Thursday, 6 August 2015

Converstations with One: Who Should Pay on Dates?

Hello everyone!

We are back with another edition of Conversations with One!! Here's the question for this week:

When dating/courting, is it alright to split expenses in half?
So, when we go out to eat or go on a date, should the man be expected to pay solely or should it be equal contribution from both man and woman?

Nike: Please, why do we have to share the bills? God forbid I take up a man's responsibilities. I know a lot of dating rules have changed especially the women fighting for equality with men. I was surprised to find out that some women find it insulting for a man to pay the bills on the first date. They would rather spilt the bills.

Image result for 21st century woman
Yes we can!
Ayo: It's the 21st century Nikkysho :-)

Bodam: To be honest, I don't really understand this 21st Century style of dating... I'm a 1980's kinda gal! Loool!

Nike: My culture and religion forbid such act. The man is head of the family and should always take the lead.
The only reason I'll take up the bills when on a date is if I asked him out or I want to give him a special treat. A cultured man will even insist to pay.
Although, there might be a few exceptions when in courtship especially if it involves a large sum of money and you know he might not be able to afford it, then it's wise to make a contribution.

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I got you baby...
One: Ok, so I get what you're saying - The man should pay but on some occasion when you know his financial limitations, you can contribute...

Bodam: Nikkysho... I think you've said it all!

Seriously though, if we're going on a date, then I believe Le Boo should pay... Once in a while (or maybe even more often), I will treat him out and then pay or after the date, take him to a movie and pay or do something and pay, but I don't believe it should be a 'requirement' for the date. Infact, if we do go out and the Bobo says can you pick up half the tab, I run..

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I'm outta there in a flash!
One: Lol.. Miss B!

Bodam: And before my modern ladies and gentlemen jump down my throat... Loool! I don't 'need' Le Boo to feed me - truth be told, I can afford whatever occasion out myself.

One: See disclaimer - "I'm not a leech!" Lol

Bodam: ... But there is something so cultured and proper about a gentleman taking me out, opening my door, and treating me like a lady... And at the end of the date, that includes footing the bill.

One: Hmmm, I get what you mean. I used to think it didn't matter so much until I met some guys who haven't murdered chivalry and I have to say it was..... nice and refreshing. I felt like a lady (I didn't even know I wanted to feel like one lol) 

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No, not in any way like this :-D (and it's 'off')
Bodam: If you cannot afford Intercontinental Hotel, please let us go to Mr. Biggs... It's not a status thing... You're not a man by how much money you have in your pocket... You're a man by how you lead... You're a man by the vision you have for your future and how you're working towards it... And you're a man by how you treat your lady! :-)

One: *standing ovation*.. Loveeeet! It's not really about the money you're able to spend but the idea that you are mindful of treating me well and with courtesy.. That's not asking for too much right?.. But let's see what others have to say...

True or False?
Isioma: I like Nikkysho's response - matter of fact. I Lol-ed at #Godforbid

Ok in my opinion I think it depends on who you're dating and your background.
My sisters from the West side may say yea sure, it's an equal world why not? Although I have a few West side sisters who are still very traditional. Then my sisters from downtown (youknowwahamsaying) will say nah nah nah! 'He the man, he gotta pay the bills.

One: Lol.. Alright, go ahead, give us the West side / Downtown analogy!

Isioma: Speaking as a downtown sister, I won't split the bills. The men I know are raised to be caretakers, they know how to handle their business and matter of fact, they take pleasure in taking care of their women. It may even hurt their ego if you attempt to or suggest a split the bills.
'Christianly' speaking, men have a large responsibility as 'caretakers' and God didn't make a mistake when He brought Eve to be the 'helpmeet', so I quite like to help only where! I mean the occasional surprises and gift buying are most definitely recommended but not a conscious bill split. Call me traditional but I'm sticking with it. 

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Traditional and proud!
One: Lol @ where necessary. But I get what you mean about men's egos being hurt, I have met one or two like that. The truth is that I have found that many men in Nigeria are still quite 'traditional' when it comes to that. However, it comes with a price..  They are traditional in ALL aspects.. So if you want him to pay all the bills, be ready to spend quality time in the kitchen :-) (not in all cases though).

Isioma: From what I've sometimes seen and heard, two things happen when she splits the bills. 
1. He feels slighted and thinks she's proud/pompous
2. He becomes lazy and sees you as his ATM 

One: *let me cut in for a second* - Really? He thinks you're proud/pompous?! Guys, I need your take on this - true or false?? - Alright, kwantinu please..

Isioma: You don't want either of the two options so I'll say, know who you're dating - is he from the West side with a 'modern' ideology (in which case- sorry oh) or does he like to take care of his woman like my downtown brothers? Also, is he genuinely broke and really needs your support? In this case you gotta be very careful too so you don't hurt his ego in doing good. Maybe that dinner can turn into a chill-out movie night on the couch to save cost #justsaying.

Bodam: Baby girl... I agree with you 100%... Only thing I'd say is wisdom must prevail in the cost-cutting....

