Conversations with One: Worth the Sacrifice?

Hiya everyone!

Welcome to our weekly roundtable honest discussions and deliberations :-) (Not that serious but we try as much as possible to be real :-)). What's more, we encourage your participation as we learn from one another each week.

This week's discussion topic goes thus:

"If your husband tells you the only support he needs from you as his wife is to file away your certificates, care for the home and children and also pray for him while he goes out to bring in money, how would you react?"

What's your take on it? Let's go!

******************************************************* 

NubianPrincess: Oneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..... You know this is a topic after my own heart....
But!!! I think everyone needs to know their vocation (calling) on this earth. You know I've always said I was born to be a Happy Lil' Homemaker! :-)

Happy Lil' Homemaker :-)

So for me, that would be absolute bliss... Being able to cater to my man, being a greaat mum to my children, being active in my Church and my society... And YES, this is me with a BEng in Electronic Engineering and an MSc in Mobile and Satellite Communications!!!

I shall prayyyy the man to very many next levels... Loooll!

Not everyone can handle it to be honest... Not every woman is ready for the sacrifice it entails and not every man can handle the total responsibility it entails...

It takes a lot of understanding, a lot of delicacy, a lot of patience, a lot of sacrifice, a lot of appreciation, a lot of communication, a lot of everything.... On both sides...

Running into a meeting now... Waiting to hear the opinions of everyone...

Gotta run!

Mr JohnNash: Every morning when I wake up, I ask myself a question: Who am I?
I am getting closer to that answer everyday. I believe every human being has potential and was born to excel in a particular area. I believe everyone is a genius, however if you throw a born mathematician into politics he might struggle. With the premise everyone has potential and talent. I think it's selfish for any man to relegate the woman in his life to the duty of housewife. It's unacceptable.

The CEO of Yahoo is female, Marissa Mayer.
The CEO of General Motors is female, Mary Barra.

What if she possesses the capacity to be a Fortune 500 CEO? What if she has in her the best idea that will change the World or Africa?

Change the World... Like Marissa Mayer? Yes we can!

Honestly I will liken it to the parable of the talents. My take is no woman should be relegated to the role of house wife. Every woman should be provided the platform to flourish.

One: Preach Nash, PREACH! :-D

Ms PYT: I absolutely agree with MrNash. It will be very selfish of my husband to tell me to be a full house wife. It should be a joint decision if I need to be a full house wife and a prayer warrior. It's such a joy and honour‎ to look after my kids but it has to be balanced.
Do you know what it feels like to sit at home all day attending to kids? Do you know what it feels like to rely on your husband for financial support?
I can tell you it's not easy at all. I have a friend who's battling with low self esteem because she's a full house wife and she feels she's stagnant.

Sometimes, it could just get too much...

One: Aww that's so sad to hear about your friend... But I can certainly empathise with her. I cannot imagine not doing anything outside of looking after my family *shudder*. Don't get me wrong, it's a great and honourable job indeed and it would be absolute top priority, but to do ONLY that.. I personally believe I was made for much more.. :-)

Ms PumpkinUnited: I'll ask him to show me how and give me practical lessons for three months on how to do it and he has to be there (physically present) everyday for the three months to show me the ropes, if he can pull that off then I'm game and if not, he'll need to reassess his understanding of support..

See, for the kind of person I am, this will frustrate and stifle me and a frustrated and unhappy wife means a war zone and tensed home.. I appreciate the fact that men take pride in providing for their families (it's just the way they're wired, especially my Ibo brothers) but also I would love for my husband to encourage me to be busy or pursue a career or whatever, not because he expects me to bring money home and put food on the table, but because he believes in my ability to make a difference out there and contribute my valid quota in a venture, because he wants me to feel fulfilled. It's also not because I need to prove that what a man can do, a woman can do better ...

Working mothers can also get that family-life balance..

But mind you that this MUST not and can not be at the expense of building our home and being there for the children and each other, sam sam, there must be a balance or the marriage will definitely suffer with the children being the worst hit (God forbid).. I don't mind staying back in the early formative years of my kids to give them the right foundation (infact I plan to), but then staying home as a permanent house wife is personally a no no for me and I thank God that knowing this aspect of me, He gave me a man willing to give me wings to soar on..
But the vital point to note is that both husband and wife need to pray for each other and support each other, it's not a one way traffic..

One: Nice perspective.. I don't even think I would want to stay at home when the children are young (lol), I believe we can manage just fine.. But that's a good compromise.

Mr Motivation: It is my humble opinion that God's reason for marriage is synonymous with that of the human existence- which is the fulfilment of His purpose on earth, but in this case of Marriage; a larger scale. Marriage for me is like a ROWING boat involving two people (Man and Wife) and umpired by God only and not in-laws, friends, siblings etc. The speed and the chances of this boat (Marriage) reaching its predetermined destination (purpose) is contingent of the willingness of BOTH parties to row. Hence the need for team work or collaborative effort.

In this boat together.... Rowing through life's storm together

One: Hmmm... MrM has brought a technical perspective to it.. Row on!

Mr Motivation: Having established this, I consider it to be detrimental to the man to suggest to his wife to be a full time house wife if indeed he wishes for them to fulfil their God given purpose. Although there are benefits to being a housewife, there are several disadvantages to this which outweigh any benefit therein.

I have to two examples for this, one being an uncle who made his wife a housewife and the kids were well attended to, but she now has little or no confidence in herself any more, as she feels the entire world has left her and she is just in one spot, so my dear Aunt has resigned to staying indoors most of the time. The second example is of my uncle who did same and was later murdered, but the wife found it hard to get on her feet to fend for the children, as she had no relevant skill to command value in the market place. Both cases speak for themselves.

One: I am glad to hear the men's opinion on this one.. Any differing thoughts?

Ms MIA: So everybody has sort of mentioned most of the points I would, therefore I'm just going to support the opinions shared here...

I think the problem here is the man 'saying' that she should become a stay home and praying wife. Is there an assumption that she cannot take care of her home and kids as well as pray for him while she pursues her career/dreams?

One: THAT is THE question right there!

Ms MIA: Is there a further assumption that she may not have any dreams/career at all? Or was the man brought up in an environment where men don't involve themselves in caring for their home and children thereby leaving the responsibility to their wives?

I would say that ignorance rules the heart of such men and they will do themselves a huge disservice to undermine the hopes and dreams of their wives while they go on to pursue theirs. He will come home one day to a dummy rather than a wife.

I like Nubian P's point in saying that there are women who love to be stay home mums but there are others who haven't chosen that path. I'm sure Mr Husband found his wife putting her hands to work before he proposed to her, how is it that life will then stop after marriage?

A wise man will give his wife wings to fly and trust that she will fly back home and he will reap the fruit of his seeds!
I'm out xxx

Give her wings to fly.. The rewards are immense!

.... And with that quote and finish, we are out too, leaving the stage for you good people to tell us what you think.. Do you agree or disagree that a woman should be able to sacrifice working in order to stay at home to look after her husband and children?

Talk to us! xxxx

****************************************************

Remember that 1 + The One is very social :-) Please connect with us on:

Facebook: www.facebook.com/1plustheone
Twitter: @1plustheone
Instagram: @1plustheone

Also, if you have any question or comment please send us an email too - oneplustheone@gmail.com