Monday, 20 June 2016

Love, Life & Lightchild - So You Think You Know What Men Want?

Hello everyone and welcome to a brand new week!

Something else that is brand new is this series on 1 + The One from a man's perspective simply titled 'Love, Life & Lightchild' aka L-Cubed / L3 / LLL

Each week our guest writer would talk about a wide variety of topics/issues/gray areas on love, life and everything in-between. He will also be available to answer those questions that you have wondered about in what would hopefully be a very honest, straight-talking manner... Let me warn you, you might not always like his response (it's the truth right? lol), but one thing's for sure, you will find nuggets of insight and wisdom in what he says/writes... Feel free to challenge him too! :-D

Alright, without further ado, allow us to introduce Ayobami Soetan aka Lightchild as he takes on the first question in this series - What Do Men Really Want???!

I'm sure you've probably come across countless articles or writings on “What Women Want”, “The 5 Keys to Finding the Right Guy/Girl” and the usual suspects: “10 Signs He's Not the One”, “7 Clues that let You Know He's not in for the Long Haul” etc... You won't often come across many articles that actually portray men in a light that sees them as human beings with valid feelings, desires, emotions, needs and wants. And to make matters worse, when it comes to relationships, society has unfortunately helped to shape the mind to think that what all men think about and want is sex. (Argh!).

Today’s culture often tends to place much emphasis and focus on the woman's need, desires and wants above the guy's and this often tilts the balance that should exist in a loving relationship between a man and a woman. 

In case you don’t know, now you probably will: not all men are after women just for sex or pleasure *shock shock horror!*, whether in a dating relationship or in one that’s moving towards the next level which is typically marriage. 

So the question is asked, what do men actually want? The list is probably endless, but I will only mention a few. This is about a man, a good man that you’ll be happy to take home, be proud to call yours, one that you’re safe and secure in his love and affections for you, one you would want to call the father of your children, who knows what his standards and preferences are and simply, the man you’ll want to do and live life with. 

He wants a Partner 

Real men desire to find a partner in a woman, someone they can trust enough to work with, share with, one they know has their back, would cover them and stand side by side with them (not in-front or behind).  They love a woman who will positively challenge them to be the best he can be and support him in this cause. A man who finds this in a woman, will find it easy to reciprocate this to her on every level. 


He wants to feel Safe and Secure 

Though men are often referred to and seen as protectors, a man would always desire to see his partner as his safe place, his happy place, a place that he looks forward to coming to each day from the hustle, bustle and noise of life. He would want to see his partner as that one person, that one place that he can retreat to when he needs to, where he is not overly criticised, where his weaknesses or flaws are not nagged about and used against him, but his partner helps to turn these round into his strength. A place where he can allow the boy/guy in him to come out and freely play (when needed), just as much as the man in him is also allowed to be the man that he needs to and is expected to be. A person that will let him to have his down time and space when he needs to, with reason, (and vice versa) without having funny ideas or unnecessary thoughts running through their minds. '

True or False? Source
He wants a Woman with a Good/Pleasant Character and Personality 

Beauty, looks, a perfect and an alluring figure are traits that men would often look out for in a woman but in most cases, a man would naturally want to tend towards a woman who may not match up to 100% of the physical qualities they want, but has an exemplary character and a pleasant personality. This is not to say that the woman must be perfect, there isn’t a perfect one anywhere, but a woman who carries herself well, is friendly and nice when needed, polite, knows her flaws and strengths and doesn’t use these to the detriment of others will always trump one with all the world’s accolades of beauty, but without a pleasant character. Men love beauty! Don’t get me wrong, but we know that beauty does, can and will fade away... So we are mindful of what will be left in the coming years.... 

He wants a Woman that knows when to switch between being a Girl, a Lady and a Woman 

Just as much as there is a boy, guy and man in every male person, a man would also desire to have a woman who knows what part of her feminine side would be appropriate to be displayed at any/every given point in time. In serious/sensitive times, most men would prefer to see the lady/womanly side of their partner be the dominant side that comes out and possibly not the girl who just wants to play. And there are times that a man would want to play, like the boy on the playground would want to roam about wild. That’s probably not the best time he would want his woman to be acting all prim and lady like... 

