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Thursday, 21 August 2014

Conversations with One: Wow! That's an Unrealistic Expectation!

Welcome to another edition of Conversations with One!!

Basically, Conversations with One is a (relatively) new chat-series on the blog. Each week, the 1 + TheOne panel (made up of beloved and very wise friends with a variety of personalities) and I bring you snippets of our 'round-table' discussions from a male/female perspective.. We talk about any and every thing!!

Ladies! Have you ever wanted to get into the mind of a guy? (I know I do! lol), and for guys, I bet once in a while you wish you could just read her mind! Well hopefully week after week, we get to bridge that gap!

You can have a look at last week's conversation where we discussed 'Things That Made You Go Awww'. You can also have a read of previous episodes HERE.

This week, we start off the discussion on something that is known to kill relationships even before they take root!

UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS!!

I thought he/she would never change!

Unrealistic Expectations: Such a damper on relationships!
What do you consider to be unrealistic expectations in relationships. Sure, there should be an element of expectation if you are committing yourself to another person but what is realistic and when are you crossing the line to being totally, absolutely unreasonable!

Phone calls every hour? At least once a day? A surprise each week? A full time career wife who is also a master-chef dishing out day in, day out (you know how you just detest more than a day-old meal :-).. Never saying hurtful things to you, never having an argument, paying for your siblings' education, changes after marriage etc... The list is endless.


We would also love to have you join the discussion in the comment box, and as always please give practical experiences where possible!

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Mr NumeroUno: Full time career wife + Master chef is not unrealistic o! Haven't you watched Mr & Mrs Smith? See Angelina Jolie in action. lol.. Anyway, just kidding. Hehehe

One: Hahaha. I kinda guessed that would be the first thing people (particularly guys would point out lol). Thank God Angelina Jolie in Mr and Mrs Smith was fictional. Let's find out if she 'throws-down' in real life too after a hectic day! (Ok, let me not turn this into a cooking debate lol)

But mehn that question can be so annoying "So can you cook?" Like the response I saw on Instagram says:

 Yup, that's right! lol

Ms Hope: For me, expecting a man/woman to meet all your needs. Women especially fall into this folly. Generally speaking, being the more emotional beings, we unrealistically demand the men in our lives to meet all our emotional needs - "He has to be sensitive", "He has to always be there as a shoulder to lean on", "He must never fail me", "He cannot admire another woman as I'm his all in all", "He has to be available to listen to every whine", "He must understand when it's my monthly cycle", "He must be available to rub my back and still be empathetic when I slap his hands off... " It's a tight corner for him. The man is poised to fail in this stance. He isn't perfection, he isn't created to meet all needs, only one person can do that, and He is God.

I blame Disney....
One: Amen to that Sisteh!! I know what you mean.. I saw another joke once (I'm full of it today mehn lol).. "I heard a girl speaking to her boyfriend once and I thought she was speaking to God because only God could meet all the requests she demanded" lol

Ms PumpkinUnited: I totally agree with Ms Hope.. I agree that we ladies can expect the impossible from a guy and funny enough, the things we're expecting we don't even have to give (smh).. We need to take it heazy .. Sometimes I expect my boo to be reachable whenever I want to reach him - don't miss my calls, reply my messages asap (even if you're in a meeting or making a presentation, there just has to be a way for you to do the magic of replying). Please don't interfere while I'm narrating my ordeal (but when he keeps silent I still accuse him of being insensitive), Don't even think of sleeping off on me when I'm talking with you, but funny enough, I find myself doing all these things to him and even more, especially the sleeping off on the phone one, yet he has not crucified me. Like seriously, I wonder how he copes with me (but hey they say love conquers all things..lool). I'm really not that bad though, ask him! :-D

Hands up if you're guilty of this!
One: LOL, oh dear! I wouldn't want to be boo when you're throwing your tantrums.. But I can so see myself in what you have said! *covers face in shame*. Any other examples?

Ms TrueTalk: Unrealistic expectations, abi?  Oya 2 angles: (1) Expecting 'night devotions' will be a daily affair or spur of the moment act. Realistically, it might be so in the first few months, but as the marriage grows and all the 'bukata' (issues/busy-ness) and things set in, it might turn into timetable matter or in some extreme cases, divine intervention may be required.

(2) Expecting that your home should be run like your dad or his d‎ad used to. This can cause plenty fights. Better to build your own home, just the way you dreamed or imagined it.

Ms Hope: Madam TrueTalk, kisses. I unequivocally support point number 2. It's not my father's house, he didn't grow up with my father and has no idea how father dearest ran things. ‎So I don't expect him to do things like my dad did/would do. We mostly fall into this folly of expecting things to mirror where we're coming from. Hellooo, two different backgrounds here, we both have to come together to build our own stories, path, legacy...

No 1? I think it's important we find time to pray together. It's even amidst the bukatas that we need God most. I remember that saying - "A family that prays together stays together".

