Wednesday, 12 September 2012

So we Kissed....

I have a confession.. don't take it personal. I have a confession (please) you gotta listen.. (Thank you D'banj! :-)

Ok, on a more real note, I have wanted to write this post for a while but I haven't had the 'energy' to do so but I feel that it is quite important to do so.

Some of you may remember the note 'Taking it Back Old School' where I expressed how I desired my relationship / courtship to be like and hoped it would work out that way. I think I wrote it a few months to my next relationship. I knew that in order to achieve something, it was important to plan ahead for it. I wanted to 'purpose in my heart' like Daniel in the bible did concerning certain decisions, dos and don'ts in my relationship with the One so that things wouldn't 'just happen'. Summary of the post was that before marriage, I wanted to do zilch / nada / nothing sexually with my intended.. so including but not exclusive of kissing, 'quaving' (I don't know if that word still exists!), petting, necking, rubbing etc etc lol

Anyways, thanks to you wonderful people, I had so many encouragements and comments and 'yes you can!' and 'Yes, I will too!'. It was something I desired intently to adhere to and sometimes I would tell my friends, speak it, plan towards it etc.

So, when I met this Christian, tall, talented, gorgeous human being whom I totally totally 'digged' a few months down the line, I was like YES! Thank You Jesus. It was a very flash-fast point from properly meeting / talking / liking / joy / relationship. In fact, point of interaction to relationship was under 1month (God is good! lol). He ticked all the boxes and the most important thing and attractive for me was his walk/relationship with God (that has the potential to make me fall in love with you in seconds haha + the extra summin' summin').

So the day he 'asked me out' (lol) aka for us to become exclusive, inside I was dancing but I was like ok, before I answer, I just have to set out some things and what I had wanted my relationship to be like so I shared with him the 'Taking it back Old School' vision - that was the deal breaker ( I even showed him the post!).. He was mega impressed and totally sold on it agreeing that it was what he wanted as well and could definitely abide by it by God's grace. Haa I was like singing "Jesus, I love you oh!" lol.

The next few weeks was great! We saw each other weekly (we lived in different cities) and it was lovely, just holding hands and hugs when we see + talking, sharing plans and hopes and vision for the near and distant future - it felt GREAT!... But as the days grew by, my attraction shot up by 1000 x 1000 x 1000! I was like mehnnnnn what manner of dilemma is this one? You mean actually 'no kissing'? Oh my! Lord have mercy!

So, One initiated the first kiss.. Yes I did.. I was just like nothing more, just the kiss (I didn't say it loud, just thought it) and it just felt very good, like *sigh* with a tinge of guilt. But as we know, usually after the first taste, other things are bound to follow. We didn't have sex or go deep but there was some kissing and touching (Lord please protect this post from my mother!).

Anyways, why am I sharing this with you? I want to be quite honest with you. From my heart, this was something I wanted to do ie taking it back old school. Not just for the sake of achievement or punishment but more because I honestly wanted to honour God in that way. I have seen people who have done it and I really wanted to commit my relationship to God and honour Him in every way possible. That was my decision and commitment to Him + there are so many things that have started innocently and small and trivial and have ended in a way that we never expected nor planned and I don't want to take that risk at all!

So, I kissed + more... I didn't 'old school' it at all! BUT, I repent. I want to take it God school by God's grace. We broke off the relationship and in a way I thank God for the perspective it's brought back again. I know it's easier said when you're not in a relationship and the attraction is not there to propel you but I believe it's possible. God knows I sincerely want it to work in a way that is pleasing to Him and in a different way for Him.

I have decided that I won't give up my desire and given the opportunity and grace, I would attempt it again - only by GRACE. I have also learnt a lot of things for my future relationship that I hope to share in coming posts.

Also, may I encourage you that if you made a pledge / commitment / decision and for one reason or the other you have failed to do so, God is wonderful in the way He has mercy and forgives, He never gives up on you and I so don't give up on yourself irrespective of how many times you have tried! I believe that He honours effort and gives grace to achieve.

So, ladies and gentlemen, One is taking it God's School! .... So help me God :-)


  1. *cough* Amen!!! The same way home girl has been dealing with temptation o. Mehn, this lust is real so help me God.

    P.s: Please remove this captcha thing

  2. Lol.. As in.. Lead us not into temptation Lord and deliver us from (ourselves) evil lol..
    Even me I hate that captcha thing! I didn't know I could remove it.
    Ok, to look for how *scratches head* lol xx

  3. U are a brave girl and a wise one for including Big Daddy in d equation. May ur heart desires be granted unto you in Jesus name!

