There are deep set doubts as to being in a committed relationship and sometimes the thought of it can be almost suffocating.
For some the desire is there alright, but it's like what if I get it wrong?! What's the guarantee that I would not end up like Mr A or Mrs Y?! They started happy and all that, now look how they turned out!
I used to be scaredd (bold and underlined!) of the prospect of marriage! Don't get me wrong, I wanted to get married, sure! I have always had a bone of romance but I had seen so many bad examples of marriages that the thought of it scared me! I had heard and seen people being destroyed or a shadow of themselves as a result of poor marriage decisions! To be honest, at some point, I used to genuinely believe that after 5years of marriage, couples endured each other.. You do your duty as a mother, he does his as a father, you find a way to relate (awkwardly) with each other and if you can manage that, you stay married! (Did I hear you say "Oh dear!")
This fear for me was real because I am a Christian and like the bible enjoins, I don't believe in divorce cause God says He hates it so as I thought then, God help me if I end up in a wrong marriage, with a wrong man.. Imagine a lifetime of agony! Real hell on earth!! Trying continuously to 'fix things'.
As I grew in my relationship with God and I grew older, I started to actively pray about it - my fears, my concerns, the prosperity of my marriage! I remember then, anytime they asked for a prayer point/request - mine would be concerning marriage "Lord, give me a good marriage, I don't want to marry wrongly, I don't want to endure my husband or my marriage".
And God answered my prayers concerning my fear about marriage..
I have mentioned previously that I believe that marriage is one of the biggest acts of faith - deciding to commit to a long term relationship without actually knowing what will exactly happen afterwards. Many of us know that "faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God". Now how that was translated in my life was that God started with my mind and what I heard and saw. He transformed my thinking and renewed my mind by bringing me in contact with people who had exemplary marriages - like the real deal, not TV stuff..
I didn't even know what He was doing until a little after. One way or the other, I started mixing with people who had been married for a while and still enjoyed being married to each other.. not one, not two.. My faith was being restored, good marriages no longer belonged to novels but were achievable! I read a lot and prayed some more, renewing, changing, re-setting my mindset to agree with God's idea and plan for marriage.
God did a work in me from within. He didn't wait for me to get married to prove this to me, He healed my heart and my mind when I didn't even realise that I needed it! It was practical - I feel like I went through a 'school of marriage' by watching examples of others, listening attentively to lessons learnt etc. And I didn't plan it - the Master Planner did!
And now, I look forward to the prospect of marriage and I KNOW that by God's grace, I am having an exemplary husband, marriage and home in Jesus when it comes - until death do us part!
This explains a little bit of my zeal for building relationships, celebrating God-ly marriages and discussing fruitful relationships. We are highly influenced by what surrounds us, what we hear, what we see and what we interact with!
Marriage was created by God to be beautiful. It is God's own creation/idea. He saw a need in Adam and decided to make him a helpmeet. God created an avenue for companionship, friendship, sex, fruitfulness and generational continuation. Everything God made was GOOD.. Marriage is GOOD!
This post was inspired by a question asked HERE by Mizadventures of Mizchif and I know that some people may be facing doubts about marriage based on many factors - probably having never seen nor understood how a good marriage can happen, an experience of a bad relationship or from negativity and lies that have been constantly fed on.
God wants you to have/enjoy/live life and have it in abundance! If you are struggling by an impaired perspective of marriage, you can ask God to renew your mind and ask Him to teach you how to get it right..
"And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God" - Romans 12:2