Dear One... I did it again!

A few days ago, I got an SOS call from one of my dear girlfriends who was feeling very low cause she had done something she had made up her mind not to do again! She felt so awful and like she had let herself down..

I wrote this a while back to another girlfriend of mine in a similar position.. See, on this road to doing the right thing by God, sometimes we fall off the wagon, we fail BIG time.. I remember I even had to do a mini confession HERE .... 

I am posting the letter here for anyone who feels like they've 'failed'.... God's love is so much greater! I pray it blesses you xxxx

My darling,

First of all, let me start by saying thank you very much for confiding in me. Like I said in our chat, it must have taken a lot of courage and boldness to bare yourself and I am grateful to you for speaking out.

The bible says in Proverbs that in the multitude of counsel, there is safety so when you speak out about an issue, it is a great step towards finding help. The lie and bondage of the devil is to keep you quiet, in isolation and allow the issue eat you up. Thank God for the grace of God.

Please I want you to remember that there is nothing that God cannot do. There is nothing that takes Him by surprise. There is no sin at all that is too much or too bad or too vile for Him. He sees all, He knows all and He loves us all the same (if you forget everything else, please don't ever forget that). Romans 8 tells us clearly that nothing can ever separate us from the love of God. The voice of God is not the voice of condemnation, He is love. His reaction to us is always love. That's His nature and that's the only way He responds to us. GOD IS LOVE. 1John 4:8.

If God does not condemn you, no one on earth has the right to do so. Remember even the woman that was caught in the very act of adultery, Jesus did not condemn her and even dissuaded people from doing so. Anyone that condemns you, does not act of God and their opinion does not matter (including yourself lol).. But honestly, the bible calls the devil the accuser of the brethren, it's his voice that condemns you, that tells you over and over that you are terrible and there's no point trying...

God's voice chastises to repentance in love.

First, my dear, make your peace with God. You need God more than anybody on this earth. You need His forgiveness - cause no matter what you do, it's not just to any man any longer, it's to God who you are ultimately accountable to. Ask Him sincerely for His forgiveness and mercy (He is very wiling to do so and set you free.. You remember that bible passage in 1John that if you confess your sins, He is faithful and just to forgive you of your sins and cleanse you from ALL unrighteousness.

Then, you need to forgive yourself. Dearie, no one should condemn you, including yourself. Once God, who is the only Judge has forgiven you, no one has the right to keep bringing it up. We are all saved and redeemed by GRACE.. We don;t understand grace, we cannot understand the way it works but we believe in God who freely gives it.

Now in terms of moving forward, I will say a few things.

1. Thank God you already realise that it is not right. You realise how much it is hurting your loved ones. Especially your relationship with God, and your self esteem as well.

2. You need to take some very strict measures for yourself and by God's grace abide by it.

3. You will pray as if it's the only solution and then act as if you don't know how to pray. (Faith without works is dead)

4. Commit it into God's hands and pray - please fast as well.. Set out time to fast and pray specifically about it.

5. You know your weakness, now set boundaries around it. Write it down if possible and have an accountability partner.

6. You need to improve your self esteem - Read books, surround yourself with good people, talk to someone (have an accountability partner, possibly of the same sex), listen to tapes.. Keep reading and reading.. Don't get tired of reading or thinking that you can't see the difference yet. Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God.

7. You need to believe that you are all that God says you are - Complete in Christ Jesus. Worth it as a virtuous woman, priced above rubies, with a high price paid on your head, the temple of the living God that not just anyone can mess with or have access to. You are divinely exclusive. 

8. If it helps, you can write this down and say it to yourself again and again everyday. (I believe very much in writing the vision down as it says in Habakkuk 3:17-19)

9. Where you have a weakness with a particular guy, DELETE everything about him in your life - guard your heart carefully and very aggressively).. Don't associate with him in anyway. If it helps, see him as a devil that you cannot afford to mess with - He wants to steal your inheritance, your heritage and he will not succeed in Jesus name.

10. You have to see it as you being in battle and be aggressive about it.. Guard your heart aggressively.. There are some things that others would do and it will be alright but for you it may be expensive so don't use someone else as your yardstick.. You know what gets to you, avoid it like the plague..

I will stop here for now. I would love to talk to you still but babe I want you to know one thing, I will be praying for and with you. God is awesome and able to do all things. You will win in Jesus name

With God, you have no other option but to win. And by His grace you will fulfill your purpose on earth. You will not miss your blessings, you will not be cheated of your Godly inheritance in Christ in Jesus name.

