One of the strongest points that came from the first part of the discussion was that it is one thing to identify the red flags, it's another to actually be strong enough to make a decision concerning it. Unfortunately some people may be in relationships that they know are no good for them but for one reason or the other still persist.
I will reiterate one of the soundest piece of advice I learnt from Pastor Bimbo Odukoya and that is "A broken courtship is better than a broken marriage". It is wise to be intentional in getting to really know the person that you want to spend the rest of your life with and friendship or the courtship process gives us that great opportunity to get to really know the person we plan to 'do' forever (on this side of eternity) with.
We also highlighted very importantly that nothing beats the place of God revealing certain things to us and this could be sought through sincere prayers. The truth is that you and I can look at another person and try to assess their character with our limited abilities but we may miss fundamental traits (good or bad) that may manifest in the future. However, God is the Alpha and the Omega - He knows the beginning and the end of a thing and of a man so it is really important to seek His face before making a decision.
Finally, before we launch into today's discussion, it is important to understand that there are some 'red flags' that may not necessarily mean the demise of that relationship. There are some things that can be worked on and then there are some that just need a clean clear break - It could be from an individual perspective or it could just be very obvious. At the end of the day, be true to yourself and trust God, committing your ways to Him!
Alrighty people, forgive my epistle of an intro and let's get right into it! Today we speak for the men -
WHAT ARE RED FLAGS TO WATCH OUT FOR BEFORE MAKING 'BAE' WIFEY? :-D
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Ms PYT: A lady that is materialistic and never appreciates little effort is very dangerous.She can ruin a man. Also,don't marry a lady that is not proud of you.
One: Thanks a lot Ms PYT! Very correct - it's important to marry a woman who is proud to be with you and happy to show it!
NubianPrincess: Red flags for guys to look out for:
1. A lady who just wants to get married RIGHT NOW... Hold on and ask yourself: Is she interested in you for you or just because you can give her a ring on her fourth finger?
2. A lady who doesn't respect you... I can't even begin to explain this one... RUN!
3. A lady who always has to be right... Is her word always the last word on the matter? Must she win the argument or there won't be peace? Be careful bruvs!
4. In the same vein, a lady who finds it difficult to apologise,,. So many things wrong with this one, that all I will say is prayerfully exit that relationship!
5. A lady who doesn't pray... Self explanatory...
6. A lady who can't save or manage limited funds... You will turn into an armed robber....
2. A lady who doesn't respect you... I can't even begin to explain this one... RUN!
3. A lady who always has to be right... Is her word always the last word on the matter? Must she win the argument or there won't be peace? Be careful bruvs!
4. In the same vein, a lady who finds it difficult to apologise,,. So many things wrong with this one, that all I will say is prayerfully exit that relationship!
5. A lady who doesn't pray... Self explanatory...
6. A lady who can't save or manage limited funds... You will turn into an armed robber....
 |
| It doesn't have to get this bad! :-D |
One: Lol.. Lord have mercy!
NubianPrincess: 7. A lady who doesn't encourage you, cheer you up, lift your spirits e.t.c...
8. A lady who doesn't have a sense of humour or who takes herself too seriously... When those "tough times" come, and they will come, you want someone who can laugh with you in the middle of the tears...
9. A lady who doesn't see the potential in you... She may not see it all, but you want someone who sees the spark and who will encourage you, praise you and pray you into the realisation of that vision.
10. A lady who doesn't love you... for You! This goes without saying, life is short and you want someone who loves you for who you are, unconditionally, and tells you as much!
One: Talk about going in hard! Thanks NubianP for being very detailed and keeping it real.
NubianPrincess: 7. A lady who doesn't encourage you, cheer you up, lift your spirits e.t.c...
8. A lady who doesn't have a sense of humour or who takes herself too seriously... When those "tough times" come, and they will come, you want someone who can laugh with you in the middle of the tears...
9. A lady who doesn't see the potential in you... She may not see it all, but you want someone who sees the spark and who will encourage you, praise you and pray you into the realisation of that vision.
10. A lady who doesn't love you... for You! This goes without saying, life is short and you want someone who loves you for who you are, unconditionally, and tells you as much!
