Guy, I'm doing YOU a favour!

So yesterday I was at a meeting and while people were sharing some stuff and counting their blessings, it was the turn of a young man who looked relatively newly married cause I could see his young wife and months old baby.

Anyways, he was talking about having what could have turned out to be a very embarrassing, disappointing and sad situation and one thing he said was that in the midst of it all, his wife kept encouraging him and being positive saying that all will be well in the end (thank God for good wives ey?)

Anyways, thanks to God it had a very good ending and all was indeed well.

Next, it was time for the wife to speak and the first thing she said was "I have always told him to thank God for marrying me. The bible says when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord. I have said it that when he married me, God started to favour him in new ways"..

When she said so everyone laughed and were urging her on, especially the ladies and you could hear chants of "yes sista" "tell them!" "that's right!" etc lol..

Now, what she said and the conviction with which she said it was for me wonderful and truly beautiful. The truth is that we as ladies need to start recognising and confessing our immense value and worth.

She was so sure and confident about what she was talking about and believed it so much that when she was saying it, her husband was just nodding... The blessing he got benefited her and their daughter immensely BUT she did not fail to recognise God's promise concerning her presence in his life.

Ladies, know your worth! You are a good thing.. Even to that totally popular and blessed and gifted and talented young man! It is YOU that God says in finding, the man obtains favour from God.. So He may have been incredibly favoured but I tell you, meeting you increases favour upon his life.. He has to be grateful to God for that.

Do you know that God does not answer the prayers of a man that maltreats his family? Yup! God places a lot of emphasis on him treating you right!

Don't be satisfied with a man who feels he is doing you a favour by being with you.. nah ah! The favour is mutual - infact yours comes with a cast iron guarantee :-)

"He who finds a wife, finds a good thing, And obtains favour from the Lord" Proverbs 18:22

How far is far??

'But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people' Ephesians 5:3 (NIV)

Now, I believe I have mentioned / asked about this before on this blog and in many cases, I have had ladies ask this all important question with all sincerity and a desire to get a clear answer..

In a relationship / engagement / pre-marriage, how far is considered a sin?

Please be reminded that I made a pledge to take it back Old school, I failed and then renewed my decision to take it back 'God's School' by God's grace'. I have a desire to do things right and to glorify God in my relationship as much as possible. No compromise by His grace.

Now, most times I have had this discussion with others, there's always a debate about what one should and should not do in a Christian relationship / courtship.. Usually 'fleeing from sexual immorality' a lot of people say is relative.. So it depends on what you and your partner can take or when it becomes wrong / a sin to you. So for some, it's holding hands, for others its kissing and for some, it's a little bit more as long as the line of sex is not crossed...

I have usually agreed with this - so in the past I have subscribed to kissing, then unsubscribed.. but always held firm to the fact that as long as both parties steer clear from sex.. As of course that was a no-no!

However, I saw the above verse of scripture recently on a friend's status and it made a lot of sense.. I have been thinking recently, like real deep thinking of sex and purity before marriage and it has cropped up a lot in discussions with my friends...

The bible says 'even a hint of sexual immorality' must not be found.. So infact, not just sexual immorality itself but anything that resembles, looks like, is close to, or could be....... Hmmmmm

God says it is improper for it to be found amongst God's holy people.

I cannot claim to sit here and say that it is the easiest thing to do in this world but I tell you that if you believe it and purpose in your heart, it is possible. It is not easy but by God's grace it's possible.

So, just to encourage you already in it, you can do it. You can make a decision to handle your relationship God's way. For those preparing to go into a relationship, it is possible by God's grace.. You can honour God with your relationship and put Him first before your desires, emotions and strong feelings.

So, how far is far.. Right now, for me, anything I cannot do with any other male-friend is far..

I choose to guard my heart, body and soul by God's grace.... So help me God xxxx

Who makes the first moveee?

Hiya, it's your faithful runaway fwend here again, doing what she does best, sneaking in and out! What can I say, forgive moi, life is busy..

So, just a quick-ish one right: What's your thought on a girl making the first move? ie whatever your interpretation is, so could be from initiating the first contact to THAT question "So what's happening between us" to actually plunging right in and asking him to be in a relationship?

Secondly, on a personal note, would you do it / would you mind if as a guy you were asked by a girl?

This question was asked at an event I went to over the weekend and it provoked a debate and basically there were mainly 2 camps -

Camp 1 - Never! How can?! She's presenting herself as cheap! The guy will never respect her! It's not biblical, the bible says 'whoever FINDS a wife hence it's the man that does the finding, it's not in our (African) culture etc

Camp 2 - Why not? We are in the 21st century! Guys can be very slow so they need some help, Ruth slept at the foot of Boaz (technically translating to her making the first move - for non bible scholars, sorry!)

So what you say, yay or nay?

God bless xx

Walk into your future.. It's time to let the past go

Yesterday, I saw....

There's this girl who had been in  a relationship with this guy. She had loved him and thought they were going to get married. She wasn't being presumptuous as she had indeed been introduced to his parents, siblings and vice versa. He was everything she wanted in a man. I bet she must have confided in him her deepest secrets, shared with him her deepest fears and been grateful that after the rough experiences she had been through thus far, there was finally someone who made it alright in the end.. Her own man.

They shared a deep interest in the same thing, her mum loved him and supported the boy's family who weren't so well to do at the time and she whole-heartedly supported his dreams - she knew he was going to be very great.

His big break came and she couldn't have been more excited or proud... She threw herself in 100% to be able to support him, without expecting much in return from him, just his love and acceptance..

Alas, one day, he tells her in not the most dignified of ways that unfortunately he had to break off the relationship because he had been advised that in order to move far and quickly in his career, he didn't need to have any 'entanglement'.. She was devastated, she was hurt, she felt betrayed, she was ANGRY.. She cried and cried and hoped and hoped...

This happened a few years ago and today they are sworn enemies. She hates him desperately and still hurts from how he treated her. She can't stand to be in his presence or in the same vicinity as him and has vowed never to forgive him as long as she lives.

Now, this story just like any story about heart break makes me sad.. :-( Here's a lovely young girl who has been so affected by one guy's treatment of her that it is affecting her whole life and ability to move on in life...

The truth is that there are many people - male and female who are hurting right now.. who are bitter right now.. who are angry right now... who feel cheated right now.. who are asking 'why?' right now..

While no one may be able to fully understand your hurt or give you the answers or get things back the way they used to be, I just want to highlight the fact that when a man or woman ends a relationship with you and hurts you, you do yourself a disservice by being bitter.

Bitterness only eats you up slowly and makes it difficult to move on. You give permission to that person to keep a hold on your mind, heart and life as long as you remain bitter. Without being flippant, the truth is that it has happened and as sad as it is, you have to find a way to forgive and let go so that you can get freedom from your past..

God has so much more in store for you, so much better prospects for you but if you keep holding on forcefully to how much the person has hurt you or done you wrong, you keep blocking yourself from receiving what God has for you..

Try collecting something with your fist clenched or palms closed (holding on to the past) it's not possible but the moment you choose to open your hands and let go, you simultaneously open your hand to receive.

If you're struggling, please ask God for help. He can help you.

I will also be very happy to pray with you... If you would like that, please send me an email oneplustheone@gmail.com and I promise to pray with you. You don't even have to share what it is if you are  not comfortable. You may just need to have someone (virtually) hold your hands, joining you in prayer.

May God release you from the burdens of the past to walk into your glorious future.



Lots of love xx

Cleaning out the Closet...

