I'm in my room, listening to slow love songs and going through the archives of my old facebook messages :-) (sent and received). I don't know how I'm feeling- up/down, good/bad.... what I do know is that there is this feeling of melancholy and "what could have been" and "what should be now". It's been going on for the past couple of days. Don't know why but I have been feeling the need to just be on my own and I've been in quite a somber mood....You see the reason why it's particularly unusual is that I am not one to be on my own at ALL...oh yes, I love having people around me ALL the time, I could almost run crazy if I have nothing to do or find myself on my own. But for some reason, right now I feel like withdrawing and spending some "me" time...Oh well, it's only temporary, believe me :-)
Tonight, I've been doing some sort of "soul-searching". Just taking a trip down memory lane..... I remember when I had that caption as my facebook status, someone wrote cheekily on my wall, "hope you come back via third mainland bridge". It was some HOT guy and I think I might have had a little school girl crush on him (old woman like me) so imagine how pleased I was that he commented on my state of mind lol....
Anyways, I was just going through my messages and that particular HOT guy is now a part of that memory trip. As it happened, that wall post was just a start of many more messages as well as night phone calls (you know you don't discuss lecture notes or the weather at that time :-).
When I go through old stuff like old messages and diaries..I smile and sometimes wish I could turn back the hands of time in some circumstances... I read little notes or messages I wrote in the past to that special someone and I long for days gone past.. I remember that special thing he did, how we could keep talking and talking,. How we were such good friends who understood each other so much! Sometimes I wonder what went wrong or in some cases I remember where it all started to go topsy-turvy.
On the other hand, sometimes what jumps out at me are those things I did/said, and now with the fortune of hindsight I wonder why I said/wrote such a thing. Nevertheless there are times when I am actually impressed with what I said/did and I'm like "you actually did/said that!".
The simple act of going through my archives of old messages brings up so many emotions, it's amazing that such a simple act is capable of evoking so MUCH! It's worth it though because as the memories start to form a story in your mind, it's like watching a movie of your life! Better still, it's a time to re-evaluate and re-examine. It gives you the opportunity to stop and analyse areas you could have done better or situations you could have handled better. It also sometimes makes you see loose ends that you probably forgot to tie up or unexplored opportunities that you have forgotten to get back to...... At least I found one or two. Hope to let you know how it all turns out. By God's grace, I hope as usual for the best!!
Wish you the same