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Monday, 8 August 2016

Love, Life & Lightchild - Time to Say Goodbye

When I read the topic, I thought to myself - Goodbye already??  
Thankfully, it wasn't goodbye to Love, Life & Lightchild.. It was more like opening the door for you to exit a relationship that is going nowhere.... Ladies and gentlemen, it's reality check time!

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One common thing that some of us love to do, even without knowing that we are doing it, is hoarding, holding on to things, sometimes too much, to our detriment. Sometimes we hold on to certain relationships for different reasons, maybe for fear of starting over, or not finding someone better (can’t be bothered to go through the whole process of waiting and finding) or thinking that we are running out of time and there’s probably no other one better out there, or the new reason - "Every relationship has its beauty and its burden, at least I have this one, I’ll endure and manage it"
*This is not a relationship*
When is it possibly time to say goodbye, I’m gettin’ outta ‘ere to that relationship that’s not working?


(Disclaimer: This is by no means a grounds for jumping from one relationship to the another, good relationships are built on pure and genuine love - everything is founded on true love - and this requires some level of work, but when the work becomes a jail sentence of hard-work-and-labour, then you might want to review your position in that relationship) 

1. Communication - Not Happening
Simply put, the communication between you and your partner seems to dwindle or is getting worse. You could both talk or hold a conversation for hours on end, winning an Olympic gold medal for the times you just sat on the phone listening to yourselves breathe for hours. Now, having a simple conversation is a chore.You’d rather talk to and confide in someone else (worst case, someone of the opposite sex) other than your partner. He says "Go", you hear "Come". She says "Yes", you’re interpreting it as "No". You can hear each other, but no one is listening to the other. Every little conversation leads to some sort of argument... And it’s not changing.You might want to check it... 

Communication dead-end (source)
2. Happy safe place? No
The thought of your partner and actually being with the person used to take you to a happy, safe, restful place -You wouldn’t mind trading a night out with the girls for spending some extra time with him.... For her you’ll give up going to watch that football match to just sit at home and watch Pretty Woman with her. If you had a tiring, stressful day at work, that was the first person you’d want to run to or call... they were your go to person, your sounding board, they’d listen to you rant on or just be your plain silly self without thinking otherwise. Now, your happy place is now a frightful place, a house of terror, a den of fear.You’d rather work extra time or pick up a second job feeding the ducks in the town centre, just to avoid speaking, seeing or spending time with your partner... And it’s not changing...You might want to check it.

3. You’re travelling in different directions 
Felt like when you both started off, you were on the same chapter. You both wanted similar things and if they were different, you’d find ways to compromise and accommodate them to make things work. Now, it comes across that you both suddenly want different things. 
He wants to go do a Masters degree in Farmatology but you want to settle down and have a Summer wedding. 
You want to travel for a year and that’s not in his 2-year plan. 
She wants to relocate to her Fatherland to take up politics but you want to go to China to help the Conservatives campaign for saving the ecosystem. 
Whether these are happening out of the blues, or you’re just making them up, simply because you want out.... You might want to check it.

This Way, That Way = No Way!
4. No one is willing to compromise
You are right, he is wrong. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about and can’t have the last say because you came into the world before she did. At first, you wouldn’t mind doing her bits first before yours, you’d give anything to make sure she was served first before you, now, the main order is “What about me?? Me first”.You’re not willing to give in any more.
In simple words, you were okay with accommodating their needs, now you can’t tolerate them and you’d rather have your way than no other way.... And it’s not changing...You might want to check it.

5. Talks of the future sounds scary
At first, you could plan the whole year together in a single minute, but now any talk, sounds, sights or mention of the future, future plans is avoided like a plague. It starts with the simple “What are you doing tomorrow?", and you’re replying with - “I think I might be having a headache at 5pm, so I won’t be able to see you”.. You both are not entertaining anything that has to do with future plans.... And it’s not changing - Stop wasting each others' time... You might want to check it... You might want to check it!

