Waiting and Loving It! - Feat Eziaha and Bolaji Olojo!

When the plan for this series started to take root last year, my dear FAB E of www.eziaha.com was not yet married, but we her loyal readers knew about the FAB Mr Olojo! I was impatiently waiting for her to sign the dotted lines and I don't think I gave her much breathing married space before bombarding her with the request to be featured here lol.. She graciously obliged - She's absolutely fab like that!

I thoroughly enjoyed reading their interview and I know that you will be blessed too! Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to present to you, our third couple of the series *drum roll* Mr and Mrs Olojo!

1. Please tell us a little about yourselves

                     

(I would be answering this on behalf of my hubby and I so...) My name is Eziaha and hubby's name is Bolaji Olojo. Hereafter referred to as E' and Aku m. We got married Nov 30, 2013 after courting for 5 and half years (LOL). Ours was an inter-tribal marriage and so came with plenty drama but hey, we made it!!! I am largely extroverted and Aku m is introverted.

He is a Lawyer and I am weeks away from completing my NYSC (She has actually now completed it - Congratulations E!) after which I begin my career as a Social Entrepreneur with an IGO.

We are both born again Believers and we live by the Word.

2. How did you meet? 

We met on Campus. He was a Pastor in Winners Campus Fellowship and I was an Executive. He was the Pastor that girls had the hots for and I was the member the Pastor had the blazes for...

3. What initially attracted you to your spouse?

                                            

We had been thrown together in several projects and his wisdom and maturity (especially with how quiet he is) in handling challenges threw me off balance lol (he did have a lot of female admirers ooo cos he was just wisdom personified and had a solution to everyone's problem but dude had his eyes HOT on me and I gave him plenty wahala too) while my energy and effervesence attracted him to me (I was MISS POPULAR in Uni then, had about a gazzilion Admirers and wasn't your poster girl for BORN AGAIN Christian) Classic case of opposites attract. Not too many gave us a chance of a snow ball in hell. We were just too opposite. I think most people pitied him. They felt I would just give wahala to this quiet Man of God. Lol

4. How did you know that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him / her?

                                    

This may sound very spiritual but at about 16 or so, (I was a spiritual daughter of late Pastor Bimbo Odukoya and so got a good foundation EARLY in relationships) I had an encounter with the HS (Holy Spirit) after which I was led to write out the qualities I would see that would confirm the man I would marry. It was in TOO MUCH DETAIL. I still have that book till today as it contains several of my dealings with the HS. I didn't carry the book around ticking off qualities in the many toasters and admirers I had (I didn't consider unbelievers at all) but it was after we became friends and were getting closer that I checked the book and I was goose-bumped at the similarities with him. I was a teen when I wrote it and some of those things there were definitely not the TDH and fairytale the average teen was looking for. It had what you would term 'imperfections' and stuff (incidentally, some of them would go ahead to make my Parents disagree at first and vehemently too in addition to tribe and in that book, I already knew Igbo men stood NO chance). He wasn't perfect but it was HIM. I knew in my Spirit man, which I must admit has been well fed and so sensitive to spiritual promptings in every area of my life. For him, aside the fact that this bubbly, all-over-the-place, Miss Popular totally had a heart sold out to God, he felt PEACE. We had several challenges but we knew God was in it. God would tell me stuff and he would confirm it and vice versa. Sometimes it was scary. Then we had Pastoral consent. I am my Pastors' baby girl, a very special daughter to both and so it was very important they accepted. And they did. They just love him. His Parents too accepted me easy but the challenge came from my parents who weren't crazy about their babygirl following 'ndi-yoruba'.

So that was a tick on all counts save my Parents and though the challenges were intense, almost bloody, they were sentimental (just based on tribe) and the conviction and love we both had (plus counsel from my Pastors) were stronger and saw us through. Eventually we got the victory and frankly, the sweetness of the marriage has reduced to less than nothing all the wahala before. The devil just lost in a very disgraceful way. We practically buried the devil.

And we are still testifying...

5. What made you make the decision to wait?

The Word. Simple. Obeying the Word is important to us. Plus I had a good foundation in Pastor Bimbo. She married a Virgin and she was soooooooo proud about it. She would say it so much at our 'Single and Married' meetings. She made it very attractive to me. I wanted her testimony. We need more vocal people like she was. She is my perfect role model on this... She was very pretty, eloquent, fabulous, attractive, a power dresser and married a Virgin and had a made-in-heaven marriage. She was the 'glamour girl of the pulpit'. I wanted to be and have all of that and more. She gave me a very good example to look at. In that book I earlier mentioned, I wrote out a commitment to stay chaste till marriage at that young age too and signed it. I pretty much had my mind made up on that. In my good fortune, I met a man too who had vowed to wait till he got married (His vow was even extreme lol). We were both practicing the Word in other areas of our life, abstinence inclusive. Sex before marriage was NEVER a consideration no matter how it was doing us. We made that commitment even before we got hooked in any relationship. It is very important you plan to WAIT even BEFORE the spouse appears.

6. What practical measures did you take to ensure that you stuck by your decision?

Our Pastors were very involved in our relationship so knowing that we were very accountable helped too. I recall one time we were to take a vacation together and I mentioned to PK, and he said 'Don't do it. Different country, cold weather, long story, you may fall so don't tempt yourselves...' End of vacation. Lol.

