Dress to KILL!

Just before you step out that door, take a second look at the mirror. Meet YOU for the first, what do you think?

Are you responsible for what others think or feel because of what you are wearing? YES / NO

There is a debate as to whether dressing should be a matter of personal choice and taste or should be done in respect to others.

As Christians, some people believe that the emphasis should be on the inside and not on the outside while others believe that it's a total package.

For some, nudity is relative.. As long as all is not out, a little boob flash here, a little tightness there around the area(s) that matter *wink*

For some, it's inconclusive, does it really matter? Much ado about nothing! Boobs - Only an extension of my frontal flesh, stomach - everyone has one, lengths and lengths of glorious legs - tell me it's not just a part of my anatomy!?

I read something very interesting the other day about the popular British Ascot races and appropriate clothing deemed for it as it's a royal and exclusive event. A few guidelines HERE

1. Strapless or sheer (transparent) tops and dresses are banned

2. Skirts must be of modest length, falling just above the knee or longer

(to mention a few)

It struck me then that even earthly royals have standards!

It IS possible to be fashionable and be very covered up!

  

Pic Source One and Two

More important than the Ascot guidelines, let me share a scripture with you 

"It is better not to eat meat nor drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother or sister to fall" Romans 14:21

You are responsible for others - even in as little as what you choose to eat. Please be careful to not let what you wear (amongst other things) cause others to stumble.

"Mystery makes passion, a buttoned up blouse is sexier than a little black dress.." Polly Williams

"Women's (and men's) modesty increase with their beauty... Only ugly women (and men) have to flaunt themselves." Nietzche 


"If something is important to you, why would you dress as if you don't care?" Olivia Ryan

Where are all the good black men?

Hiya!

Have you asked the question "Where are all the good single black men?" (especially for the international community).. Well, I know on one or two occasions, my friends and I have found ourselves asking in frustration lol

Living abroad, I found that it was harder to meet many Nigerian black men, talk more of ones that you will be willing to be in a relationship with or get married to! I remember whenever any single girl who was over 24 was moving back, there will be "don't worry, once you move back, you will be 'rushed' and you will be married in less than 1 year, guaranteed!", then they will proceed to give examples.. lol

When I was moving back, oh you should have seen people already mentally booking their aso-ebis and helping me to look for wedding venues because according to them this was "God taking you home so you can get married" for when you go back "there are many options, within a month you will have so many suitors" lol

I was sent this very detailed infographic on the subject and I thought to share.. What do you think?

Via: Best Black Dating Sites

What's your verdict? + for my African folks, is it truly easier to meet such good black men at 'home'?

xxxx

What? Don't ask me such a question again!

As many of you already know, I'm African, Nigerian to be precise (random information 101)

Growing up, I observed that there are some topics that culturally we didn't discuss openly or freely. Some restrictions where also based on individual family norms or personal preference.

However, I believe that sometimes it is important to discuss some of these things as sometimes there's a lot to learn instead of paying the price of ignorance again and again.

In no particular order, below are some of those sacred topics (please feel free to add yours)

1. Sex - The 'big' word! I don't know how many of you are from conservative families where merely saying the word SEX could get you into BIG trouble! Unfortunately, in many homes, sex wasn't a topic that was freely discussed and more often than not, you heard about it or knew about it from playgroup whispered chit-chat or watch it on TV and put two and two together.
I'm glad that more families are talking about it now and educating their young children about it.
It helps a lot when truth is not replaced by fiction or myth by some outside source when it can be fully explored at a child's main school - Home.

2. Virginity - Now this next one is one that is hammered on, disguised in sentences like "don't sleep with a boy", "don't go and mess yourself up, if you do you are a prostitute and you don't have any self respect", "don't talk to boys, if you get pregnant I will kill you and no one will hold me responsible", "when you have too many male friends, it means that you are wayward and lack good home training"..
I'm sure you have noticed that most of the talk about virginity is threatening and targeted at girls. As a Christian, it is important to discuss the dignity and pride in waiting for sex in marriage. I have noticed that even grown ups hide it like it's something to be ashamed of or played down in today's world.
Very often, it is easy to see a group of single friends or celebrities talking about their sexual escapades and trading sex tips et al but it is not as easy to find people who would gladly interrupt and speak up about how wonderful it is to wait and be celibate before marriage (I look forward to that :-D)

