How are you doing?! Hope you all had a great weekend?
So as I was doing my (almost) daily blog hop, I read this POST on GNG's blog about finding closure and it's my inspiration for today's post.
Just as I commented on the post, I am one of those people who believe in finding closure after the end of a relationship. I have been in 3 formal relationships and 1 informal 'relationship' (ask google).. and after the end of the relationships, whether immediately or years down the line, I have always wanted to have that 'closure' talk with the individual.
Has it always helped? Not really.. To be honest, some have given me some insight into what could have been better, enabled me to learn one or two things, opened my eyes and ears to things I probably would rather have not seen / heard and others have still left me not understanding any better lol.
With my last relationship, this wasn't the case, I felt that we never had the opportunity to say a proper goodbye or end the relationship well. It doesn't help that in my mind I have analysed and crossed analysed the brief timeline of the relationship to try to fully understand what could have gone amiss and on many fronts, I come up with the result - inconclusive.
I have desired to speak to him, to ask questions (with the fear that I may hear what I am not prepared to hear et al at the fore) but it has proven to be futile.
I was discussing with my (very wise) sister and she told me in plain terms a truth that I pray to God to practice - You can't depend on the next person to give you that closure, that peace, that closed chapter. In an ideal world, it would be great but sometimes it doesn't happen. What do you do then? Keep your life on hold? Wait and wait? Nope! You have to find a way - somehow - without the individual and by the grace of God. Interestingly, GNG's post shared a similar sentiment.
So, ladies and gentlemen, after 1 year and 3months, I am taking GNG's advice and writing a long letter to him in the next post (that will not be posted to him lol) and then handing it all to God and moving on..
Alas - closure (so help me God!)
So tell me, in your own way, how do you find closure? xx
hey, im in a similar situation, worse part is that we dont speak i have no clue what went wrong we have a 13 month old daughter.... the only time we speak is when he wants to come and fetch the baby to his house..... and i cant allow that my child is too small to be moving up and down trying to figure why her parents are not speaking..... its been 7months and already he is staying with another woman.
ReplyDeleteHello anonymous, I'm so sorry that I am only just seeing and responding to your comment!
ReplyDeleteMy dear, I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. First of, I don't know if you are a Christian but I can tell you that having a relationship with God helps a whole LOT.. more than you can even imagine.. Trust me on that.
Second, please let go of every hurt and bitterness you may have against him (if there's any).. You may need to search within and see if you have any grudge against him for the way things ended, the way things were or the way things are now.
Third is that you have a wonderful gift in the person of your daughter who needs a stable mum free of anger, hurt and bitterness to enjoy! Enjoy your relationship with your daughter. She may not be able to fulfil the emotional parts that a man in your life would but she would be a source of joy to you.
Next, if it is possible, find a way to have a talk with your ex (if it is possible). An honest discussion. Usually fear stops us from having this talk because we cannot determine the outcome 'Does it make me look desperate?' 'Would I seem like the weaker one?' 'Would I be told what I don't really want to hear?' etc... It's normal.. Please dear, ask God for grace and strength to do it and to give the right outcome. You may not get back together but it may give you a clearer perspective... Also, it may not.
Lastly, you could take my sis' advice as outlined in the post - Sometimes, you don't need to depend on the other person to give you that release. You can choose to move on despite getting an answer and believeing that you are a good thing who will find your own good man in due season!
Thanks a lot for your comment hun, I pray for God's grace and peace for you in Jesus name xx