NubianPrincess: Hi everyone.... Ms Hope, you've said it all! And, yes I agree, women are terrible. I once went to one of my spiritual leaders with my list for my husband. I read all 45 character traits, qualities etc out to him that hubby dearest must have. When I was done, he laughed for a while and said "Nubian, look, even if Jesus himself came, he would have a pretty hard time meeting all the characteristics on that list. Narrow it down to about 4/5 things max that are important to you. God will give the man everything else you need."

I have to admit, at the time I thought, what does he know? But I prayed about it, spoke to some of my trustworthy married friends about it and my eyes "came down".

I'm not married, but I'm in an amazing relationship with an awesome man. In the beginning, he showed the essential qualities... But he also has most of the qualities on my initial list. Coincidence? Or God? I pick God! :)

One: The advice you got is spot on! God has a way of giving us what we need + plenty jara as you testify! *smiling widely* (And that is how Nubian has openly declared are status hehehe)..

Ms PumpkinUnited: I don't subscribe to marrying my husband's entire family cause I'm married to him, or him being married to all mine because he is married to me.. I believe in the privacy of marriage and privity of contract.. I dont like the idea of our siblings and relations coming to live with us all in the name of marriage.. I guess I grew to have a phobia for it cause of the wreckage I've seen it cause.. 

NubianPrincess: I've seen it cause problems but I've also seen it work really, really well! I think it depends a lot on you, your husband and the FAMILIES you're both coming from. I know an amazing family who are Christians. Each son marries and brings the wife home to live in the family house. So in the house, they have about three married men, three wives, mummy and daddy, some younger siblings... and there is peace that surpasseth allll understanding! Looool! If my husband wants to try that 'P', I'll tell him to hold on till we can rent a one-bedroom flat somewhere before we marry! Loool. But my point is that it works for some people - it depends a lot on background and upbringing.

Family portrait anyone?
Ms PYT: Nubian, 3 married couples living under the same roof, wow! Where is their privacy. They can't even do 'night devotion' in the kitchen or bathroom witho‎ut any interruption lol

NubianPrincess: Looooool! Gurlll... Perhaps, if they're extra quiet... Or if the Generator is on... Okay, I'm sealing my lips now! Loool!

Ms PumpkinUnited: I once heard a lady say her hubby does not eat overnight food, so in other words, she cooks fresh food everyday, and he doesnt eat fod prepared by a maid or cook or whatever, he even takes lunch to work. I was like are you kidding me, did he marry a wife or a Chefress. I think it's one of the most unrealistic and selfish things I have ever heard *mtscheeww* 

One: Fresh food each day + a full time job? Thanks, but no thanks. That woman has more than 1 full time job then! Like Pumpkin said, I think it is very selfish!! (raised to the power 100).. I can BET that the man's taste would rapidly change if he had to do the cooking himself! Was he eating like that as a bachelor?!! Even one month-old food would have seemed like heaven.. Gosh mehn! Have mercy on your wife please!! Later she would age faster than him and his story would change to "She's not the same woman I married, she looks so haggard" - Uhm, yeah, the woman you married wasn't working as a Labourer!

Hello! I turned 30 last week.. My husband likes fresh food
Mr JohnNash: Wow! Amazing comments so far...
I think it's a sensitive topic. Personally I think a man has his role in the house so does a woman. A lot of girls close to me know I cook very well, so going into the kitchen to make food is easy pizzy.

I think it's my wife's responsibility to cook for me in the same way it's my responsibility to provide for her and protect her. For instance would you not be amazed if you came to my house and you saw my wife trying to change her flat tire. Tufiakua!!!!

However everything should be done within reason. If I get home at 5pm and my wife is scheduled to arrive by 8pm. Then it will be spiritual wickedness for me to wait for her to come cook for me by 8pm while I am home doing nothing. Or tell her to make me pounded yam at 11pm...

The look I give when you ask for Pounded yam at 11pm! #INeverHexperredit
One: Hahaha @spiritual wickedness, amen to that!!

Ms Hope: I agree at you providing for wife while she cooks.... How about these days when women tend to run same work schedule as men, and bring about same pay check home?
Can the kitchen runs now be shared?

One: I was just going to ask the same thing? Since financial responsibilities in many cases are split in half, do we also half cooking responsibilities *huge grin*

Mr JohnNash: Ho my God!!! Now they attack me :)

Of course the kitchen runs can be shared, I absolutely agree. Like I expressed earlier, you will see that I agree... However, the kitchen runs should be a secondary role for a guy not a primary one.
I believe the woman owns the kitchen - my opinion…

One: Lol. No attack, just curious. I loved your earlier response by the way, very correct. I think it's a lot about being realistic and considerate to each other's wellbeing - if I were in his/her shoes, would I want to be treated this way?

NubianPrincess: I think to a certain extent, 'unrealistic' differs from person to person and relationship to relationship. I have a friend whose hubby opens doors for her, stands up when she walks into a room and every time she gets up... No Joke.... If another friend makes that her expectation... F9

I have a friend who told her now husband that if he proposes with a small ring, she CAN'T say yes... Perhaps if lady B tries it, she ain't ready to get married for a whileeee!

