Taking it back OLD SCHOOL

The day after my aunt got married, she came over to my house to say hi and to pick up a few things before jetting out on honeymoon.  Of course, being the curious cat that I am, I seized the opportunity of interrogating her of how her first night as a married woman went.

She’s my aunty but the age difference between us is not that great so we get along very well; we are really close and I find it easy to discuss almost everything with her. Anyways, I was dying to tease and know what had gone on. If you know me, you would know that I am interested in anything and everything pertaining to married life and since I haven’t had the good fortune of walking down the aisle yet, I am always quick to harass my friends + family who have taken the plunge before me.

At one point during our conversation, (I’ll spare you the full details), she said to me “One, do you know that hubby and I did not as little as kiss before we got married?”.. I kept quiet and looked at her with such huge admiration.

Let me explain to you why my admiration for her went up by 1000%.. You see, having a godly relationship/courtship in today’s world as a Christian is not the easiest things and I am sure you will agree with me. There are so many things that have come to be deemed as acceptable even when they clearly compromise the word of God.  For me, it is increasingly difficult to draw the line to what is acceptable and not acceptable by God’s standard. Key word being God’s standard and not society or media or peer’s standard.

The challenge is not only due to external forces but also internal as well. When you love someone, the physical attraction is c-r-a-z-y and it takes only the grace of God and strong discipline to stop one from doing what you don’t want to. I remember a few years ago, before I got into my last relationship, I desperately wanted it to be as godly as possible. I had made up my mind that there would be not even as ‘much’ as kissing not to mention ‘quaving’/’petting’/’snogging’ etc.. Alas, when the time came and emotions overtook good sense, it was difficult not to hold, kiss + others. It proved to me that sometimes you may have good intentions but when it comes to the crux of the matter, and emotions and ‘right atmosphere’ come into play, good intentions + rationale fly out the window with the promise to come back another day (this promise often does not happen!). I know how difficult it is and I understand how many Christians are struggling with how to be in a loving relationship/courtship that still obeys God’s word and glorifies Him hence why my admiration for my aunt stemmed out of the fact that I thought she was a trooper for being able to ‘hold herself’!!

Anyways, again I have made up my mind (this time with as much pre-prayers as much as possible) that when The One does come, I want it to be absolutely and totally God’s way!! I desire for it to be as ‘Old School’ as possible! You see, in the past, Christian relationships involved no physical relationship whatsoever. I know this may sound archaic and out-dated, nevertheless personally I have discovered that one kiss is never sufficient especially when you are in love with someone. It always starts innocently but there’s always a possibility for things to go a lot further. So I had rather prefer to ‘flee all appearances’. In addition, I believe that time and ways change every day but God’s standards remain the same.

I want my relationship and courtship period to be a lot about getting to know THE PERSON as opposed to the body. I want to fall in love with his mind and love the way his words caresses my mind & soul and not his hands my body. I want to share with him what I read about and learnt from the bible for that day and I want us to pray over the phone together before we go to bed. I want to see clearly the way he treats his family and friends and those around him to be able to understand the way he would treat me and our children. I want to laugh and joke with him and have things in common with him separate but in addition to my physical attraction to him…..

I know that these things do not come by mere wishful thinking but in addition to praying for the grace of God to carry me through, I understand that I have to take practical steps as well. I know that there are many situations and things I would have to deprive myself during this short period in order to achieve this. I know that he has to be in agreement as well with me so that we can help each other in our time of inevitable weakness. I know that there will be times when I would just want to throw it all in and kiss his oh so attractive lips that be calling out to me “One, One, just one gentle kiss”… (*sigh* God help me!) or when my body will be all hot and bothered for him but I choose to WAIT.

I will wait because I know that it is but a matter of time and then he will be ALL mine, I will wait because no matter how long our relationship is, our marriage will be much more longer by God’s grace. And I will wait most importantly because I know it will bring glory to my Father in heaven who is the ultimate THE ONE, THE ONE.. I am that I am.

