Converstations with One: Who Should Pay on Dates?

Hello everyone!

We are back with another edition of Conversations with One!! Here's the question for this week:

When dating/courting, is it alright to split expenses in half?

So, when we go out to eat or go on a date, should the man be expected to pay solely or should it be equal contribution from both man and woman?

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Nike: Please, why do we have to share the bills? God forbid I take up a man's responsibilities. I know a lot of dating rules have changed especially the women fighting for equality with men. I was surprised to find out that some women find it insulting for a man to pay the bills on the first date. They would rather spilt the bills.

Yes we can!

Ayo: It's the 21st century Nikkysho :-)

Bodam: To be honest, I don't really understand this 21st Century style of dating... I'm a 1980's kinda gal! Loool!

Nike: My culture and religion forbid such act. The man is head of the family and should always take the lead.
The only reason I'll take up the bills when on a date is if I asked him out or I want to give him a special treat. A cultured man will even insist to pay.
Although, there might be a few exceptions when in courtship especially if it involves a large sum of money and you know he might not be able to afford it, then it's wise to make a contribution.

I got you baby...

One: Ok, so I get what you're saying - The man should pay but on some occasion when you know his financial limitations, you can contribute...

Bodam: Nikkysho... I think you've said it all!

Seriously though, if we're going on a date, then I believe Le Boo should pay... Once in a while (or maybe even more often), I will treat him out and then pay or after the date, take him to a movie and pay or do something and pay, but I don't believe it should be a 'requirement' for the date. Infact, if we do go out and the Bobo says can you pick up half the tab, I run..

I'm outta there in a flash!

One: Lol.. Miss B!

Bodam: And before my modern ladies and gentlemen jump down my throat... Loool! I don't 'need' Le Boo to feed me - truth be told, I can afford whatever occasion out myself.

One: See disclaimer - "I'm not a leech!" Lol

Bodam: ... But there is something so cultured and proper about a gentleman taking me out, opening my door, and treating me like a lady... And at the end of the date, that includes footing the bill.

One: Hmmm, I get what you mean. I used to think it didn't matter so much until I met some guys who haven't murdered chivalry and I have to say it was..... nice and refreshing. I felt like a lady (I didn't even know I wanted to feel like one lol) 

No, not in any way like this :-D (and it's 'off')

Bodam: If you cannot afford Intercontinental Hotel, please let us go to Mr. Biggs... It's not a status thing... You're not a man by how much money you have in your pocket... You're a man by how you lead... You're a man by the vision you have for your future and how you're working towards it... And you're a man by how you treat your lady! :-)

One: *standing ovation*.. Loveeeet! It's not really about the money you're able to spend but the idea that you are mindful of treating me well and with courtesy.. That's not asking for too much right?.. But let's see what others have to say...

True or False?

Isioma: I like Nikkysho's response - matter of fact. I Lol-ed at #Godforbid

Ok in my opinion I think it depends on who you're dating and your background.
My sisters from the West side may say yea sure, it's an equal world why not? Although I have a few West side sisters who are still very traditional. Then my sisters from downtown (youknowwahamsaying) will say nah nah nah! 'He the man, he gotta pay the bills.' 

One: Lol.. Alright, go ahead, give us the West side / Downtown analogy!

Isioma: Speaking as a downtown sister, I won't split the bills. The men I know are raised to be caretakers, they know how to handle their business and matter of fact, they take pleasure in taking care of their women. It may even hurt their ego if you attempt to or suggest a split the bills.
'Christianly' speaking, men have a large responsibility as 'caretakers' and God didn't make a mistake when He brought Eve to be the 'helpmeet', so I quite like to help only where necessary.....lol! I mean the occasional surprises and gift buying are most definitely recommended but not a conscious bill split. Call me traditional but I'm sticking with it. 

Traditional and proud!

One: Lol @ where necessary. But I get what you mean about men's egos being hurt, I have met one or two like that. The truth is that I have found that many men in Nigeria are still quite 'traditional' when it comes to that. However, it comes with a price..  They are traditional in ALL aspects.. So if you want him to pay all the bills, be ready to spend quality time in the kitchen :-) (not in all cases though).

Isioma: From what I've sometimes seen and heard, two things happen when she splits the bills. 

1. He feels slighted and thinks she's proud/pompous

2. He becomes lazy and sees you as his ATM 

One: *let me cut in for a second* - Really? He thinks you're proud/pompous?! Guys, I need your take on this - true or false?? - Alright, kwantinu please..

Isioma: You don't want either of the two options so I'll say, know who you're dating - is he from the West side with a 'modern' ideology (in which case- sorry oh) or does he like to take care of his woman like my downtown brothers? Also, is he genuinely broke and really needs your support? In this case you gotta be very careful too so you don't hurt his ego in doing good. Maybe that dinner can turn into a chill-out movie night on the couch to save cost #justsaying.