Guessing this wouldn't work for her then? lol
One: Wowiee at the husband of that your friend whose gentlemanliness is out of this world! Imagine seeing that and adding it to 'the list'. So guys, is it possible? Because me I can like that kind of dude oh!!

NubianPrincess: So can I add to that question... Is 'unrealistic' unrealistic across all relationships? If lady A has a Picanto for example, an expectation may be for him to have a Toyota. If Lady B drives a Porsche however, naturally, the ante would go up and he must drive a... Ferrari?

Thoughts?

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"For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another." - Galatians 5:13

And so we conclude this week's Conversation. What's your take? Is 'unrealistic' unrealistic across all relationships? What do you consider as an unrealistic expectation in your relationship?

PS Concerning the cooking debate, I read this great post on the beautiful Graciemama's blog - 'When Cooking is Not Just Her Thing'. You should check it out too!

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Do you have any question? Please do not hesitate to ask!

Email - oneplustheone@gmail.com
Twitter - @1plustheone
Facebook - www.facebook.com/1plustheone


Tuesday, 19 August 2014

Waiting and Loving It!!! Feat Chidi and Victor Akunna

Hello everyone!! I am mega excited to be able to bring you another Waiting and Loving It feature! *Whew* It's been a while! I apologise for the unscheduled break and I pray the next one wouldn't take this long! :-D

I know there may be a few new visitors to the blog so I would give a brief background to the Waiting and Loving It series! As you know, I am a Christian and I believe very much in Taking it Back Old School (You can click on link to view post).. What this simply means is that I belong to the Team V (please click to read) school of thought.. Am I making sense? lol..

Ok, basically, it's the belief according to the bible that sex is a beautiful creation of God for couples in marriage.. Now, the thing is it's easier read about people's sexual escapades and exploits than it is to see people who unashamedly talk about the fact that they chose to keep sex in the context of marriage in their relationship.. You get me now?

I've heard it said so many times that abstinence in a relationship is not only archaic but down-right IMpossible! Well, if you have followed the series, then you know that that thought is down-right IMpossible lol.. Yes, people are doing it; Waiting and Loving It!!

I hope the couples featured on Tuesdays inspire you to believe that by God's grace it is possible to wait to have sex after marriage. You and I have been called to be the light of the world (Matt 5:14), and that we must be and do by God's grace.
It's not too late to make a decision either.. Even if it hasn't been the case in the past, as couples have shared here previously, it's very possible to begin anew and let God give the grace!

You can read ALL Waiting and Loving It couples HERE.. (And I said brief intro oh, sorry for the long epistle! lol)

Ok, without further ado, it's my pleasure to introduce today's amazing couple whom I really respect and admire.. Enjoy!

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Mr and Mrs Akunna
Hello Chidi and Victor! Thank you very much for agreeing to be featured here. Could you please tell us about yourselves?

Chidi: My name is Chidinma, fondly called Chidi. I am a Lawyer with special interests in Family and Child law. I love reading, engaging in exciting conversations, dancing (I could lock myself in a room and dance until I am sweating profusely)... I would save some for when we meet *Smiles*.

Victor: I'm Victor Akunna. I am a Relationship Catalyst (Relationship and Family Life Coach), training facilitator and conference speaker. I have spoken at various local and international platforms to youths, business professionals, singles and couples. My hobbies are reading and sharing information. I support Manchester United (Phew! So glad we finally have a new coach, lol). We have been married for 3 years.


Up Man U! *Hi5!* I knew there was something great about you. lol. Great to meet you Chidi and Victor, how did you both meet? 

Chidi: We met during National Youth Service (NYSC) in 2005. He was very active in fellowship – Brothers’ coordinator, Chief Usher, and Assistant TOS man. We had always seen ourselves from a distance, but never got talking. One day, a friend asked me to help him pick up an application form for Diamond bank from a brother in my fellowship called Victor Akunna.

Victor: Lol, we met during the NYSC in Gombe state, Nigeria. I had always seen her, but the first time I spoke with her was when she approached me to get an application form for someone. Thinking back now, do you know that I almost did not go for my NYSC programme? Only God knows what would have happened. Today, I tease that she is the jewel I discovered in that Savannah, because the slogan for Gombe state is 'Jewel in the Savannah'.

His Jewel in the Savannah :-)
Awww.. Per'aps I need to go and chill in the Savannah too hehe. That's really lovely.. After the introduction, what was the attraction for you Victor? 

Victor: Besides the fact that she always has a smile on her face, the other things that struck me were her calmness, carriage, passion for learning, warmth and love for God. As a matter of fact, while we were just friends, I recall recommending her to some of my friends as a potential wife for them to consider, until God delivered me from both spiritual and romantic blindness (laughs).

Amen to that! Many people need that deliverance too lol.. And Chidi? Was there a defining moment when the attraction was sparked for you?