I pray with you in Jesus name that affliction will not rise a second time. God will keep and guard you so that you will be set free from anything that holds you bound in Jesus name. What the devil meant for evil, the Lord will turn around for good in Jesus name.

I love you sis, you are an amazing, phenomenal woman! 

One xxxx

Don't forget people, keep building your relationship with God - That's the most important relationship you could ever have!

"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord" Romans 8:38-39

Waiting and Loving It - Feat Tobi and Bukky Atte

Hiyaa!

FINALLY! This is happening! I am so sorry that I have procrastinated and moved the 'launch' date for so long! I was trying to sort some things out.

I am particularly grateful for all my partners in this for their patient willingness and quick response to the request.. God bless you!

So this is a new series on this blog! Like I mentioned HERE, the theme of the year for 1+TheOne blog is Building Relationships, in addition I have said HERE and HERE on this blog, the importance and beauty of waiting to get married before getting intimate/having sex with your partner and my personal decision to do it to honour God and in obedience to His word. I know I have come across a number of people who want to do it but do not quite know how it can ever be possible or what practical measures to take after you have made a decision to wait (I listed some HERE). I have also advocated HERE for more visible role-models to be vocal about what it means to keep sex in the beautiful context of holy matrimony as I have come to realise it could just encourage one person enough to want to make that decision!

So, every Tuesday, this blog will be featuring a married couple who decided to wait until marriage before having sex. They will hopefully let us in a little into their world to understand why they made the decision and what happened afterwards... For some of them, it wasn't always the case in their relationship but the significant thing is that they asked God for mercy and made a decision to honour Him in their relationship!

I hope this series blesses you.. Enjoy! xxxx

Ladies and gentlemen, our very first guest on 'Waiting and Loving It' is... *drum roll*...


Please tell us a little about yourselves

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Tobi is a Licensed Relationship, Life and Motivational coach and speaker. Bukky is a Public Health Practitioner. We are such home bodies. We love God. We enjoy the movies and good food. Tobi is the crazy one and Bukky keeps him in check (guess who wrote that.lol)

How did you meet?

We met at the National convention for The Redeemed Christian Church of God in Texas. At the Young Adults/Single breakout session, I (Tobi) had just spoken and Bukky had spoken briefly before I took the stage. After my talk, Bukky came up to me and told me that we may have a mutual friend and we did. I remember seeing her later that evening at the other side of the huge hall and giving her the “Call me!” signal. She just smiled and kept walking. I didn’t stand a chance. Anyways, a few days later, after she hadn’t called me, I sent her a message on Facebook, telling her that she could be arrested in the State of Florida (where I lived at the time) for not calling me. I think that scared her because she called me and we started talking. The funny thing is that I had seen a picture of her on a mentoring website about a year before and thought “wow this girl is sooo beautiful…but she is way out of my league” I reached out to her anyway on that mentoring site…I sent some foolish concoction of a paragraph like “wanting to see what she thought about the mentoring site and blah blah blah” She sent back like three words “It’s great. Thanks” I was turned off and never replied …..So fast forward to the convention…it had been a year, I didn’t recognize her or even remember her (remember the exchange was very short with the “girl’ on the mentoring site).

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After we started talking for about 2 months or so, I was in one of my usual Bukky’s Facebook page stalking sessions where I drooled over her pictures (don’t judge me. She married me right?) and saw a picture and stopped. I felt I had seen that picture somewhere before and couldn’t figure out where. So we started investigating and she started thinking of where she had used that picture. Yea...you guessed it. She was the girl on the mentoring site. The girl that was out of my league was now madly in love with me (Just stop and imagine the fist pump I was doing) Crazy…but that’s how God works because between the short interaction on that website and when we actually met, God had individually taken us both on a journey of individual growth. I had learnt so much...I was a different man and she was a different woman. God=Awesome

What initially attracted you to your spouse?

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Tobi: You know…I don’t know…her lips, the way she talked...her eyes…her hair. OMG it was this funky natural hair. Yes. What she said…she had depth. She spoke with me for 5 minutes and I thought “She is going to affect the world”. Also, I had missed a word during my talk (my talk had fill-in-the -blanks) and she was the only one who came to meet me afterwards right away to ask what that word was. She was paying attention to what I said. More importantly though, she met (and surpassed) all the things on the list that I believe God gave me.

