Monday 3 October 2011


So I was reading a FAB book the other day and it was a REAL eye-opener.. The writer was brutally honest -  something that we all need a healthy dose of.
You know in life, many people are very careful or shall I say frugal when speaking the truth so as not to cause offence - especially in this day of 'political correctness' and 'everyone has a right to their personal opinion' syndrome... Oh well, I do agree that it is good to be sensitive to people's feelings when talking to them or giving constructive criticism but mehn sometimes we need to simply call a Red spade a RED SPADE... Not a cutlass or table knife or even a brown spade but a RED SPADE! So for instance, you know the guy your friend is eyeing is an unserious fellow but because you know she really likes him you say things like 'Oh, don't worry, some guys are not very good at expressing their feelings, he really does like you'.. NO! Tell her the truth now before she gets hurt even more.. 'Sweetie, that boy is not right for you, let him go, your man will soon come!'.

In our quest to be 'nice', we end up doing the other person a disservice and actually do more harm than good, especially when the truth is critical. On the other hand, some people DON'T want to hear the truth (I see you nodding, lol). So sometimes, the truth is wasted on them because they will either pick a fight with you or simply refuse to grant you audience. Nevertheless, as the saying goes, 'do your best and leave the...'
Anyyyways, I digress, back to the book.. It's called - 'He's JUST Not That Into You' written by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo (mainly the former).... Ladies, especially my fellow single ladies :-D.. This book is a must read I tell you!

This writer speaks the truth in a way that a lot of our friends are unwilling to do for fear of causing us emotional distress. He didn't mince any words in letting a girl know how to not only identify, but also accept when a guy is not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. You see, many times guys are not so subtle in letting us know that they are not feeling our steez aka romantically interested in us. This may not be because you are a bad person or not good enough, rather it could simply be a case of not being compatible. Unfortunately, many times when a girl is head over heels in love(?) she fails to recognise nor read nor accept to see these signs until it's too late and the guy ends up breaking her heart. The book is not a Christian book but it does contain some sincere truths that will be very useful for keeping unnecessary heart palpitations at bay.

Are you interested in finding out some of the things he mentioned???? Of course you're curious just as I was! hehehe. Anyways, I will mention a few but I have modified some things based on some stories and examples that a lot of ladies I know *cough cough* myself included, have had.....

1. If he's not calling you - Forget the excuse of 'I'm just not a phone person' or 'I'm too busy for words'.. If he is into you, he WILL call you. He will love hearing your voice or even you being silent on the phone! Whenever you find out that you're the one who keeps calling him, you need to step back a little and maybe get the message. Remember how it was with that guy who was totally crazy about you, who called you a LOT? Yup! it wasn't a mistake, that's how guys behave when they like a girl, they want to talk to them (bb-messaging does not count :-P)

2. He has a lot of ex-drama that he hasn't quite sorted out: Yes, you really like him and you want to be patient with him but know that a guy who really cares about you will go the extra-mile to make you feel secure. He will want to make you know that it's only you, and you have his FULL attention. You will not need to be checking his phones/computer or creating fake facebook accounts to check on him. In other words you will not need to die of a stroke before your time. Respect yourself enough to step back and let him sort himself out. If he really wants you, he will come back.

3. He's not defining the relationship: Ah-ha! This one is a VERY important one (infact, I shall be writing a full post on this soon). If there's something you have to remember, it's this.. 'ALWAYS DEFINE YOUR RELATIONSHIP'. Do not assume or do not make him make you assume. A guy who wants to be with you, will be with you and not leave you speculating. Like I said earlier, he will want to make you feel secure. Please let's ditch 'We are having something'.. No, you are not having something, perhaps the only thing you are having is a nice recipe for heartbreak. Please, be bold enough to talk about what you want out of the relationship and know that you deserve that much.

4. He blows Hot and Cold: I'm sure a lot of ladies will understand this concept. One minute, he seems very interested, the next you're not so sure anymore. One minute, he's calling 5 times a day checking on you at random times, the next you don't hear from him in 2 days, 5 days, 2 weeks. Then he calls again and the cycle starts again. Please RUN! A guy who cares about your feelings will not mess around with it in such a manner. He will be straight with you and be honest with you. Again I say, you deserve that much!