3. Pregnancy - This is another top secret. You don't tell people when you are pregnant, you hide it for as long as possible so that 'they' will not know lol.. You don't share the sex of your baby before the due date or discuss in detail if you're facing challenges in conceiving. As the previous topics, thank God that people are now embracing being more open about sharing their pregnancy stories (even while pregnant)

4. Abuse - It could be sexual, physical, mental or otherwise but people don't talk freely about being abused. I think this is really sad as it has allowed some criminals go scot free instead of facing the consequences of their action. I also believe that one of the reasons why people don't bother talking about it, apart from the stigma attached to it is that they believe that nothing will be done about it (unfortunately this used to be the case - and in some cases, still rings true).
In addition, not speaking out has prevented the victim from taking a step to psychological healing as well as informing and helping someone else to be more alert and careful.

5. Sickness - There are some sicknesses you don't talk about! *tufiakwa* - HIV / AIDS, Tuberculosis, Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), to mention a few. So you ask the question "What happened to that man? How did he die?" and you get in response "It was his time to die" or "God gives and God takes".. I believe that if only we spoke more openly about certain illnesses and diseases, it could very well save another man's life!

I don't know how, when and why these restrictions came about but I know many examples of things that have gone wrong and someone's predicament that has gone awry because someone thought it wise to keep quiet.

So, what do you think? Have things improved? Do you think people should be more open about talking about the issues above? Is there anything I've missed out? xx

Marriage Lessons by Jolene Engle

Hello everyone!

As you may know, I love reading blogs and I am a bonafide blog-hopper :-D

I am particularly interested in blogs that talk about relationships (no surprises there!), especially from a Christian's point of view.

Imagine my joy when I 'bumped' into this lovely blogger, Jolene Engle's world where she writes weekly (sometimes more) on her journey of meeting and marrying her husband, the challenges they have faced along the way and the joy and beauty of being a God-ly wife.

Sometimes, she kindly writes articles for us who are yet to join the married club.. I like her down-to-earthedness and her practical approach to addressing topics in marriage... and the icing on the cake?? It's based on the word of God :-) The first day I started reading her blog, I was so blessed that I went back to her first post to trying reading all her articles :-)

Recently she celebrated 15YEARS of marriage with her Beloved (as she lovingly refers to her husband) and she had the following 15 lessons she has learnt as a Godly wife from being married for 15 years (I guess that's 1 for each year)..

15 Things God Has Taught Me in 15 Years of Marriage

1. As a Godly wife,  I needed a boatload of trust in the Lord for all aspects of my life.
2. As a Godly wife, I needed to put my faith in Christ to be my provider rather than my husband.  Since I’m married to a self-employed man sometimes throughout our marriage his job status has changed to being an unemployed, self-employed man!
3. As a Godly wife,  I needed to learn contentment when life didn’t go according tomy plan.  (Still learning this one!)
4. As a Godly wife, I needed the Lord to calm my anxious heart and meet me where I was when my Beloved, a mere human, wasn’t capable of meeting all my needs.
5. As a Godly wife, I needed to be filled with God’s overflowing grace so I could pour that same grace into my man, otherwise I’d have a crack in my marital foundation…and just a tiny sliver is enough room for the Enemy to squeeze into and wreak havoc in my marriage.
6. As a Godly wife, I needed to encourage my man and become the Good Samaritan Wife to him when the world knocked him down.
7. As a Godly wife, I found that when I became my husband’s biggest cheerleader, he became mine.
8. As a Godly wife I had no idea how much I’d have to die to self in my marriage….and how much I’d enjoy dark chocolate as a result of this!  No, honestly, I didn’t realize how much this obedience to Christ would produce such sweet fruit in my marriage.  It’s all worth it, dear friend.
9. As a Godly wife I was blown away by how much influence I had over my husband (and how I really enjoy this perk of the relationship!)
10. As a Godly wife I learned I didn’t have to carry all of the responsibilities of our family and finances on my shoulders.  Although I didn’t fully understand why God made husbands as the head of the home when I was a new Believer and then a new bride, I fully see the benefits of this God-ordained headship today.  It’s a wonderful blessing the way God set this marriage thing up!
11. As a Godly wife I needed to make sure that my mothering did not take precedence over my marriage.
12. As a Godly wife I needed to learn that extended family and friends did not come before my marital relationship, therefore, we put hedges up around our marriage to protect us from this outside influence.
13. As a Godly wife I needed to learn that my husband is drawn to me when I’m vulnerable, transparent, humble, caring, forgiving, gracious and kind, rather than when I’m prideful, impatient, snappy, argumentative, contentious, and withdrawn.  I want my husband drawn to me. 
14. As a Godly wife I needed to learn that my marriage was designed to bring God glory as well as to make me holy.  This puts all of my hardships, trials, and heartaches into perspective!
15. As a Godly wife, my marriage is not about me, it’s about the Lord!

