Hope your week has been great?
It's the 29th day in the month of January today (well, rapidly coming to the end of the day!). Earlier this week in church, my Pastor challenged us saying that God made the earth in 6 days and that there may be some things that we are expecting or praying about, for God to do this year.
6 versus 29... If He could do it in 6 days, 29 days is more than enough for Him to make your joy full.. So don't think time is still short, God can still complete it even before the end of this month.
My prayer is that God will crown this month with great testimonies that will surpass your desires and expectations in Jesus name. He will be glorified in your life in Jesus name.
Right, the topic for this week's conversation goes thus:
"I have suffered a recent heart-break and it has greatly affected my self-esteem. I keep thinking I am not good enough or that no one would want me. In my mind (and people have told me this), this is not true but it doesn't take away the feeling of being a failure/loser..."
Please help, how do I re-build my self-confidence/esteem after a heart-break?
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Heartbreaks are for a reason and they make you stronger and prepare you for your next relationship.
This person should focus on loving herself and being a better person rather than relying on a guy to make her feel complete and acceptable. I know it's hard because we all want to feel loved but she needs to love herself first.
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| You need to love yourself first |
Mr NumeroUno: I must confess this is not an easy one, yet critically important. PYT has kicked it off by stating the first rule of the game.
Rule No 1. Love God
Rule No 2. Love yourself (That is why God says love your neighbour, on the proviso that you love yourself.
Practical steps is to do some things differently.
Mr NumeroUno: A. Sanction who speaks into your life (expunge your friend list, and give lesser attention to those who do not celebrate you, treat you equally, treat you as a person, deflate your self worth or self importance, inflate their self importance. Ie. Some people never call you back, respond to your texts 18 days later because they are 'too' busy. Time to expunge, exterminate and evacuate the phone book/friends list.
Mr NumeroUno: That's right.
Mr NumeroUno: Cool stulfz (in the accent of Falzthebadguy) lol
One: Loll @Falz
I lovee! I was nodding while reading it and it even gave me a boost with my shoulders rising high "I'm a Queen, Daughter of the Most High".. Can you beat that?? :-D
Thanks NumeroUno for the important reminder that it is gender balanced.. When I was writing the question, I actually had some guys in mind...
Ms PYT: From your question, it seems this person has a knowledge of God's love and all...
Asides from reassuring her of God's love, I think there are practical steps:
* Be realistic about bouncing back; expecting yourself to bounce back after a heart break is unrealistic but you have to choose to.
* Appreciate your steps however small
* Get active
*Avoid unhealthy behaviours; Avoid withdrawing from others. Give yourself time to heal, savour your alone time and reconnect with both yourself and loved ones.
* Say NO to misinterpretations and assumptions, and above all you have to reconnect back to God.
- Develop yourself, be busy learning, develop your passion just like Ms PYT said, don't just sit throwing a pity party,
- One other magical healing potent is music and dance, join a dance class and dance your pains away. It works like magic trust me.
- Be around positive energy and say not to negative vibes.
- Intentionally choose to believe in yourself.
One: Brilliant! Thanks a lot for this PumpkinUnited! We must dance away our sorrows :-)
The kind of people we surround ourselves with is sooo important!
There's a saying that goes thus: Your friends are like an elevator button, they either take you up or down...
Rule No 1. Love God
Rule No 2. Love yourself (That is why God says love your neighbour, on the proviso that you love yourself.
Practical steps is to do some things differently.
1. Start with the gateway to the heart. Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life.
One: I love that verse of scripture..
Mr NumeroUno: A. Sanction who speaks into your life (expunge your friend list, and give lesser attention to those who do not celebrate you, treat you equally, treat you as a person, deflate your self worth or self importance, inflate their self importance. Ie. Some people never call you back, respond to your texts 18 days later because they are 'too' busy. Time to expunge, exterminate and evacuate the phone book/friends list.
One: Very true.. Periodically, it is important to evaluate friendships and people in your life and know when to let some people go.
Mr NumeroUno: That's right.
B. Joyce Meyer is a good teacher to listen to on Self Esteem, and so is Joel Osteen. Faith comes by hearing. At this season, see no evil and hear no evil. Protect your heart.
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| Purposefully close your ears to negativity.. Guard your heart |
2. Add a life skill. Buy a new book and increase the wisdom that comes out of your lips. Go to the gym, go shopping or buy some magazines that can inspire your sense of style, etc. Learn a new language, learn a new culinary skill. It tends to build complements naturally, which in turn will add to your CV and self worth/self confidence.
One: Thank you NumeroUno! Very useful and practical points shared.. May I also ask, how do you silence the negative voices in your head like PYT suggested?
Mr NumeroUno: I always say to those I encourage, two voices speak to you. One with negative energy, and of cause the voice of reason, the Spirit of Christ.The one you agree with is a choice nobody can make for another.
One: Thank you NumeroUno! Very useful and practical points shared.. May I also ask, how do you silence the negative voices in your head like PYT suggested?
Mr NumeroUno: I always say to those I encourage, two voices speak to you. One with negative energy, and of cause the voice of reason, the Spirit of Christ.The one you agree with is a choice nobody can make for another.
All those people you admire out there or who you feel their swag, are people who at one point in time made that decision to rise above the negative voices.
You are not alone, we have all been recipients to negativity. Make up your mind to discard the voice of failure, low self esteem, et al. Believe the bible and every promise God has made to you.
You are not alone, we have all been recipients to negativity. Make up your mind to discard the voice of failure, low self esteem, et al. Believe the bible and every promise God has made to you.
| There's more where that came from... |
| .... The Bible is full of promises of God to you. Immerse yourself in them! |
One: It's very true, it's a decision you make to focus on the positive voice and continuously ignore the negative voice by God's grace or countering it with every promise of God made to you!
