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| That's not us.. Or is it?! |
Conversations with One is a new chat-series on the blog. Each week, my wonderful friends and I bring you snippets of our 'round-table' discussions from a male/female perspective..
Ladies! Have you ever wanted to get into the mind of a guy? (I know I do! lol), and for guys, I bet once in a while you wish you could just read her mind! Well hopefully week after week, we get to bridge that gap!
You can have a look at last week's conversation where we discussed Qualities that Attract in the Opposite Sex. You can also have a read of previous 'episodes' HERE.
Thanks to everyone who joined in last week! It was great reading the variety of expressions! May God bring your heart's desires to pass according to His will.
Today's topic of discussion sparked different view-points from the 1 + The One panel!. I look forward to reading your take on it too! Here goes!
Today's topic of discussion sparked different view-points from the 1 + The One panel!. I look forward to reading your take on it too! Here goes!
May I add this sub-question to the dilemma above:
"What are the 'writings on the wall' to show that he/she is just not that into you"
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NubianPrincess: Loool @ the busyness of the babe! My dear, in very simple English, she's just not into you, I'm sorry! From personal experience, when I'm not into a guy, I'm busier than a one-eyed cat watching nine rat holes! Lol... You just cannot reach me! I return calls 96 hours later - mostly with a short text proclaiming my busyness and saying I will call him back "soon"! I'm ALWAYS in meetings, all my lunches, brunches and dinners are fully booked for the next one month... And when all else fails, I just go AWOL! |
| A 'busy' woman is sometimes an uninterested woman |
I think when a girl is interested, to start with, she'd at least enjoy having a conversation with you. As humans, we make time for the things that are important to us, this applies to both guys and girls. If someone even remotely tickles your fancy, you'd at least make out time for one date before you write him/her off entirely...
One: LOL! NubianP, I can recognise many similarities! I feel bad admitting it, but it's true! That is a MAJOR sign from a babe that she's not into you - busyness! I become 'busier' than the President of the United States!
The truth like you said is that we make time out for things that are important to us. When I do like a guy, I could be as tired as a Labourer but I would look forward to talking/chatting with the individual even if it involves dozing on the phone - forget all that 'busy' talk, that's code for "broda it ain't happening"
Mr NumeroUno: I feel inspired by Nubian's response, and may have learnt a thing or two as well. Thank you for that!
From a guy's angle I think men might also do something similar.
Let me share a little of my personal experience and hope it may be helpful either now or in the future.
My most recent interests came from two very fine born-again sisters. One (not the blogger lol) got my number somehow and leaves a voice message that I should get back that it was urgent. I then call back to consider the emergency on board. What was it? She had a dream about me, and wanted to see if I was okay. E gba mi o! Ok! is that the emergency?
Me: What was the dream?'
Babe: Don't worry about it.
Me: Ok.
She dreams another 4 dreams after, and beats the record of Joseph.
Response: Quite frankly, either you're ready to share the dream, or please keep the fact that you dreamt to yourself.
So how did I show my lack of interest? Normal.
One: Maybe the prayer point will now change to "Lord wake him/her up, do it Lord, please do it!" Hehe
Mr NumeroUno: I don't get it though.
Why would I want to commit the rest of my life to a sceptic...someone who is not sure about me...or an irritant, someone who finds me a nuisance or turn off...or Miss/Mr Universe...someone who thinks he/she is all that and too busy to return your call. I don't even see the attraction.
We are talking about your precious life!
That vacancy is not for a stranger! Not at all!
I think a man should know when to give up.
Ms Angel: Truth is, I am going to be very reluctant to return 7 missed calls from someone who "just wants to say hello" for fear that the calls may increase.
My issue is handling the fact that some men/women may not understand when the other person becomes uncomfortable. Any advice? Also, are there different rules of friendliness for guys brought up in different areas (say...African culture vs British culture)? #IReallyNeedToKnowCosItsSeriouslyBeenOnMyMindForAWhileAndIDontMindFastingOverThisTopicToBeReal.
But then you would still be surprised at some guys who seem not to be bothered, but still slip in mid conversation after speaking to them every 4 months, "So...who is your Boaz then?" or "Are we still awaiting the promise?" (I don't understand the second one btw). I call these guys "prayin-mantis".
Join us again next week for more Convos with One! If you would like to ask a question please send your email to oneplustheone@gmail.com xx
One: LOL! NubianP, I can recognise many similarities! I feel bad admitting it, but it's true! That is a MAJOR sign from a babe that she's not into you - busyness! I become 'busier' than the President of the United States!
