Warning, Excess Luggage!

Mehn I need some baggage detox!




One very important thing I am learning in my new 'journey' is that each one of us bring with us into new relationships our own baggage. Some resolved, others unresolved yet still baggage.

Having lived a considerable amount of time on this earth, I have had my fair share of experience and so has the Mr (let's call him 'my love'). I realise that our characters and attitudes are moulded and shaped after the things we have been through, our backgrounds, the people we have met along the way of life and of course our faith and relationship with God. More importantly, many of these things are things that we allow to come along with us as we move forward. And we all know that every successful relationship, should consist only of 1+1 + The One aka God (Eventually, all things working out, 1+1 will = 1).

I am discovering that a lot of times, I relate with my love based on some of the things I have experienced in my past - relationship-wise. The thing is I never imagined that any of these things were lurking in my memory bank only to reappear again now.

This is the reason why when someone has been hurt many times in the past, they find it difficult to trust a new person even if he/she is the best person on this earth. We hear things like "I've been hurt before, I'm only trying to protect myself"..
When you've been used to a certain pattern, you either conform and be the same way or rebel in a new relationship and ensure that you do the exact opposite.. Either way, your experience is having a direct or indirect effect on the way you relate to your significant other.

For me, there are a few things that I notice that I am afraid of them repeating themselves in this relationship that I am sometimes over-wary and too careful with my love and the effect is not very pleasant for him and for my peace of mind! I am learning and praying to manage it properly and get to relate with him on virgin territory and not interpret some actions as similar to what person A or person B did..

Oh, to have the same frame of mind as the days of my first love when it was the purest and most innocent love-affair. I had nothing to worry about because then, I had never suffered a heart-break so relationships were black and white to me, I had not heard the stories of my girlfriends who had suffered terribly in the hands of undeserving men.. I did not know or understand what it meant to feel insecure as in my little innocent heart, I was ALL his and he was ALL mine and no one had ever given me reason to doubt or snoop around etc.. In essence, I was coming as I was, no Person A's experience + Person B's effect, just me, myself and I.

In this step to letting go of this baggage, I will be reflecting in the next few posts the things that I have learnt from past relationship experiences and hopefully as I do so, I will pick up the bits and pieces that still affect my now and bin them forever and ever (So help me God!)

xxxx

                                       

Everyone desires a GREAT man.... But can you handle him?!

Hiya!

Saturday is usually not a blog-day as I have noticed that there are less activities on the internet social scene on Saturdays.. People are too busy catching up with their weekend 'swag' to think about blogging/poking/twittering etc - Well of course we have the loyal faithfuls, never disappointing, ever sure, always faithful lol *iKid*

I was treated to dinner a few days back by one of my dear friends *thank God for great friends*, we were all ladies and of course it was a great rendezvous for catch up on God, life and love! Every time I have the opportunity to sit down with my girls, I have a splendid, naughty and educative time rolled into one + at this particular restaurant, the manager is always kind to give us free drinks *the pleasures of being female! (Everyone loves freebies #fact) lol

So, a few things that I want to share from our conversation :
- Everyone wants a GREAT man but are you willing to be a GREAT woman?
You see, my friends and I all believe in 'The List' and writing the vision of the kind of man we desire to have and to hold as ours (or is it to have and to hold us?). We are as detailed as possible in what we pray to God for The One to have.. And from my point, just reading my list out loud to myself makes me fall in love with the man already! lol.

I have a habit of bringing out the list periodically and reading/confessing what I desire using Psalm 37:4-5 as a base scripture and thanking God for bringing SUCH a man of a man *swoon* into my life.. I wish I could share this list with you... odikwa too much *shakes head* lol.. I must say though that none of the things on my list are unreasonable.. I tried to be as practical and real as possible. And so far so GOOD.. :-)

In addition to writing this list for HIM, I also chose to write a list for HER. You see, a lot of times, we can be so focused on the right kind of man and the qualities that he must possess that we neglect to think about what kind of woman we desire to be.