Ms TrueTalk: I want to believe the broken-hearted is a child of God and has a relationship with Christ, therefore I'd say as a daughter of God, first and foremost, you are a Queen, of a royal priesthood, a peculiar person, one of a chosen generation that will stand before kings and not mean men. So, who is that man that will or should make you feel any less? If he has parted ways with you, then be blessed because that is his loss and he has made you free to get better options. Being in Christ makes all the difference; encourage yourself with the Word. Let no man make you feel less than what you are worth- the very apple of God's eye!
Ms TrueTalk: I want to believe the broken-hearted is a child of God and has a relationship with Christ, therefore I'd say as a daughter of God, first and foremost, you are a Queen, of a royal priesthood, a peculiar person, one of a chosen generation that will stand before kings and not mean men. So, who is that man that will or should make you feel any less? If he has parted ways with you, then be blessed because that is his loss and he has made you free to get better options. Being in Christ makes all the difference; encourage yourself with the Word. Let no man make you feel less than what you are worth- the very apple of God's eye!
| You are ROYALTY... Never forget that |
Mr NumeroUno: Brethren. Gender neutrality please. Men too deal with low self esteem issues o. Lol.
Ms TrueTalk: Lol, Numero Uno. Please by all means, it also applies to guys; my bad for focusing on the female part. All who are in Christ enjoy the grace (both male and female). Just 'mentally' inject 'son','King' 'woman' 'she', 'her', 'she', 'woman', respectively.
Ms TrueTalk: Lol, Numero Uno. Please by all means, it also applies to guys; my bad for focusing on the female part. All who are in Christ enjoy the grace (both male and female). Just 'mentally' inject 'son','King' 'woman' 'she', 'her', 'she', 'woman', respectively.
Mr NumeroUno: Cool stulfz (in the accent of Falzthebadguy) lol
One: Loll @Falz
I lovee! I was nodding while reading it and it even gave me a boost with my shoulders rising high "I'm a Queen, Daughter of the Most High".. Can you beat that?? :-D
Thanks NumeroUno for the important reminder that it is gender balanced.. When I was writing the question, I actually had some guys in mind...
Ms PYT: From your question, it seems this person has a knowledge of God's love and all...
Asides from reassuring her of God's love, I think there are practical steps:
* Be realistic about bouncing back; expecting yourself to bounce back after a heart break is unrealistic but you have to choose to.
* Appreciate your steps however small
* Get active
*Avoid unhealthy behaviours; Avoid withdrawing from others. Give yourself time to heal, savour your alone time and reconnect with both yourself and loved ones.
* Say NO to misinterpretations and assumptions, and above all you have to reconnect back to God.
 |
| One step at a time.. Sometimes, they may be baby steps but keep moving all the same! |
Ms PumpkinUnited: I once read a quote that says 'Tell the Negative Committee that meets in your head to shut up'.. It was a deep one for me..
So first and foremost, what I do to help combat negative thoughts is to find positive quotes that counter the negative ones that keep creeping into my mind..
Luckily the only heartbreak I ever had was not man related but family induced heart break. I grew up with a grievous low self esteem cause all I always heard growing up was, you will never amount to anything, and you're not and will never be good enough (but look at me today, over confidence fe kpa mi, lol), it affected me so much and made me run from anything that required taking responsibility or making friends or the like. I just felt I was a lower creature. But then when I got in sync with God, I saw so many things in the scripture that told me who I really was and what I did was write them out and brood on them until it was buried in my heart and mind. I kept looking out for positive quotes and I kept confessing them until they became real to me. So every time a negative thought crept up, I immediately replied with what I have buried in my mind already and it helped.
So first and foremost, what I do to help combat negative thoughts is to find positive quotes that counter the negative ones that keep creeping into my mind..
Luckily the only heartbreak I ever had was not man related but family induced heart break. I grew up with a grievous low self esteem cause all I always heard growing up was, you will never amount to anything, and you're not and will never be good enough (but look at me today, over confidence fe kpa mi, lol), it affected me so much and made me run from anything that required taking responsibility or making friends or the like. I just felt I was a lower creature. But then when I got in sync with God, I saw so many things in the scripture that told me who I really was and what I did was write them out and brood on them until it was buried in my heart and mind. I kept looking out for positive quotes and I kept confessing them until they became real to me. So every time a negative thought crept up, I immediately replied with what I have buried in my mind already and it helped.
Another thing is to surround yourself with people that believe in you. This has helped me a lot cause I tell you it's not easy oo. (Shout out to the boo of life and other great people that saw the gold in me when all I could see was potopoto)
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| Surround yourself with positive people! |
- One other magical healing potent is music and dance, join a dance class and dance your pains away. It works like magic trust me.
- Be around positive energy and say not to negative vibes.
- Intentionally choose to believe in yourself.
One: Brilliant! Thanks a lot for this PumpkinUnited! We must dance away our sorrows :-)
The kind of people we surround ourselves with is sooo important!
There's a saying that goes thus: Your friends are like an elevator button, they either take you up or down...
... What's your take on this? Have you ever been in this place before? It would be great to here from you too. Join the conversation, what helped you? Also, do you need more help? Do you have questions? Please send an email
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Please, be kind, nominate 1 + The One blog HERE in the following categories:
No 7. Best Faith-based Blog
No 12: Best Inspiration, motivation or personal development Blog
No 12: Best Relationship Blog
Thank you beautiful people!! xx