Bukky: When I first met Tobi, I met him as a friend and someone that anyone would want to have in their life. A truly nice guy. We lived in different states at the time so majority of our conversation was via phone and Skype. Through our conversations, the initial thing that attracted me to Tobi was the type of connection we had. Here I was, chatting away on the phone with someone I barely knew and I was very open with him telling him things I’d never told anyone before, and he had that ability to just listen and give sound advice. Most people would consider me shy or soft spoken but around him I was totally myself.

How did you know that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him / her?

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Tobi: I really spent some time seeking the face of God asking him to make my “list” for me and when I met her, she was a match for that list. It was surreal. I asked her out officially to enter a relationship before we actually went on our first date. I knew I was going to be spending the rest of my life with her.

Bukky: I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life because the way I met Tobi was nothing either one of us could have planned. I saw God in it and that gave me the assurance. As Tobi and I began to know each other better, there was an overwhelming peace that I felt in my spirit and that’s besides the fact that he’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a man and a lot more :-)

What made you make the decision to wait?

Tobi: I knew that I had a calling to help people figure out many aspects of life…especially the area of Godly relationships. So it wasn’t about “doing it for her” or doing it because “it was morally/socially right” no. I NEEDED to do it because I needed to be able to have lived what I will be helping people live. That said, it was probably the hardest thing I have ever done but God saw us through and I am even more equipped to help others.

Bukky: I’ve always known that I was going to wait until marriage. It was a decision I made early in my walk with God. So meeting Tobi didn’t change my resolve. I did not want to disappoint God.

What practical measures did you take to ensure that you stuck by your decision?

Before we went on our first date, we sat down together and talked and created a modus operandi /manual document that covered different areas of our lives and how we will carry them out. It included areas like: How did we get here? Why are we in a relationship? What is our marriage mission statement? What does it mean to be helpmate? What does it mean to be a leader? Sex, how we handle conflict and so on. Then we went on our first date.

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What one advice would you give to your single self in preparation for marriage now that you’ve crossed that line

· God made you. He knows you best. Ask him for what you need in a spouse.

· Don’t look at sexual purity before marriage as something you are doing for the other person’s sake…or as a gift you are giving the other person. Look at it as something you are doing for yourself. (Just ask Samson and then ask Joseph) So much easier said than done…I know but it’s important. That’s why as men, you want to date a woman that you see yourself marrying and you want to marry her sooner than later.

· Have a marriage mission statement. Why do you want to get married? What is that marriage supposed to accomplish in life and in the kingdom of God?

Describe in 3 words / sentences the best part of being married!

a) God teaches us a lot about himself through our marriage. The lessons aren’t always easy but it’s great to know that via marriage, you are in God’s elite school. It’s like selecting a few people in the army and putting them through rigorous training so they can join the Special Forces.

b) Having someone that is “ALL IN ONE” with you every day (your bestie, fashion consultant, fellow soldier, personal assistant, boss, sibling, lover, adviser, partner in crime, cuddle buddy, hobby buddy and so on…all in one person)

c) Someone that can really challenge you without belittling you. Someone who can really call you out in love on issues that matter and help you grow.

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I hope you loved reading as much as I did!

PS - Did you know that Tobi also runs a fantastic blog here at www.ijustmetme.com ... So many treasures there on relationships et al.. Thank me later :-) xx

Celebrating/Dancing Part 2

 Today, I am a very happy gurlll!! :-D *twirls*..
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So much good news around, I can't but thank my Abba!

First, guess who won a blog give-away!! My first authentic direct one!!!! I hope you are dancing with me?

You see the first unofficial one I got was 'dashed' to me by the lovely HoneyDame during the Guess the Blogger series on Atilola's Blog.. I kept trying and failing so hard that the babe took pity on my plight and transferred her gift to me.. HD + Atilola, I shall never forget :-D 200 kisses to you! (I enjoyed the free credit soo much, you can't even imagine! haha)

Anyways, imagine my very pleasant surprise when I got a Twitter update from the mega lovely Ms J.S Bass that I was the winner of her very first blog giveaway (You can read all about it on her great blog HERE - Oh la la, the joy was palpable.. Hehe I did not even remember that I had entered because I usually can't 'enter' most giveaway thingies cause of anonymity and sturves (it usually requires liking on Facebook etc etc) and mehn it feels good to win something oh!