Chidi: It was Sisters’ Day and I was looking very good. As usual, I got down to the place of worship early. The moment I saw him, I called out. He turned and couldn’t believe it was me calling. His first remark was “So you know my name?” I asked for the form, we talked. As he turned to leave, he said “You look very good by the way”. The next time we met, you’d think we had always known each other. What struck me on the second meeting was when he asked “What do you like about yourself?” Hmm... I thought for a minute and said “I like the fact that I am a happy girl”. No one had ever asked me that question, but answering that question made me feel good about myself. He went on to say that it is always good for people to identify what they like about themselves. We soon became friends. 

Friends for Life!
Aww.. It's beautiful how you remember the conversation so well. That's great. How did the friendship/relationship progress to knowing that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with each other?

Victor: First, I observed that she had (and still has) the qualities I wanted in a wife, then after praying, I had inner peace. In addition to that, I could be my real self around her.

Chidi: I liked the fact that he is sold out to the things of God, but what I liked most about him was how he made everyone around him feel. He always left people feeling better than he met them. In the course of interacting with him, I loved the way he always challenged my intellect. Things evolved, and in a short time I began to address him as 'My big brother'. Some people actually thought we were related. We were so close that he would tell me about the ladies he liked. On the other hand, he knew that the last thing on my mind was the thought of getting into a relationship, but kept persuading me to make his joy complete as a big brother watching his sister get married.

LOL.. Really? There is hope then for people who have been confined to the 'Friend/Brother-zone'! That is really interesting.. I bet you have loads of stories for your children.

Chidi: Lol.. After passing out, as a Consultant, he submitted my name as his candidate for a job interview. The day I was called up for the interview, my mum was sitting next to me and suddenly asked “What would happen if you go for this interview and he proposes to you?” (My dad often says my mum “prophesies with her eyes open”). “No way! He is my big brother”, I protested, not liking the idea. Years later, he proposed. Instantly, I said to him “Siblings don’t get married”, and I took off. For a while, we were not in communication. He gave me some time and returned. This time, he came prepared. I can still remember some of his lines – “I am not here to manipulate you, neither am I here to market myself...”

Having known him so well, I knew what consumed him; what he could die for. Interestingly, my life was already taking the same path. When he sold his vision to me, I could see myself in it. It is a vision I would want to spend my life doing; in that vision I find fulfilment. We are not there yet, but we have been able to bring it under the umbrella of Foundation for Family Affairs.

Wow, that's so wonderful! May God bring the vision to full completion in Jesus name.
What made you make the decision to wait?

Victor: Although for most of our courtship, we lived in separate countries, I remember we set up a policy ahead of time in order to guide us against building up the wrong emotions. This was to help us build on the right foundation. Thus, we made conscious effort to build the relationship by getting to know each others interests, histories, families, vision, plans, parenting perspectives, etc. We had many things to talk about.

Chidi: Our courtship was mostly long-distance. We had to put in deliberate effort to make it work. We had to communicate constantly. It involved a great deal of understanding from both of us. I guess what made it a lot easier is trust; we were open to each other.


Was it difficult? Did you get to any point when you wanted to just let go?

Chidi: When we started the relationship, he told me of the covenant he had taken with God, not to touch me until it was time. Personally, I believe that it is disrespectful for any man to ask me to be intimate with him before marriage. That would certainly put me off.

Hmmm, very true.What one advice would you give to your single self in preparation for marriage now that you’ve crossed that line. 

Victor: Get hold of God's specific promise as regards every aspect of the wedding and marriage because it will always deliver, always!

Chidi: There are some ladies who have been conditioned to expect woes in marriage. You cannot expect the worst from marriage and hope to have the best. There is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off – Proverbs 23:18. Seek valid information on the subject of marriage; seek positive models; be prepared to make your marriage work; and expect a wonderful marital experience. Your marriage shall be exceptional!

AMEN!! Thank you for that.. In 3 words or sentences can you decsribe the best part of being married?


Victor: Having someone in whose presence you can be yourself, whose love for you is not based on your performance, and who happens to be travelling in the same direction with you (shares your vision and values) is awesome.

Chidi: Marriage has been a learning experience; I am a lot better than I used to be in every wise. There is a richness that fills your life when you are married to the right person. Thank God I am married to my soul-mate. Life is more interesting with him in it. 


PDA time! Any words you'd like to say to each other?

Chidi: After my decision to accept Christ, you remain my best decision!

Victor: If I have to do it all over again, I will still marry you, only that this time, it would be earlier.

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And on that beautiful note, we conclude today's Waiting and Loving It!!! It's always a delight reading the stories of couples featured here and usually their stories reiterate some important things with regards to relationships and marriage. Not only are they one more couple to inspire me to wait, but one other thing in the midst of the many lessons I picked up was the importance of knowing the vision of the person you want to marry and ensuring that it aligns with what yours is. 
Take a moment to honestly ask these questions - Do you know what his/her life's plan/goal is? Have you identified what yours is? Do both of them align? Are you happy with his/her values, dreams and aspirations? Is he/she a dream supporter or a dream killer? May God give us the grace to make the right decision in Jesus name.