The questions I usually ask myself is "When this amazing man comes my way, would he himself want me? Would I be the kind of woman that he would also desire to have if he had a list? Would I qualify to be a man's prayer point? Would I be irresistible to have and to hold and to show off for this man?

I have come to realise that as I pray for this man, he is by God's grace becoming a greater asset, and of course we all know that as his value increases so does his taste as well as the interest of some 'others' *rolls eyes* lol.. My point is this, everybody wants a good thing .. you and HIM.. As you desire to have all these wonderful qualities in your partner, it is very important that you are also checking yourself and ensuring that you possess all those things and more! If you want a partner who loves God, do you? If you want a romantic partner, are you? If you want to have a partner who is sound in the word of God, are you?

Having said this, I have to say that my list for the kind of woman I desire to be is longer than his! I also read it out to myself periodically so that in the areas where I am lacking I can ask God for help and also actively work at improving myself..

You see, as I do so, my value increases, I will be able to boldly and confidently give any competition a run for their money (Compe whatt??! lol) we will be a very compatible match *wink wink* and most importantly we will both give God glory!

So what kind of woman do you desire to be? Write it down.. When that GREAT man comes (or if he is already here) then you can definitely handle him :-) xx

Why am I like this??! - 7 things I have learnt so far...

Hiya good people of blogsville!

Hope the year has started on a very good note asides the #OccupyNigeria issue for Nigerians home and abroad as well as the civil tension.. I join you all in saying to our God in heaven a very hearty "Lord save our nation".

Thanks to all those who commented on the last post and wished me well on this new journey.. So far it's been 2 months in and all I can say is thank GOD! I have learnt (and still learning) a lot in only 2 months; things about God, things about him and the most surprising of all are things about me! Honestly, sometimes it takes allowing someone into your life to open your eyes or reveal some other facets of you that you didn't even know existed *eyes wide open*.. The thing is, not all of these 'revelations' are pleasant.. my goodness!

So, in the past 2 months I think my prayer life and communication with God have definitely increased. In fact I say to Him "Lord, you need to help me cause you know that if you leave me alone to my own devices I would surely 'use my hands' to spoil this thing"... I am learning, I am growing, I am being developed.

I have been able to discuss with a few of my girl-friends and it's amazing how some of the experiences we have are very similar with only some slight variations. I would write down below some of the points I have realised and you tell me if it's common or peculiar to just me:

1. Independent women feel just as insecure as the next person: I am not your overly independent woman, but I believe that I have good self-confidence to a large extent and I am very comfortable in my own skin. Nevertheless, I have come to realise that one of the most important needs of a woman is 'SECURITY'.. This doesn't only have to be financial but emotional as well in a very huge way.. There are times I do certain things to 'test' how deep his love and commitment are to me and usually it does not make sense! lol.. I am learning to let go and just trust him and trust God to make all things beautiful.

2. I OVER-ANALYSE: Mehnnnn... I have become Inspector One overnight! When he says A, I would see how A relates to B and how P may affect A and how A may actually mean Y... lol. I don't know about you, but I have a VERY over-active and over-imaginative mind.. I am always 'thinking'..  I am praying to God to deliver me from 'over-thinking' and just let go (again that word)

3. Dejavu!: In my previous relationships, there were certain things I did that I made up my mind never to do again. For instance, I remember with my first boyfriend (and I blame romance novels especially M&Bs particularly for this one), I used to instigate little tiffs aka little disagreements, and you know how the story goes; you disagree, boy says I'm sorry, girl fronts small or vice versa, eventually there's a making up and it feels like you are back to the honeymoon stage...perfecto! Unfortunately, this gets OLD after a while and only works in novels after a while.. 

To this effect, I am trying and trying not to take offence easily, to allow trivial things go, not to pick on every word that is said and use as a reason to give 'silent treatment'... Motto is: 'Out with the old, in with the new' *so help me God!*.

4. There are no set rules for relationships: Each relationship is unique and special in its own way. What works for A usually may not work for B. How C and D get on may not be the same way for you. You need to find your own relationship niche that works for both of you and stick with it. Never compare, (well except to learn something good for yourself or improve yourself), don't use another relationship or circumstance as a yardstick for yours.