  4. Amen! Thanks a lot HoneyDame. I pray the same for you xx

  5. wow..thanks for sharing..
    yes o these things can be hard o...i guess one just has to try not to be in a condusive atmosphere for these things to happen...not easy o, only by grace

    pls what is quaving?

    this captcha thing is still there o :(

  6. Ehmmm Aloted quaving is another term for a make out session which does not involve the most intimate of relations.
    I am no genius but then, making rules and all in relationships, basing your workings on the experience of others only puts undue pressure on you and the +1. There are three people involved in a christian man and woman relationship. man, woman and God, and your blog name summarizes it perfectly.
    If you have issues, discuss with both parties first.
    As for the kissing and related activities.. If you never ready remove your underwear for the said person, DO NOT and I repeat it over and over again. DO NOT KISS!!!
    Nothing good ever comes out of it.

    Did I just write all this? Sigh..

  7. Thanks aloted! I agree with you, environment (and the one that you create) matters a LOT!
    SNM, I couldn't agree with you more! And thanks for the 'quaving' definition. I was scratching my head as to how to go about it but you defined it - simple and straight to the point (did I just write that? lol)

  8. I love a post Aloted did on the Soul Sisters blog, really apt for this topic.

    to remove the capcha, go to setting and then comments by the lower left side of dashboard. You will see a box to uncheck.

  9. Hahahahaha!! From the first line I started laffin coz I just knew! Lmaooo!! Its not easy ooo!! I've not even had a bf in years and its super hard! Like just 1 tiny juicy kiss!!
    Choi!! God help us sha! Amen

  10. lol.. so funny, I love the intro. Amen ooo it can be done

  11. @MW, thanks a lot. Captcha well and truly gone, finished, buried! Please do you have the link to that post?
    @Sayedero, where have you been hiding hun? I've missed you *kisses*.. God help us!
    @Chizy K, how have you been, its been a looong time :-) Hope you are good? xx

  12. So I have been following your blog for months and check almost every day for new updates. Its been a tremendous blessing!

    Honestly, though I am not in a relationship now but could be in one soon,I know in my head that it is a no-no, as in kissing while dating but reading your post just makes me realize I need to do something about it before it happens. Wishful thinking alone cannot prevent it and now I would appreciate knowing realistic flags to! God bless you!

  13. Hi anonymous! I am so grateful for your comment and I cannot agree with you more. Only earlier today I was thinking that it is not enough to purpose in your heart but also, it is important to go into detail of how you plan to achieve. In the next few posts (God helping me), I will be doing a some kind of a series on what could help.. But ultimately, I must say that it is only by the grace of God. No matter how much we plan, except God helps, it is all in vain (planning is beneficial though)... May I also suggest reading this article

    Lots of love and I look forward to hearing how you DID it by God's grace ! :-) (And maybe a wedding invite in the near future? *wink*) xxxxx

  14. Woow!! I needed this in my life....I'm starting to realise how dangerous it can be wen u trust ur flesh too much...give it an inch and it takes a mile *sumn lyk dat* or when u get into a relationship with someone that doesn't see thhings ur way
    If the guy really loved u he wud respect ur decision to keep urself..but then his human too *sigh*
    Just tell him the reason u want to break up and who knows he may be willing to stop

    @one I've millzed u too :(.....gettin ready for skool so I havnt had tym

  15. an honorary member of the V Club...( Virgin's it is muuuuuuuuuuccccccccchhhhhhh easier said than done. *Phew* I do have to say the guy has to be on the same page with you though.... keep at it girl, trust God for what you desire.

  16. Lol...meant alumni of the V club....

  17. LOL @itmoh, amen! I hope to be an alumni as well oh (so help me God!)- Love your blog :-)xx

  18. pls wats ur email addy...pls send it asap :(

  19. Interesting Post! I live and waiting something more..

  20. His grace..always sufficient for us to walk in His path.

  21. @Sayedero.. Funny enough, just seeing your comment.. but thank God we communicated :-) xx
    @Will.. May you get only God's best
    @IP92, Amen! You can say that again.. Only by His grace xx

  22. this post shares a reality that is so deep. since knowing God, i had loathed sin. I had been respected for choosing to wait till marriage and counselled so many -including friends. but then, i met "the one" who was sexually active even though prior to him, i hadnt been intimate with anyone. I would reject him on every advance he made but he had this "baby needing" look and i would feel sorry for rejecting him and before you know it, we are kissing and touching! no sex thankfully cos i had never done it. after every smooching, i would cry and hate myself. I remember people started having dreams i got pregnant before marriage! that would have been a disgrace lol, i was that respected! well Him and I are both hapily married (wedding night was the night for me). but i felt like those act made me loose some virtues at the time. we are bigger than sin thats why God told Cain that sin desires to have you but YOU must resist. it might take a fight to stand but its better we do.

  23. Thanks a lot for your comment Anonymous and for stopping by.

    I am glad to hear that you and your spouse are happily married and I pray that God will continue to give you the grace to have a fulfilling marriage in Him xx


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