The truth like you said is that we make time out for things that are important to us. When I do like a guy, I could be as tired as a Labourer but I would look forward to talking/chatting with the individual even if it involves dozing on the phone - forget all that 'busy' talk, that's code for "broda it ain't happening"
Ms PumpkinUnited: If I like a guy, he will know. I don't know how to pretend nor bottle my feelings, I love to EXPRESS myself.. When something tickles my fancy I give it all the attention I can muster . .. When I'm also not into you, I try to be nice about it and give gentle signals just like NubianP listed but when you decide to join the "She's only playing hard to get clique" I simply switch to my zombie mode, shikena. I like my space and really don't like to be bothered when I don't want..
But I can still like to do small shakara if it's a guy I like that's coming around (it's allowed, I'm a babe :-) ) ..
Miss Me: The signs are there to see but you turn a blind eye hoping it was a mistake. If a guy likes you things like "I'm not quite ready to be in a relationship" will fly straight out the window! I firmly believe that if a guy is interested he will move everything possible to get you! Same for girls as well! Guys, we girls are constantly checking our phones to see if you have replied, when last you've been on Whatsapp, who that random girl is being cosy in the Instagram photo taken 8 weeks ago (we can tell you the time it was taken if you ask nicely!). Basically 2 or more texts and no immediate response with a question encouraging a text conversation, pitch your tent somewhere else! :-)
MsUTA: Nice one. Another funny one I read somewhere is that if a lady tells a guy that she's a "slow texter" then she's certainly not interested because ladies are good at multi-tasking. She'll text you back in the middle of a meeting, at weddings (easily), in the bath, toilet, whilst having lunch or even dinner with family - in short, nothing or no one else will matter to her. So guys, don't even make a 2nd attempt once you hear "I am a slow texter" lol
But I can still like to do small shakara if it's a guy I like that's coming around (it's allowed, I'm a babe :-) ) ..
Miss Me: The signs are there to see but you turn a blind eye hoping it was a mistake. If a guy likes you things like "I'm not quite ready to be in a relationship" will fly straight out the window! I firmly believe that if a guy is interested he will move everything possible to get you! Same for girls as well! Guys, we girls are constantly checking our phones to see if you have replied, when last you've been on Whatsapp, who that random girl is being cosy in the Instagram photo taken 8 weeks ago (we can tell you the time it was taken if you ask nicely!). Basically 2 or more texts and no immediate response with a question encouraging a text conversation, pitch your tent somewhere else! :-)
MsUTA: Nice one. Another funny one I read somewhere is that if a lady tells a guy that she's a "slow texter" then she's certainly not interested because ladies are good at multi-tasking. She'll text you back in the middle of a meeting, at weddings (easily), in the bath, toilet, whilst having lunch or even dinner with family - in short, nothing or no one else will matter to her. So guys, don't even make a 2nd attempt once you hear "I am a slow texter" lol
| I like you = No texting excuses |
From a guy's angle I think men might also do something similar.
Let me share a little of my personal experience and hope it may be helpful either now or in the future.
My most recent interests came from two very fine born-again sisters. One (not the blogger lol) got my number somehow and leaves a voice message that I should get back that it was urgent. I then call back to consider the emergency on board. What was it? She had a dream about me, and wanted to see if I was okay. E gba mi o! Ok! is that the emergency?
Me: What was the dream?'
Babe: Don't worry about it.
Me: Ok.
She dreams another 4 dreams after, and beats the record of Joseph.
Response: Quite frankly, either you're ready to share the dream, or please keep the fact that you dreamt to yourself.
| Hehehe |
Where am I going? The other girl too, had her dreams, and refused to tell me, but the funny thing is, I had a soft spot for one, and could overlook what might have been an irritation.
The second interesting point, I wish to also put out there is that 'Josephine' is rather attractive. The first time I saw her in church, during a prayer meeting, I just kept staring at her for as long as I could when I thought no one noticed... But why the sudden irritation? I heard her speak. OMG! She was a chatter box literally! She didn't stop! I could figure out her life in one day. Mega recipe for disaster! lol
The second interesting point, I wish to also put out there is that 'Josephine' is rather attractive. The first time I saw her in church, during a prayer meeting, I just kept staring at her for as long as I could when I thought no one noticed... But why the sudden irritation? I heard her speak. OMG! She was a chatter box literally! She didn't stop! I could figure out her life in one day. Mega recipe for disaster! lol
So how did I show my lack of interest? Normal.