5. Appreciate the little and big things: This one speaks for itself. Always use words of affirmation and words of encouragement, say 'thank you', 'I appreciate you', give compliments. It helps a lot. Be his/her biggest cheerleader. There's always the tendency to lose sight of why you chose him/her in the first place. Go back to that place and learn to value the person you're with because if you don't now, you may remember those good qualities you ignore now when it's too late!

6. Communication is key: It is important to be able to freely express your feelings to each other. Nevertheless, what I have learnt is that in expressing yourself, you have to be sensitive to the feelings of the other person. Sometimes, we may express ourselves to make us feel good or vent and it may really not be necessary. 

7. PRAY and PRAY and PRAY: At the end of the day, every good thing is worth fighting for. I choose to fight on my knees! Rather than nag, pray about it! (Honest truth is I'd rather have it all out here and now than wait for the prayer to be answered, waiting can be long mehn! lol.. But I have learnt that it is more profitable to wait for the Holy Spirit to work things out His own way - God help us!)

So, how about you, what nuggets of wisdom borne out of experience can you share with us? I look forward to hearing yours! 

God bless you xx

It's a brand NEW journey!!

Happy New Year my darling blogville!

It's been 2months too long and I have missed you all. I'm glad and grateful to God almighty (I just love my Big Daddy!!) that we've had the good opportunity to see the year 2012 and oh my, the days are going by sooo fast already!
So, I guess it's apt for me to ask "What's going on?" "What's new folks?" "What's changed/happened, etc etc?".

Well as you may have already guessed, I have newsssss!!!! lol..
Well, some of you may know that with this blog, I hope to share some of the things I experience on my 'journey' to meeting The One, with the main One the One aka God, my Father being my senior partner.. Well, (don't worry I'm neither married not engaged yet lol) the direction and focus of my writing will change slightly as I am now officially official with an official somebody (if you get my drift hehehe) and if you don't, come back another day when I put up another post..

In this new journey of getting to know and develop a solid relationship with the Mr, I have begun to learn NEW things. I have been able to apply OLD things as well. You know, the interesting thing is that I have come back to this blog a few times to read some of the things I wrote previously as a check/guide in my new relationship. I even shared 'Taking it back Old School' with him lol.. (Truth: It is NOT an easy something at all but God dey :-)

I have come to realise that writing down one's desires and hopes is a great thing to do. It means you can go back again and again to read/have a look at it.

I have always believed very much in 'writing the vision down' as Habakkuk 1:1-3  in the Bible (be honest, did you know there was a Habakkuk in the bible? lol) rightly suggests. One important thing I have learnt so far is that it is profitable and highly recommended to write the vision! Write down your hopes and desires, write down your dreams, write down your requests to God, write down both the important and trivial things for posterity sake. When you come back to the written down vision, it gives you a clearer idea of how far you have come and/or how far behind/below you have reached in order to give you that boost to push harder.

I encourage you to begin to keep a 'vision diary'. Write down what you 'see' or hope to 'see' in your life, in your future, in your walk with God, in your home, in your marriage, in your career, in your finances.. and the list goes on and on! Be as detailed as much as possible and most importantly pray about the things you have written down.

Read it out loud to yourself again and again often (that's word confession!) and I can tell you that very soon, you will begin to see what you wrote come to life. Every time you read them out loud to yourself, they become more real to you!

I hope to share with you on this blog, the things I learn on this journey with this blessed man who has (holy) waltzed into my life and is making such a huge difference in a wonderful way! And my prayer for everyone who desires this as well is that it will come very soon and it will not tarry.

Psalm 37:4-5 "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will grant you the desires of your heart. Trust also in Him and He will bring it to pass"

God loves you MUCH! xxxxxx

HE DOES NOT LIKE YOU LIKE THAT! SHIKENA (Finish/Finito!)