(Original article HERE)

Happy Married Life Jolene, here's to many more beautiful and fulfilling years of marriage xx

So I'll like to ask anyone who is married, what lessons have you learnt from being married?

God bless you xx

Leave her man alone 2

I knew him first. We knew we had something good almost special (well, I believed we did).. I have even blogged about it HERE

I wanted it to be better defined, he explained why it couldn't be and for some reason, I agreed with him (diary of a fool mugu in 'love'). You see I was so into him, I was happy to have(?) what we had.

Then unceremoniously, she came into his life and just like that, I hear that they were both an item.. I was sad, mildly heartbroken actually, I couldn't understand why? But like the big girl that I am, I didn't cry (well at least not outwardly, but mehn best believe the inner tears were real!) but then the experience taught me, humbled me too - You see, I was that girl who always looked down on girls who 'allowed' things like that to happen to them *rolls eyes*, now I am more empathetic and understanding - I love that as I said HERE

It also taught me to Define a Relationship and not be satisfied with settling for just anything + if a guy is really into you, he would define the relationship..

Anyways, we remained friends - no need to sweat the stuff - and I always felt that he was grateful for that. He still remained one person I knew would bend over backwards for me and I was grateful for that.

(Can I make a confession? I think sometimes during our friendship, I  hoped that one day he would 'come to his senses' and come back).. That was of course until I heard that he had proposed and then they got married. For me that marked the very end - A guy in a relationship is still somehow somehow.. but married?! That's finito! finished! No mincing words about it - I wouldn't even go there!

I respect the institution of marriage and more than that, I respect God!

I maintained my distance and even thought to get to know his wife properly as a protective measure as we would always still be in the same circle (that didn't quite happen). To be very honest, him being married kinda did it for me.. I was not in any way interested in him as I said HERE

Recently, we met again and we had THE talk hence my post HERE.. Again, no hard feelings. We still enjoyed each others' company. He still referred to me as his biggest no 1 fan, he still wanted to do things for me. It was so easy to fall into old habits.. I was beginning to forget that he was married and just remembered the fact that this is my friend, my dawg, we go wayyy back!. To him I would still make an amazing wife, a good mother, great friend et al (of course, this was said friend - friend).

I started to look forward to his calls, talk to him more often.. I mean, this is my bwoyy!

And then I had to stop right in my tracks "ONE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING??!!" Forward ever, backwards never!

What started innocently could potentially violate everything you believe and advocate! I am also a firm believer in 'doing unto others what you want done to you' and I had to be honest with myself that I would not be happy to have my husband that dangerously close to someone with the potential of things going out of control.

I had to GUARD my heart and respect my God and his marriage.

Again, I had more lessons to learn - it doesn't take a lot to do things you never thought you would do.. A little here, a little there.. That's all it takes..
Emotions don't erupt suddenly.. It takes time and can be developed in the little things - a helping hand here, a gratitude there, a weak moment here, a  nice comment there.

Don't get me wrong.. I have many male friends.. Some married as well but I'm learning to recognise when to set boundaries, respect that shiny gold band on their left finger..

In respect to my fellow woman in his house, in respect to him in supporting him to keeping to his end of the deal, and most importantly, in respect to the One I have to give account to when I kneel beside my bed at night or as I communicate with Him throughout the day.

God help us!

Dear Daddy

My dearest Daddy,

The King of my heart! It's another Friday and as always, it's an immense pleasure indeed writing to you! 

My no 1 friend, my Impartial Judge, my Ultimate Lord. Knowing You is unarguably the best thing that could ever happen to anyone. You are my biggest ego booster. You tell me in many ways how precious I am. You make me feel complete - I am made complete in You. There's a void in my life that only You can fill and thank You for filling it up nicely.