....The kind that means this relationship might just be over!
6. You’ve changed. Your partner has changed
Change is inevitable. It happens one way or the other. In relationships, there is a huge possibility that you’ll change. The hope is that the change is for the better. First to make you a better person and in turn be a blessing to your partner and your relationship. But when the change you’re changing into, is so as to conform, fit in, pacify and suit your partner, at the detriment of who you are and could be, then you might want to check it... Chances are one day, you’ll wake up resenting your partner and possibly not recognise the person you have become. Before that time comes, you might want to check it.

7. When you begin to long for another, or wish that you were single again
I wish I were single. I wish I were free again. I wish I didn’t have to care for someone else or be mindful of someone else and just do what I want. These kind of wishes usually stem from an unsatisfied, unfulfilled mind and have a way of sipping into one’s mind subconsciously, that involuntarily, one’s actions begin to mirror these wishes. If you’re wishing these wishes... and it’s progressively growing... You might want to check it.... 

8. The love and emotion tank is being depleted
You find that you’re giving and nothing is being received back and your partner is happy and content with being the jolly recipient, without making any small attempt at making a deposit back into your love - emotional tank. Their motto to you is that it is more blessed to give than to receive (maybe you’re just pouring into a basket...) 
Chances are one may never be able to give equally, but in healthy relationships, there must always be an exchange to maintain a balance... And if you find out that you’re always being left worse off, and it’s not getter any better, you might want to check it again.

Does this look/feel familiar?
9. There are more bad times than good times
If the entirety of your relationship is summed up to have more bad times than good times, or better still you cannot remember the last time you actually rested in your relationship, or laughed or were happy (don’t get me wrong, I'm not saying your relationship will make you happy, but you should be able to derive some happiness as well from it), and you have lost track and count of the negativity you experience on a daily basis, it may be time to reevaluate. If your partner has now become an onion, that the more you peel, the more you unravel, the more you unwrap them, the greater the tears flow, you might just want to check it again. 

Human Vs Onion

I just remembered not really, any form of abuse in a relationship is totally not acceptable! Physical, social, financial, emotional, verbal or psychological abuse, whether it’s to the man (yes, men too get abused!) or to the woman, is one that should raise red flags and cause you to gather your bags and look for the nearest route of escape. And don’t ever think, "Oh, I’ll be patient and help them work through their issues so that they can get over being abusive". Darling, you are not Jesus, He paid it all, not you. It may be time for you to put the brakes on, let your partner go get help first, on their own, and then if it is necessary, you may rebuild. 

Above all of this, if you get to a point that you realise (for those who are devoted Christians) that the relationship is taking you away from God, not making you want to love God more and is becoming the centre of your universe and focus, you might want to check it well, before God Himself decides to check you out of the relationship. That one my friend, is more painful! 
....... Lightchild

You can read other Love, Life and Lightchild posts HERE. Also, follow Lightchild on Twitter@light_child , Instagram @lightchildfamily and Facebook -LightChildFamily

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The part that got me is the onion bit.. LOL.. Really though, ask yourself, are you dating an onion??

The unfortunate thing about remaining in a bad or draining relationship (for whatever reason) is that you deprive yourself the blessing and opportunity of being with a great person. I have written a few posts about letting go of bad relationships HEREHERE and HERE.

One of my mentors, Pastor Bimbo Odukoya said this again and again - "Be with someone who celebrates you and not one who tolerates you". You deserve to be with someone who loves you completely (the God-kinda way, not just emotions and stuff) and who demonstrates it. Someone who is willing to help you in your journey to fulfilling your purpose and vice versa. Someone with whom you will enjoy doing life with.
I can't say it enough, you deserve so much more! It might seem like this is the best you can do or 'manage' but please let me say this - God always does better! At the end of the day, if you do let go and allow Him take the wheel, you will look back and ultimately Thank God for Closed Doors.

It can be tough, but God can give us grace to say goodbye when it's time.

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2 comments:

  1. I suppose we could invert these and use them as measures for good relationships too... :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. You're correct! 2 for the price of 1 :-)
    Thanks for stopping by

    ReplyDelete

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