Hiya!
So I was reading a FAB book the other day and it was a REAL eye-opener.. The writer was brutally honest -  something that we all need a healthy dose of.
You know in life, many people are very careful or shall I say frugal when speaking the truth so as not to cause offence - especially in this day of 'political correctness' and 'everyone has a right to their personal opinion' syndrome... Oh well, I do agree that it is good to be sensitive to people's feelings when talking to them or giving constructive criticism but mehn sometimes we need to simply call a Red spade a RED SPADE... Not a cutlass or table knife or even a brown spade but a RED SPADE! So for instance, you know the guy your friend is eyeing is an unserious fellow but because you know she really likes him you say things like 'Oh, don't worry, some guys are not very good at expressing their feelings, he really does like you'.. NO! Tell her the truth now before she gets hurt even more.. 'Sweetie, that boy is not right for you, let him go, your man will soon come!'.

In our quest to be 'nice', we end up doing the other person a disservice and actually do more harm than good, especially when the truth is critical. On the other hand, some people DON'T want to hear the truth (I see you nodding, lol). So sometimes, the truth is wasted on them because they will either pick a fight with you or simply refuse to grant you audience. Nevertheless, as the saying goes, 'do your best and leave the...'
Anyyyways, I digress, back to the book.. It's called - 'He's JUST Not That Into You' written by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo (mainly the former).... Ladies, especially my fellow single ladies :-D.. This book is a must read I tell you!

This writer speaks the truth in a way that a lot of our friends are unwilling to do for fear of causing us emotional distress. He didn't mince any words in letting a girl know how to not only identify, but also accept when a guy is not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. You see, many times guys are not so subtle in letting us know that they are not feeling our steez aka romantically interested in us. This may not be because you are a bad person or not good enough, rather it could simply be a case of not being compatible. Unfortunately, many times when a girl is head over heels in love(?) she fails to recognise nor read nor accept to see these signs until it's too late and the guy ends up breaking her heart. The book is not a Christian book but it does contain some sincere truths that will be very useful for keeping unnecessary heart palpitations at bay.

Are you interested in finding out some of the things he mentioned???? Of course you're curious just as I was! hehehe. Anyways, I will mention a few but I have modified some things based on some stories and examples that a lot of ladies I know *cough cough* myself included, have had.....

1. If he's not calling you - Forget the excuse of 'I'm just not a phone person' or 'I'm too busy for words'.. If he is into you, he WILL call you. He will love hearing your voice or even you being silent on the phone! Whenever you find out that you're the one who keeps calling him, you need to step back a little and maybe get the message. Remember how it was with that guy who was totally crazy about you, who called you a LOT? Yup! it wasn't a mistake, that's how guys behave when they like a girl, they want to talk to them (bb-messaging does not count :-P)

2. He has a lot of ex-drama that he hasn't quite sorted out: Yes, you really like him and you want to be patient with him but know that a guy who really cares about you will go the extra-mile to make you feel secure. He will want to make you know that it's only you, and you have his FULL attention. You will not need to be checking his phones/computer or creating fake facebook accounts to check on him. In other words you will not need to die of a stroke before your time. Respect yourself enough to step back and let him sort himself out. If he really wants you, he will come back.

3. He's not defining the relationship: Ah-ha! This one is a VERY important one (infact, I shall be writing a full post on this soon). If there's something you have to remember, it's this.. 'ALWAYS DEFINE YOUR RELATIONSHIP'. Do not assume or do not make him make you assume. A guy who wants to be with you, will be with you and not leave you speculating. Like I said earlier, he will want to make you feel secure. Please let's ditch 'We are having something'.. No, you are not having something, perhaps the only thing you are having is a nice recipe for heartbreak. Please, be bold enough to talk about what you want out of the relationship and know that you deserve that much.

4. He blows Hot and Cold: I'm sure a lot of ladies will understand this concept. One minute, he seems very interested, the next you're not so sure anymore. One minute, he's calling 5 times a day checking on you at random times, the next you don't hear from him in 2 days, 5 days, 2 weeks. Then he calls again and the cycle starts again. Please RUN! A guy who cares about your feelings will not mess around with it in such a manner. He will be straight with you and be honest with you. Again I say, you deserve that much!