Thank you sooooooooooo much hun..God bless you muchos x 100

On another note, remember that my friend that I talked about HERE? The one to whom God brought a good man (just like that!) after she asked Him, and I talked about the 1-year testimony that I have seen God do in the lives of my friends.. Well ladies and gentlemen, the babe is planning a wedding! Yes! Abba Father has done it again and this time, I am extra amazed! Whoever says God is not good has not met Him! I am so excited! And I thank God very much for her and her boo! May God sustain them and give them the grace to keep growing in love and the knowledge of Him.

On another another note, I attended a 1-year testimony wedding recently! This one I saw with my eyes and my mouth is still opening in wonder at the greatness, goodness and faithfulness of God.. You see, by this time last year, this girl was still asking God "Daddy, when will it be? Please send me my husband, a man from you".. She had been trusting God for a while and the pressure had been mounting. Before we knew what was happening, this dude comes, proposes in about 4months and in less than a year they are married.. Her testimony is that he fits what she asked God for and you only need to spend time with them to know that they've got something special going on.. I thank GOD!

You see, I get excited and share these stories because I know people reading this who are thinking "Lord, when?" I don't know what it is you are waiting on God for but I encourage you  to hold on to Him, He never fails and when He shows up, His gift will make you forget the season of waiting. Like the bible says "When the Lord turned around the captivity of Zion, we were like those who dreamed..."

Your dream-like answer to prayers is just round the corner and it will happen in such a way that you will feel dazed by it all  :-)

PS Today I am FINALLY starting off the series I have said a number of times that I would be starting (Can you help me say "Praise the Lord!")

PPS So Valentine's Day is next week Friday, chale what's the plan? As for me, I don't plan on 'roasting' oh.. Ok Daddy, over to you! xxxx

Trust? Yeah I trust you -__-

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"Believe what he says and ACT like you believe him. Keep casting every doubt aside and affirming him when you think he deserves it or not. TRUST is very important. Don't just say it, act like you do". 

I have a file on my phone where I document a number of pointers I have learnt and still learning when it comes to the way I hope to relate with the man I get married to.

There's usually a reason or background behind each statement - It's usually culled from a bad mistake, an action that got a great response, a book I read, something I listened to or watched or one of those deep conversations with my wonderful circle of friends! It could even be a poster while riding somewhere or an impression on my heart somehow....

As I wrote in a previous post HERE, I used to have serious issues with trust! As in I could win the award for Miss Paranoia! I ask questions about his past to 'help' us be open and then some of the information torments me and I make it almost not worth it! As in.. Can somebody say *Serious Issues!*.. Well thank God for grace and deliverance lol.

I wrote the above in my document, inspired by what my mummy told me during one of my paranoia experiences in my previous relationship. I was dating a guy who was quite popular and like bees to honey seemed to attract a number of ladies. However, he tried as much as possible to assure me of his faithfulness and commitment (trust me, I could have been with Mr Totally uncool and still be on guard, FBI ain't got nothing on me!).. But noooo, not for me.. One minute I'm like "Yes, I believe you and the next I'm investigating body language, likes on pictures, history with person A and person B and generally acting so bad that I was depriving myself the privilege of just enjoying being with him and worse still hurting someone I really cared about.

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I didn't know this even existed!

TRUST is an essential part of being in any kind of relationship. Trust is not just words, it's best put into action. You cannot claim to trust someone and your actions say the exact opposite.. Infact it's best you act it rather than say those words at all "I Trust You".

If you don't trust someone, you have no business being in a relationship with them, therefore if you choose to go into a relationship with them, you indirectly make up your mind to love and trust implicitly.

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One thing I also realised was that my inability to trust was somewhat founded on selfishness - I wanted to be CERTAIN that no one was taking me for a fool, nah ah! I wanted to ensure that I, ME was getting the best deal. I wanted to make sure that I, ME wasn't being taken for granted, I wanted to protect MY self... Forgetting that when you commit to a relationship, it stops being about only you... Love is a sacrifice of self and desires and good compromise on many levels.

TRUST is also a factor that is indispensable in our relationship with God.. We mar a good relationship with the King of Kings when we doubt his word or the assurance of His promise.. Sometimes we say it, we sing it, we confess it "I Trust You" but our actions negate our profession..

