITMoH, AMEN!
    You can't imagine how excited I am! yAYYYy... I've been checking and refreshing my inbox waiting for a (positive) response lol.. Thank you, thank you!
    Deadline is as soon as possible lol
    I am looking forward to the yarn... email is
    God bless you MUCH xxxx


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