Chronicles of Sebastian: The Nigerian Mother - SUPERWoman (For You, 'Princess Lulu')

In my 'Chronicles' (gosh, this term makes me feel so old! :-)) we’ve already talked about Love and Relationships and The Beauty of Friendships. This week, we move on to yet another very important relationship – that to your mum!

Ayo’s mummy celebrates her birthday today! So, I want to take this opportunity to congratulate her. 

Ayo's Mummy :-)

Now I have never met Ayo’s mother, but I still want to extend my special greetings to her: You must be a truly amazing woman, ma, considering the excellent home training your daughter must have received! Let’s be frank, Ayo is an astounding woman, isn’t she? Her writings, prayers, comments and I’m pretty sure her life as well speak volumes about her God-fearing, virtuous, sociable and warm character and since “a child is what you put into him” (according to a Nigerian proverb), her mum must have been (and still is) a wonderful role model, turning Ayo, her devoted brother (willing to sacrifice himself for his sick mum) and her other siblings (one of her fab sisters described here into the blessings they are now! 

In celebration of Ayo's mummy's birthday, here are some general attributes I’ve observed in many of the good mums I have met in Nigeria:

A Mother's love is so beautiful

1. Many Nigerian mothers work so hard. No matter where you live in Nigeria, in case you’re female, married and have children, there’s probably not much time for you to develop an “idle mind that is the devil’s workshop” (yet another 9ja-proverb:-)). You gotta do the shopping, put food on the table, clean the house, care for your husband, your (oftentimes numerous) children, visitors and others. Depending on the family’s means, mums also need to improvise a lot in handling challenges with limited resources (e.g. carrying a baby on her back instead of giving it away). They’re physically strong, magically balancing big pots and other heavy stuff on their head (I failed miserably trying that ;) ). If you belong to the Tiv-tribe, you could be expected to do some farm work and as a Yoruba you might also need to balance a job and house chores simultaneously. In any case, many mums in Nigeria are up from early in the morning (in my Enugu campus where I stayed, the steady mortar sound sometimes woke me up at 4:30am -.-) to late in the night and I admire their strength and endurance to keep up this kind of workload for decades. If all Nigerian women went on strike for a few days, the whole country would collapse and people would die of starvation - to my mind, women are the true pillars of the house. While some men would “suffer seriously” or flee if they had to face these motherly challenges every day :-), Nigerian mums just stand strong and keep it up.

From the moment we're born, the work begins in earnest and there's no retirement age

2. Most of them do the work humbly and without complaining. Apart from the amount of daily work Nigerian mums get done every day, I am astonished how they do their work. They do their business as if it is the most natural thing in the world, without much complaining or comparing. When I offered my help a few times, the kitchen ladies in my home were extremely grateful, although it was very clear to me that they did 99% of the work. Still, they often sang Igbo songs while working, greeted people and did not boast about how much they have worked, although they have all the right to do so. Most often, she humbly puts herself last and rather goes hungry so that her children can eat. In Germany, we often keep a mental list of our good deeds, to make sure others do not get away with less work. The sacrificial attitude and 'bodi dey inside cloth' - mentality with which most Nigerian women I’ve met approach their work and cope with it is just something different.

Those rare moments when mothers actually sleep :-)

3. Mums are just present. In 1 Thess 2:7, Paul expresses his closeness to his spiritual children by stating that he was “tender among them, like a nursing mother taking care of her children”. I think the reason he uses that imagery is that mums are just perfect examples of being close to children. In Nigeria (and most other countries), kids will spend far more time with their mums than with their dads. Since many Nigerian men sometimes have to work outside their residential city, only coming home later in the day or every weekend, mothers are just far more approachable. My own father was quite involved in his career during my teen years, which naturally led me to have more conversations and shared moments with my mum. This leads us to the next point…

4. There is a special bond between mother and child. The great Chinua Achebe expresses it beautifully in the following moving poem we discussed in my “African Poetry” class:

                                         

The mother in the poem loves her child despite misery and doom. This kind of unconditional love is evident in many cases: 'A Nigerian mom' loves her children in good and bad times; when she rejoices with them and when she slaps them (even up to adulthood lol). I guess she even loves them when she 'pokenoses' into her children’s affairs, checking their cloths and books for hidden love letters, since dating until Uni is seen as wrong, yet once you’re 25 they expect you to get married “sharp sharp” :-) I bet some readers here can share their own stories of “intense motherly interest” when it comes to the area of getting hitched :-). Even though a mother’s interest in one’s life can be wearisome, I now take it with a dose of humor and still appreciate it. Her curiosity is probably just a token of her care, that’s why my mum is still my first go-to person when relationship wahala arises, while my dad’s advise (“Focus on your studies, son!”) is preferred in other less-emotional areas :-) (love them both, by the way).

Actor, John Dumelo and his mum

5. They are not thanked enough. Despite all these great attributes, I feel that some Nigerian men just take all this for granted, maybe because it has always been that way. Even worse, through novels and people I’ve heard of cases of domestic violence, extra-marital affairs and other expressions of apparent ingratitude. While German women can easily divorce their husband, most Nigerians mum don’t even consider this option, instead they endure these injustices in silence. We men, white and black, need to blame ourselves for often overlooking the heroic work our mums do every single day. We should thank them for giving birth to us, nursing us, for being there for us in a myriad of situations, for not quitting, for their magnificent love for us and for helping us to be the person we’re today. 

4 Generations of Mothers

                               
Acknowledgment: My special thanks to a yet-to-be mum, Ola, a Nigerian friend I met here in Germany, who kindly provided me with many insights and personal experiences that greatly helped me in composing this piece.

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Reading this piece took me through a pleasant memory journey of how much my mum has done, how much she has sacrificed, how she has expressed her love to her children in so many wonderful ways and how I know that no amount of praise or thanks, no degree of action could ever do enough to let her know how much I love and appreciate her... How much so, I thank God for blessing me with such a phenomenal woman as a mother - a nurturer, a care-taker, a magnificent woman. Everytime I have the opportunity, I will say over and over again - I love you Mummy, Je t'aime Mama, Mo ni fe yin pupo Iya mi. Happy Birthday my Princess Lulu! You deserve only the best.

I have to say a HUGE thanks to Sebs as well. He has captured the beauty and strength of motherhood so well. I am sure as you read, you could identify with many of the things he wrote and even if not exactly, you know that our mothers are indeed jewels of inestimable value. It's so important to remember never to take them for granted and consciously acknowledge them because Sebs last point is so true, often times, we don't thank them enough. I celebrate all mothers today. You are pretty amazing! Thank YOU.

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PS, May I please ask that you kindly do not reproduce/reprint pictures in this post as they are copyright protected. Thanks :-) xx

For all previous Chronicles of Sebastian posts, please click HERE.. Join Sabba again next week Wednesday..I look forward to what he will be sharing with us!
Please visit Sebastian's blog http://seb2nigeria.wordpress.com/ It's in German, however you can use 'Google translate' if English translation is required - Lovely lovely blog!

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