*Hoovering the dust*
**Side note: But One, this is getting kinda old! *sheepish smile*

Hiya everyone.. It's been a while..

So I was reading an article on Myne Whitman's page here about who gets to keep the engagement ring after a breaking off of the engagement?
The comments were quite interesting but majority of the people supported the fact that it should be returned to the guy since he probably bought it.

Now, I have never been engaged so I don't know what I would do, I guess probably return it to the individual but also I have come to realise that it may also depend on how the engagement ended...

Now, I want to ask as well, after the end of a relationship, do you return the gifts ie the ones that are quite significant and/or expensive?

When I was going out with HOG, one of the great things he used to do very well was give gifts - very nice and poignant ones.
In the past, I haven't had any qualms about using an ex's gifts after breaking up but this one is kinda a bit different and I have been wondering what to do.. To keep? To continue using? To discard? To give out? To sell?

So he loves jewellery a lot and I got a few from him. One of the first gifts he got me was this expensive friendship bracelet which he had a similar type.
On our 'first week anniversary' he gave me a nice Swarovski necklace that had some kind of significance (there was some explanation involved)
He also got a matching ring over Christmas (not engagement) but another thing we had in common, as well as a nice watch.
On another occasion, he got me another nice necklace

So, a while after we broke up, I stopped wearing these things cause:
1. They were quite personal
2. I saw him a few times and I didn't want him to see me wearing them (*covers face*)

Thing is sometimes, I think "What's the big deal, they are mine now" and other times I'm like why are you still holding on to these things.

I have been tempted to sell them (££ hehe) or give them away or give them back.. But I have some reservations about thse options.

At the moment, they are just lying in a box on my bedside table and I'm thinking 'what a waste!'

So what do you think, to keep, to give back, to give away or to make some money? :-)

xxxx

In need of a Miracle?

Miracle: An event that appears inexplicable by the laws of nature and is held to be supernatural in origin r an act of God (www.freedictionary.com/miracle)

I don't know if you believe in miracles, but I DO! God does miracles. 'Big', 'small', 'medium'.. He does them.

Many people have tried to take the glory from Him by terming it a "coincidence", a "mistake that was not detected", "mis-diagnosis" etc But one thing I know is that it was God and only GOD!

(read my lips or watch me type) HE IS A MIRACLE-WORKING GOD!

God works on a day to day basis, it's either we fail to recognise it or sometimes very comfortable with the available physical resources or sometimes 'managing' the situation. But I tell you, God desires that you and I have life and have it in abundance (John 10:10). He is still working! You can go back to Him and ask Him for yours! Don't be satisfied with average, be hungry for more and let God in His awesomeness fill that hunger.

I want to share what happened to someone I know recently and I believe that it will touch somebody, encourage your faith in this mighty God and believe in Him for your miracle. God says in His word, All things are possible to all who believe (Mark 9:23)... Including that 'impossible' situation!

Let's call her Divine.
So Divine had been dealing with this protracted illness for so long. It had to do with her womb and there seemed to be no way out. She always fell ill and had multiple Doctor appointments. Eventually the Doctor said that in order to prevent her developing cancer, the only solution was to have a hysterectomy ie take out her (uterus) womb. Implication being that Divine will be unable to conceive naturally. Meanwhile, Divine is a young lady and not yet married.

It was a very difficult decision to make but in order for her to prevent something even more fatal, she had to consider having it done, hoping against hope for the best. Now, the date for this had been fixed. A day to this procedure, she raised a prayer request at her Home Cell Group, a simple prayer was said and everyone prayed that God will intervene (in fact most of the prayer point was that God make it successful, let there be no complications etc).

Well, we serve a God who does beyond our expectations, beyond what we can ever ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). The next day as she was being wheeled to the theatre, they did the routine pre-operation scan and to the Doctor's amazement, he saw nothing.. Yes, you read that right, NOTHING! He was very surprised to say the least. He exclaimed saying "this is not what we saw the last time!" and immediately, Divine said "God has done it!"... He asked her to repeat her statement and she said it "God has done it!".. He said well whatever you believe in, hold on to it! She got up and walked out of the hospital in floods of tears.. God just changed her life! And HE turned it around from something that would have changed her life in another terrible way to a miracle!

This happened about a fortnight ago in a very good British Hospital where things are checked meticulously and where they try to avoid having operations on the National Health Service (NHS) - so the Doctors must have been certain that they saw something that had to be removed. The Doctor saw one thing weeks before but GOD corrected it in His own wonderful way! We call Him" the Surgeon who operates without spilling blood!"... The Balm in Gilead, The Mighty Healer, The Jehovah Rapha, The One that has the FINAL say, the MIRACLE worker, the same God yesterday, today and forever!

I tell you, God works, the bible says that there is NOTHING impossible for Him to do, if HE could part the red sea to make a way for His children, your case is too small. If HE could bring out water from a rock, how difficult can your issue be? If HE could send down manna from heaven? What is it that you are asking for? If HE could raise Lazarus from the dead after 3 days! What situation is too hopeless for Him to sort out?

I can tell you countless experience of miracles from a personal point of view and even from others.. You can even read more in Aloted's account here and here

God is able to do ALL things, do you believe right now? Then hold on TIGHTLY to Him for that expectation

xxxx

Let's talk about SEX!

I know you would be eager to read this post.... hehehehe

Today, I just wanna share an excerpt from a message given by Pastor Matthew Ashimolowo this morning at the RCCG Youth Convention in Nigeria (Yup! I'm a bonafide RCCG-ite :-D)

Judging from my 2 previous posts, the issue of sex is one that a lot of people are interested in for a variety of reasons. For some, it's that we they are looking forward to it excitedly, some are wanting to keep themselves from it until it is done rightly in the context and security of marriage, some are looking to get away from it as it has been dabbled in before marriage and are looking for a way out.

We certainly need to know more about sex from God's point of view and I hope that the following write-up will help someone who reads this blog:

(It's quite lengthy but it's worth the read)

LET's TALK ABOUT SEX

Proverbs 4:23, Proverbs 6: 23-27

Be careful what you take in, the music and movies you watch could desensitizes you to the truth. It is the truth you know that will set you free.

Colossians 3:5-6

You are to honour God with your body, sex is not allowed outside marriage.

Even though Nike may say 'Just do it!" You're not to with SEX!

The simple thought of sex crossing your mind is not a sin but the desire for sex is the sin!

Sex goes beyond the physical, it's spiritual and emotional!

In the bible, when a man sleeps with his wife the bible says "He knew his wife" but when a young man sleeps with an unmarried woman the bible says "He laid with her"

Don't let anybody deceive you, you can know them by their words. e.g "You don't need to tell anybody what we are about to do!"

If a guy comes to you with a condom, he is a con(artist) and you are dumb!

Virginity is something you give away and not what is taken from you by force! If you were violated and tampered with, only your virginity is broken, you destiny isn't, so don't mess up yourself! You are still so precious in God's sight. God values you, He values your body so honor Him with it!

85% of those who live together before getting married end up divorced. 50% of marriages in UK and 80% of black marriages in US end up in divorce!

If you sell yourself cheap, you end up being treated anyhow. A man who cannot treat you like a lady doesn't deserve you and any woman who cannot treat you like a prince doesn't deserve you!

Don't start what you can't handle! The skin is only a few centimetres deep and beneath that skin, there are 18million nerves passing information round. When ever someone touches you sexually, your nerves sends info that are stored somewhere in your brain. That's why when you see the person later you remember the touch! You have imprints of people on your life through sexual relationships.

Don't let anyone touch you in a way that is not holy. From hugs to kissing and then the deed happens unplanned!