And when the time of waiting is over, when the Pastor says to him “You may now kiss your bride”.. OH MY GOODNESS!! If people are not careful, we may not attend our own reception! In fact, after all the waiting, I will be hoping that all things being equal, children will come only after about 2 years of KNOWING my HUSBAND! *wink wink* xx

Don't Worry it's YOU he chose....

Lucky you?!

You know I have heard this phrase so much it’s becoming old and irritating. It’s used to excuse cheating partners and husbands, tolerate bad behaviour and accept nuisances.

“Don’t worry, at least it’s you he chose”..

Perhaps, I don’t really understand the meaning of that sentence fully. Yes, I know that the man finds the wife as stated in the bible that “when a man FINDS a wife, he finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord”. Actually, it is a thing of pride and of joy to be ‘found’ but many people have used and abused that syndrome.

When a man is cheating on his girlfriend or wife, people are quick to ‘reassure’ her that “don’t worry it’s you he chose”.

When a man is not providing for her as he ought to, she is quickly reminded “don’t worry it’s you he chose”.

When he is grossly misbehaving, it is made known to her “don’t worry it’s you he chose”

The worst part is when he misbehaves and he starts to tell you that “don’t worry love, the other girls don’t matter,  it’s you I chose!”

So he ‘chose’ you ey?  Did you not ‘choose’ to accept?

Many times, some women are led to believe that the man is doing you a favour by being with you or that he has bestowed upon you an honour by making you his wife/girlfriend. Yes, I do agree that it is honourable to be ‘wifed’ to a GOOD man, emphasis on good. It is pleasant, it is beautiful, it is indeed a blessing. The bible did say that two is better than one; that if 1 can put a thousand to flight, then 2, ten thousand. You have a covering, you have a shepherd, you have a companion, you have a lover, you have a partner in life. It’s no longer a solo journey in life; you now have a friend to go through it with, you have a confidant and you have someone to share both the burdens that life sometimes bring and celebrate the joys of different days.

I know that sometimes societal pressure mostly on ladies make some guys feel that when it comes to marriage they have the advantage. Also, statistics don’t help matters either as it is said that there are twice the number of women in this world than there are men, hence it seems like men are ‘scarce’ resources.  Nevertheless, it is important that you are not made to feel that he is doing you some kind of favour by being with you.

Isn’t it interesting that the bible says that it’s the man who finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord when he finds you. When you know your worth as a woman of God, it is difficult for any man to devalue your worth by making you feel that he is doing you some form of favour by being with you and that you should accept and excuse a lot of excesses because of that.

A good starting point is by renewing our mind, our thinking and the things we’ve been told and made to believe. We need to keep reminding ourselves and speaking it if possible “I am a good thing, any man that finds me will definitely find favour with God, I am a blessing to any man that finds me and that I agree to be with”.

We need to start believing what God says about us in His word. Don’t accept a half-baked relationship/proposal or marriage.

If you are currently with someone who doesn’t appreciate you or treat you in the wonderful way you ought to be treated then it’s time to boldly exit the scene and wait for someone who knows how to identify a treasure and handle it. When you carry a teething child and give he/she your diamonds, they will put it straight into their mouths as if it were a pacifier. This is because they do not recognise its value, to them, it’s just another toy or instrument to relieve their discomfort. On the other hand, when you give that diamond to a grown man or woman, they will treat it with the utmost care and handle it delicately. We need to stop being in relationships with toddlers and start talking to grown men who know the value of a good thing and can appreciate it.

Yes, he chose you, but in choosing you lady, he chose a good thing and by choosing you, his life just became better! Know it, thank God for it and take pride in it!

Dear Daddy

Dear Daddy,

It's your little girl again.
My Daddy, my Hero, my Best Friend, my Encourager, my Lover, my Defence, my Shield, the One who never looks down on me, the One who never gives up on me, the One who loves me unconditionally, my Greatest Esteem Booster, my No1 Fan, it's me again.

It's been a while since I wrote to you. I know I speak to you quite often (not as often as I would like though; all faults being mine!) but as I have stated before, there's something about writing a note to you. Sometimes I'm able to write to you the things I cannot quite say.

