Monday, 27 June 2016

Love, Life & Lightchild - He's Just Not That Into You If.....

So ladies AND gentlemen, I have to say that when I saw the topic of this week's 'episode' of LLL, like you I couldn't wait to read it!
In this week's post Lightchild is not holding back and I am lovingggg it! You asked, he's answered....
Without saying too much, let's gooo!


So I’m still trying to figure out exactly how I got myself into penning down my thoughts on Love, Life and Lightchild (Editor's note: Huh? My friend behave yourself! Don't let me 'cast' you!)) and with today’s topic, I’m thinking to myself...hmmm, I’m going to get some serious walloping for what I’m going to say on this topic.. 

So here's the scenario: You’re sitting down, thinking, trying to figure out, reading between the lines, crossing the 'i's and dotting the 't's, re-reading all the messages you’ve exchanged, analysed who calls who the most, who calls first, "Does he add some sensitivity or endearment in his responses?"... All of these thoughts, just to 'find out' the answer to the burning question: “Does he like me like me, is he into me into me, or is he just playing about?" 

The general consensus is that if you’re asking this question or you’re thinking along those lines, you’re probably in some sort of relationship, talking level or communication with the (person) guy, and you’re getting to the point where you're getting conflicting thoughts or signals and you want to clarify what’s up!

Image result for it's complicated

I could tell you all the 'signs' you’d normally get as answers if you asked someone this question. It will include some of the following: 

He’s not that into you if: 
  • You’re calling him more that he calls you.
  • He doesn’t give anything away about himself that is deep revealing of his nature and personality. 
  • He avoids discussing the hard questions (where is this going to, what are we doing, what are your intentions).
  • He frequently cancels any sort of dates or meet ups you’ve both arranged and his excuses are ingenious and new every morning. 
  • You haven’t met anyone that is important to him (friends or family).
  • He keeps things superficial and isn’t really that proactive about asking after your well being.
  • There’s nothing extra ordinary about how he treats you and how he treats others.
  • He’s always about the fun and nothing substantially serious. 
I could go on and on listing these points but what if we looked at this from a different angle... 

There is something that I learnt a while ago, which you might have heard or actually already practise, it’s called 'Defining the relationship'. I personally believe that it helps to manage expectations when relating to the opposite sex (genuinely), simply because it practically takes away scenarios and occasions where you are inclined to assume stuff (and you know what they say about assumption right?). 
I tell folks - never assume anything (let's admit it, for women - and some guys too - this can be a little difficult) but you will save yourself a lot of heartache and stress if you don't make assumptions because he’s nice, he smiles at you, he asks after you, conversation and banter with him is well dope and he just simply ticks all the boxes. 

I have personally experienced that before - A few years back, when I met someone, who on a superficial level, I’d probably not get along with simply because we lived and led different lifestyles. But we got on well, banter was great, we seemed to be weird in unique ways and I took that for “Oh yes, looks like I’ve found a perfect match, thank you Jesus! *Praise Break, testimony time!*”. Then I started catching feelings and emoting emotions, only for her to tell me (after I had expressed some 'emotional caring emotions' to her ) “I’m sorry mate if you got the wrong message, I was only being friendly!” (Ouch!)

So my take on this is this: 
Never assume that you’re his Bae, or  he’s yours, if you both have never had the talk and there has been no intentions of such that has been spoken, discussed and agreed on, verbally - in a 'serious sense'. You will save yourself a lot of headaches worrying over something that potentially doesn’t exist! If he’s not playing the role of Bae with you and he isn’t seemingly travelling that way with you, you don’t play the Bae role to him to a point where you’re now getting all confused and asking yourself questions on whether he is into you or not. 

I know sometimes we may get impatient and want to just jump in and trigger/invoke the Article 51 on relationships, “Are we in or are we out?”. If you are the type of person that “needs to know what’s up”, then by all means, before the phone calls start getting to every day every night, the texts messages flow back and forth like stocks being traded on the stock exchange market, the conversations are growing well late into the nights and it’s becoming 2hrs, 3hrs on end and you’ve started catching feelings... pause... chill, have that conversation and define the relationship. 
Have that convo... Define the Relationship (DtR)
He may just see you and like you as a friend, the same way you may just see and like some other guy as a friend, genuinely. 