One: Talk about going in hard! Thanks NubianP for being very detailed and keeping it real.
Ms PumpkinUnited: Hmmm, in addition to all that has been said which I fully agree with, I would also include a lady that's dodgy with spiritual matters, she's ready for activity anytime even just staring at the wall for her is highly entertaining but when it comes to prayers or God matters she begins to dull - please run for your life witchcraft is real (on the side of humour though..llloollll) but really though, being a child of God, spiritual things matter to me a whole a lot, if I expect the man I would be with to love God and the things of God, it should be vice versa cause I believe a man or woman that loves God genuinely will think twice before hurting you, so if she's dodgy with spiritual matters, red flag..
| The devil wears Prada... |
One: You're right, for me, that for me would be the first sign to runnnnnn!! :-D *digression* I have a question - must she be on the same level of 'spirituality' as you are?
Ms PumpkinUnited: Nope, she doesn't have to be, but the willingness and eagerness to grow has to be there. I personally wont want to marry a man that is on a lower spiritual plane, I don't want a man I'll be dragging spiritually and dragging to church. Haba, I mean he's the head of the home right? He should be head all round, spiritual head and physical head.. I know there are exceptions though when the woman is on a 'higher plane' but I don't envy that ministry shaa..
NubianPrincess: I agree with Ms PumpkinUnited about the level of spirituality... She doesn't have to be on the same plane but at the same time, she can't be a dead-weight that you have to carry around... And her willingness and eagerness to grow in the things of the Lord matters a lot! :)
Mr Motivation: 1.For me one of the stop signs is a lady who has little or no regard for HER family i.e. Siblings and parents. More often than not the chances are that she would do the same to you if not worse.
2. The kind of lady I call "I don't know" kinda lady. No one is a fountain of knowledge but someone who has a penchant for answering questions with "I don't know" is a put off for me. Most men prefer a lady who can bring suggestions to the table.
Ms PumpkinUnited: Nope, she doesn't have to be, but the willingness and eagerness to grow has to be there. I personally wont want to marry a man that is on a lower spiritual plane, I don't want a man I'll be dragging spiritually and dragging to church. Haba, I mean he's the head of the home right? He should be head all round, spiritual head and physical head.. I know there are exceptions though when the woman is on a 'higher plane' but I don't envy that ministry shaa..
NubianPrincess: I agree with Ms PumpkinUnited about the level of spirituality... She doesn't have to be on the same plane but at the same time, she can't be a dead-weight that you have to carry around... And her willingness and eagerness to grow in the things of the Lord matters a lot! :)
Mr Motivation: 1.For me one of the stop signs is a lady who has little or no regard for HER family i.e. Siblings and parents. More often than not the chances are that she would do the same to you if not worse.
2. The kind of lady I call "I don't know" kinda lady. No one is a fountain of knowledge but someone who has a penchant for answering questions with "I don't know" is a put off for me. Most men prefer a lady who can bring suggestions to the table.
| Uhmmm... I really don't have a clue.. |
One: Hmm, interestingly two weeks ago we also said that for the woman, it is important to watch the way your man treats his family and people around him.. Great that it is duplicated here too.
Ms MIA: Ok so I've been a bit reluctant to respond to this topic and even the last one for a number of reasons, one of which was that I don't even know the answer but most importantly was the fear of judging myself.
The responses have been tight and really important but I asked myself one question:
If I were measured by these standards, will a husband find me?
Now it's probably not the case for everybody but in the past few months with my Beau, I've discovered deeper things about me that I didn't even know existed or their extent.
I couldn't honestly say that I was very sound spiritually or wasn't judgemental/critical of men or would be there when tough times hit.
However, I have realised that we may have or not have all the 'qualities', but we need to find that 1 or 2 things that will keep us with The One for life. Everybody knows what that thing is consciously or unconsciously and will recognise it whether the person ticks all the boxes or not and they will stick with them to nurture those other qualities or erase the red flags as the case may be.
For my Beau, he saw in me the woman who will never want to hurt him and will stay with him come what may!