Everyone is indeed doing IT - Waiting and Loving It!!!.. It is possible, by God's grace! xx

Please click HERE for other Waiting and Loving It Couples!

Do you have any question, please do not hesitate to ask!
Email - oneplustheone@gmail.com
Twitter - @1plustheone
Facebook - www.facebook.com/1plustheone

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PS Victor Akunna is a UK-based Relationship Coach, and a member of The Coaching Academy, UK. He is focused on helping individuals, couples and companies build sustainable and valuable relationships with key stakeholders. He and his lovely wife, Chidi, run The Foundation for Family Affairs. 
He also writes regularly for BellaNaija and you can click to read his great posts - Mediating Between Your Wife and Your Mother, Managing Marital Conflict and Keeping the Spark of Romance.

You can also follow him on Twitter @familyaffairs05 and on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/FamilyAffairs05
BBM PIN 73E8821

Monday, 18 August 2014

For Omowaleola Bakre

One of my dearest friends got married last weekend and I am soo excited for her and her wonderful husband!

The Gorgeous Mr and Mrs Bakre
I have known the bride Waleola for donkey years and I've loved almost every bit of it hehe iKid.. 

Over the years, there are many things I have learnt from my friendship with this beautiful lady with an even more beautiful heart but I think I learnt a lot more over the weeks leading to her wedding to her boo of life Deji Bakre.

The smile is reall! lol So beautiful!
I have known my friend to be a very gentle spirit, easy-going and no-stress at all but mehn, the babe took it to a new dimension during her wedding preparation and actual celebration days!

I have hardly met a bride so calm and relaxed even though a LOT was happening around! 

All I really want is my husband! hehe
We all know brides are usually expected to have a hint of bridezilla tendencies as the wedding day draws near lol but my friend was just calm.. As in, I was just looking at her with admiration as to how even in the midst of all that was going on, she was still consciously being the perfect hostess, making sure that her family and friends were alright and generally being grateful to anyone who as much as handed her a plate of small-chops (that she paid for lol).

Wale and some of her girls!
I am someone who gets very tense under pressure and sometimes the voice is known to rise 3 or 4 octaves higher than normal in tense situations (then of course I come back to my senses later and have to eat huge helpings of humble pie!).. As in I probably would have had the shirt saying "I CAN'T Keep Calm, I am Getting Married!!!!!"

But I learnt very important attributes from this gorgeous human being:

1. Don't get worked up, be calm, relax, everything will fall into place!
2. Ensure that when you're having an event (wedding, birthday etc), your loved ones, family and friends feel a part of it as much as possible.. Don't scream at them because "they will understand", be courteous, be considerate - remember without them being there, your day wouldn't be as great.
3. Remember to ENJOY YOURSELF! You have worked so hard to plan a great event and spent so much money bringing it to life + you are marrying the love of your life right?! Kill the urge to fret and fret over stuff and just enjoy YOUR party! Savour the day, bask in the beauty of having your nearest and dearest celebrating with you.
4. It IS only just one day, afterwards, life goes on.. Remember that! And don't make enemies of friends!
5. Yes, it is your special day BUT everything doesn't have to be perfect.. It just has to work together for your good! And usually with the right attitude, it does..
6. If it's your wedding, enjoy the day with your spouse! Make memories, laugh together, dance together, whisper sweet nothings, remember to steal glances at each other and don't forget to have fun with each other - that is so important. 

Oh you should have seen my friend Wale and Deji - love so beautiful!! :-) :-) I thank God for authoring the best love stories!

Love! Love!! Love!!!
I pray for the love of God to be very evident in your home my darling Waleola and Deji, may your love continue to inspire others, may your home be blessed and be a blessing always. May you enjoy the beauty of marriage and may your children surround your table.

Enjoy a blissful marriage and home
PS What kind of bride are you or do you think you'll be?
PPS What other points should one remember along the way?

Have a blessed week people! xx

Oh lest I forget, remember my friend I wrote about HERE, well she also got married a few weeks ago too - #1YearTestimony.. God is such an AMAZING God! 

I pray for you too, may God consider the desires of your heart, may He surpass your expectations and bless you according to His will and good pleasure in Jesus name.. Don't forget to share when it happens! xx 






Saturday, 16 August 2014

The Porridge Looked So Good!

The sobs racked my whole body as I sat hopeless and incredibly heart-broken in my private place. Far away from the eyes of the world. 

I couldn't believe this had just happened to me! How? How?! How!!? 
And then like a flashbulb, it came to me, I remembered that fateful day many years ago. So long ago, I was surprised it came to memory. 

Could it be? Could my actions then be responsible for this great loss? "No, it couldn't be" I thought. How could I have been so foolish? Oh no how could I have been so unwise?
 