1. One liners
2. Delayed responses to calls or text or Facebook, etc.
3. I don't call you. Ever! Except we work together, and can't avoid it, but even at that, I'll find a way out.
4. I pretend not to notice you, (sometimes, it might genuinely be the fact), somehow the girl will be invisible.
If a man likes a woman. (1) He will find a way to get her attention.
(2) He won't be able to help it. He will find himself checking her out one way or the other
(3) He is likely to ask a lot of questions or show some interest in getting to know more about her.
So if he is not constantly in your life, one way or the other. Then the interest is at a platonic stage.
One: And Numero Uno comes out in full colour haha.. Meanwhile, what were you doing checking out a girl during prayer meeting, were your eyes not meant to be closed ni? lol
2. Delayed responses to calls or text or Facebook, etc.
3. I don't call you. Ever! Except we work together, and can't avoid it, but even at that, I'll find a way out.
4. I pretend not to notice you, (sometimes, it might genuinely be the fact), somehow the girl will be invisible.
If a man likes a woman. (1) He will find a way to get her attention.
(2) He won't be able to help it. He will find himself checking her out one way or the other
(3) He is likely to ask a lot of questions or show some interest in getting to know more about her.
So if he is not constantly in your life, one way or the other. Then the interest is at a platonic stage.
One: And Numero Uno comes out in full colour haha.. Meanwhile, what were you doing checking out a girl during prayer meeting, were your eyes not meant to be closed ni? lol
Ms MIA: I've got to say that all these responses are making me laugh so much in the office, my colleagues must be wondering if I inhaled laughing gas or something!
'One eyed cat watching nine rat holes'? Oh my goodytwoshoes! And MissMe, you're classic! You just summed up us girls when the right guy is whispering the right things. Also, very true that we can text anywhere in this world, even in front of that boss that wants to whip off your head. We've already rationalised that jobs will come and go but a good broda, who can find???
'One eyed cat watching nine rat holes'? Oh my goodytwoshoes! And MissMe, you're classic! You just summed up us girls when the right guy is whispering the right things. Also, very true that we can text anywhere in this world, even in front of that boss that wants to whip off your head. We've already rationalised that jobs will come and go but a good broda, who can find???
Mr Ogbomosho: Yeh!! Yeh!! Yeah!! Yeah!!!!!
Women!!!! Chai!!!
I am choosing to be the opposite of all that has been said!
Hope = Hanging Onto Positive Expectations. Expectations are different, guys are hunters, if you watch National Discovery you will see how hunting is done, requires patience persistence etc
In fact sefff you women are greater HUNTERs!!!!
Whilst I agree that busyness means not interested, the girl/guy might actually be but is influenced by external factors!!!!
One: Yeah right! 'External Factors' hehe.. I see your point, but Mr Ogbomosho, there is hunting and there is hunting - abeg let us recognise worthy hunting 'investments'.
Ms MIA: For me, I feel like the dynamics change a bit when it's a guy chasing 'sometimes'. I put that in quote because it's not absolute. If a girl is texting a lot and broda is not responding, Sister, plix save your airtime! However, I believe it is a God-given ability for men to chase and I've seen cases where the girl doesn't really like what she sees at first and for that reason she closes up and barricades herself with iron bars, but with the right amount of persistence, she reluctantly agrees to maybe even speak on the phone... Girl hears guys voice and of course (if he is a smooth guy), interest will develop and the rest is 'How we Met' on Bellanaija.
Now that is not an everyday scenario so thread carefully Broda!
One: Ms MIA nooo please don't encourage them!! Some dudes don't understand where to draw the line - they think "she's just playing hard-to-get, let me persist" lol
Mr Ogbomoso: For some they are determined to break the business, in their mind that’s the biggest front you have; the likelihood of breaking that is what some find attractive. When you’re attracted to someone whether they give you audience or not you are more likely to do everything you can to convince the person. You make excuses for their not returning your messages until you ‘wake up’ that waking up process is a mystery and no one can do it for you really.
Women!!!! Chai!!!
I am choosing to be the opposite of all that has been said!
Hope = Hanging Onto Positive Expectations. Expectations are different, guys are hunters, if you watch National Discovery you will see how hunting is done, requires patience persistence etc
In fact sefff you women are greater HUNTERs!!!!
Whilst I agree that busyness means not interested, the girl/guy might actually be but is influenced by external factors!!!!
