Thursday, 30 July 2015

Conversations with One - Gifts = Love Me, PLEASE Love Me?


*Carefully cleans out cobwebs* - Lol.. Honestly, this is getting old! And I do sincerely apologise again for the hiatus.

Look at that.. We had a great introduction to the new season (Thank you all for the love *kisses*, and then I we just went MIA!). Lord have mercy! Well, we are back and we are back *cheesy grin*. Thanks to everyone for the love and for checking in, it meant a great deal and I appreciate you immensely.

Alrighty, before we dive right into today's conversation, I would have to say that so many things have been going on in blogsville! From my dearest friend Frances Okoro of Imperfectly Perfect Lives who published a brilliant e-book 'Chastity for Men'.. You have to pick up a copy, and it's FREE! (Yes, you heard that right!).. I shall be doing a proper review on here! Also, Tomi of Arike Arts got married! Congratulation hun! So grateful and glad for you.. Still on blogsville, my darling Sykik had a baby!! Whoop whooop! I am still rejoicing at the news. Please spare a minute to read her journey and testimony of this beautiful miracle HERE...

I know I have not in any way exhausted the news around blogsville, but we do have to get to today's conversation right? lol.. Let's go!

This week's question was sent in by a friend and it was something that came up in discussion so I thought to bring it here for your thoughts (It's interesting that we ended the first season with Gifts and we are starting off with gifts as well!):

Gifts - To Give or Not
"Is it alright or important to give gifts to my boyfriend's / girlfriend's parents/siblings or meet certain financial or material obligations?

The reason I ask is because I don't want to seem or look desperate to them. Also, I don't want to start something I may not be able to control in the future."
- Ms B


Nike: Hello all, I'm so excited that we are back!!!

Image result for excited girl
We are Excited! Yes we are!!
Isioma: Yes I'm definitely excited we're back..yayyyyy!
Nike: It's impossible to love someone without giving gifts. It's absolutely impossible to love someone in isolation. You also have to love the important people in their lives.

One: Hmmmm.. True, I believe that as well..

Nike: There's nothing wrong with giving his/her parents' Birthday or Christmas gifts. Once in a while you can buy something as little as a pack of apples. You are not in anyway obliged to assist financially but if the need arises and you are able to help, then there is nothing wrong in assisting.

Image result for financial assistance
No obligation

One: Alright Nike, I hear you..

Isioma: About the question, it's an interesting one and I say so because I sometimes wonder why we worry about some things.
Giving is an attitude of the heart, a selfless act of love. No one can really put a cap on the measure of their giving if it is done from their heart. You will naturally be led to give. Then as Christians, we have a directive to do so anyway without reservations and bearing in mind that you will receive the measure you have given.

One: Preach 'Pastor' Isioma lol

Isioma: Lol.. However, I understand that we deal with humans and so people can misunderstand and even abuse your kindness (don't let 'em hinder you though).
In this case, I will tow Nikkysho's line and say there is nothing stopping you from giving the general gifts - Christmas, Birthday, Anniversary gifts etc. Also, I was taught that it's good practise to take a gift when you visit people. So the families of your boyfriend/girlfriend can benefit from those. 
Then you can't say you love a person and not give to them no matter how little. The act of giving is not a guarantee for a future, it's just an extension of your affection and I dare say that your giving can increase as your relationship deepens. You just naturally find new ways to show your affection.

One: I believe so too.. When I really like someone, I have the urge to want to give or do something for them.. Not for any particular reason, but 'just because'. Sometimes, I think your willingness to sacrifice either by giving or doing is a test of how much you love the person!

Image result for love is sacrifice
You can't love without sacrifice
Isioma: As for meeting financial/material obligations, in the first place it's not your obligation as such but the bible encourages us to help our neighbours (even strangers as in the example of the good Samaritan) in their time of need as it is done unto the Lord. So I will say, do what you can to help and let it be done as a selfless act of love.

One: Indeed, key word (or words) is 'selfless act of love'.. But how about the writer's concern that you might appear 'desperate'.. Particularly as a woman. They might think you're trying to curry favour from them? I would like to know what guys think.. To do or to hold back?

Image result for begging for love
Gifts = Love me, PLEASE love me
Jeffrey: I must say that I totally agree with Isi and NikkySho but I would like to add a little twist to it.

Overtime, I have come to terms with the fact that politics exists in every sphere of life but given the current trend of things, politics has been viewed in the negative light; myself inclusive. However, it is important to see how it can be used positively. 
The giving of gifts has away of breaking the ice or any barrier or misconception that one may have of the other and better still softening the heart of one towards another. This is very natural and I think humanity only took the cue from our Maker-God. Gifts are sign of honour, care and affection so if you care for, wish to honour or show affection to your significant other's family, please by all means do so. Even Boaz gave Ruth gifts for her mother-in-law (Naomi) prior to their marriage (Ruth 3:17) -"and she added, “He gave me these six scoops of barley and said, ‘Don’t go back to your mother-in-law empty-handed.". But I must say that it is important to not let it be a form of bribe in an attempt to gain acceptance.