I don't really know what to write but let me start by stating that I love you and I love the way you make me feel about myself. Your love for me inspires me to believe so much in myself and the plans that you have for me makes it worth waking up day after day and stand even when things aren't looking so 'up'.

So,I'm still struggling with waking up early to spend quality time with you and even though I have taken to making the sitting room my new bedroom so that all I have to do in the morning now is sit up and talk to you, meehn it hasn't quite worked out, lol... Infact my body goes into a new sleep-drive once the alarm goes off! Eek! I need your help!!

I am still a confused little girl at the moment with regards to the ONE.. Even though I know it's not my job to worry about it, I still do! I want to make sure that he is everything I ever dreamed of or wanted and I keep trying to meddle and try to make 'things work' but again and again it seems that you keep saying to me "Relax child, I'm still very much in control, just let it go.. I gat you" :-)

So Daddy, your little girl is laying it at your feet and watching you have your way. Who better to hand-pick my Love than my First Love, but I ask that you give me grace to be patient and trusting completely!

I look forward to time in your presence tomorrow with your other precious children.

Love you always,
One

The Other Woman....

Hi my lovely lovely blogsters!

I am writing this blog post being inspired by one written by an amazing fellow blogger, wailacaan, check out her fantastic, witty and down-to-earth blog here and the said post here

.

In summary she shared with us how one of her male friends was finding it difficult to move on after 2 years of breaking up with a girl that he thought and felt was 'The One' (Coincides partially with the name of the blog lol)..

*Side-Note - What is it about finding 'The One'? Why can't we know immediately, without a shadow of doubt when we meet such a person? Wouldn't it be oh so fantastic to have a bell embedded in us that goes 'tinkle tinkle' when we meet The One'? Life would be so much easier.. The One and I would have been tinkling our way to happily ever after by now! *sigh*

Anyways, digression asides, her article made me think about my own experience of 'The One that got away", but I am writing from the perspective of 'the one that got with the one that had a one 'that got a way'... Get my drift??? Ok, let me re-phrase that. I am writing from the perspective of the new girl that met the guy who feels he lost the one that got away.. Clearer? Ok don't worry, I will get to the gist of the story in a bit....

The most dangerous kind of guys to be in a relationship with include:
1.  The one that just recently broke up with his long-term girlfriend.
2. The one that his long term girlfriend cheated on him which led to the break-up.
3. The one that just broke up with his beloved girlfriend because of irreconcilable issues such as genotype, culture, parent disapproval.

In a nut shell, if he feels that he just lost 'his one that got away' or may I rephrase that, his 'perceived one that got away'.

This can be one of the most painful and disappointing relationship experiences. It feels like you are competing with an unseen other. You may never seem to match up to the idealistic imagery that he has in his mind of his 'one that got away'. It makes you feel as if you are inadequate and it can be esteem-blowing to be compared to someone else and appear to come short.

Let me tell you about this wonderful young Christian man I met last year. He ticked a lot of boxes in my ideal man - Yes, he was tall and good looking, yes he was very charismatic and a real 'peoples' man, yes he was friendly and down to earth, yes he seemed responsible, acted maturely and was a leader in many ways, yes his thoughts and aspirations of the kind of husband and father he hoped to be were admirable and YES he loved the Lord with all His heart.

Good news was he showed that he was interested in what he saw (moi :-) and acted as such.
It was nice to finally meet a Christian brother that had all the good qualities and was looking to settle down.

The only snag was that I always felt  that he was holding back in a way. We ladies can be quiet intuitive and can read some unspoken language that the guy may not be expressively saying. At first, I was not able to put my finger on it, sometimes things were so good that I convinced myself that I was just looking for what wasn't there but the truth was that when I felt the relationship should make a progression to something more committed, he kept holding back.. To be honest,  it was very frustrating and I had to exercise patience.. praying that God's will be done.

On paper everything was good but nothing was happening. I realised then that he had a 'One that got away' and even though he downplayed it and reiterated that they could never get back together for some important reasons, it was hampering the promise of a new relationship with him.

I feel that he kept holding out with getting into another relationship because in his mind he kept comparing other girls to his ex and they kept coming short.