Once you mess up your sexual life, it messes up your spiritual life! Get it right!

Exodus 26, 27 gives a summary of the Tabernacle. It was divided into the outer court, the Holy place, Holy of Holies. As a human being, your body is the outer court, your soul the holy place and your spirit the holy of holies!

The outer court gave access to many levities and they brought their sacrifices there. Your body is your outer court many people will have access to you, you'll meet many boys/girls but be careful, many will come and go. Proverbs 4:23

Only the priests were allowed into the holy place. The holy in your body is your soul. Your emotions are conceived there. Before you let anyone touch your soul, be very careful! The reason many broken relationship ends up a soul tie is because they let someone else make an impact on their soul and no matter how much they try to forget the person it is difficult.

Guard your soul, don't let just any nice person get in. The holy place had a lampstand in it, anyone who must get into your holy place was be a lamp. Ladies, any man that wants to court/date/marry you must have more light than you already have! He needs to be the lamp! Don't settle for less!

Only the High priest was allowed to enter into the holy of holies (Hebrews 9:7) ! He had to break through the veil to get in. There is only man allowed to get into you and that is your husband! When a man sleeps with a virgin, it's more than just sex! It's spiritual, it's a blood covenant!

Guys note, everywhere you go as a man and have sexual releases, your testicles will testify against you! The reason God gave you two testicles is because the bible says out of 2 or more witnesses, a statement is established (Deuteronomy 17:6).

There is a point when sexual activities goes beyond the physical, it becomes a demonic activity! It is spiritual!

Easy sex does not make more romance, neither does not give joy and happiness!

When you have sex while waiting to be married, you crush the foundation of your marriage

Don't let anyone blackmail you to stay in a relationship! After giving your life to Christ break away from every ungodly relationship!

Titus 2:11-12

To get out:

It requires the decision to maintain your integrity!

It requires a bold step to confront ungodly relationship you are in!

Break away and make a vow to be pure!

Keep yourself and honour God with your life!

No sex is safe sex!

Desire change, deny yourself!

I need your help please!

Hiya lovely people!

First of, I have good news, especially for Toinlicious and Aloted.. I am happy to say that captcha has finally gone! Our relationship is over - done and dusted :-D Thanks to Myne Whitman for showing me the way! (See, I value your wonderful feedback :-)

A huge thanks to everyone who commented on the last post (Let me just say, I'm really grateful for having very nice people who visit this blog)....

I was particularly touched to receive an email from a lovely lady who reads this blog and decided to ask for help for what is quite a dilemma for her in her relationship. I admire her desire to want to do the right thing and I say thank you to her for giving me the opportunity to share on here so that people wiser and more experienced than me can give her useful tips.... 'In the multitude of counsel, there is safety'...

She would really appreciate your input, thank you!

I am a lady in her twenties, I am a Christian who respects and adores God, although I am not perfect but I am trying. when I was in my teens I made a vow to God in church to keep myself and not have sex with any man till I get married. I got into a relationship 2 years later with a dude in my university and the issue of getting 'petty' came up, but one thing I always made sure i did before going into a relationship was 'define my vow and get him to understand the situation'...he said he understood and wasn't in a rush to do anything but fast forward 2 years later he started 'stylishly' demanding sex from me, I told him I couldn't give in (I always did the kissing, necking bla bla bla but no going further than that) so we had to break up.

A few months later, I fell in love and started dating again. This dude was crazy in love with me and as usual said he'll do without the sex because it's me he loves and not my body. That he did quite alright, but I noticed whenever we were together he was always getting 'touchy'...he'll start caressing and fondling and you know how hard it is to resist all that sometimes (I'm still very human)........ I'm not going to bore you with all the long story, but I ended up having sex with him last year.... I felt really bad giving it up despite the vow I made with God and all. The issue now is I want to quit the relationship because he's always very touchy whenever we are together and it's very hard to resist that and I don't wanna keep going back to sin. but at the same time, I am really scared that I may not be able to get over him or find someone else cos we've been together for 5 years.

I know it may seem like I am so tied to him, but the truth is I love him with all my heart and I always wish I'd spend the rest of my life with him but he's always leading me to sin...typical example, I could just be lying down and working on my laptop and he'll just come and start touching my butt, boobs n all and the funny thing is he knows where to touch to get me very aroused. then eventually I give in and we get very sexual...but afterwards, this very weird and painful feeling of regret and guilt fills my soul and I just can't shake it off. it's like I feel I've let God down over and over again.

I'd appreciate some advice or comments or anything, because I am tired of fighting this battle alone.......it's really weighing me down and all...

P.S - We also work for the same organisation and in the same department, so you can now begin to imagine how hard a break-up will be.

Help Please? God bless you all! xx

So we Kissed....

I have a confession.. don't take it personal. I have a confession (please) you gotta listen.. (Thank you D'banj! :-)

Ok, on a more real note, I have wanted to write this post for a while but I haven't had the 'energy' to do so but I feel that it is quite important to do so.

Some of you may remember the note 'Taking it Back Old School' where I expressed how I desired my relationship / courtship to be like and hoped it would work out that way. I think I wrote it a few months to my next relationship. I knew that in order to achieve something, it was important to plan ahead for it. I wanted to 'purpose in my heart' like Daniel in the bible did concerning certain decisions, dos and don'ts in my relationship with the One so that things wouldn't 'just happen'. Summary of the post was that before marriage, I wanted to do zilch / nada / nothing sexually with my intended.. so including but not exclusive of kissing, 'quaving' (I don't know if that word still exists!), petting, necking, rubbing etc etc lol

Anyways, thanks to you wonderful people, I had so many encouragements and comments and 'yes you can!' and 'Yes, I will too!'. It was something I desired intently to adhere to and sometimes I would tell my friends, speak it, plan towards it etc.

So, when I met this Christian, tall, talented, gorgeous human being whom I totally totally 'digged' a few months down the line, I was like YES! Thank You Jesus. It was a very flash-fast point from properly meeting / talking / liking / joy / relationship. In fact, point of interaction to relationship was under 1month (God is good! lol). He ticked all the boxes and the most important thing and attractive for me was his walk/relationship with God (that has the potential to make me fall in love with you in seconds haha + the extra summin' summin').

So the day he 'asked me out' (lol) aka for us to become exclusive, inside I was dancing but I was like ok, before I answer, I just have to set out some things and what I had wanted my relationship to be like so I shared with him the 'Taking it back Old School' vision - that was the deal breaker ( I even showed him the post!).. He was mega impressed and totally sold on it agreeing that it was what he wanted as well and could definitely abide by it by God's grace. Haa I was like singing "Jesus, I love you oh!" lol.

The next few weeks was great! We saw each other weekly (we lived in different cities) and it was lovely, just holding hands and hugs when we see + talking, sharing plans and hopes and vision for the near and distant future - it felt GREAT!... But as the days grew by, my attraction shot up by 1000 x 1000 x 1000! I was like mehnnnnn what manner of dilemma is this one? You mean actually 'no kissing'? Oh my! Lord have mercy!

So, One initiated the first kiss.. Yes I did.. I was just like nothing more, just the kiss (I didn't say it loud, just thought it) and it just felt very good, like *sigh* with a tinge of guilt. But as we know, usually after the first taste, other things are bound to follow. We didn't have sex or go deep but there was some kissing and touching (Lord please protect this post from my mother!).