The thought made the tears flow even more as the reality of what a few minutes of pleasure years ago had just robbed me of - "my rightful inheritance, gone", I whispered to no one in sight as I let out a heart-wrenching cry. "My place, given up, oh why did I do that?!" The bitter tears stung my cheeks as I wept helplessly, knowing fully well that the tears couldn't bring the forfeited years back. 

I remember that day now very clearly. I had been hunting as usual, doing what I loved and what had become my profession. It was a long day and I had been so engrossed in my job that I didn't realise that the time had gone so far. It was on realising that I was the only hunter remaining that I hurriedly traced my steps back home. 

I was terribly famished and could eat a house at that moment. I rushed home in search of something to to sate my deep hunger and as I walked in, I saw my twin brother cooking a pot of porridge; the porridge looked so good!

I couldn't resist it - the aroma, the moistness of the food, the oil dripping with a promise of goodness and pleasure. My stomach rumbled involuntarily and I knew I just had to have it!

I called to him to give me a portion and he responded with a request for my birthright in exchange. At the time, he could have my manhood if he asked, all I needed right then was the satisfaction of the beauty I beheld in that pot. Without a second thought I traded it in... 

I traded it in.. I traded it in, I traded my inheritance, my place as the firstborn, my destiny for a miserable plate of food. A piece of meal that could only fill my hunger for a moment and not for ever.

Oh the regret! How could I have been so careless, so foolish, so unwise...

How I wish I could turn back the hands of time, waited a few minutes more, called one of the many servants we had to prepare a feast for me if I had chosen... But I chose a moment of pleasure over a lifetime inheritance. 

Esau
(You can read the full true story in Genesis 25:19-34, Genesis 27:32-37)

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Will you be an Esau too? 

You and I have a great inheritance in God our father. We have choice blessings and promises that the death of Jesus Christ, the Son of God gives us access to when we accept Him as Lord and Saviour. However, daily we get offered the promise of quick pleasure, a compromise here and there, a short-cut to prosperity, quick, temporary wins. And we are indeed hungry, very hungry.

Will you give in to the need for immediate gratification at the expense of much greater things? 

It would be unfortunate to trade your destiny for a moment or period of pleasure. 

There's an inheritance and promise for you in Jesus that's far greater than any thing outside of Him that looks attractive right now. It's only a matter of time before you come into the fullness of God's plan and purpose for your life. Don't miss it. 

It's really up to you to decide, if you were in Esau's shoes, given the choice with the benefit of hindsight, would you take the porridge or refuse to trade in your birthright?

I want to invite you to make the best decision ever; a decision to make Jesus Lord and Saviour. To choose to refuse the seeming attraction living outside Christ presents for a more glorious promise in Him. 

If you are willing, please pray this prayer with me - 

"Lord Jesus, I want to thank you for dying for me on the cross. Thank you for paying the price for my sins. I come to you to please ask for mercy and that you forgive me and wash me clean from all my sins. Please be my Lord from today, give me a brand new start with you and help me to live a victorious and glorious life in you. Thank you for answering my prayer in Jesus name I pray". 

If you just prayed that prayer, Congratulations! Your best life just started!

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Please email me, I'd love to hear from you - oneplustheone@gmail.com or get in touch on Twitter @1plustheone or Facebook www.facebook.com/1plustheone

Have a wonderful weekend people! xx


Friday, 15 August 2014

Dear Daddy

My dearest Daddy,

Beautiful beyond description, my Excellent King. The Holy One of Israel, the One who is altogether lovely, my Rock, my Salvation, my Hope, my Today, my Tomorrow, my Everything. My Best friend in the whole world, my Hero, my Champion, my Defender, Abba Father.

Thank You for being a faithful and true friend. Thank You for loving me.. I could never stop saying it and I couldn't find the words to fully express how grateful I am to you for it. Daddy, who am I that You Lord are so mindful of?

Who am I Lord? Why do You choose to love me so unconditionally; without a shadow of holding back, without a hint of regret. Why do You care about me so much? I know I haven't done anything to deserve it but You choose to love me anyway.

Like the songwriter said, "You see the depths of my heart, yet you love me all the same.. You are AMAZING GOD". You see how selfish I can be sometimes, you see when my heart is soo far away from you, yet you love me; you know when I say one thing to you, yet my heart screams the exact opposite, yet you love me; you know the times I am being hypocritical, yet you choose to love me!

Daddy, how could I ever respond to this great love? How could I ever match your incredible love for me? How could I ever thank You enough?

Oh my heart is full of gratitude to You Lover of my soul. My spirit adores You, my soul and all that is within me blesses your holy name. You deserve more than I could ever give to You, indeed my love is limited but I give You the best of it. I give You my heart, I give You my soul, I give You my intellect, I give You my desires, I give You my self... I surrender all to You Lord. You own me, Oluwalonimi - You own all of me.

Thank You Lord for loving and accepting me. I could never repay you but I want to say that I love You, I honour You and I respect You.. Now and always.

Your forever girl,
One xx

Thursday, 14 August 2014

Conversations with One - Let's Get 'Mushy': Things That Made You Go "Awww"

Welcome to Conversations with One Vol 5!!