The problem with being in this situation as a girl is that sometimes no matter what you do, you would still come up short.. I know some ladies have experienced this and they try and try and try and... (you get my drift).. The thing is the problem does not lie with you, it does not mean that you are not a good enough girlfriend material, it does not mean that you are not caring or wonderful a person enough, it means that he has an issue that he needs to deal with.

Truth is, it's not you, it's really him. You need to recognise this and stop beating yourself about not being the 'right enough' girl for him. You are all that and much more but unfortunately, he is blinded enough not to see and recognise the great person you are. And what a loss for him!

If you happen to be in this predicament, don't accept half of him, don't settle for less than the best! If he is not ready to make you no 1 then he does not deserve you at all. Like a famous preacher said 'You deserve to be celebrated and not tolerated in your relationship".

If needs be, give him some space to get himself together and sort himself out. Pray for him that God would give him the grace to heal from his broken heart and emotional attachment because it is a difficult thing indeed for him as well. But you need to guard your heart and ensure that he is not making you feel bad about yourself or doubt yourself as a woman!



Lots of  love xx

How to be in a relationship!

Hiya lovely people..

As always, it's been to loong. And in the way of time, so much has happened. I have missed blogging as usual and I come back here often and wish I could just type something or 'bluetooth' my thoughts to my laptop *that would be so lovely*..

Well here I am, and I'm so glad I'm here!

A big thank you to all who have stopped by especially first-timers, a big welcome to you, God bless you indeed.

So as per the topic at hand...

You know, one thing I have realised is that because it has been too long when I have been in a proper relationship, I feel like I need lessons! Honestly though, I need to learn the basics of how to act during the 'chasing' stage and then how to comport myself on a first date etc.. For instance, how do you front 'sufficiently' without seeming like you are not interested or making it obvious?? If I don't front, how would I act in such a way that I don't seem desperate or keen? What are the etiquettes of dating and relationships I ask??... gosh I need help!!

Many people think or assume these things come naturally to them but mehn I beg to differ.. You would just notice that for some reason, relationships don't seem to work or guys/ladies tend to lose interest in you for no apparent reason. Later, you would deduce that there's someone in your mother/father's village doing you.... No my dear, you are 'doing' yourself!

So I want to take the bold and unashamed step to ask you wonderful and experienced (and by experienced, I refer to people who have been able to sustain successful relationships!) people, what are the secrets to dating and being in a fulfilling relationship?

Practical steps would be much appreciated and of course steps that are pleasing to the One (Almighty God!)...

Lots of love xx

I am an UNMARRIED YOUNG FEMALE get me outta here!

....So, recently I was given an assignment I really didn't want to do..

1. I felt I was not ready for it

2. I felt it was bigger than me for now.

3. I felt I was going through so much in my personal life that I didn't need to add this extra pressure on.

4. (The biggest one!) I am a YOUNG, UNMARRIED FEMALE! (To be honest, I need a husband now, not an added responsibility :-).

You see usually I am not one to shirk responsibilities. Infact, on the contrary I thrive on being given tasks to do and being given a project to manage... That has been sort of the story of my life, but this time, I felt this particular duty was beyond me.

First, it's a job given mainly to men (women do excel at it but there are more men in this field). People who know me know that I am anti- any form of discrimination or sexism. I am usually very vocal about the fact that men and women should be given equal respect and I have many role models who have proven me right.

To add petrol to fire as it were, I am a relatively young lady and I felt that people would look down on me if I attempted to take up this role. I could just imagine the look of 'flabbergasity' on their faces as they whisper to one another (not too kindly) "What does she think she's doing".. Or they come to ask me "So when is the real person going to come?"..

To then add even more flammable substance than petrol to the already raging fire, I am now a single, young lady... *Ring the alarm*!!... "They would not even pay me attention", I thought...

This is also considering all the personal 'issues' that are currently running riot!

One thing I learnt (or I'm learning) is that sometimes, you may not be the best person for the job, but if God has chosen you, He equips you to do a GREAT job of it! The bible says that He uses the base (simple/foolish) things of this world to confound the wise! (1Corinthians 1:27).