Anyways, why am I sharing this with you? I want to be quite honest with you. From my heart, this was something I wanted to do ie taking it back old school. Not just for the sake of achievement or punishment but more because I honestly wanted to honour God in that way. I have seen people who have done it and I really wanted to commit my relationship to God and honour Him in every way possible. That was my decision and commitment to Him + there are so many things that have started innocently and small and trivial and have ended in a way that we never expected nor planned and I don't want to take that risk at all!

So, I kissed + more... I didn't 'old school' it at all! BUT, I repent. I want to take it God school by God's grace. We broke off the relationship and in a way I thank God for the perspective it's brought back again. I know it's easier said when you're not in a relationship and the attraction is not there to propel you but I believe it's possible. God knows I sincerely want it to work in a way that is pleasing to Him and in a different way for Him.

I have decided that I won't give up my desire and given the opportunity and grace, I would attempt it again - only by GRACE. I have also learnt a lot of things for my future relationship that I hope to share in coming posts.

Also, may I encourage you that if you made a pledge / commitment / decision and for one reason or the other you have failed to do so, God is wonderful in the way He has mercy and forgives, He never gives up on you and I so don't give up on yourself irrespective of how many times you have tried! I believe that He honours effort and gives grace to achieve.

So, ladies and gentlemen, One is taking it God's School! .... So help me God :-)

The 100th One! Yayy!!

This is my 100th post on 1 + The One, yay!! I don't even know what to say but laugh hehehehehehe.. I'm smilinggggg... Thank you Jesus! I have actually never celebrated a landmark on here so allow me to be happy :-D :-D

So as you may have guessed, I am intrigued by relationships :-)

I love love, and everything about it! I love the love of God and I love the love that I have experienced thus far in my life..

I have always wondered if it is worth falling in love even if it doesn't last or it's cut short. So, would you rather fall in love and experience heart-break it's end or would you rather not love at all than go through the whole hurt.. 

Hmmmmm, I've always wondered as sometimes depending on what frame of mind I am in at the time, I'm like 'Oh, I don't regret being with him at all, the joys of being in love with him I will not trade at all' and other days I'm like 'Oh Lord, if you knew it would not work out, why did you make it happen? I would rather have not than have to face this intense sadness'.... You see, I belong to the category of people who when they love, love hard! It doesn't happen easily but when it does, it hits hard!

So what do you think? Which school of thought do you belong to?

To love and lose but be grateful for the experience or to love and lose and wish you never had to go through it?

At the moment, I'm in a grateful place so I am dedicating this post to HOG!

You have a special place in my heart bebe! Love you still xx

The Very Inspiring Blogger Award

Hi all!!



So, I was very chuffed and grateful when I went on one of my very favourite bloggers site and saw that I had a .. *drum roll* nomination from him as an inspiring blog *awww*.
"I would like to thank God - The ultimate One, my family, friends, fellow bloggers who have inspired me to no end, faithful readers / commenters, God again, enemies for being wonderful audiences as He sets a table before me :-P " iKid.. But seriously though, I'm truly gratefully.

The truth is I find his posts so wonderfully encouraging and every time he writes a comment on any of my posts. they.. 'make sense gan' lol. He is an incredibly wise and focused man and if he wasn't the one who nominated me, he would have definitely made the list below!

Set Watchman, thanks so much!!!! And as you make a way for others, you will always achieve your dreams! Please check out his very fantastic blog here.

So here goes, these are the rules!

1. Display the award logo on your blog.
2. Link back to the person who nominated you. (Should I be ashamed to admit that I don't know how to do this? Help Plssss!)
3. State 7 things about yourself
4. Nominate 15 other bloggers for this award and link to them.
5. Notify those bloggers of the nomination and award's requirements.

7 things about myself:
1. I love singing and dancing, music and songs. I sing anyhow, anywhere - on the road, in the shower etc :-)
2. I love reading - haven't had the time to in recent times though.
3. I am not a TV / movie person at all.
4. My favourite book is Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers.
5. I attend the Redeemed Christian Church of God and one person in the whole wide world I would love to spend 'learning' time with at the moment is Pastor E.A Adeboye  (Oh bonus, I LOVEE Pastor Agu Irukwu)
6. I am a 'people-person' but treasure my 'home-time'. Family is a major priority for me.. After God, comes family.
7. I am passionate about Jesus :-D I am in a place at the moment where I want to know Him more, fall deeeeeep in love with Him and cultivate an intimate relationship with Him. I love GOD.

Phew.. So that's a little bit of me.

Now to nominate 15 people *rubs hand in glee*

1. EROInspirations - I love this amazing woman. She is an inspiration indeed. Would definitely love to meet her! :-)
2. SayeDero aka The Fashion Engineer - An Engineer and fashionista extraordinnaire! I admire and I'm inspired by her creativity, sheer genius! 
3. Aloted - Another wonderful woman. Encourager through and through.
4. Myne Whitman - A wonderful writer and social activist :-) Has her own book published and is making it happen! Obviously loves what she does and is committed to it.
5. Boundless Line - A blog by different contributors who break down the ABC of God-ly relationships. Wonderful!
6. DollChic - Another lovely young woman of substance. Her faith and life inspires me.
7. GoodNaijagirl - The 'Thankful' lady :-) Always has a positive outlook to life.
8. Wailacaan - Witty, down-to-earth and lovely young Christian lady. Her writing style is lovely. Always a joy to read.
9. Solomonsydelle - One of my main inspirations for venturing into the world of blogging. Thank you! xx
10. Linda Ikeji - My other main inspiration to start blogging. Thank you! xx
11. From Now Till I Do - Beautiful woman with a heart for God. Love her insights into being newly married.
12. Chibundu - Such an achiever at a young age and a Christian who is not ashamed to publicly state it to boot! Inspiring!
13. Verastic - One of my early reads. Real and down-to-earth. Her writing style inspires me. I definitely see a talkshow in the offing!
14. My World of Acting - Lovely personality (well from her blog :-) and a great encourager.
15. The Alabaster Jar - One of my new finds but I have absolutely learnt so much! Again, focused on marriage, relationships et al.

So the list above is by no means exhaustive! All the blogs listed on the right hand corner of this page inspire me! I refer to them as my blog treasures. May God bless you all and continue to make you Lights in this world and an inspiration to others!

Loveeee xxxx

Lettin' that bad bwoy go!

So one of my friends asked recently during a discussion how a 'young heart moves on from a broken relationship with someone who is not good for them or someone who is maltreating her but can't seem to move on'.

Now, I I'm not an expert on this topic (and I hope never to be by experience! Lol) but I thought I may just share some of the points that I have found personally helpful when it comes to going through that process.

The truth is that a number of us have gone through what is referred to as 'wrong love' syndrome and the worst part is when for some, after the relationship ends, you are unable to or find it difficult to let go or move on.

So here goes, suffering from a broken heart + 'wrong love' syndrome and want to move on / let go? Hope this helps:

1. You need to want to move on. You need to come to a place of understanding that the relationship is not good for you and not for you. If you keep thinking 'what if', moving on will be extra hard.

2. You need to believe that you are WORTH a good man. If you are happy to settle with someone who is not good enough or who will not treat / celebrate you as you ought, it will be difficult for you to move on.

3. You need to constantly affirm yourself as the lady that God has made you to be and believe it. Books / audio messages help a great deal. Listen to some Joyce Meyer / Pastor Bimbo Odukoya / T.D Jakes / Christian friends for some encouragement. You need to hear things to reassure you that your self-worth is not determined by any man or relationship... Remember faith comes by HEARING!... Hear the right things!