Basically, Conversations with One is a new chat-series on the blog. Each week, my wonderful friends and I bring you snippets of our 'round-table' discussions from a male/female perspective.. We talk about any and every thing!!

Ladies! Have you ever wanted to get into the mind of a guy? (I know I do! lol), and for guys, I bet once in a while you wish you could just read her mind! Well hopefully week after week, we get to bridge that gap!

You can have a look at last week's conversation where we discussed 'What's the Deal with Us'. You can also have a read of previous 'episodes' HERE.

This week we decided to get a little bit mushy up in here!
Definition of mushy - Excessively sentimental.. Emotional, saccharine, sugary..  (Source: Google)

We asked the question:

"What is the nicest gesture/most romantic thing someone of the opposite sex has done for you?"

This week, apart from reminiscing about great gestures, it is also an avenue to give ideas to people (particularly men, lol). You see, some people are clueless when it comes to romance or doing something memorable for their loved one. Hopefully, you will get a truck load of ideas after reading today's conversation!

I hope you would also share your memorable experience in the comment box, and even more, please do so and more in your relationships! Keep the fire of romance alive!
Enjoy!


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Ms Hope: I love a guy who can sometimes wake me in bed with a savoury smell of breakfast. Even if he isn't a fantastic cook‎ he can keep it simple with a cup of steaming green tea and sandwiches. Lucky me, my husband is a PRO in the kitchen, so when I'm a good girl, lol, I get breakfast, lunch or dinner treats.

 Pic source
Breakfast in bed is always a good idea for your spouse
A few romantic things I've done (I must say so myself, right? Lol) I composed, and produced a song for my husband which I mimed for him on our wedding day, also on‎ our 5th wedding anniversary, I published a book titled '101 Things I Love About You'. I detailed all those small, seemingly negligible everyday things he does that makes him rock my world. 

One: I love what you did for your husband - beautiful idea - 101 Things I Love about You :-)

Mr JohnNash: Personally material things don't get to me. However a few girls have shocked me in the past.
One of my amazing ex-girlfriends gave me a book on how I became a Manchester United star. It was specially made for me from the ManU store. That was touching and I won't forget it in a hurry.

Another girl gave me a statue of Steve Jobs. If you know me well, then you will know I blushed.

I think sometimes we make the mistake of giving people what we want for them as opposed to what they want or need.

On the flip side, whenever I want to get a girl something. I don't decide a week before or a day before. I listen to the unspoken words for months. Then I give a gift that she NEEDs when she is NOT EXPECTING. The impact is always colossal.

Mr NumeroUno: I would like to assume that one or two of us might have read the book by Gary D. Chapman 'The 5 Love Languages'. In brief there are 5 Primary love Languages:

1. Acts of Service
2. Words of Affirmation
3. Gifts
4. Physical Touch
5. Quality Time

I encourage those who have not read it to fetch a copy on Amazon or online.

For me, I cherish the time when I had a tooth ache and this certain young lady knowing she could do very little sent voice notes with her soft voice praying for God to soothe it lol.
Or that simple question; 'have you eaten?...what did you eat?' etc. 

So for people like me, words of affirmation and acts of services is an A+ 

Taking extra care of him when ill/down is very special. Men also want to know they are cared for
Ms MIA: I love the 5 love languages! I haven't read the book but  read about each language on google and it makes sense!

I'm like NumeroUno, 'Words of Affirmation' and 'Acts of Service' are my languages.
Oh and someone suggested to add 'Food' as the sixth...hahaha! I think so too.

For me, there are 3 significant gestures I remember most:

One was my now ex who paid me a surprise visit in Uni on the day I finished my final exams to say congratulations......yayyyy! And he was looking 'smoking hot' and I was going "Yah...that's my man"...lol!

Second was a male close friend who went round Ikeja (Lagos, Nigeria) with me for a whole week, carrying my bag and just looking after me.....phew! Simple but unforgettable.

Third was my Ex who was really broke at the time, yet bought me a designer perfume for Christmas. It was a sacrifice that made sense. Yup...that's it from me!

 Pic Source
Receiving a sacrificial gift is indeed priceless!
Miss Me: Hmm, for me the nicest gesture in terms of material things would be getting me something that you know that I need especially if hints have been dropped! It's good to know that you're listening!! And I don't mind surprises, I like it when he buys me something that he knows I would like because he knows me well enough!! Basically buying things that I have said I want and buying things I have not said I want, but would like!!! {Impossible standard much?!?! :)}

For non-material things similar to NumeroUno, I am all for making sacrifices. Things where it's obvious that you've taken me into consideration. Also I like knowing that there is nothing too much for me to ask you to do! Simples!!!!

One: Wow!! I loved reading all the responses.. I was like aww and was surprised at some of the simple things that left a huge impression on people... It got me thinking!
Interestingly, I was going to mention the 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman too! If you haven't read it, please do!

For me, gestures carry more weight based on how I feel about the person doing it + the element of sacrifice + being able to make me feel special (don't we all want to! lol).