If he’s into you for the purpose of being more than friends, a man will:
  • Let you know for sure for sure, that he wants more (whether verbally, practically, through hints or his actions).
  • Give you the attention that you need regardless of how busy he may be and make what matters to you matter to him. 
  • May be the nice guy that’s nice to everyone, but when it comes to the way he treats you, it’s extra special. 
  • Talk to you and bring you in on life matters, serious issues and possibly involve you in crucial decision making that affects/involves him, simply because he sees you as the person whose opinion matters to him. 
  • Be there with you and for you, to do life with you, not just the fun stuff, but the serious stuff, even the times when things ain’t going down too well with you. 
But there’s nothing that beats this one... If he is into you, he will be able to look into your eyes, without fear, doubt or a flinch, and tell you that he is that much into you, to want to spend his life with you. And how will you know it’s genuine seeing that there are masters of deceit out there?
When he says it, you will know it in your heart, you will feel the genuineness and sincerity in his declaration and of course, he won’t just say it as mere words, he will back it up with meaningful actions and he himself, his nature and character will testify to his words that it is what it is! 

No mincing words (source)
Like I’ll always say, there are different types of men out there, there are boys who just want to play and have fun. And there are men who know what they want and go for it. Someone always says to me that when a man knows what he wants, he will go for it, stop at nothing to get it and give all to have it. True. 

Simply put, if he’s into you just as a friend, he will relate with you on a friendship basis. Sometimes, this can be quite confusing, especially if he’s the type that is seen to be nice and caring, you get along with him and to make matters worse, he’s your type! You may misinterpret his friendliness for a genuine relationship interest which could potentially ruin the friendship you have itself when you find out that he’s just not that into you!

You can follow Lightchild on Twitter @light_child , Instagram @lightchildfamily and Facebook - LightChildFamily


Like I said earlier on, I loved reading this post and I found myself nodding, thinking about personal experiences (and cringing!), as well as understanding and absorbing the fact that if I have to ask the question "Is he into me into me" then there's already a 99.9% chance that he isn't. When a man/woman wants to be with you, he/she would and should not leave you doubting or second-guessing what they want. 
You're not a private investigator / mind reader..... and more importantly, you're worth more than that! If they want you in their lives, let them show you (and everyone else) that they do.


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  1. Some of us just prefer the pain of hoping against hope :)

    1. Lol... Yeah I know what you mean.. Hope the hope is fruitful!

  2. Hard core emotion investigation stuff..

  3. I'm starting to ask, "what happened to good old friendship?"
    Like, why can't man&woman be friends without anything that may lead to the invocation of "article 51" 😅
    But, seriously, why can't we put our feelings (or lack of it) down and just be great friends, whether 'time' seems to be running out or not?
    I'm really concerned.

    1. Good question... Interestingly, my mum and I had this conversation yesterday... I guess one gets to a point in life whereby you feel it's time to get married. At that point, a smile or a nice gesture from a nice guy is enough to want to trade in your surname (for ladies). Guys feel the pressure too!
      Unfortunately, at that time, it could get really dangerous as one is susceptible to disappointments or worse still, huge mistakes!
      I guess it's important to take out time to truly build and enjoy platonic friendships - No pressure!

      PS What does Article 51 say??!

    2. According to @light_child , article 51 asks "are we in or are we out?" 😃
      Yes, I agree with you and your mom! 😊
      I'm at that stage, I and society of course expects me to be married...
      This has caused me too often to spoil friendships by considering if he is the expected significant other...
      Which is why I ask, "can't we all just be friends no matter what?"

  4. Amazing read!! Thank you Lightchild.

  5. Replies
    1. Me Toooo!! :-D
      How are you doing my darling?! xxxx

  6. on openness no relationship, and for the "if hes into her' hmmmmm...he will put on his traffic light, if he sees "on parking" he will ride on. Not all men don this though

    1. Yup, opennes is a critical key in the success of a relationship! #MajorKey

  7. Love this article! Thank you Ayo and Lightchild! Helps to separate the wheat from the chaff :) Seriously though good checklist for confirming his interest or not!

    1. Thank you!
      It's one thing having the 'checklist', it's another to be honest with one's self and see the signs clearly. May God help us!
      Thanks for stopping by! xxxx


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