3. You need to try as much as possible to avoid the triggers that remind you of that relationship. Not a total cutting off (although that's necessary sometimes) but avoid those things that bring back memories of both of you being together, as much as possible. Then also stop texting/calling/fbooking (even if it's just to 'check on him' - yup we all know that line! lol). Let considerable time pass before you begin doing that again.

4. Now, the most important and helpful thing for me is the assurance that GOD gives of who I am in Him, how much He loves me, and how much He has invested in me. At this point, you need that closeness with Him, pray for strength from Him. Cry if you want to, but everyday until it happens, ask God for the grace to let go. It may not come immediately, it may seem like it's getting to you badddd but the wonderful thing about committing things to God is that He has a great way of turning bad situations into great testimonies.

He may not come back but there's a reason why that door is closed and in due time, you will see it. Trust your faithful Father in heaven and patiently wait. You will certainly see it and thank God for it.
If he is yours, he will come back but not on your terms or by sitting idle waiting for him to realise he's made a mistake, you have to move on with your life by God's grace and let/watch God move on your behalf.

I can certainly testify that no matter how bad it seems, when you look back on it, you will have much to thank God for. Trust Him, He has only the best will for you.

So my friend, let that bad bwoy go! xxxx

PS there's no text book answer or solution as each person is different so please feel free to share your helpful points :-) God bless you xxxx

Thank God for Closed Doors!

I have been thinking and reflecting recently and today I listened to a wonderful message by Joel Osteen about 'The God who closes Doors'.

It was just a confirmation of the encouragement and words I have been getting from God. I will be writing from the point of relationships but please feel free to apply it as you deem fit.

So, I have been very very sad about the end of my last relationship. To be honest, I thought he was the One. Even though I had only known him for a short while, I was convinced it was one of those relationships that take off very quickly because you just KNOW... 

He was many things I had hoped and prayed for in my future partner. In fact I had admired him from afar and the fact that it became real made me want to sing and dance for joy. I was sooo in lovee! I kept thanking God everyday that not only did he bring someone into my life, He brought HIM.. It was an answer to my prayers and I felt a reward for all the time of waiting!

I don't think both of us would have ever thought that very shortly down the line we would be calling it quits and for no apparent reason. It just wasn't working out and I did not want to remain in something that wasn't 100%. I desire God's best and I wasn't ready for anything less no matter how attractively packaged it was. I must admit that I had my own issues etc but I don't think it was over the top. 

So when it ended, I cried and cried! I didn't even know it could ever get to me like that! I have had my fair share of disappointments in relationships so I thought it would just be one of those things but this one was different. I don't think I have ever felt this heart-broken and helpless before. 

Of course the next thing I did was turn to God.. I prayed and prayed! I asked God for mercy, to right the wrong. To make him come back... But He didn't or He hasn't and I have been so discouraged. What makes it worse is that there is no apparent reason why it had to end. 

... However, I am coming to understand that sometimes God closes a door to open THE door and like Joel Osteen said in his message, He loves you too much to give you less when you cry for it when He knows that the best is coming! Our thoughts/visions/plans are way limited compared to what God has in store for us. And sometimes He withholds what looks ideal to our human eyes to enable us get the real deal! 

..Sometimes though, He requires you to give up that precious thing to prove that without it you can still remain happy and content in Him. If He chooses, He brings it back, just like Abraham and Isaac (Genesis 22:!-19) BUT even if He doesn't, know that He has not a shred of wickedness in Him.. All God has for you and I is love and He ONLY ever wants the best for you.

Be encouraged, you and I don't know what God has just saved us from because our sight is limited but in due season, you will come to know and appreciate Him even more. Right now, all you can do is trust in Him, thank Him in all situations and wait with the right attitude for the very BEST He has for you.

Lots of love xxxx

Smell it, go right ahead and eat it!

Please if you are not going to eat it, don't smell it/stare at it longingly!

This goes for both ladies and men... It just helps a lot of people and it would mean preventing a LOT of heart-break(s).

If you know you are not interested in being in a relationship with someone, Please, please and please don't act like you are. The least you owe them is honesty and transparency. Don't lead them on..

And by that, don't spend endless minutes/hours on the phone with them because 'I like talking to you'..

Don't introduce them to important people in your lives..

Don't share the odd kiss, holding intimately etc with them and then have it at the back of your mind that it's 'no strings attached'.

Don't go out to eat together, go on cinema dates outings, go bowling alone and say 'I like your company that's all'.

Don't text/chat/bbm endlessly with them just 'for the fun of it'.

State your intentions, let them be clear from the beginning. You do the person a great disservice by toying with their emotions. And there's a thin line between love and hate, especially when the heart is involved!

I'm just sharing this because I have heard so many experiences of guys and ladies who are heart-broken because they 'thought', and by all indications, you wouldn't blame them for 'thought-ing'.

You and I know when someone likes you more than being just friends, if you have any iota of respect for them, maintain your distance if you know you are not interested. Yes, it's difficult - hey, who doesn't like the attention but be kind. It could be your sister/brother/son/daughter tomorrow.. It could even be YOU!

A lot is said to people to 'wake up and smell the coffee, see the signs' but this is an appeal to the other side, please have mercy. Just have mercy!

God bless xx

Tis MY season to be jolly...

SO it's everyone's favourite weather.. SUMMER is here in Britain!!... Or not..

Well traditionally, summer should be here.. From around the month of May / June, we ought to have ditched the coats and cardigans and started rocking our shades and shorts + the latest summer look..

Alas, we are still sitting huddled under the duvet armed with a cup of cocoa / coffee... Oh summer where art thou?! To make it more interesting we have some a lot of rain thrown in.

We ought to be heading out to the seaside for a lovely picnic with lovers and friends. We ought to be queueing by the ice-cream van politely waiting our turn to be served. We ought to be feeling cheery as the weather isn't making us look and feel so glum. I should be sun-bathing now getting my tan on *cough cough*.. Oh I forgot, I've got my natural tan swag going on all year round hehe..

I should be dancing in the sun not drenching in the rain.. arghhh... So I will go to bed until summer decides to turn up!! *angry face*.

You see sometimes in life, things ought to be a certain way. We believe that there is a particular time and season for everything. In fact we have it all mapped out. Do this now, then get that then, then settle it here etc etc.

I mean, by now, I should be gloriously bearing the surname of my significant other which by the way is wayyyy cooler than my previous one (and that my friend is no easy feat as my maiden name is uber cool!). I should be nearing the labour day of my first handsome son, and next week should be my maternity leave party from my amazing work colleagues at my superb job! I should be at this moment, typing with my feet up and the precious hubby giving me a massage while reading over my shoulders and chuckling at my endearing wit as I type to you lovely people! I should be typing to you lovely people about the beauties of married life and the excitement I feel about the one on the way *sigh*.

But just like summer in the UK, it has yet to materialise at the time I believe it should! SO what shall I do? Moan about it, be grumpy and angry, refuse to go out and sleep until I see a glimpse of what should be..

No. For in the same way, I have had to do without the summer for now, I will have to make the best of my life irrespective of what and where I am now. In the same way the dictates of the weather is not by any means in my hands, my life's timetable irrespective of what has been or what is the norm belongs to and is controlled + determined by THE ONE who owns my life and everything else.

Sometimes, our season as we know it is not quite what it should be and for some reason, things are not happening the way they ought to BUT life goes on and you can determine HOW you want it to go on in the mean time.. You can either wait doing nothing or ensure that you make every (darn) second count!

....Rather than focus on the cold, style it up! Buy a 'hot' coloured coat and glam it up! So you can't have a picnic on the beach, spend extra intimate time indoors with your loved ones. Use the fire place as your camp fire and hold your marshmallows over it! Play games: Twister, Monopoly, Cards etc.. Don't stop having fun.