One: Yeah right! 'External Factors' hehe.. I see your point, but Mr Ogbomosho, there is hunting and there is hunting - abeg let us recognise worthy hunting 'investments'.
Ms MIA: For me, I feel like the dynamics change a bit when it's a guy chasing 'sometimes'. I put that in quote because it's not absolute. If a girl is texting a lot and broda is not responding, Sister, plix save your airtime! However, I believe it is a God-given ability for men to chase and I've seen cases where the girl doesn't really like what she sees at first and for that reason she closes up and barricades herself with iron bars, but with the right amount of persistence, she reluctantly agrees to maybe even speak on the phone... Girl hears guys voice and of course (if he is a smooth guy), interest will develop and the rest is 'How we Met' on Bellanaija.
Now that is not an everyday scenario so thread carefully Broda!
One: Ms MIA nooo please don't encourage them!! Some dudes don't understand where to draw the line - they think "she's just playing hard-to-get, let me persist" lol
Mr Ogbomoso: For some they are determined to break the business, in their mind that’s the biggest front you have; the likelihood of breaking that is what some find attractive. When you’re attracted to someone whether they give you audience or not you are more likely to do everything you can to convince the person. You make excuses for their not returning your messages until you ‘wake up’ that waking up process is a mystery and no one can do it for you really.
One: Maybe the prayer point will now change to "Lord wake him/her up, do it Lord, please do it!" Hehe
Mr NumeroUno: I don't get it though.
Why would I want to commit the rest of my life to a sceptic...someone who is not sure about me...or an irritant, someone who finds me a nuisance or turn off...or Miss/Mr Universe...someone who thinks he/she is all that and too busy to return your call. I don't even see the attraction.
We are talking about your precious life!
That vacancy is not for a stranger! Not at all!
One: Spot on.. You deserve someone who thinks you're all that and much more!!
Ms MIA: I don't necessarily see it as committing to someone who's sceptic or an irritant. And it's not to encourage the guy but matters of the heart are tricky and some things are not black and white.
We read these stories don't we? Maybe even seen it happen. The girl is not necessarily responding or coming forth but one day her friends tease her to give him a chance or she just sees him as really persistent and bang, story changes.
It's not to say carry on calling like a jobless man, but give it reasonable time and pull back after then. Sometimes if it's right, she'll look for you then, otherwise life goes on.
Mr JohnNash: Every remarkable thing I ever wanted (including the woman of my dreams) I found on the other side of fear.
We read these stories don't we? Maybe even seen it happen. The girl is not necessarily responding or coming forth but one day her friends tease her to give him a chance or she just sees him as really persistent and bang, story changes.
It's not to say carry on calling like a jobless man, but give it reasonable time and pull back after then. Sometimes if it's right, she'll look for you then, otherwise life goes on.
Mr JohnNash: Every remarkable thing I ever wanted (including the woman of my dreams) I found on the other side of fear.
One: Hmm. Preach it!
Mr JohnNash: Nothing good comes easy.
If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you wont give up. If you give up, you're not worthy. ... Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.
I am currently on one case at the moment, I am almost there. Through the process I have received scars. However, all my scars won't matter any more because in the end I will get what I want.
Mr JohnNash: Nothing good comes easy.
If she's amazing, she won't be easy. If she's easy, she won't be amazing. If she's worth it, you wont give up. If you give up, you're not worthy. ... Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.
I am currently on one case at the moment, I am almost there. Through the process I have received scars. However, all my scars won't matter any more because in the end I will get what I want.
I think a man should know when to give up.
Ms Angel: Truth is, I am going to be very reluctant to return 7 missed calls from someone who "just wants to say hello" for fear that the calls may increase.
My issue is handling the fact that some men/women may not understand when the other person becomes uncomfortable. Any advice? Also, are there different rules of friendliness for guys brought up in different areas (say...African culture vs British culture)? #IReallyNeedToKnowCosItsSeriouslyBeenOnMyMindForAWhileAndIDontMindFastingOverThisTopicToBeReal.
But then you would still be surprised at some guys who seem not to be bothered, but still slip in mid conversation after speaking to them every 4 months, "So...who is your Boaz then?" or "Are we still awaiting the promise?" (I don't understand the second one btw). I call these guys "prayin-mantis".
*Public appeal* - We would be grateful if you could help Ms Angel understand the concept of 'Are we still awaiting the promise?' lol..
On that note, we end this week's discussion!
What's your take on it? To persist or to read the writings on the wall?