If it hurts us as human beings when our nearest and dearest don't trust us, it must hurt God whenever we act in unbelief and in doubt.. It's like "But I parted the red sea!" "But I raised Lazarus from the dead" "But I made Esther Queen!" "But I gave Hannah Samuel!" - What could be so difficult, why don't you trust me... And act like you do..

When we act in trust, it's called faith-in-action. Remember without it, it is impossible to please God (Hebrews 11:6)

PS I read a great article on Eloxie's blog 'Worry Not' .. You should read it too :-) xx

Dear Daddy - It's Thank YOU from me

My Dearest Daddy,

My Altogether Lovely Gentleman of Galilee. Emmanuel, my Jireh, my Hero, my sufficiency, my All in All - Mother, Father, Lover, Best Friend.

I have so much to say.. But I'll just summarise my heart song by saying THANK YOU DADDY! You have been incredibly amazing to me, I have so many testimonies.. THANK YOU..

There's this song that I heard the choir do justice to in church some months back (the Pastor and church loved it so much, it became our thank you anthem).. Daddy, may I share it with you today and hope it blesses the heart of at least one of your children who read this post!

Like the song says... I am the one that came back to say THANK YOU.. I'm grateful for ALL that you have done.. I had to come back, my heart made me run back, to say THANK YOU!

Even if like the 10 lepers, only one person comes back to say THANK YOU, that One would be me.. Thank You Jesus!

Your forever girl,
One xx

Golden Words - I Am Sorry

Hello everyone!! Just checking in..

I have found that one of the HARDEST phrases to say is 'I am sorry'... I don't know why but here are a few reasons why I think it's so difficult:

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1. It involves a very huge helping of humble pie.
2. It goes against most of the things your ego stands for
3. It means an admission of wrong-doing
4. It could make you appear weak or as the weaker party
5. Sometimes, you actually don't feel sorry
6. The other person/people may feel like they 'won'.
7. It shows that you actually make mistakes.
8. It just doesn't feel good..
9. Include yours..

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Saying I'm sorry can leave a bad taste in your mouth in some cases, however it is one of the most powerful phrases that can turn what could turn out to be a bad situation right around.

The phrase works for both older and younger people, colleagues and friends, family and strangers..

It's usually better when verbally expressed and not just making amends by being extra nice to the person (this works after you have said the golden words!)

I know some people find it verrrry difficult stringing those words together.. And ironically to our dearest and closest, it seems even harder! But it works a world of wonders - especially when said from a sincere place.

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"I am Sorry"

Practice it - say it - let it be a (GREAT) part of you!

A relationship could be saved by those simple 3 words - I Am Sorry.

So tell me, do you find it easy to apologise when wrong or even when you feel like you're right?
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A love-ing YOU - 2014!

Hello everyone!

Like I mentioned in my previous post HERE, the theme for this blog in 2014 is BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS!

As an individual, I am passionate about seeing relationships flourish.. Not just romantic ones but even platonic relationships too.. I am interested in the art of improving the way we relate with one another as human beings.. and in particular, this topic is dear to my heart as a Christian - because God says we must love Him (relationship) and love others as we love ourselves (more relationship)!

I have discovered that building relationships starts with building one's self.. Yes, it starts with YOU! - In some instances, you would need to change YOUR thinking, YOUR reaction and improve the way YOU relate and communicate with people.. It's not easy at all but one thing I know for sure is that it's WORTH IT!

So ladies and gentlemen, let's do this! May God give us the grace to be better spouses, children, parents, siblings, relatives, friends! And above all, may it give God pleasure :-)

Lots of love people xxxx

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Today and always xxxx

PS Apologies for not fulfilling my promise of starting the new series last week! Things happened and now my access to the internet is very limited (temporary though).. I will start this month by God's grace.. Thank you for your forgiveness and understanding *wink* xx

It's a new day, it's a new month, it's a NEW YEAR!

Happy and blessed 2014 my darling darling blog community! May God bless you immensely!

It feels GOOOOOD to be back :-D

Thanks to all those who left a comment here and via twitter @1plustheone. I gat too much love for you all! You make life extra extra beautiful! *smiles*

Hope your new year has started on a great note? 2014 feels like is going to be a GREAT year!

The theme for the blog this year is BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS! With God, significant other, family, friends and basically everyone around us! It would be exciting and enlightening by God's grace woohooo!!

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So get ready folks, it's about to get all kinds of great here!

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PS, something new coming up tomorrow!! Stay tuned.

Love you, God bless you xxxx