No matter how long it takes, the sun can't hide forever, one day it will surely shine and then just to make up for lost time, make the shorts an inch shorter lol iKid, let's keep it G rated peeps..

No matter how long it takes, your season as it should be will come.. Solomon himself said it in Ecclesiastes 3, There is a time and season for all things under heaven (paraphrased).. The appropriate time and season will come for you... If nothing else assures you, when the sun eventually shines out brightly and you wear that summer outfit, remember we discussed it here and YOUR season will come...soon xx

IPray4U Challenge

*sweeping the cobwebs*..

I know it's been ages, I almost feel like a guest on my blog!

Though I haven't been able to blog, I haven't stopped blog-surfing and it has been wonderful. Thanks to everyone who keeps checking on me / looking out for me :-) I'm blessed by you xx

So, with regards to the subject title, it's a challenge that one of my favourite bloggers - aloted has posted and I would like to encourage as many people as possible to take part if possible.

I've always believed in the power of prayer. I totally and absolutely know and believe with all my heart that God answers prayers. There is no doubt about it. The only thing I don't know is how and when. But I know He hears.

Another huge conviction that I have is that God is love. His love is unconditional, without question and it blows my mind. I honestly cannot begin to understand it. In the same way, He wants us to love people. He said it in His word that the two most important commandments to follow are

1. To Love Him (GOD) completely and with all that we have / are.
2. To love our neighbours as we love ourselves.

We pray about the first and we work towards it daily. Now the second, we do part of it very well - the loving ourselves bit and sometimes we tryyy to complete it by loving others in the same way.

One of the ways we love ourselves is by praying each day about things that concern us. Things that bother us. Things that we would like to see happen in our lives. Personally, I pray consistently about my walk with God, my family, friends and of course a worthy life partner. Recently, the latter has been top on my prayer list.

Now, the prayer challenge is for us to pray for others for 7 days rather than praying for ourselves (or in addition to, if you really really can't help it!). For each day, pick a person whom you would like to pray for and then do so. Please read more about it and the background of the challenge HERE. Trust me, it's a worthy read!

So, here goes, in the next few days, I will be praying. I will not be dwelling on my own personal things but by God's grace, I will be focusing on loving others and praying for them. I am buzzing already! I have begun to make my list!

Here a few things I will do personally:
1. I will pray for one person each day.
2. I will do so for the person throughout that day.
3. I will thank God for them.
4. The only thing for me, will be to thank God for everything!
5. As a point of contact, I will pray for people who are going through things or asking for things similar to mine. (But not exclusively)
6. In addition to specific people, I will pray generally for other people as well.
(So help me God)

Please go to aloted's blog to indicate your interest in joining. God bless YOU!

I desire....

I desire a man who loves God

I desire a man who is so patient and so kind

I desire a man who believes I am the best thing that ever happened to Him and demonstrates it

I desire a man who is so selfless in his dealings with me, it's almost unreal. There's no doubt about it that I come first.

I desire a man who is so interested in me and what I am about and what I have to say.

I desire a man who is never tired of listening to me and talking to me.

I desire a man who calls me at least 4 times a day just to check 'how his wifey is doing'.... after 20 years of marriage.

I desire a man who hardly ever calls my name but refers fondly to me with a special term of endearment (it makes me feel so loved, treasured and special.

I desire a man whose heart desire is to see me comfortable and happy.

I desire a man who is devoted to me and our children.

I desire a man who is a servant-leader. Firm but oh so gentle and loving

I desire a man who does not have the capacity to be mad at me or stay mad at me.

I desire a man who respects me deeply and I see it in his eyes and feel it in his touch.

I desire a man who never gets tired of me and loves my body through the changes that age and childbirth brings.

I desire a man who is my no 1 fan, my biggest cheerleader.

I desire a man in whom I am absolutely attracted to - spiritually, physically, mentally etc

.....

I could go on and on and on.. 

I bet for some people, the above list sounds far-fetched and almost incredible. It used to: For me, I didn't think it was at all possible to have a marriage like I have described above... Only happens in fairytales.

In fact I dared not share this with some people as their sneering and jesting would hurt too much lol.

I had seen so many bad examples of marriage that I had started to believe that it is wise to be modest about your expectations of marriage at best.

BUT! What I describe above is not fantasy, it is actually REAL. It is a real life testimony of a beautiful African couple I know who have been married for over 20 years! (yup, you can read the list again, and it's in no way exhaustive). Their marriage inspires me. It makes me want to get married... quickly!

Yes, I have seen and heard about atrocious marriages. At one point, it made me have doubts about the institution, but real examples like this couple and some many others are testimonies on which I refer to when I speak to God about my own expectations of marriage.

Simple message for today, A good marriage, actually an awesome marriage is POSSIBLE by God's grace! Don't stop believing it, don't stop desiring it, don't settle for less than God's best for you!

Once in a while on this blog I will feature some positive examples of marriages that I know. Real life examples. There are so many bad examples out there, the good ones are not allowed to shine and encourage others!

Remember, faith comes by hearing.. We need to refine what we hear so that our faith can be strengthened!

Lots of love peeps, God is good!

xxxx

Today Oh! (No matter what I face...)

Today Oh!
I will lift up my voice in praise
Today Oh!
I will lift up my voice in praise
For I know, you are always there for me
Almighty God
You're my All in All
No Matter what I face
When trouble comes my way
I will praise you Lord

That's another praise song that I love and that ministers to me so much.

I have been singing the above song for over 10 years now, and it never gets old! (over 10 years? gosh I'm getting old!) :-)

I was privileged to have been at a spectacular praise evening where the songwriter himself Mr (Pastor)Wale Adenuga gave a poignant introduction to the song. He spoke about how he and his family members faced difficulties at that period he penned the song which is a conviction in itself that no matter the circumstance, he will choose to praise the Lord.

You know, it is so easy to praise God when all is going well. I know this sounds so cliche but recently I have come to kinda understand what the 'sacrifice' of praise means. Praise in dark and very low times, praise when you feel genuinely that God is being 'unfair' to you, praise when you don't have anything at all, praise when you have literally lost everything, praise when others are being hugely successful and moving forward in life and you seem to be stagnant and lagging behind, praise when everything around you seems to be un-praiseful (yup, I sorta coined that word).

If we are being honest, it is easier to praise, sing, dance and rejoice when things are wonderful, when things are at least alright and manageable. When God has just blessed you / you have just passed an exam / been given a promotion and a raise / met a wonderful man or woman / had a beautiful baby / received an answer to your prayers and so on.

But, honestly? It's tough to praise God when "trouble comes our way". In fact people don't like when trouble comes their way hence why many people have re-phrased the last part of that song to say "Whatever comes my way" or "When success comes my way"... There's nothing wrong with praying for good things and success etc but the reality of life is that there will be times when trouble will come. Now, that is when the test of the 'sacrifice' of praise comes in.

Just like love in marriage, praise is a conscious decision you make, to do at all times, both the good and the bad. Not just when things are rosy but even when your mouth would rather keep quiet than sing a tune, when you'd rather just sit down than 'jump for joy' (at that point you're thinking "why?!").

It is difficult to praise God when you've just lost a loved one, it is difficult when you are faced with a completely hopeless situation, it is difficult to praise when you are on the death bed. But Praise we must choose to do, for in that we show our unstinting love to the One who deserves it. For then, we put into action what we pledged to do in the good days, for then we prove to HIM that 'I love you, I sincerely do'.