Image result for man gift knocks door
Gifts open doors
One: I actually think it's important to try as much as possible to not go empty-handed to visit people. It's good practise to try as much as possible to take something along, no matter how small (and no matter who it is)

Jeffrey: As for assisting in meeting an obligation, I will say that there is nothing wrong with this as long as it is not a recurrent issue because it then becomes a burden without the bond of marriage to necessitate such. Such burden should only be necessary in the context of marriage, for that is part of what marriage is for.

We must admit that human beings are political but in being political, diplomacy coupled with the a godly conscience is imperative.

One: We are political? :-) I think women are the best diplomats lol.. However, it is very essential in a relationship!

Image result for gifts to mother-in-law
Politics? :-D
Ok, enough from us, what do you think? Do you think it looks desperate when you take gifts or buy things for your boyfriend/girlfriend's parents or family?

Also, how about meeting financial obligations, yay or nay?

Let's talk!

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  1. Whether something or not looks desperate depends on whether the person giving the gift is desperate in his or her heart. So check your heart and see which thought drives you. Do you just want to impress and convince, then they will know. Are you just trying to express affection, gratitude and respect that is already in your heart? Do you just want to make someone smile? They will feel that too.

    Another thing: Ayo sorry but I think I disagree with you on something. You said that you should always bring something along, no mater how small. Maybe it's just me, but gifts are not that important to me (probably not my "love language" haha :D ). Instead of someone feeling obligated to bring small-small gifts like chocolate, roses or whatever every single time they come visit, I rather prefer someone bringing a gift that is somehow unique and nice every once and awhile. Sometimes it is better to give no gift than a bad gift bought last-minute. Because for me it's not just a matter of money, but also of time. In a busy week I sometimes just don't have the energy and mental capacity to think about and getting a gift. I actually feel more embarrassed handing over a let me say "not-so-great" and thoughtless gift everyone knows I just got out of a sense of duty than giving no gift at all.

    1. A thousand loves!!

    2. Thank you Sebs! Nice one, very nice one.

      Lol @ disagreeing with me.. While I understand what you mean, I still think it's the thought that matters. Even if it's just a token.

      Maybe like you said, I am a 'gifts person' so for me anything is good - as long as I know some thought was put into it :-)

  2. 'an Expression of one's Affection' powerful. Giving gifts is not wrong, but the motive behind it is what matters. But Loving is Giving!

    But don't become El-shaddai
    else yea shall

    1. Lol.. St Rhymes!

      Yes, the motive is key. It's the heart with which is given that means a lot

  3. I would love to give gifts but am always clueless at getting appropriate most times I end up not getting any. working on that tho.
    For myself, gifts aren't really my love language..i do appreciate them when I get them but am usually not all over them except it's something unique I've been wanting to have.

    1. Hmm... I get what you mean.. I think as long as your heart is in the right place, you can give with a smile (and pray they like it lol).

      On the other hand, I don't consider gift as my primary love language but I'm still touched when I receive a gift, no matter how small (It's the 'Acts of Service' that I love :-)

      Thanks for stopping by hun xx

  4. Yay! Welcome back Ayo with Looots and Looots of good news!

    I think giving flows out of shouldn't be done to "buy favour" and shouldn't be given in return for something.
    If you can assist with the financial obligations, do but not because you expect something in return.

    Love the "check your heart analogy" by Sebs.

    1. *kisses* to you dear Frances xx

      Indeed, giving should not be done with the mind of getting in return - the principle is there - whatever a man sows, that will he reap. But it's important to giving with a 'giving heart' xx

  5. Oh Wow! Hiya Bubba.. Biko ehnn.. Whoever Isioma eezz ehn! please tell her oh! Tell her that aYam officially her number 1 fan.. Meeehhnn reading through yeah.. This line hit me like a lightning bolt and had me thinking deeper and deeper.. You know nah Nne.. The line that went...

    "The act of giving is not a guarantee for a future, it's just an extension of your affection and... I dare say that your giving can increase as your relationship deepens."

    To it the crowd gos.. Gbam! Gbamer!! Gbammest!!! I recently went to have lunch at our usual local restaurant and was accompanied by a lady (You see why i like to go on my own.. **Covers face),..and after we ate.. She folded her hands and asked i pay.. heheheh omo ehnn Ayo.. To say the least... My Flabber was gasted.. Omo trust me nah.... I jejely paid my bit and stared at her in return.. My colleague paid afterwards..

    My point for iterating this is simple.. To this young and confused 23 years 10 months abd 3 days young and utterly confused man ehnn..."Giving should never be a MANDATED OBLIGATION.. It should be a SELFLESS choice like one of the ghen gne writers above stated..

    I for one think it is imperative that we give while dating.. Not as a Bribe but just to show that "hey! We care.." This was such a ghen ghen read eh Bubba! I mean the uber amazing Isioma stole all my thoughts and finish so my thoughts are literally in her mind.. **covers face heheheh This was mega fun to read 1+ The ONE.. Weldone nne.. Weldone... #Team1+THEONE

    1. I LOVE reading your comments! :-) Needless to say, I'm a fan!
      I laughed at your story.. this line right here is classic - 'My flabber was gasted'.. Hahahaha
      Her action was enough for it to be fully gasted LOL..
      Thanks for your comment xx

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