As long as you have His backing, then you know that you cannot go wrong... I always remember what I learnt some years back in Sunday School ... Do not let ANYONE despise your youth (1Timothy 4:12)..

Simply put, do not allow anyone look down on you because of your age.. may I also dare add that do not let anyone look down on you because of your status, your education, your background, your sex, your abilities... You need to believe absolutely in yourself and believe that you can do ALL things - bar none!

God is not looking for a 'perfect' person, he is looking a for a 'base' thing so that He can show His glory through you.

So I ask you, what is THAT thing that you have been putting off? What is that dream that you don't even dare to dream? What is that task that you feel people would laugh at when you voice it out? Remember Joseph? His brothers laughed at him, but in the end they bowed to him. Remember Moses? He thought he was not capable enough to lead the Israelites out of bondage, in the end he became a legendary leader! Remember Obama? They said America wasn't ready, but we all know what happened! The list could go on and on...

YOU CAN DO IT!! You can be a great man/woman, you can have a great home and a loving spouse who would treat you well, you can have your own business empire, you can be the youngest millionaire in your village/family... YOU CAN DO IT! Don't let anyone tell you any different..

So.. I'm going to take this head on (In God I trust!)

I look forward to hearing your stories as well...

God bless you, lots of love xxxxx

Random Thoughts/Random Questions/Feel Very Free to Answer Any!

.. So how do you know when a guy is feeling your 'steez'

.. So what happens when it seems like the guy is holding back?

.. So how do you ask a question like 'dude what's the deal?' without seeming desperate?

.. So how much of my emotion am I allowed to express without him expressing?

.. So who made that stupid unwritten law that the guy has to make the first move?

.. So why is the ball in his court?

.. So is that a good or bad sign?

.. So what happens if your babe's friend is making a pass at you?

.. So why do other people's relationships make a single individual feel that much lonel(ier)?

.. So how do you handle unwanted attention/attraction from a good person/friend without hurting them?

.. So why do 'Aristos' always have money?

.. So how many times have I blogged this year?

.. So is this an excuse of a blog post? (hehe)

.. So I love 'random blogging'.. very therapeutic if you asked me.

.. So I'm out!

Peace, Love and 'good' randomness xx

Tale of the Crack-Berry!

Something funny to start off your weekend!!

So I know a lot of people are trying to deal with their 'Crack'-berry addiction.. lol

Here's a little joke someone sent to me...

Family and friends, join me in praising God. My name is One + The One.

Just 2 days ago, I was descending a pedestrian bridge when I suddenly tripped on my shoe lace. I fell down the steps (tumbling several times). In the process, I broke 2 ribs, my hip, my left shoulder, lost 2 front teeth and I also suffered a mild concussion.

Miraculously, nothing happened to my blackberry (Insert shocked smiley here). Not even a single scratch on it! So once again join me in thanking God. God is truly wonderful!!! (Insert dancing smiley here)

PS.. Isn't it funny how it's now so difficult having a conversation or writing a post without the temptation to insert a smiley/emoticon... :-)

PS.. Isn't it funny that you haven't spoken to at least 20 of your bb contacts in the past 1 month.. I tell you this device is making it difficult to maintain human interaction.

PS.. I was chatting with a guy for 2 months and never heard his voice before... I need to 'hear' your voice darling. Enough of the *batting eyelashes* smiley.. Let me bat them at you for real hehehe!

PS.. I haven't spoken to my brother this year (He is in another country and all I we did was 'bb-d' our happy New Years)..

PS. Now you don't have to place that call, just send a voice note!... And end all form of personal interaction

PS..I love my bb still.. xx

Why don't you trust me?

Dear Daddy,

How are you on this beautiful 12th day of the year? It's been so long, I know! I'm sorry.. I wish I could be more loyal to the blog, alas so many things happening, but I thank you!

I don't talk to you through this forum often enough but thank you that you have made it possible that there are so many other ways to communicate with you so I don't feel bereft of your company! I love you so much.