AND through Praise you can surely overcome.

I have been in that place whereby people around me were rejoicing and dancing (serious dance oh!lol), praising God, and you could just see the visible joy of the Lord on people's faces but I just had tears in my eyes because at that time, I felt God had deserted me and let me down on many fronts. And sometimes, you may feel like that (we are human after-all, Lord have mercy!). But I urge you, just like I did then to ask God for grace and find the strength to praise Him right now (or right then) through the tears, and honestly, His presence through praise makes a mighty huge difference! + You are offering and sowing a deep sacrifice that will ultimately yield a bountiful reward.

I love that song (and sing it in its original form) because I know that unpleasant things will come, but 'no matter what I face, even when trouble comes my way, I will (still choose) to praise God (My awesome and loving God, The Ultimate ONE)



xxxx

PS
God is good, even when the situation says otherwise, even when we do not understand 'why'? I have a firm belief that for the things we go through now that look like there are no answers to, when we come face-to-face with Him on the last day, there will be a complete answer to it all. I know it sounds far-fetched but we need to understand that God is good and everything about Him is LOVE. He is NOT a wicked God. He is a just God, He is fair, He is kind and He loves us.

(May God's comfort and peace guard the hearts of those who are hurting right now due to one loss or the other, especially as a result of the recent Dana air crash. God almighty wrap you in His love and make you feel Him close to you)
Why some things happen? I don't know but one thing I

Songs that make me go hmmm...

Darling Jesus, darling Jesus.
Oh my darling Jesus
You're a wonderful Lord
I love You so much
Darling Jesus
Oh my darling Jesus
You're a wonderful Lord

There's a particular scenario that usually comes to my mind whenever I sing that song. It was many years ago, I can't really remember how young I was, but I know I couldn't have been more than 8 years old.
Interestingly, at that time I was Muslim and had hardly gone to church but we had been taught that song in school and I just liked it without really understanding the meaning of the words I sang.

On that fateful day, we were at a kiddies party and the compère had asked for any child who wanted to sing/dance or do anything to come forward and then prizes would be given to whomever was voted as the winner in the mini 'talent-show'. He kept calling and calling for contestants and people weren't responding. Eventually, I summoned courage and walked up to him saying that I would sing a song and so I picked one of the few songs that was my favourite....

It was only years later that the meaning and the sentiments of the song became real for me. Whenever I sing that simple song now, it makes my heart soar with love for my 'darling Jesus'.. Just simply expressing the state of my heart when I relate to my no 1 Lover of my soul..

What's you story? Do you know and understand the love of this darling Jesus? Have you given yourself the opportunity to get lost in loving and having a deep and meaningful relationship with this wonderful Lord? Trust me, it's the most beautiful thing ever :-)

.. Oh and by the way, I won a prize for my song :-)

Lots of love xxxx

New Month.. I love new things!

It's a new month folks! Thank God for bringing us into this new and wonderful month of June!!!!

"All those (who) are born in June, stand up! stand up! All those (who) are born in June, stand up! stand up! Ariya riya rosy (?), God bless you!' (Don't lie, you sang it too! :-)

Here's wishing every one of the 1 + The One readers, followers and visitors, the very best of this new month! May the lines fall for you in pleasant places. God's blessings upon you and yours today and always.

May you eat the good of the land and may this be the best month so far for you! I pray for love, peace and overflowing joy for you!

HAPPY NEW MONTH beautiful peeps!! :-)

Some reasons ladies break up with guys (Apparently)

.... Now ladies, we know that guys can break up for both real and ridiculous reasons! You can look at their responses here.



So how did we do in the survey?

1. “He wore sunglasses indoors.” (I blame Hip Hop)

2. “He cracked jokes all the time. I find funny guys really attractive at first, but the novelty always seems to wear off very quickly. What’s sexy at first can soon get quite irritating.” (yeah, I kinda agree)

3. “We never had an argument, in four years of dating. You might think that’s a good thing, but in the end I realised that it was because I couldn’t be bothered to disagree with him. It was easier to let him think that I agreed, because I just couldn’t be bothered.” (True)

4. “He kept tickling me. Fun the first time, really annoying the 30th time – and for some reason he thought I’d find it a turn-on.” (Repeat-offending)

5. “He let me make all the decisions. I like a guy to be accommodating to some extent, but I want him to take control sometimes. I don’t always want to be the one who decides what film we’re going to see.” (Please, be a man!)

6. “He got on better with my mum than I did. He’d phone her for a random chat, which I found really creepy.” (I don't think I would mind actually :-)

7. “He always insisted on picking up the bill on dates. It’s nice to be treated, and it’s obviously great when a bloke can pay his way, but it felt like he was trying to buy me. I earn money too and I’d like the chance to show it.” (Pass him my way, please. Thank you!)

8. “He talked dirty. He thought it was sexy but I was freaked out by it.” (Dump!)

9. “I farted during a date. He didn’t say anything but I was so humiliated I never wanted to see him again.” (LOL)

10. “We bumped into his ex girlfriend in town one day, and he started chatting to her without introducing us. It was awesomely rude and I never forgave him for it.” (Dumped like yesterday!)

11. “He wore more perfume than I did.” (LOL, look on the bright side, when you forget to put some on, just give him a tight hug, sorted!)

12. “He’d introduce me to people as ‘my friend’. When a guy does that, you have to dump him ‘cause you know you’re on borrowed time. I dumped him so he couldn’t dump me first.” (Wisdom is profitable)

13. “He never held my hand in public.” (Hmmmm, hold his!)

14. “He constantly held my hand in public and it got irritating, especially when he was sweaty.” (LOL, donate to the above)

15. “He snored in bed and he’d get really angry when I tried to turn him over, because it ‘woke him up’. Haha! I’d been lying awake for hours listening to his noise! I’ve now resolved to dump any man as soon as I know he’s a snorer.” (What are you doing in bed? :-P)

16. “He cried too easily. I liked that he was sensitive, but his crying made me uncomfortable. I’m slightly ashamed to say it but I want a man who’s strong and will comfort me when things happen, not a man who’ll join in with the crying.” (Dump! but with caution and plenty tissues)

17. “He was too well-endowed.” (How do you know that *tut tut*)

18. “He always put his tongue right into my mouth when we kissed, and it took all the enjoyment out of snogging. He was a gorgeous man and he’d had plenty of girlfriends, so I have no idea how he got to 30 years old without being taught to kiss better. It’s a total deal-breaker, and it was a shame because I really fancied him.” (erhmmm.. Nah)

19. “He kept me waiting for days for phone calls. He said he wanted to ‘take things slowly’ because he’d been hurt in the past, but it just frustrated the life out of me. It felt like he was playing hard to get, and that’s incredibly irritating. If a guy likes me I want him to ring me constantly!” (Playing hard to get is MY job.. Dump!)

20. “He rang me constantly and it got on my nerves.” (I like plenty calls :-)

21. “He spent loads of money on designer labels. I liked that he took so much care over his appearance, but he never had any money left to spend on me.” (Stingy.com)

22. “He kept telling me how ‘fit’ I was. That’s nice, but I wanted him to say that I was clever and funny, or that I had nice knees or something. ‘You’re fit, you’re gorgeous’ is just a bit obvious… also it sounded a bit common.” (I hate that too, when I'm not Barbie)


23. “He couldn’t pronounce my surname properly.” (He couldn't wait for you to take his darling :-)

24. “He made fun of me all the time. He seemed to think it was flirtatious to insult my nose.” (Nahhh)

25. “He’d spent a year travelling round the world and he talked about it quite a lot. I felt totally dull by comparison. Plus I was jealous of him.” (Baby let him upgrade you)

26. “He had very unruly body hair. You know, ‘down there’. I didn’t have the guts to ask him to trim it.” (How do you know *shock gasp*)

27. "He was very mean about his ex girlfriend. He’d call her a slut and all sorts. He’d dated her for more than a year. So if she’s a slut, what am I?” (No way matey!)