If they're a Christian couple, then let's be frank: too many chill-out movie nights on the couch to cut costs may lead to some other extra curricular activities to "save on heating".. Loool!

Isioma: LOL.. I have to say though that when you're courting, the ball changes. You can help with some things especially in planning your wedding or investing into your future home but then again, be wise!

Bodam: Bottom line, as you've said - in all things there should be a balance. Be creative! If money is an issue, then learn to date on a budget! Thank God for the Internet, there are so many creative things one can do that don't cost so much...

A friend told me a story... She went on a date... At the end of the meal, bobo took the bill and placed some money into it, then pushed it to her side of the table for her to cover the rest! Haaaa... After all the pleas of "can I take you out"?! Loolll

Wisdom is profitable to direct... :-)

One: Hahaha.. That's classic! 

Alright ladies and gentlemen.. Over to you. We'd love to get your thoughts on this one.. Do you agree or vehemently disagree? It would be great to hear from the men as well! Do you think it's ridiculous to be expected to pay for most of your dates or that it's only wise to split things in half?

Let's talk....


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  1. I love the vibes/the flow of this discussion, it was a very nice read :-)

    In Germany (and I guess in other Western countries as well) it's a bit tricky. Some women feel being patronised when the man pays for her. They see it as a sign of independence and strength not being cared for by anyone, be it parents or men.
    As a man, you have to somehow understand the kind of woman you're dating. If she behaves more like a princess, is a bit dreamy, and smilingly "awes" at everything you do, you should pay for her.
    If your woman lives a rather independent lifestyle, is very organized, has strong convictions about issues etc., don't rush to pay, it might backfire. I once was in a cafe with quite a strong-minded girl. When the waiter came and asked whether we want to pay separately or jointly, she immediately and firmly said "separately" lol
    Another time I was eating out with a successful business student, and without me knowing or asking, she went to the counter and paid it all herself...

    I agree with Bodam, too many private movie nights can get you into trouble lol Eating or meeting in public has the advantage that it evokes less temptations than doing your own little privat thing. I would agree though that in order to save up for the wedding, you should not go to the fanciest restaurants all the time, especially if both of you are rather simple and modest people. Visiting families and other couples might also be a nice alternative (once in awhile).
    Happy weekend everyone! :)

    1. Hiya Sebs! Thanks a lot for your comment... As always, very insightful! I look forward to reading them :-)

      Wow @ the girl who went to the counter to pay for everythng.. That's an interesting one. Thanks for bringing a great perspective to the discussion Sebs!! xx

  2. Uhmmmmmmm
    A man is Leader, the woman is Helper, I rest my case! Lol

    1. Uhmmmm.. St Rhymes... Expand now :-) This is such a broad statement and people interprete it in different ways..

  3. What I mean is that the Man should take up the financial responsibility of a date and the bills (Love is not cheap). However if he can't afford Exquisite dates yet, he should still show his thought can afford it by arranging for alternatives.

    The Lady, should be willing to pay too if need be. Most times men love it when it happens as a surprise. She makes him feel 'you are not alone' when she does that.

    The main thing is nobody must feel used!

    1. I likey! Indeed, no one should feel used in a relationship and of course, cut your coat according to your size and available material! lol

  4. Hiiyyyaaaa.. So aYam loFing the new vibe on the series nah ehh.. I mean it eez not a joking Sturvzz eh! That being Said Bubb.. Please who is Isioma?! I mean she has the mind of goddess.. Please tell her aYam in loF with her mind eh and i want either a peck or a ShaLlat AKA Shout out :)! aha! WaRRapin ni?! She is uber smart I tell you Nne..

    That being said.. heheheheheheh @Too much Chilling on the Couch can lead to Wahala.. Y'all are epic.. hehehehe This was a ghen ghen read aswear... Okay So i dont Digress too much.. (Like I havent already..) heres my take... If its a sincere meeting or chill out between the opposite sex.. Then its fine and good.. The Bill can be split 30-70 sev **Tongue out.. I mean who cares?! The end purpose of meetings are to make profit.. But Hell no if its a Date! I mean me that is still Broke and Upcoming sev NEVER collects handout from Ladies.. and i mean NEVER! I rather Trek V.I to Festac than ask a lady for cash.. and its same with Dating. Trust me yeah Nne.. For me ehnn... it doesnt just.. **Scrolls up to check the term used... Ehen.. Seen it.. "Slighted".. So it doesnt just make me feel Slighted yeah.. Its like a Slap to my face.. maybe its my pride speaking eh! but me.. I cannot come and goan be sitting down and looking like Lucozade while a lady pays.. Aha nah! Aruuu.. Impossicant.. :(

    Cheers One + THE ONE.. this was a ghen ghen read I tell you.. Although I miss John-Nash.. But Isioma Will do. She is Hilarious like that.. Please Tell her I loF her eh! :) And you beRRa not forget **wears straight face...

    1. LOL.. I shanll not forget to pass your message on to Isioma! By the way, she just got married :-) xx


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