Our Fantasies and His Faithfulness - On Dreams, Realties and the Challenges-in-between (Sebastian Luling)

Guess what?! Today, we have the pleasure of one of our favourite guest series writers of the Chronicles fame, with another interesting, witty and deep article.. Ladies and gentlemen, it's no other person but Sebastian Luling!!! *rings bell*

Sebs aka Sabba Sabba, it's always great to have you on 1 + The One!

I bet that you will enjoy this one.. Happy reading!

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Hello dear readers!

It’s me again, Sebs! Happy new month! Kedu? Bawo ni? < Ayo taught me this one :-). For those who 'no sabi me', my name is Sebastian, a German who wrote some “Chronicles” about my experiences in Nigeria. Since I finished the series, a lot of nice things have happened!

First, Ayo started an amazing new “Convo” discussion series shortly after the “burial” of mine: Ehen, when I think about it: Sometimes old things need to go so that new ones can start, don’t you think?
Germany won the World Cup, which was an amazing experience that actually got even the reserved Germans very excited. There was a lot of dancing, flag-waving and a sense of togetherness. But I suppose it didn’t quite match a Nigerian owambe (Ayo again!). :-)

Germany - Football World Champions!

I got to meet super-friendly Nigerian novelist Lola Shoneyin during a book reading. Chai, that woman has power!

Just recently, my sister got married! Since this blog mainly focuses on relationships, I thought I could share some stories and lessons from that event. 

Before and After :-)

See these two pictures? This is my small sister Sanni acting as a bride in her admired dress that belonged to one of her favorite aunties (aunty in the Nigerian sense :-)). She always loved to dream about her own marriage and being the expressive-speak-her-mouth kind of child she was, she also revealed whom she wanted to marry: First, she wanted to marry me her brother lol, then after some more understanding it was Robert, then Jürgen and finally she ended up with Carsten, whom she actually befriended and after 14 years of an up-and-down relationship, married at the age of 29 (don’t worry, age is not a huge secret in Germany lol). 

Then and Now!

Now these pictures were part of a wedding present from my oldest sister (Sarah) to Sanni (the bride, and yes, our names all start with S lol) to show her how long her little sister has been waiting for this wedding day. She unveiled it during a moving speech about their sisterly childhood and teenage memories. While she presented the old pictures and told their stories, I was both moved and also somehow carried away in my thoughts: I was suddenly so aware of how much has happened in my dear sister’s life between these old childhood dreams of being a princess and her actual wedding over 17 years after.

As a brother, I’ve witnessed first hand what happened in these 17 years: Silly laughter, stupid arguments, reconciliations, insecurities, difficult decisions, conversations about decisions, gisting around the dinner table and loud music in the car. Now, at her wedding, not only did her wedding dress turn out to be different, her whole life took a different course from what she might have expected. I felt so happy that she finally got married, realizing how much she went through. It’s almost like in the movies when you appreciate the happy ending all the more due to all the wahala they went through before.

I believe these observations of childhood dreams and the struggle in realizing them translate to many other areas: When people are young or when they are about to start something, they can be as dreamy and confident as my sister back then. It is the confidence of …
… a football team at the beginning of a World Cup or any other tournament,
… little primary school children thinking they can do anything in the future,
… someone launching a new project, a series, an idea,
… a madly-in-love girl who feels she could hug the world.
Usually, these people start with the excitement of the new. Yet, when the first challenges arise; the difficulties when…
… you lose your first game,
… you do badly in school,
… your project is not going well,
… you discover some major flaws in your loved one.
… then we can easily lose sight of our dreams and of God’s plan. It all seems so wearisome that we can get into a mere passive survival mode, a mode where we somehow keep going, yet stop to thrive, to smile, to laugh, to hope, to reach out. 

I feel that especially in Nigeria, a country with so many brilliant and talented people having so many individual dreams, but people who sometimes lack the opportunities, resources or connections to realize them, it can be difficult not to lose hope. I sense this also when I talk with 'diaspora Nigerians' here in Germany, when they start talking about their home country, they express this tension between what is … and what could be, this sense of nostalgia mixed with frustration. 

With some of my Nigerian friends in Germany

So what can we do? Well, I don’t have all the answers, but one thing I know for sure: God has His plans for us, and they surely include disappointments. Joseph had nice dreams, but he also had a not-so-nice cell in which he had to live before his dreams came true. Jesus had a mission, yet he knew opposition, betrayal and misunderstanding would be his portion before achieving that mission. Still, both of them did not lose their confidence and hope. That is the tricky part: To go through wahala, yet not to say “I don tire”. To endure, not just with resoluteness, but with hope and joy. To fall down, and get back up again. To be vexed, and still forgive. To look at some old pictures and start to dream again, but to remain open for a “change-of-plan”. To let God give you the energy, patience and strength to do all of that.

When I read through some of the comments on this very blog, I can sense the hopeful outlooks of many godly sisters, women who, inspired by other role-models, hope for the best and who believe that God will provide them a good husband and a blessed marriage. It is refreshing to see this enthusiasm and this energy. However, I don’t know about the ones who don’t comment and the doubts and disappointments every one of us might have had, especially in this area. But I pray and hope that we don’t lose hope, joy, and this sense of excitement. That, like my sister, one day you can look back at your troubled life and smile about the past dreams, rejoice in reality and look forward to what’s next.

Me, when life was a lot simpler :-)

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And I say a big AMEN to that... Thank you for this brilliant encouragement and reminder to never stop dreaming and to never give up on our dreams.. They may change slightly (or totally!) but as long as God's in control, it would always be better.

Congratulations to your sister and her husband.. May the reality of their marriage surpass their dreams or imaginations!

"Now unto Him that is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us" - Eph 3:20

Keep hope alive!