For 4years out of the years we dated, he was in a different town. When I visited, sometimes he would lodge me in hotels, or he will leave the house for me and go stay with a friend. Even when we slept in the same house for one reason or the other, we both had defined the boundaries of our relationship. Plus we knew we had many years ahead of us to have all the sex we wanted to so why the rush. Now that I have crossed the line, I would also wanna say as an advice especially to single ladies, sex is such an intimate thing where you share the whole of you with someone else without restrictions (especially if other forms of sexual activities beyond just vaginal penetration is done). It is me stripping all of me to another. It is me at my most vulnerable. At my 'messiest' It is tooooooooooo intimate (I can't think of the right term I mean) Personally, I can't imagine doing this with anyone else or even before the commitment of a marriage. If that guy truly loves you, he will wait abeg. He should wanna protect you. And as a lady, please love and respect yourself enough to wait. You deserve more than having to share yourself with random men (or man) who hasn't covenanted himself to you before God. Nobody should just be dumping stuff IN YOU anyhow. Ewwww... Single Ladies abeg eh, close your legs!!! Thank you.

In marriage, sex or lovemaking is PERFECT. It is GODLY. Outside marriage, sorry to say, sex is dirty, irritating and debasing to the woman. I almost wanna say it is a curse abeg...so WAIT!!! If he can't wait, he should take a really long walk on a short lane and you throw a party on the streets cause God has just saved you from a SELFISH BOY (operative word: BOY) who has shown you that he will keep crossing the line even in marriage with women he aint married to. REAL men and WOMEN wait!!!

I know some people fear that they may be sexually incompatible which may lead to bedroom frustrations but trust me hun, sex is not rocket science!!! You will learn on the job. I am. We are. And where we need some help (please don't be shy to get help ooo), there are medical/professional materials online and everywhere too, there is my Christian female network of married ladies too I can ask questions and of course there is the Holy Spirit. God is not wicked. He created sex and he can't shortchange you on anything, especially not sex. So wait for the right time and all would work well. I promise. You may also wanna visit this SEX confessions a friend Mrs. D has on her blog. Totally awesome. It helped me and is still helping. (See link HERE)

7. What one advice would you give to your single self in preparation for marriage now that you’ve crossed that line?

                                 
Everything I did as a single I would do again if I had a second chance.

With all humility, I consider myself very blessed because I learnt very early and from the best all the right godly lessons on marriage and relationship. From Pastor Bimbo and Taiwo Odukoya (Single and Married) to Dunamis and Sophia Okunowo (Kisses and Huggs though my time was very short with them) to Pastors Kingsley and Mildred Okonkwo (Just Us Girls and Love, Dating &Marriage) and Rev Femi and Teju Oduwole (Sex, Dating and Marriage). I prepared myself like a soldier going to war. I was armed with an arsenal of information... Many books, millions of CDs and tapes, question and counselling sessions, etc. I have always attended churches that weren't shy to discus relationship and sex (and seriously, we should talk sex more in church so young people don't learn the premium CRAP we have out there) I was blessed to have a personal relationship with them too and I saw them lead godly homes and enjoy the marriage of their dreams. Aku’m goes to Winners and relationship is not their forte there but he happily devoured all the regular supplies I was sending to him and he was very willing to learn too. He too has a relationship with my Pastors (esp The Oduwoles) outside of me and I know he gets counsels too. So I was a wise and knowledge-loving single woman. From day one of my marriage, I keep hearing their voices leading me on the right path. Like I said, we are burying the devil, one testimony after another.

8. Describe in 3 words / sentences the best part of being married!

                             

The knowing that someone is just COMMITTED to your good at all times. I mean, we are falling over ourselves to do good for each other. I stop worrying about me because he has me covered and he has better plans for me. He stops worrying about himself because I got him covered. It is a lovely thing. Especially when the two people are NOT selfish.

The fact that I can enjoy the incredible pleasure that comes from love making and knowing that it is NOT sin. Ah!!! Heaven. In the beginning, I had to keep telling myself (while speaking in new tongues) 'This is NOT sin, This is NOT sin...'

There is a certain respect that people accord you when you are a Mrs. Or a married man. Especially when young and born again Christians. I mean both of us are far from 30 so people just auto assume that you both must be very responsible and stuff. I am not saying this is ideal but society just has this thing for married young couples.

And one more for the road...

The favour and blessings that come from God when two people leave Father and Mother and become husband and wife... It is like heavens open and blessings start to pour out.

Then for me especially is the exhilarating feeling that comes from knowing that this is my home and so I can build it to my own taste. I have a say in choosing the furniture, kitchen ware, beddings etc. I own my kitchen and I can cook up a storm. I almost get orgasms (lol) from just planning the weekly food roster. I can do English, Thai, Chinese, anything!!! The buck stops at my table and that feeling is priceless yo!!!

Lol.

Marriage is a beautiful thing darlings, and the best gift you can give yourself is marry well.

And it is not too late to make the right decision to abstain. Our Jehovah forgives, wipes our slate clean and gives us a fresh start...

And so here's to right choices and new beginnings...

Muah


E' and B. Olojo

I'm sure you were blessed by that! E sums it up nicely, it's not too late to make the right decision to abstain!
You can get more from E's fountain of wisdom, inspiration and fun on her blog www.eziaha.com - Thank you Mr and Mrs Olojo! xx
PS If you have any questions, would like agreement in prayers or would like to be featured on this series, please send an email to oneplustheone@gmail.com!

Lots of love people! xx