5. He pressures you about sex: As a Christian, I have found out that when you are walking with a like-minded guy, he helps you in your decision to wait. What I have found is that a guy who really cares about you, cares about the things that you care about! When he knows how important your relationship with your Father in heaven is, his desire should not be to break that relationship but to help you in building that relationship. he will do this because he will understand how much it will hurt you to spoil that relationship and friendship with God. A guy who is for keeps will not want to satisfy his urges and hurt you in the process. He will be willing to wait. Note that it will NOT be easy at all but he will care enough to be disciplined for the good of both of you. In addition, we are hoping that he will share the same beliefs as you, therefore even when you are weak, he can be strong for you and vice versa. A man like that knows where you are headed and wants to support your destiny and not mar it. And of course, if he knows that he is making plans in such a way that he will be getting it as much as he wants in the near future, he will hold body and bear it with a grin (well not quite :-)!

Please note that this list is not by any means exhaustive so ladies AND gents, feel free to add to it! xx

WORTH THE WAIT? YOU BET!

Hiya!!

It's been AGES!! I know, I know, I have gone on one of what is becoming a bad habit of 'suddenly dropping off the face of the beautiful world of blogging'. As always, you have to believe me when I say that I have missed blogging immensely and all you my dear cyber friends :-). Even though I haven't been here, I have been very much around and I've kept up to date with my blog-rounds so kudos to all the faithfuls who keep me entertained and make turning on my laptop worth it! *kisses*.

What's been good with y'all? For me, it has been quite busy and can I say erhm quite eventful. Let me expand: What I have been up to:
1. I have cried over a dude
2. Seen a guy I liked go with another chic
3. Started having some sort of wistful thoughts (?) about my first boyfriend aka my first looove! hehe
4. Mr E is getting married next month (sorry no time to explain, read previous posts for clarification hehe)
5. Decided to take the wise words of Matthew 6:33 completely, focus on THE ONE and stop stressing about meeting the one.

You see in the past few weeks, I have gotten to discover something about myself in this journey to meeting the one, and this has enabled me to make certain decisions. You see, I'm sure I have mentioned it many times on this blog how important I consider marriage and how much I want to have a great marriage. Consequently one of my greatest fear in life is to have a broken marriage/home. I think I'm so concerned (actually concerned is not quite the word, more like bordering on obsessed) about it because of the things I have seen and experiences of people, especially women whose lives have been so messed up because of a wrong decision in the choice of a life partner. I have seen the hurt and damage that a bad marriage does to individuals and I NEVER want to be a victim.

Furthermore, I am a Christian so I believe that I will be walking down the aisle ONCE by God's grace.

I have always felt that as a Christian and a young woman who absolutely believes in God and who has been through many things in life that has solidified my trust in Him that my faith in God in taking care of me was firm. I have always imagined that I have experienced the faithfulness in God in so many amazing ways that it was easy for me to trust Him to handle everything that I faced.

I was wrong. I have come to realise that while I trusted God and allowed Him to have His way in every (or most) areas of my life, I guarded my future marriage/marital life jealously. It was so important to me that I wanted to handle it MYself and be very careful and meticulous about it. While I could have faith in God in other areas of my life, I felt I could never try to 'gamble' with my future marriage. I wanted to worry about it on my own, I wanted to look for the 'ideal' man on my own, I wanted to pick at every fault and look very critically at every young man that comes my way and chase every 'waste-man' from a mile. I would stalk check him out, his background, familiarise myself with his facebook, google him and ensure that he was not hiding a wife and 11 sons. I wanted to ask all the right questions and employ many 'wise' ways to judge his character. I wanted to do all these things so that I will guarantee my happy home.

You know what? I have failed! And I have failed not small, not medium but BIG TIME!
I have learnt that just as the bible says "by strength shall no man prevail", there's a lot or actually NOTHING I can achieve by my own wisdom and calculations. I NEED God. I need Him to help me. I need to trust Him enough to let go and let Him. I need to learn to be foolish before Him and allow Him to work on my behalf. I need to learn to relax, to chill and let it go to Him.  I have learnt that no matter how much I love myself or care about my future, I cannot out-love God even for myself, I do not care about my future more than He does. I have decided (by His grace) to look unto Him, seek Him earnestly and wait for Him to act on my behalf.