Bodam: Baby girl... I agree with you 100%... Only thing I'd say is wisdom must prevail in the cost-cutting....

If they're a Christian couple, then let's be frank: too many chill-out movie nights on the couch to cut costs may lead to some other extra curricular activities to "save on heating".. Loool!

Isioma: LOL.. I have to say though that when you're courting, the ball changes. You can help with some things especially in planning your wedding or investing into your future home but then again, be wise!

Bodam: Bottom line, as you've said - in all things there should be a balance. Be creative! If money is an issue, then learn to date on a budget! Thank God for the Internet, there are so many creative things one can do that don't cost so much...

A friend told me a story... She went on a date... At the end of the meal, bobo took the bill and placed some money into it, then pushed it to her side of the table for her to cover the rest! Haaaa... After all the pleas of "can I take you out"?! Loolll

Wisdom is profitable to direct... :-)

One: Hahaha.. That's classic! 

Alright ladies and gentlemen.. Over to you. We'd love to get your thoughts on this one.. Do you agree or vehemently disagree? It would be great to hear from the men as well! Do you think it's ridiculous to be expected to pay for most of your dates or that it's only wise to split things in half?

Let's talk....

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Remember that 1 + The One is very social :-) Please connect with us on:

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Also, if you have any question or comment please send us an email too - oneplustheone@gmail.com

You can read the profile of the Conversations with One panel HERE

Spot-LIGHT *New Series*

Hello everyone *shock gasp* - A new post in only a matter of days! (Don't worry, I surprise myself too) lol.

Welcome to a new month beautiful people! I am glad that August is starting on such a fantastic note. I thank God for bringing us into a new month and for the blessing of life and love. All glory to Him always and always.

So what's the plan for this month? Perhaps I should start by asking - do you have a plan for the month?

Well, here on the blog, the plan is to start a new series. Yayyyyyy!

As some of you might know (If you follow @1plustheone on Instagram), I started working in the media and entertainment industry in November last year.

To be honest, it's been a great and interesting journey thus far, however just like many jobs, it comes with its challenges. I have experienced a number of changes and one of that is that I do not have the luxury of time as I previously did hence why it has become really difficult to sustain blogging frequently (and oh how I miss it sooo!) - I miss blogging regularly, I miss reading my favourite blogs regularly too!

But by God's grace, I'm hoping that things will settle and I would be able to manage my time better.

Changes will come, but one thing I pray for is that by God's grace, 1 + The One will not just continue, but will also thrive and flourish, fulfilling God's purpose to the glory of His name.

We will have more Vlogs and possibly new series.

Anyway, back to the new series I was talking about. Allow me to introduce to you beautiful people - 'Spot-LIGHT'..

I love that bible passage that calls you and me the 'light of the world'. (Matthew 5:14 - 16)

Light of the World!

Do you know that as Christians, day by day, whether people admit it or not, the spotlight is on us?? The moment you decide to stand up and stand out for Jesus, people will watch very carefully the way you behave, the way you talk and how you represent the Christ you profess.

Oh you didn't know? Well, make a mistake or put your foot wrongly and then you'll hear the phrases '...And she calls herself a Christian', "Christian my foot..", "Such a hypocrite!!".. Have you heard that before? Me too! lol

The interesting thing about this is that these are people who raise their noses at you when you talk about your Jesus or say you won't do certain things. You can just see them rolling their eyes as you pick up your bible to go for evening service (because Sunday service is more than sufficient!). Yet, whether they admit it or not, they hold you to a certain standard. You are indeed an Ambassador in every sense of the word. You are the 'Christ' that they see.

Anyway, I hope to share on Mondays the intrigues, delights and on many occasions, challenges of shining the light of Jesus when (and where) it is very very unpopular.

I hope this would delight, encourage and inspire, while I also look forward to learning from you and reading your experiences too!

#ImExcited :-)

You are LIGHT - Never forget that :-) xx

Have an amazing week and month beautiful people!

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." - Matthew 5:14-16

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Remember that 1 + The One is very social :-) Please connect with us on:

Facebook: www.facebook.com/1plustheone

Twitter: @1plustheone

Google+ - 1 + The One

Instagram: @1plustheone

Also, if you have any question or comment please send us an email too - oneplustheone@gmail.com

Conversations with One - Gifts = Love Me, PLEASE Love Me?

Hiyaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!

*Carefully cleans out cobwebs* - Lol.. Honestly, this is getting old! And I do sincerely apologise again for the hiatus.

Look at that.. We had a great introduction to the new season (Thank you all for the love *kisses*, and then I we just went MIA!). Lord have mercy! Well, we are back and we are back *cheesy grin*. Thanks to everyone for the love and for checking in, it meant a great deal and I appreciate you immensely.