He wants a Woman that is Prudent, Illustrious and Independent 

A woman who can hold her own but still knows when to switch hats and play the role of a partner, a support, or even take the reins (when and if necessary for the time needed). This is regardless of whether the woman is a career focused person, or a mother at home, or a vocation/business woman. A woman who is good with her hands, who can think, apply herself to her surroundings and situations appropriately is also largely desired (not one that will go spend the money for the mortgage on a pair of Louboutins!). Priorities. 

A Time to Shop and a time to save... #Priorities (Source)
He wants a Woman that would Respect Him 

This is a very tricky one (well not really) as everyone has “their own definition of what respect is”. I believe that respect begets respect, only sometimes in rare cases would you find someone who still respects the other when that’s not the “natural reaction” that is expected. When it gets to a point where a man is asking to be respected in a relationship, that relationship may be heading towards its expiry date. Respect should be natural, not forced, kinda one of those things that shouldn’t be asked, let alone demanded. When its forced, it won’t be easy to reciprocate. A man will gently bow out or not approach a woman that he feels doesn’t respect him or he finds hard to respect. 

He wants a Woman that will drive Him to love God More 

A man who loves God and has a budding relationship with Him would typically look out for a woman that will drive and draw Him closer to God. He understands that the power and ability to truly love another is only giving by God, when he himself experiences God’s love indeed. And to make sure that his purpose and mandate to love is fulfilled, a man would naturally look out for a woman who is not just fun to be with, but encourages him to seek God, love God more and in turn, he is able to present her back to God as his bride, just as Christ would look to present each one of us to God as His bride. 

The truth is this: if a real man gets what he needs from a woman, he will have no reason not to invest in her, her well being, whether spiritual, social, emotional, financial, professional or vocational. You can be sure that a man will be a “real” man not because he gets what he wants first, but because he sees a good potential in a woman that he reckons is on the same page as he is, will be who she needs to be and is ready to do life with him, all the way, for the long haul. 


You can follow Lightchild on Twitter @light_child , Instagram @lightchildfamily and Facebook - LightChildFamily


Alright, there you have it, what do you think? 

As I read it, I was like 'hmmmm'..... you might like to read my take on the Proverbs 32 man :-)

Alright, seriously though, I think my favourite would be the last one (obviously! lol).... A man who wants his woman to encourage him closer to God is definitely a good sign! I think it's really important to know who you are, love yourself and demonstrate that - or else, how can someone else love what you don't love or appreciate?

Next question floating in my head for ladies is this - What do Women Really Want? Please hep a brother out! Share and leave your comments too :-)


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  1. Fascinating, but undoubtedly true. They often say that men need 'attention' and women need 'affection', but there's a whole load more to marital bliss than these two traits which are equally required by both the man and woman. All that Lightchild has cited here holds true for the man, and most women who fulfil their Proverbs 31 calling - including the traits mentioned above - tend to get the man that they "really want", in response to your question. There's no point harbouring on the 'but shouldn't the man love first?' or 'shouldn't the woman submit first?' often asked because a relationship in which that question is asked, by either the man or the woman, is on a shaky front already if you ask me!

  2. Absolutely love your comment and agree with you!
    Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment! xx

  3. Absolutely amazing...Now men can now know what they should want. Nice!

  4. I did enjoy reading and learning from this while I was also evaluating myself and my marriage of nearly 8 years to see whether I have fallen short for my husband. Really good points raised. Is there part 2?

    1. Thanks dearest Adrenaline!
      In my finest *Nollywood* voice, watch out for part 2! :-D
      I would like to hear what women really want too!! Willing to take it up?

    2. ��������

  5. Mondays just got interesting

    1. Yes indeed, it just did! :-)
      Thanks dear for stopping by. See you on Monday!


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