5. He pressures you about sex: As a Christian, I have found out that when you are walking with a like-minded guy, he helps you in your decision to wait. What I have found is that a guy who really cares about you, cares about the things that you care about! When he knows how important your relationship with your Father in heaven is, his desire should not be to break that relationship but to help you in building that relationship. he will do this because he will understand how much it will hurt you to spoil that relationship and friendship with God. A guy who is for keeps will not want to satisfy his urges and hurt you in the process. He will be willing to wait. Note that it will NOT be easy at all but he will care enough to be disciplined for the good of both of you. In addition, we are hoping that he will share the same beliefs as you, therefore even when you are weak, he can be strong for you and vice versa. A man like that knows where you are headed and wants to support your destiny and not mar it. And of course, if he knows that he is making plans in such a way that he will be getting it as much as he wants in the near future, he will hold body and bear it with a grin (well not quite :-)!

Please note that this list is not by any means exhaustive so ladies AND gents, feel free to add to it! xx


  1. word.

    I realize however, that as we grow older we get wiser and are able to sieve the shaft from the real ones

  2. ''if he loves you he go hold body'' i like that and that's the truth call a red spade a red

  3. you touched on so many things in this post. some times we women are our own enemies. most men normally tell each other the truth about their relationships i.e if a guy is with a girl who has slept around, his friend will tell him to stay clear but with women it is another story.. sigh.

    now to the main gist- you are tooo on point. I SMH for some girls o. it isn't easy i know but you are better off single than getting yourself involved in a guy that will eventually break your heart.

    good post!

  4. @doll, I totally agree with you, the older we get the wiser we become.. We keep learning and praying we never make the same mistakes twice!
    @Chizy K, thanks a lot dear xx
    @aloted, thanks hun.. it's funny how the need to be in a relationship is so deep that some ladies will rather be in any kind of relationship and with any kind of man than be single and wait for the best. I pray that God will give us wisdom. xx

  5. Amen to your prayer!

    You have been tagged on my blog. Pls check it out x


  7. If we have to wonder if a man/woman want to be with us, they don't.

    Oftentimes, women choose to believe what they want to believe because the truth hurts.

  8. @aloted, oh la la! My first tag.. Yay! Thanks hun, will do so. xx
    @sayedero, yayy! It feels goood to be back! and even better when people like you encourage me xx
    @Homemade Ent, Welcome, welcome! I'm glad and grateful for your comment. + hugely flattered that you used my post :-D (another first!).. Things will definitely change!
    @Kitten, you are on point! May we be willing and bold to be true to ourselves.. (It's your first time here as well right?) Welcome dear xx
    *kisses to everyone*

  9. One!I just passed you the One Lovely Blog Award.Check my blog and do the needful.

  10. so im tryin 2 share ur post on twitter,facebook n tinz buh derz no link.....y na???pls can u do d link thingy...D WORLD NEEDS 2 HEAR YOU!!!
    signed *obsessed fan*

  11. I read that book some months ago and I remember nodding in affirmation all through the pages. Some people are just delusional and cant see the truth even if it is embedded in their retinas.

  12. It's better ti be single and lonely than hitched and all alone. I'm a guy and I've seen this scenario happen way too often. It's always sad to see a lady been dragged along in a fruitless relationship. Best cut your losses and make way for the real spouse of your covenant. Guys are usually clear when they are into someone. If there's room for doubt then he's just not that into you.

  13. If he loves you, he won't have these conditions jare.

    Now following you in anticipation of more updates WINK

    Muse Origins

  14. @doll, I always wondered what would have happened at it been we were endowed with all our knowledge at birth. That will certainly save us a lot of heartache and pain.

  15. @Amanda, thank you so much! Much appreciated..
    @sayedero, I've been trying to look at the settings to adjust but I'm meeting a brick wall.. Help? lol (And I'm very flattered, thanks hun xx)
    @HoneyDame and watchman, it's true. I think everyone just wants a happy ending..But sometimes it's better to face the truth and exit..
    @Museorigins, yup, true talk!
    @AllaboutNigeria, If only ey?
    Thanks everyone for stopping by to comment on here.. Very much appreciated! (And I apologise for the very looong time it took to respond) Lots of love xxxx

  16. This is so true. As ladies, these signs are always there but because we are blinded by love, we fail to see them. Its better we see them because whether we see them or not, it does not cahnge anything!


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