Alrighty, before we dive right into today's conversation, I would have to say that so many things have been going on in blogsville! From my dearest friend Frances Okoro of Imperfectly Perfect Lives who published a brilliant e-book 'Chastity for Men'.. You have to pick up a copy, and it's FREE! (Yes, you heard that right!).. I shall be doing a proper review on here! Also, Tomi of Arike Arts got married! Congratulation hun! So grateful and glad for you.. Still on blogsville, my darling Sykik had a baby!! Whoop whooop! I am still rejoicing at the news. Please spare a minute to read her journey and testimony of this beautiful miracle HERE...

I know I have not in any way exhausted the news around blogsville, but we do have to get to today's conversation right? lol.. Let's go!

This week's question was sent in by a friend and it was something that came up in discussion so I thought to bring it here for your thoughts (It's interesting that we ended the first season with Gifts and we are starting off with gifts as well!):

Gifts - To Give or Not

"Is it alright or important to give gifts to my boyfriend's / girlfriend's parents/siblings or meet certain financial or material obligations?

The reason I ask is because I don't want to seem or look desperate to them. Also, I don't want to start something I may not be able to control in the future."

- Ms B

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Nike: Hello all, I'm so excited that we are back!!!

We are Excited! Yes we are!!

Isioma: Yes I'm definitely excited we're back..yayyyyy!

Nike: It's impossible to love someone without giving gifts. It's absolutely impossible to love someone in isolation. You also have to love the important people in their lives.

One: Hmmmm.. True, I believe that as well..

Nike: There's nothing wrong with giving his/her parents' Birthday or Christmas gifts. Once in a while you can buy something as little as a pack of apples. You are not in anyway obliged to assist financially but if the need arises and you are able to help, then there is nothing wrong in assisting.

No obligation

One: Alright Nike, I hear you..

Isioma: About the question, it's an interesting one and I say so because I sometimes wonder why we worry about some things.
Giving is an attitude of the heart, a selfless act of love. No one can really put a cap on the measure of their giving if it is done from their heart. You will naturally be led to give. Then as Christians, we have a directive to do so anyway without reservations and bearing in mind that you will receive the measure you have given.

One: Preach 'Pastor' Isioma lol

Isioma: Lol.. However, I understand that we deal with humans and so people can misunderstand and even abuse your kindness (don't let 'em hinder you though).
In this case, I will tow Nikkysho's line and say there is nothing stopping you from giving the general gifts - Christmas, Birthday, Anniversary gifts etc. Also, I was taught that it's good practise to take a gift when you visit people. So the families of your boyfriend/girlfriend can benefit from those. 

Then you can't say you love a person and not give to them no matter how little. The act of giving is not a guarantee for a future, it's just an extension of your affection and I dare say that your giving can increase as your relationship deepens. You just naturally find new ways to show your affection.

One: I believe so too.. When I really like someone, I have the urge to want to give or do something for them.. Not for any particular reason, but 'just because'. Sometimes, I think your willingness to sacrifice either by giving or doing is a test of how much you love the person!

You can't love without sacrifice

Isioma: As for meeting financial/material obligations, in the first place it's not your obligation as such but the bible encourages us to help our neighbours (even strangers as in the example of the good Samaritan) in their time of need as it is done unto the Lord. So I will say, do what you can to help and let it be done as a selfless act of love.

One: Indeed, key word (or words) is 'selfless act of love'.. But how about the writer's concern that you might appear 'desperate'.. Particularly as a woman. They might think you're trying to curry favour from them? I would like to know what guys think.. To do or to hold back?

Gifts = Love me, PLEASE love me

Jeffrey: I must say that I totally agree with Isi and NikkySho but I would like to add a little twist to it.

Overtime, I have come to terms with the fact that politics exists in every sphere of life but given the current trend of things, politics has been viewed in the negative light; myself inclusive. However, it is important to see how it can be used positively. 

The giving of gifts has away of breaking the ice or any barrier or misconception that one may have of the other and better still softening the heart of one towards another. This is very natural and I think humanity only took the cue from our Maker-God. Gifts are sign of honour, care and affection so if you care for, wish to honour or show affection to your significant other's family, please by all means do so. Even Boaz gave Ruth gifts for her mother-in-law (Naomi) prior to their marriage (Ruth 3:17) -"and she added, “He gave me these six scoops of barley and said, ‘Don’t go back to your mother-in-law empty-handed.". But I must say that it is important to not let it be a form of bribe in an attempt to gain acceptance.

Gifts open doors

One: I actually think it's important to try as much as possible to not go empty-handed to visit people. It's good practise to try as much as possible to take something along, no matter how small (and no matter who it is)

Jeffrey: As for assisting in meeting an obligation, I will say that there is nothing wrong with this as long as it is not a recurrent issue because it then becomes a burden without the bond of marriage to necessitate such. Such burden should only be necessary in the context of marriage, for that is part of what marriage is for.