Thank You for my week so far. Thank You for a job to go to - I know often times I want to do more and move on to the next level but I am grateful to you for where I am currently. Someone drew my attention to the fact that I should thank You that I have not experienced 'Lagos traffic' because of the way you arranged for my work place to be so close to home. 1000 thanks Daddy :-)

Thank You for the word you gave me at the beginning of the year - To Dream Again. Thank You Glory and Lifter of my head for giving me a reason to believe, to have faith, to dream again and to know that when I dream in You, You have the power to bring each and every single one of them to pass.

Thank You for every single one of my family members. Lord, how can I thank You enough?! Thank You for their good health, I will never take it for granted. Thank You for promotion for them. Thank You for the love that exists in our family. Daddy, only You could have done it and so I say Thank You, Merci, Nagode, Ese, Dalu so.

Oh, and of course my Prince of Peace, thank You for the new church I found.. iLove *huge smile*, please make me relevant in your service. It feels so goooood to worship you with other wonderful children of Yours.. I look forward to the next Sunday with joyous anticipation.

Please bless everyone reading this post Daddy, and give them something - to sing about, to smile about, to dance about, to rejoice about - this weekend.

I love You Daddy and I can never say it enough.

Your forever girl,

One xxxxx

Picture source

Leave her man alone!

I want to get married this year BUT I don't even have a boyfriend.. Is that possible? *thinking*

Ok, so how are you all doing? Great? Great!

Please this message is for the ladies. I have noticed a very distressing thing in Nigeria.. I don't know if it's a new development or I am merely just *waking up* from my slumber hence the coffee smells so strong... *shrugs shoulders*

It has now almost become the norm for married men to have a girl on the side.. Am I right or is it just a figment of my imagination? I would be delighted if I were wrong..

Of course, in situations like this, there are people to be held responsible.. Parties to be blamed, but today I want to appeal to the girl on the side..

It's high time women began to look after one another.. Why would you hurt another woman like yourself in such a way that you know would damage you if put in that position? It baffles me..

I have heard of women who would bend over backwards to be with a married man and even have the effrontery to flaunt it before his wife.

I know many people say that a lot of men cheat (that's debatable) but it takes a willing partner for it to become successful... Have mercy on a woman like yourself and leave HER man alone.. It may not be you, but you have sisters, you have female relatives and someday you may have female children. I tell you the truth, God is clear in His word when He says "whatever a man sows, that will he reap"... There is no doubt about it, you will surely reap.

You cannot expect to add to destroying a woman's home, ruining her family unit and causing such heartbreak for her and the children and then look to have a peaceful life.. No, it wouldn't happen..

Please stop now and let God have mercy..

For some, you may argue that "but I'm not sleeping with him" - Stop calling that married man, stop being his best-friend (that's his wife's duty) and yes even if you feel she's neglecting him, leave them to sort themselves out - stop being his shoulder to cry on, let him cry to God!

Let us learn to look out for one another (guys do it so much better I think).. And when it's your turn, you will enjoy your own home in peace - And God's people say.....

A Liebster award for me? Why, thank YOU! :-D

It's award season (Well the AMCVA at least :-)

I got my very own award, YAYYYY, hehehe!! I was lovingly given the Liebster Award (don't ask me what Liebster means, it's my award and I like it! hehe) by the blogger at one of my favourite blogs - In the midst of her...  If you haven't checked her out, please do so! Thanks a lot, really appreciate the award.



As you know, I got to give my speesh! (Yup, preparing for when I do it live in front of billions of fiewers *wink*)
"oh gosh (wipes tears), I totally didn't expect to receive this generous award.. I will like to thank God! My First always... *sniff sniff*.. My dearest In The Midst of Her for thinking about me.. *sniff sniff*.. Who would have imagined? I thank Swift network, for the internet service, you do your name justice.. I am grateful to you all"
{Ok, 2mins of fame over, now to the juicy stuff)

The rules are as follows:
1. Thank and link back to the giver
2. Answer the giver's questions
3. Nominate 5 other bloggers with fewer than 200 followers
4. Ask 5 questions for One's (get the pun? hehe) nominees to answer
5. Post it on your blog

5 Questions for One

1. If necessary, glasses or contacts and why?

Ordinarily, I would have said none but let me not be a spoil-sport, sooo in a parallel universe, contacts cause I don't want anything on my face! I think it alters one's looks hence why folks who wear glasses tend to take them off when about to take a picture (I know, random right? *shrugs shoulders*) but yeah, sometimes even when you see someone who usually wears glasses take them off, they look quite different - usually better so I prefer the au naturel look..