One: Nice one Ms MIA.. Thanks for highlighting that. I think like you rightly inferred that it is important to be able to draw the line between red flags and personal preferences. Red flags are usually around character issues, habits or particular lifestyles! Like we mentioned earlier, at the end of the day, we cannot rely on our own human abilities, we must lean heavily on God's guidance all the way so that we don't potentially miss a 'blessing in disguise' or a metal that masquerades under 'shiny' stuff and seems like gold.
Ms MIA: Ok so I've been a bit reluctant to respond to this topic and even the last one for a number of reasons, one of which was that I don't even know the answer but most importantly was the fear of judging myself.
The responses have been tight and really important but I asked myself one question:
If I were measured by these standards, will a husband find me?
Now it's probably not the case for everybody but in the past few months with my Beau, I've discovered deeper things about me that I didn't even know existed or their extent.
I couldn't honestly say that I was very sound spiritually or wasn't judgemental/critical of men or would be there when tough times hit.
However, I have realised that we may have or not have all the 'qualities', but we need to find that 1 or 2 things that will keep us with The One for life. Everybody knows what that thing is consciously or unconsciously and will recognise it whether the person ticks all the boxes or not and they will stick with them to nurture those other qualities or erase the red flags as the case may be.
For my Beau, he saw in me the woman who will never want to hurt him and will stay with him come what may!
One: Nice one Ms MIA.. Thanks for highlighting that. I think like you rightly inferred that it is important to be able to draw the line between red flags and personal preferences. Red flags are usually around character issues, habits or particular lifestyles! Like we mentioned earlier, at the end of the day, we cannot rely on our own human abilities, we must lean heavily on God's guidance all the way so that we don't potentially miss a 'blessing in disguise' or a metal that masquerades under 'shiny' stuff and seems like gold.
Ok folks, that's all from us! We want to hear from you too.. What are red flags to watch out for? Also, have you had to deal with any and how did you deal with the situation?
Let's hear you! xxxx
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Nice, oneplustheone panel...may God continue to strengthen you all. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteAmen! Thanks a lot
Deletevery nice.I would add "a lady that has no vision, principles/standard, and self esteem issues"
ReplyDeleteGreat points.. Thanks dear.
DeletePlease, how is a lady without a sense of humour a red flag? Abi is it not red flag we are talking about again?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, me I just dey observe.
Well done, Ayo.
Atilola's World
She will need to enroll to Alibaba's school of Comedy...lol
DeleteI think the writer meant a Lady that can bring cheers to face of her man, and not tears when a challenge is @hand
Yeah. But I also don't think it should be a red flag sha. There are fundamental things and are more important sha( which has been mentioned too)
DeleteWe should be talking things like bad temper that can cause the woman to be violent and stuff...
Shouldn't* Lol
DeleteLol.. It's certainly red flags we are talking about... Remember we mentioned earlier that it was important to be able to draw the line between red flags and personal preferences...
DeleteThanks for clarifying StRhymes!
You're right Tomi, even the flags have scale of preference. Some are not deal breakers and can be mutually worked on..
Thanks for highlighting bad temper! Men are not the only perpetrators of domestic violence.. xx
For me, a woman with an air of arrogance almost always puts me off. I don't mind someone very self-confident, actually I like it, but if she gossips too much and has this condescending way of dealing with life and people, I'll carry go...
ReplyDeleteLol @carry go.. But I get you..
DeleteThat's a red flag oh!
So a friend of mine was talking to me about some certain female lawyers in our CDS who run their mouth.
ReplyDeleteIe, always ready for quarrel, shouting on top their voices, etc.
He was like, "we may not know but men watch out for those things"
Meaning that the lady cannot settle issues amicably.
Meaning that she has attitude issues..most women talk a lot but no man wants a nagging wife.
I tried to evaluate myself when he said it.
I used to have avery sharp mouth, God has worked on me but I can still be better.
God help us all as we ourselves identify the red flags in us and change
Amen oh! May God help us to identify red flags and address them by His grace xx
DeleteGreat points highlighted. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteAnother red flag people easily ignore is dishonesty. If your partner tells you to lie or corroborate a lie. He/she will one day lie to you.
Yes oh! I watch out for that lol
DeleteThanks for stopping by!