Daddy, recently, there's been such a huge mix of emotions.. One day I am filled with such over-flowing joy that I know your love for me and your plans for me are undeniably great. Nevertheless, other days, I feel so so low.. I remember the things that are not quite right and I feel so sad. I remember that I need more money and I feel so sad. I remember that I am still single while it seems so easy for my friends to be in and maintain a relationship and I feel so sad. I remember that particular thing I have been talking to you and I feel so sad.

To be honest my love, I sometimes feel so afraid of the future and it pains me to admit that sometimes I am not 100% sure about whether you have my back and whether you wouldn't let me fall. I feel guilty when I have these thoughts because I remember ALL the wonderful things that you have done for me and given me and then I feel like such an ingrate.

But I thank you for the opportunity to be honest with you.. I love you and I know, I really KNOW that you love me beyond my comprehension and beyond words. Please help my unbelief... When I feel let down or disappointed by you, it feels like I hear a voice saying 'Why don't you trust me?'

You see I have a special relationship with my family and when I think of what I would be willing to do for them, I remember your promise to me in Psalm 27:10 that even when my father and my mother forsake me, then you would take care of me.. I guess you have to help my unbelief..

Help me to understand and see that when things don't work out quite as well as I think they ought, it's only because you have better plans for me . Help me to understand that patience is a virtue that always produces results in you . Help me to understand that your love for me is so awesome and your power so mighty to do ALL things.

With this my love, my Ever Present Help in time of trouble, my Constant Reassurance, my Light and Salvation, the Stronghold of my Life, the Pillar that Holds my Life, the Glory and the Lifter of my head.. I say thank you for having my best interest at heart :-)

As always, all my love,

One xx

Goodbye 2010, Hello 2011!

Goodbye 2010, Hello 2011!

As it is customary, the first month of the year, January is well-known for resolutions. Usually, the dawn of a new year brings with it fresh promises, renewed dedication, re-ignited passion and fresh hope! In December, one reviews the past year, counts their losses and blessings and hopes that the following year would be better than the previous one.

In the same vein, we say goodbye to 2010 and hello to 2011! It’s time to take stock of how well we did in the area of relationships and which area we need to make resolutions about. The success or failure of the relationship area of our lives does not lie in whether one was able to meet the one or whether one’s relationship status changed from single to engaged , or from engaged to married, rather it is important to measure how much progress one has made.

Progress to some may mean that as a single person, you have been able to improve yourself while waiting patiently for the right person. It’s time to ask yourself questions: “What have I done with myself in the past 12months?” Have you ‘counted sheep’ while waiting for the right relationship to come your way? Have you spent the time obsessing about whether or not the new friend you met is the ONE? Maybe you have spent the last year being bitter and angry at your single status and wondering everyday when your turn to be in a relationship with a significant other would come. Otherwise, you may have been discovering the amazing person God has made you to be! Have you spent time getting to know and fall in love with YOU? Have you come to understand the unique purpose that only you were created to fulfil on this earth? Have you taken time to learn new skills, travel to new destinations, make new friends and enjoy the companionship of family and friends? Have you spent the last one year being the best that you can be? If you haven’t, then it’s time to make a resolution.

Progress in the relationship section could also mean for some that you have been able to get rid of the unfulfilling relationship to make room for God’s best for you. Have you been able to let go of the one that seems to be draining you rather than building you up? Have you been able to say no to the one that common opinion says to just endure but your heart knows will not lead to what you have always dreamed of? Has the past year meant that you have had to make some tough decisions and walk away from some associations? If you are still hanging unto a dead-end relationship, you need to make a resolution.

In addition, progress could mean for some that you have met the ONE. The one that meets your individual preference in a life partner, the one that makes you smile from within, the one that builds you and encourages you to be the best that you can. Have you confirmed with the One who knows all hearts and intents, the One who created the ONE? Have you committed it in prayers to God and asked Him for directions and guidance, as His word says.. “In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path”. If you haven’t, it’s not too late to make a resolution! And if you have, you can still make a resolution, ask yourself “At the end of this year, where would I like to see us?”

It’s time to make a resolution!