2. If you met the PERFECT guy and he was shorter than you (let's say 2 - 3 inches) would it matter?

Hmmmm, now this one is a very 'sensitive' one for me.. I am tall and I have begged prayed to Baba God to please bring a man taller than me, at least my height (but preferably taller - I love fine tall men :-D).. Saying that, I have dated a guy shorter than me who seemed to have it together character wise.. It didn't work out and I don't want to go there again.. So hello Mr Tall! ;-)

3. If money wasn't an object, what would your ideal job be?

Definitely charity work.... Work with women and children, help people to achieve their potential through Christ and also teach - I love teaching!

4. What's your ideal number of children?

MULTITUDE! If money wasn't a problem.. I want plenty plenty children (However, the ability to give them the best supersedes desire for numbers so I will have to take what I can handle - physically, mentally, financially, emotionally, mentally, spiritually - by God's grace

5. If you could speak any language, what would it be?

Locally - Ibo, Internationally - Francais (Comment ca va?) - I love zee language

Now for my 5 6 nominees *rubs hands together in glee*
Okeoghene | Lovenwords | The Relentless Builder | Chibundu | Nikkisho | Miss J.S Bass

1. Who is one person you'd like to meet and why?
2. What was your fantasy *dream job* as a child?
3. Place in order of priority - Husband/Wife, Children, Father, Mother, Best Friend, Work, Church.
4. Have you ever been broken-hearted? When and How?
5. Let's dream a little.... Describe your ideal other half and how he will pop /popped the question

Thanks again In The Midst of Her, it was FUN!! xxxx

Dear Daddy

My Darling Daddy!!!!

It's another Friday (sorry about last week *covers face*)

Have I told you lately how much I love you? Well I do, lots and lots! It is so beautiful falling in love with You. There's always something new each time.. You're such a PERFECT gentleman *swoon*.. You make all other men pale significantly in comparison. You make me feel and know again and again that I mean so much to You and that You are willing to give up even your life for me (Well you already did... Thank You Daddy!)

Thank You for being my Rock, the Source and Centre of my Joy, my Champion! Thank You for setting the standard as to what to expect from my husband and how to expect nothing less than the best from You in giving me my gift, being the best and achieving all things.

I truly truly love You :-) and I know that it can only get better.

Your forever girl,

One xxxx


Photo source HERE

Books from your Past

So you may have noticed that my blog is undergoing a overdue revamp - #Excitment

Anyways, I decided to add a new gadget, creating a new list for one of my favourite things - BOOKS!

I love books and I totally enjoy reading - When I was younger, I could read virtually anything: books, magazines, information on diaries, dictionaries, maps (!), textbooks, newspapers, biographies... anything lol
Sadly, I haven't read a book in a while due to so many factors)...

Maybe it's also due to the fact that as I grew older, I started to narrow my reading genre to 99.9% romantic fiction (which didn't augur well for my learning development lol).

Anyways, history lesson over, back to my 'Virtual Library' as I tried to document my favourite books, it brought back such fond memories and a few chuckles when I remembered some books I read, especially by Nigerian Authors (It was so difficult to not keep adding and adding to the list!)

Soo, I know there are a few avid readers like myself on my blog.. Come down memory lane with me, what was (or are) your favourite book(s) from back then (or now) by NIGERIAN authors?

Below is a very brief list of mine:
1. Ade Our Naughty Little Brother - Christie Ade Ajayi (one of the first books I read as a child.. really funny - I remember the 'Superman incident' lol)
2. An African Night Entertainment - Cyprian Ekwensi
3. Her Father's Daughter - (used to be my favourite for a long time + the first place I ever saw the word 'Deaconess' lol)
4. Second Chance - Nyengi Koin (loved it! Another old fave)
5. Second Class Citizen - Buchi Emecheta (I will never forget the part where her husband tore her first manuscript {her brain child as she referred to it}.. I still remember it with a bit of sadness *covers face*
6. The Concubine - Elechi Amadi (their love was so beautiful but what an unfortunate end)
7. The gods Are not to Blame - Ola Rotimi
8. The Lion and the Jewel - Wole Soyinka
9. Without a Silver Spoon - Eddie Iroh
10. Eze Goes to School - Onuorah Nzekwu

*phew* Fond memories mehn..

Over to you reading enthusiasts, which book would you include in the list above?
(But mehn, Nigeria has produced fine writers and churned out great books!)

xxxx