28. “He was quite picky with his food. I felt so self-conscious when we ate together because I’d always want to eat more than him, and it made me feel like a right pig.” (Lol, I may have that problem)

29. “He never shaved properly, and my chin was developing a chronic rash.” (Be kind guys)

30. “He was quite shy and had real trouble making eye contact. I need a man who’ll gaze at my face.” (Lol, bashful date?)

31. “He told me off for talking too much. I only talked too much because I felt so alive and enthusiastic in his company – I wasn’t like that with other people. But he moaned about it so I dumped him.” (No Moan please)

32. “We spent every evening snuggled on the sofa watching telly. He thought we had the perfect relationship but I was bored out of my mind. At the beginning I’d had to chase him a bit, and I’d found that very exciting. Knowing that you’re going to spend every evening on the sofa isn’t so exciting.” (A bit of adventure never hurt anyone)

33. “After a year of living together he’d still never done a load of washing voluntarily.” (Laziness is a fatal disease for relationships)

34. “I heard that my ex was getting married and I wished it was me who was marrying him. So I dumped the guy I’d left my ex for.” (Understandable)

35. “When I’m in love with a guy I’m fantastically vain, but with my ex I stopped caring what I looked like. As soon as I realised that, I had to get out of the relationship.” (Over-familiarity is another bad relationship disease)

36. “He cooked lots of curries and I was putting on weight.” (Haha, my friend hit the gym or close your mouth)

37. “He told me he loved me on our second date. Alarm bells…” (#Awkward)

So there we have it folks.. Ultimately, I believe that when someone is 'not that into you', they could come up with ALL sorts of excuses to get out.. But when an individual understands what love and commitment is, especially when they want to spend the rest of their lives with you, these excuses become trivialities..

Look out for those, they are definitely worth keeping! :-)

God bless xx

Reasons why men call it quits (apparently!)

Ladies, has it ever bogged you to know why that fella called it quits? Well here are some responses some guys gave to an MSN survey..
And fellas, do you think that reason you gave was incredulous? Well, you need to get a load of some of the reasons given. I didn't know whether to laugh or shake my head!

Oh my goodness, what can the ladies do right with all these mainly unrealistic expectations!! But some people are vain though! ... But before you judge, think deeply about that particular individual and why they just 'irritated' you.. Your answers may not be that different :-) (God help us right?!).

And some of the responses are food for thought, some of the 'little' things we do that are seemingly irrelevant could be a BIG deal..

1. “I was on the phone to a girl I’d been seeing for a few weeks. We got into a disagreement about something trivial, and she hung up on me. I was furious – it was like she’d hit me in the face. I never rang her again.” (Temper-Temper!)

2. “She always wore foundation on her face, including first thing in the morning. Her skin was fine underneath it – a couple of spots but nothing major. But she had this compulsion to wear foundation. It was massively unsexy.” (Oh oh, I need to be more faithful at my nightly rituals!)

3. “I cooked her a curry one night and she only ate a tiny bit because she was on a diet. Dumped.” (No problem there, *belch*)

4. “She had actual conversations with her cat while I was there.” (LOL, even I would dump myself!)

5. “I dumped my ex as soon as she started acting like more of a lad than I did. I’ve nothing against swearing as such, but it’s not nice if a girl swears all the time. It made her seem thick.” (err.. take back that belch!)

6. “I had to do all the talking on our dates. Maybe she thought that she was doing herself a favour by keeping her mouth shut, but I prefer women to talk too much than too little. I don’t want to do all the work.” (Mehn, I have done this before oh, I was just too nervous on the date #fail)

7. “She kept failing her driving test and I was fed up being her chauffeur.” (I guess he wasn't a fan of driving Miss Daisy ey?)

8. “She slept in a night dress.” (erm....?)

9. “When I first met her she was wearing a fairly loose T-shirt and she looked great, but once we started seeing each other she was always in figure-hugging clothes. I’m not a chauvinist – a woman can wear what she likes – but I don’t find tight clothes at all attractive.” (Hmm, a rare brother!)

10. “She ironed my boxer shorts.” (LOL, did I hear you say Stepford wife?)

11. “About two weeks after we moved in together she started wearing jogging bottoms around the house. The second she got in from work, on they went. She actually looked quite sexy, but I didn’t like what it meant – it was way too cosy.” (The curse of over-familiarity)

12. “She cut her beautiful hair short.” (I have surprisingly heard that guys find long hair such a big deal, Brazillian yes?)

13. “She pointed out that I’d put on weight.” (Back to sender)

14. “My girlfriend stopped keeping any secrets from me. It was like I’d become her best female friend, and she told me everything – things her mum said, period pains, workmate stuff. Too much information for me.” (*confused*)

15. “She was funnier than me.” (Baby let me upgrade you!)

16. “She never bought me dinner. At first I wanted to pay for our dates because it made me feel like more of a man, but there comes a point where you want her to stump up too. It never happened.” (Ladies, be kind :-)

17. “I was on a mate’s stag weekend and got back to find that my girlfriend had re-organised all my DVDs. That was pretty much my sole reason for ending it, and I haven’t regretted it.” (hehe)

18. “I finished with a girl because she couldn’t go out anywhere without completely over-dressing. Even if we were going round a friend’s house, she had to put on make-up and blow-dry her hair. It must have been really hard work being her.” (Some guys really don't send all that #thankYouJesus)

19. “My ex was late for absolutely everything. It’s not even like she spent ages getting ready to go out. She just had this mental thing where she wouldn’t leave the house until she was too late to meet me on time. It drove me insane.” (I guess African time wasn't really working out)

20. “Her bed was covered in cuddly toys.” (What were you doing in her bed? *raised eyebrows* :-P

21. “She slept in this big mound of pillows. If I was staying at her place and I fell asleep without throwing off all the pillows, I’d wake up with neck ache.” (Pay for massage lessons)

22. “She had a dog and she always smelt a little bit of him.” (I'd dump me!)

23. “She told me off for answering my phone at dinner. People around us could hear her moaning at me.” (Mona-Lisa)

24. “Whenever I wanted to watch a DVD at bedtime and snuggle up together, she’d either fidget or fall asleep.” (Guilty, oh no!)

25. “My previous ex had dumped me out of the blue. I was completely over it, but I was worried that my new girlfriend would do the same, so I finished with her first.” (hmmmmm)

26. “She could never remember anything that happened in films we’d seen together, but she remembered every single incriminating thing I’d said during arguments.” (hahaha, end!)

27. “Her feet were always freezing in bed.” *rolls eyes*

28. “She accused me of snoring, so I was always too self-conscious to go to sleep when she was there.” (lol)

29. “She bought a pink phone.” (??)

30. “She slurped her tea.” (#fail)

31. “Her mum friended me on Facebook. The only way I could get around the friend request was to dump my girlfriend.” (Facebook - responsible for many a hook-up + breakup)

32. “I am chaotically messy and I lived in constant fear that she’d try to tidy up under the bed. I don’t know what’s under there, but whatever it is I didn’t want her finding it.” (She waited for you to dump her?!)

So guys, which of the above can you identify with?

Ladies responses to same survey coming up in next post!! :-) xx