And this is the hard part; the waiting. The waiting patiently for His best and for His time. The waiting without compromising, the waiting faithfully with complete trust in His love for me and His ability to come through for me.

But one thing I know for sure is that; With God, it's ALWAYS worth the wait!

PS, It feels soooo good to be back xxxx

Taking it back OLD SCHOOL

The day after my aunt got married, she came over to my house to say hi and to pick up a few things before jetting out on honeymoon.  Of course, being the curious cat that I am, I seized the opportunity of interrogating her of how her first night as a married woman went.

She’s my aunty but the age difference between us is not that great so we get along very well; we are really close and I find it easy to discuss almost everything with her. Anyways, I was dying to tease and know what had gone on. If you know me, you would know that I am interested in anything and everything pertaining to married life and since I haven’t had the good fortune of walking down the aisle yet, I am always quick to harass my friends + family who have taken the plunge before me.

At one point during our conversation, (I’ll spare you the full details), she said to me “One, do you know that hubby and I did not as little as kiss before we got married?”.. I kept quiet and looked at her with such huge admiration.

Let me explain to you why my admiration for her went up by 1000%.. You see, having a godly relationship/courtship in today’s world as a Christian is not the easiest things and I am sure you will agree with me. There are so many things that have come to be deemed as acceptable even when they clearly compromise the word of God.  For me, it is increasingly difficult to draw the line to what is acceptable and not acceptable by God’s standard. Key word being God’s standard and not society or media or peer’s standard.

The challenge is not only due to external forces but also internal as well. When you love someone, the physical attraction is c-r-a-z-y and it takes only the grace of God and strong discipline to stop one from doing what you don’t want to. I remember a few years ago, before I got into my last relationship, I desperately wanted it to be as godly as possible. I had made up my mind that there would be not even as ‘much’ as kissing not to mention ‘quaving’/’petting’/’snogging’ etc.. Alas, when the time came and emotions overtook good sense, it was difficult not to hold, kiss + others. It proved to me that sometimes you may have good intentions but when it comes to the crux of the matter, and emotions and ‘right atmosphere’ come into play, good intentions + rationale fly out the window with the promise to come back another day (this promise often does not happen!). I know how difficult it is and I understand how many Christians are struggling with how to be in a loving relationship/courtship that still obeys God’s word and glorifies Him hence why my admiration for my aunt stemmed out of the fact that I thought she was a trooper for being able to ‘hold herself’!!

Anyways, again I have made up my mind (this time with as much pre-prayers as much as possible) that when The One does come, I want it to be absolutely and totally God’s way!! I desire for it to be as ‘Old School’ as possible! You see, in the past, Christian relationships involved no physical relationship whatsoever. I know this may sound archaic and out-dated, nevertheless personally I have discovered that one kiss is never sufficient especially when you are in love with someone. It always starts innocently but there’s always a possibility for things to go a lot further. So I had rather prefer to ‘flee all appearances’. In addition, I believe that time and ways change every day but God’s standards remain the same.

I want my relationship and courtship period to be a lot about getting to know THE PERSON as opposed to the body. I want to fall in love with his mind and love the way his words caresses my mind & soul and not his hands my body. I want to share with him what I read about and learnt from the bible for that day and I want us to pray over the phone together before we go to bed. I want to see clearly the way he treats his family and friends and those around him to be able to understand the way he would treat me and our children. I want to laugh and joke with him and have things in common with him separate but in addition to my physical attraction to him…..

I know that these things do not come by mere wishful thinking but in addition to praying for the grace of God to carry me through, I understand that I have to take practical steps as well. I know that there are many situations and things I would have to deprive myself during this short period in order to achieve this. I know that he has to be in agreement as well with me so that we can help each other in our time of inevitable weakness. I know that there will be times when I would just want to throw it all in and kiss his oh so attractive lips that be calling out to me “One, One, just one gentle kiss”… (*sigh* God help me!) or when my body will be all hot and bothered for him but I choose to WAIT.

