Tuesday, 18 September 2012

I need your help please!

Hiya lovely people!

First of, I have good news, especially for Toinlicious and Aloted.. I am happy to say that captcha has finally gone! Our relationship is over - done and dusted :-D Thanks to Myne Whitman for showing me the way! (See, I value your wonderful feedback :-)

A huge thanks to everyone who commented on the last post (Let me just say, I'm really grateful for having very nice people who visit this blog)....

I was particularly touched to receive an email from a lovely lady who reads this blog and decided to ask for help for what is quite a dilemma for her in her relationship. I admire her desire to want to do the right thing and I say thank you to her for giving me the opportunity to share on here so that people wiser and more experienced than me can give her useful tips.... 'In the multitude of counsel, there is safety'...

She would really appreciate your input, thank you!

I am a lady in her twenties, I am a Christian who respects and adores God, although I am not perfect but I am trying. when I was in my teens I made a vow to God in church to keep myself and not have sex with any man till I get married. I got into a relationship 2 years later with a dude in my university and the issue of getting 'petty' came up, but one thing I always made sure i did before going into a relationship was 'define my vow and get him to understand the situation'...he said he understood and wasn't in a rush to do anything but fast forward 2 years later he started 'stylishly' demanding sex from me, I told him I couldn't give in (I always did the kissing, necking bla bla bla but no going further than that) so we had to break up.

A few months later, I fell in love and started dating again. This dude was crazy in love with me and as usual said he'll do without the sex because it's me he loves and not my body. That he did quite alright, but I noticed whenever we were together he was always getting 'touchy'...he'll start caressing and fondling and you know how hard it is to resist all that sometimes (I'm still very human)........ I'm not going to bore you with all the long story, but I ended up having sex with him last year.... I felt really bad giving it up despite the vow I made with God and all. The issue now is I want to quit the relationship because he's always very touchy whenever we are together and it's very hard to resist that and I don't wanna keep going back to sin. but at the same time, I am really scared that I may not be able to get over him or find someone else cos we've been together for 5 years.

I know it may seem like I am so tied to him, but the truth is I love him with all my heart and I always wish I'd spend the rest of my life with him but he's always leading me to sin...typical example, I could just be lying down and working on my laptop and he'll just come and start touching my butt, boobs n all and the funny thing is he knows where to touch to get me very aroused. then eventually I give in and we get very sexual...but afterwards, this very weird and painful feeling of regret and guilt fills my soul and I just can't shake it off. it's like I feel I've let God down over and over again.

I'd appreciate some advice or comments or anything, because I am tired of fighting this battle's really weighing me down and all...

P.S - We also work for the same organisation and in the same department, so you can now begin to imagine how hard a break-up will be.

Help Please? God bless you all! xx


  1. Below is the link to that post, I believe this lady will find it useful too.

    And kudos on the gone captcha :)

  2. Thank you very much! I have read the post and it certainly golden!
    And thanks for the captcha advice, it worked! :-) xxxx

  3. Yay on the end of captcha. I read the link Myne posted and it just nails it

  4. First of all, what has been done, has been done.. Sex has happened yes, but don't fall into the trap/cycle of thinking that since it has happened it may as well continue. That is a very very dark road one that many people stick with. Keep sex out of the equation and see how happy the relationship will be for the next month, let that inform your decision. You might pray, bu truth is sometimes God answered the prayers (in cases like this) long before you went on your knees.
    Looking at the scenario it is difficult, but which would you prefer, uncomfortable series of scenarios or an uncomfortable mind/heart?
    From my own very recent experience, nobody sees or feels your feelings except you and honestly, I would rather change churches, change phones, delete twitter handles and close blogs than continue with heartache and weird uncomfortable feelings.
    Sorry madam, I am getting carried away.
    God's love is not based on yesterday, it is based on today, on now. 'New every morning'.
    Love in relationships is never one sided, I know they say 80-20 and stuff like that, but if he loves you as much as you love him (you do enough to cmopromise), then he should be able to compromise.
    Stop Marking Papers dear.. Wrote a post on that here -->
    Unserious looking post, but there is a message in there..

    I think I have been serious enough for the week. Stuff like this makes me sad.
    *goes off whistling for the rest of the week*

  5. Having said that, all I will say is *hugs* really long warm ones. The ones that allow you cry all you want.

    Madam OnePlusOne, thanks for removing the captcha :)

  6. Lol @Toinlicious
    @SNM, it is so refreshing to get a man's point of view, I am hopping over to read that your 'unserious-looking' but serious post :-)
    Thanks for the comment guys? Please, more on how to now stop + should she remain with this guy? Move on to clear her head?
    I like the part in the post @Soulsistasheart about having someone that can hold you accountable so that you are not 'walking alone'..
    How should she go about 'starting over'? xx

  7. ....And you're welcome SNM, to keep my wonderful blog-friends coming back :-) xx

  8. I understand that feeling of guilt and all.
    I think its a matter of discipline...if she doesn't want sex, she doesn't!
    its a tough decision but she can try that too and see. On the other hand, they can start talking and praying towards settling down.
    Good luck with it.
    lovely blog...following you.

  9. I doubt my opinion is needed after all that's been said and I have a bad habit of waxing poetic when not needed so I'll just drop these 2 cents....

    1-*Hugs*...I've been where you are ( love vs lust)so me be the last person to judge.

    2- You are not in a God involved relationship,and every time you feel guilty, it's him reminding you that you aren't where you need to be.

    3- He doesn't love you, he "lusts" you.... its evident in that he can continually take away from you something he knows you feel guilty giving away.

    4-Run, dont walk out of this relationship,there is abs no way you're going to have the strength to remain with him and not continue to have sex.

    5- You're probably in for the battle of your life, it wont be easy but it also inst impossible.

  10. First and foremost, yay! I'm always excited to discover Nigerian bloggers :)

    So I'll be brief. IMO, I think you're holding yourself hostage to condemnation when God has already forgiven you. When God says he will remember your sin no more he means it. By going back to sin you're invariably telling him that you're not sure he really means what he said.

    Please know that I understand that it's not easy. Sex outside marriage is sweet but it burns like hell. However you have to really go through a catharsis, DEEP CLEASING! It's gonna hurt like HELL but you can't have a surgery without scraping the wound. You can't Heal without taking out the dead skin and tissues then filling it with gauze! You're smart...I can tell so I'll let you decode this yourself.

    All the ill feelings you've built up since last year will only depress your fragile mind. My dear, no one holy pass. Even pastors and Bishops. Focus on regaining your confidence in your walk with God. God bless you!

    @SNM: you are one funny man. Fancy finding you here.

    @The 1+ one: thanks for posting this's a wake up call to some people. Hmm hmm *moi*

  11. @in The Midst of her & Maggielola WorshipandSwag (lovely first-timers ;-)
    Thanks a lot for your input. Really grateful and an official welcome to the blog! xx

  12. Leave the relationship. God will never send someone who will lead you into sin,rather God will send someone who will value your convenant with him. Instead of dwelling in sin ask God for his mercy and forgiveness,the wisdom and the strength to leave that relationship,and the grace to start over with sexual purity.

    This is coming late,but I hope it helps. Stay blessed.


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