We must admit that human beings are political but in being political, diplomacy coupled with the a godly conscience is imperative.

One: We are political? :-) I think women are the best diplomats lol.. However, it is very essential in a relationship!

Politics? :-D

Ok, enough from us, what do you think? Do you think it looks desperate when you take gifts or buy things for your boyfriend/girlfriend's parents or family?

Also, how about meeting financial obligations, yay or nay?

Let's talk!

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Remember that 1 + The One is very social :-) Please connect with us on:

Facebook: www.facebook.com/1plustheone

Twitter: @1plustheone

Google+ - 1 + The One

Instagram: @1plustheone

Also, if you have any question or comment please send us an email too - oneplustheone@gmail.com

Dear Daddy

My dearest Daddy of life!

It's a brief one today.. Just thought to stop by to let You know that You are the no 1 love of my life.

You own my heart, You own my head, You own my body and I am proud to call You Lord.

Thank You for the privilege of being able to call You Lord, Daddy, Friend and so much more.

I love You,
One xx

Source

Conversations with One - Season 2 (Introducing the Team)

Hello everyone!

It's another edition of Conversations with One! We are back, we are live and we are ready to goooo!!

A huge thanks to everyone for joining us in the last season. Missed it? You can read all the posts HERE.

Today's post marks the first in the 2nd season of Conversations with One... We've been on a long break and we are back with a slightly different modus operandi.

As always, Conversations with One is a talk-show on 1 + The One where each week, the 1 + TheOne panel (made up of beloved and very wise friends with a variety of personalities) and I bring you snippets of our 'round-table' discussions from a male/female perspective.. We talk about any and every thing!!

Ladies! Have you ever wanted to get into the mind of a guy? (I know I do! lol), and for guys, I bet once in a while you wish you could just read her mind! Well hopefully week after week, we get to bridge that gap!

The new panel is made up of 7 women and 1 man... Yes, 1 solitary man who is definitely up to the task :-)... However, remember that YOU make up the panel too as we only kick-start the discussions while we invite your comments, thoughts, stories and experiences too!

First of all, introduction - Today's post is an introduction to the wonderful 1 + The One Panel so that you can put a name and face to the people speaking...

I love to LOL :-D

Hello guys, I'm Mmesoma Lams, (aka Light) a Lawyer by profession, an Encourager by calling and an unrepentant GodChaser . I love to laugh loud and hard. I do creative writing as well... WELL, they say I'm a 'Special One' and I readily agree.. *winks*

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I worship!

My name is Faith, I love to worship and write songs that glorify God. I am currently in a relationship/courtship. I study Law in Wales...soon to graduate!

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Best believe, I have TWO boys! :-D

My name is Adenike Shoremekun a.k.a Nikkysho. I am married with 2 beautiful boys.
I love cooking, talking/ gisting, listening to music and planning events.

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Beautiful in my imperfections

I'm Ireti Oladapo, a wife, mother, writer and a daughter of God. I can sometimes be a bit clumsy but I'm beautiful in my imperfections.

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I love weddings! :-)

My name is Bodam Taiwo, half Yoruba, half Cross River and full Nigerian! Domiciled in the beautiful city of Lagos, I love eating dessert for breakfast, planning events especially weddings, going for long brunches turned lunches, listening to music and dancing, having a great time with family and friends and most importantly, trying to live out my life in accordance with my faith and the beliefs I profess as a Christian.

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Passionate about inspiring people

My name is Jeffrey Nsofor, accountant by profession, a Christian by Faith and a life-coach to all who need my help. I am passionate about inspiring people to discover their purpose, thereby empowering them to reach their full potential. I am an Author, Speaker, Life Coach and a Blogger (www.JeffreyNsofor.com).

And lest I forget, a die-hard Arsenal fan and people have also labelled me as a good dancer, looll.

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I love singing!

Hiya, my name is Isioma Ikediashi soon to be Mrs B in the very near future. I love to learn, like to read and talk to people :-D Any opportunity to talk about relationships and marriage goals is my delight. 

Most importantly, I sing. I don't just love it, I relish it. It's my dream and reality :-)

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I love food :-)

Hallo! My name is Ayo Thompson, I blog at www.1plustheone.com. I love God, love, people and food. :-D

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Alrighty, that's us and we begin in full swing next week Thursday. Don't forget, you can send us an email or put a question across to us as the topic of the day..

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Remember that 1 + The One is very social :-) Please connect with us on:

Facebook: www.facebook.com/1plustheone

Twitter: @1plustheone

Instagram: @1plustheone

Also, if you have any question or comment please send us an email too - oneplustheone@gmail.com