There was a guy I dated once. It was the first time my birthday would coincide with me being in a relationship so it would have been nice to celebrate with him but we lived in different cities and he had important things to do which he was leading the night before and the night of my birthday! Anyways, I told him not to honestly bother, I understood and we could do it some other time but he insisted on coming because he knew it was important to me. .. So he took the last train, to ensure he got in a little after midnight, took me out for 'Birthday breakfast' and left afterwards. It was not convenient for him and I appreciated the sacrifice immensely! Quality time + Acts of Service =Ticked all the boxes.
Oh another thing is letters!! I LOVE reading / letters. When he bought gifts and cards, I would rush to the cards first because I couldn't wait to read what he wrote - the dude was amazing with words!! They say women are moved by what they hear - Hearing/reading his affirmations made my day! I never got tired of reading his reassurance of how he felt. I absolutely loved it :-)

Women are moved by words, you'd be surprised at how far a love note goes to making her feel special!

Ms MIA: *CoughCough* nice one One! I'm really loving this Conversation, especially responses from the guys, picking up some important tips.

Mr Ogbomosho: This topic is Hot Mehn!!!

Romantic tinz?!!!!! Erm..

This topic got me thinking, what really is my love language? Truly I knew only one of them but I thought it would be nice to know which is my weakest, as marriage counsellors will say you will always most likely get the opposite of you which means my weakest love language might be my wife's. God help!!!!!

How can you find out your strongest and weakest Love language I hear someone ask?
well click on the link below:
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/

So whats the most romantic thing I have done or anyone done for me that sticks. I wouldn't say I am romantic like that but... I once asked a girl out long time ago back in the days and took her to this lovely wonderful place on our first date....BURGER KING!!!!!!! I was glad she found the funny side to it otherwise... lol. 
We then went to the park and yeah... Lets just say there was some live music involved too. (#livemusic#rehearsal#)

One: Loll @ Burger King - I think I would like to ask the girl what she thought :-). I guess the live music must have redeemed you!

video
Every girl needs to be serenaded at least once in a lifetime :-) Live Music always wins! If you can, do it yourself, if you can't, hire someone :-)

Ms Angel: Hahaha.. Umm...I'm a ridiculously romantic girl *hides face*
So I love flowers (although they die within max 2 days cos I don't know how to maintain them lol), and going out to eat (from Nandos to KFC....who you're with is what makes it nice and memorable. Plus everyone likes chicken lol)

The most romantic thing for me was getting a perfumed teddy bear on Valentine's Day.... With perfume! :) *sigh* I love perfume.

Also, a while ago, I went to the cinema during the week and my friend was late (as usual), and I was waiting for AGES)...so he got me flowers. I thought that was cute. I was smiling for days cause nobody had ever gotten me flowers before...For any reason lol.

There's something feminine about flowers. Give her some today!
I guess what I'm saying in conclusion is that anything that anyone of the opposite sex does is amazing when I see that they have gone out of their way to do it.

One: *shock gasp* Ms Angel, so you are romantic! Some people can form 'not bothered'! lol.. Awww that's cute! I think flowers are just beautiful!! :-)... You're very right, it IS the thought behind the action that matters.

Ms PumpkinUnited: Two things I'd never forget in a hurry:

One time I really wanted this Kindle Fire HD tab but couldn't get it at the time cause I was saving up for my fees. So my dear bestie at that time, (he's now progressed to boo of life) surprised me on one particularly depressing night with the Kindle Fire tab hidden under my pillow in my absence.. This sure brought tears to my eyes cause at that time because I knew he was really broke, he gave what he didn't have just for me to get what I wanted.. for me it was like 'blood sacrifice' looll.. 

Another one was when I was really down with flu, couldn't sleep at all or eat and then he took me to his place and nursed me back to health, one of the nights I woke up and wanted nothing else but that strawberry flavoured tea in my house and he had to jog to my house around 2am to get it for me (talk of catching a grenade for me), infact I wanted to fall ill again sef .. there's been countless but these two really standout.. it was the most romantic thing ever.
#OkBye

2am run to fulfil a craving is definitely a keeper! Sacrifices say a lot in love
One: Awww *sniff sniff*. Amen @boo of life! He definitely deserved that promotion lol
Infact I need to turn this conversation into a book! I love all the gestures and I bet it would be a best-seller lol..
I think for couples, recounting these special moments with each other help to build your relationship. Sometimes it's easy to forget the nice things and focus on what's not happening.

You can invent the game 'Remember that time....'... Definitely a nice date-night idea with your spouse! :-)

So, ladies and gentlemen, you've read our experiences, it would be great to read yours too! More importantly, rekindle the romance in your relationship, do something special for that loved one! xxxx

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The Author of Romance is God Himself.. "But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us" Rom 5:8 - What a God!

Do you have any question? Please do not hesitate to ask!
Email - oneplustheone@gmail.com
Twitter - @1plustheone
Facebook - www.facebook.com/1plustheone