I will wait because I know that it is but a matter of time and then he will be ALL mine, I will wait because no matter how long our relationship is, our marriage will be much more longer by God’s grace. And I will wait most importantly because I know it will bring glory to my Father in heaven who is the ultimate THE ONE, THE ONE.. I am that I am.

And when the time of waiting is over, when the Pastor says to him “You may now kiss your bride”.. OH MY GOODNESS!! If people are not careful, we may not attend our own reception! In fact, after all the waiting, I will be hoping that all things being equal, children will come only after about 2 years of KNOWING my HUSBAND! *wink wink* xx

Don't Worry it's YOU he chose....

Lucky you?!

You know I have heard this phrase so much it’s becoming old and irritating. It’s used to excuse cheating partners and husbands, tolerate bad behaviour and accept nuisances.

“Don’t worry, at least it’s you he chose”..

Perhaps, I don’t really understand the meaning of that sentence fully. Yes, I know that the man finds the wife as stated in the bible that “when a man FINDS a wife, he finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord”. Actually, it is a thing of pride and of joy to be ‘found’ but many people have used and abused that syndrome.

When a man is cheating on his girlfriend or wife, people are quick to ‘reassure’ her that “don’t worry it’s you he chose”.

When a man is not providing for her as he ought to, she is quickly reminded “don’t worry it’s you he chose”.

When he is grossly misbehaving, it is made known to her “don’t worry it’s you he chose”

The worst part is when he misbehaves and he starts to tell you that “don’t worry love, the other girls don’t matter,  it’s you I chose!”

So he ‘chose’ you ey?  Did you not ‘choose’ to accept?

Many times, some women are led to believe that the man is doing you a favour by being with you or that he has bestowed upon you an honour by making you his wife/girlfriend. Yes, I do agree that it is honourable to be ‘wifed’ to a GOOD man, emphasis on good. It is pleasant, it is beautiful, it is indeed a blessing. The bible did say that two is better than one; that if 1 can put a thousand to flight, then 2, ten thousand. You have a covering, you have a shepherd, you have a companion, you have a lover, you have a partner in life. It’s no longer a solo journey in life; you now have a friend to go through it with, you have a confidant and you have someone to share both the burdens that life sometimes bring and celebrate the joys of different days.

I know that sometimes societal pressure mostly on ladies make some guys feel that when it comes to marriage they have the advantage. Also, statistics don’t help matters either as it is said that there are twice the number of women in this world than there are men, hence it seems like men are ‘scarce’ resources.  Nevertheless, it is important that you are not made to feel that he is doing you some kind of favour by being with you.

Isn’t it interesting that the bible says that it’s the man who finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord when he finds you. When you know your worth as a woman of God, it is difficult for any man to devalue your worth by making you feel that he is doing you some form of favour by being with you and that you should accept and excuse a lot of excesses because of that.

A good starting point is by renewing our mind, our thinking and the things we’ve been told and made to believe. We need to keep reminding ourselves and speaking it if possible “I am a good thing, any man that finds me will definitely find favour with God, I am a blessing to any man that finds me and that I agree to be with”.

We need to start believing what God says about us in His word. Don’t accept a half-baked relationship/proposal or marriage.

If you are currently with someone who doesn’t appreciate you or treat you in the wonderful way you ought to be treated then it’s time to boldly exit the scene and wait for someone who knows how to identify a treasure and handle it. When you carry a teething child and give he/she your diamonds, they will put it straight into their mouths as if it were a pacifier. This is because they do not recognise its value, to them, it’s just another toy or instrument to relieve their discomfort. On the other hand, when you give that diamond to a grown man or woman, they will treat it with the utmost care and handle it delicately. We need to stop being in relationships with toddlers and start talking to grown men who know the value of a good thing and can appreciate it.

Yes, he chose you, but in choosing you lady, he chose a good thing and by choosing you, his life just became better! Know it, thank God for it and take pride in it!