Basically, Conversations with One is a new chat-series on the blog. Each week, my wonderful friends and I bring you snippets of our 'round-table' discussions from a male/female perspective..
Ladies! Have you ever wanted to get into the mind of a guy? (I know I do! lol), and for guys, I bet once in a while you wish you could just read her mind! Well hopefully week after week, we get to bridge that gap!
You can have a look at last week's conversation where we discussed Reading the Writings on the Wall. You can also have a read of previous 'episodes' HERE.
You can have a look at last week's conversation where we discussed Reading the Writings on the Wall. You can also have a read of previous 'episodes' HERE.
This week's topic of discussion is a bit like a continuation of last weeks'.. We got responses about how to know when a guy/girl is not that into you and I have to admit, I had to do a personal check on some of the criteria... Thanks for being very honest and straight-forward in your points.
This week's question:
"There's this babe that I really like. I've told her about it. Now the thing is that she hasn't agreed but she does everything that a girlfriend/wifey would do - I ask her out to dinner etc and she agrees, we talk a lot, she even cooks for me occasionally. I am getting quite confused here.. If she's interested, why is she not agreeing to make it formal? And if she's not into me then why does she do all these things that say she is?! What do I do to get to the permanent site? Helpppp!"
This week's question:
"There's this babe that I really like. I've told her about it. Now the thing is that she hasn't agreed but she does everything that a girlfriend/wifey would do - I ask her out to dinner etc and she agrees, we talk a lot, she even cooks for me occasionally. I am getting quite confused here.. If she's interested, why is she not agreeing to make it formal? And if she's not into me then why does she do all these things that say she is?! What do I do to get to the permanent site? Helpppp!"
****************************************************
| source |
So many maybes! I really don't know but I do know that if I'm taking time out of my rather manic schedule to talk to you a lot, go to dinner with you, COOK for you, then I'm definitely sending a message that I'm very interested in you! :-) I would suggest a frank conversation along the lines of "Babe (or dear or sweetie or darling or whatever), what gives? Where is your mind at? Are you considering making us work seriously or am I just a pleasant distraction?" Also, if the dude isn't a 'kid', he should have that conversation like yesterday! #NoTimeWasting! #NoNeedForConfusion! #CommunicationIsKey! #SayNoToMixedSignals! Okay, I'm done!
One: Exactly! You have communicated my sentiments.. Why is he not asking those questions? #NoTimeforTimeWasting.
One: Exactly! You have communicated my sentiments.. Why is he not asking those questions? #NoTimeforTimeWasting.
| Just ASK |
Ms PumpkinUnited: I think I will plagiarize Nubian Princess cause she just spoke my mind on this... From experience with some friends and what I've seen around, ladies mostly do this as a form of 'insurance cover', it's more like *dont get too committed so that shifting base to the other person will be easier just in case this one doesnt work as planned*.. but then I wonder why the guy will choose to keep mute instead of voicing out his mind.. abi did cupid's arrow strike his tongue a fatal blow nii ..*justcurious*
One: Hahaha @Cupid striking his tongue..
So I have a question, have you ever been in this situation before? Either the receiver (waiting on the promise) or the giver (playing wifey/boyfy) but not committing? If yes, why?
Ms PumpkinUnited: I actually have not (cause I don't even have that type of gracious ministry or strength) but I do know friends who have been on the painful receiving end and the somewhat tedious giving end; tedious cause of the number of persons involved the 'movement of the cheese'.... I know I like hanging out with and doing stuff with and for my friends but once I notice they (guy friends) are prolly beginning to misunderstand, misinterpret or feel vibes I'm not feeling, it spoils the friendship for me and I just peel myself away..
One: Thanks.. But please which one is 'movement of the cheese'? lol
Ms PumpkinUnited: Lollll, I meant dividing yourself into 2, 3,4 5 etc in the name of commitophobia..
Nubian Princess: I have definitely never been on the giving end... I'm sorry, it's just too much work.... Yes, I love domestic stuff but just to be cooking like that.... Ahn... No oooh!
But I have had a male 'friend' who did and said everything a significant other should without any commitment. I gave myself brain and removed myself from the equation. (Fast forward 2 years plus later and bobo wants us to try a real relationship.... *le sigh*)
I had a point.... Yes!
Twitter - @1plustheone
Facebook - www.facebook.com/1plustheone
One: Hahaha @Cupid striking his tongue..
So I have a question, have you ever been in this situation before? Either the receiver (waiting on the promise) or the giver (playing wifey/boyfy) but not committing? If yes, why?
Ms PumpkinUnited: I actually have not (cause I don't even have that type of gracious ministry or strength) but I do know friends who have been on the painful receiving end and the somewhat tedious giving end; tedious cause of the number of persons involved the 'movement of the cheese'.... I know I like hanging out with and doing stuff with and for my friends but once I notice they (guy friends) are prolly beginning to misunderstand, misinterpret or feel vibes I'm not feeling, it spoils the friendship for me and I just peel myself away..
One: Thanks.. But please which one is 'movement of the cheese'? lol
Ms PumpkinUnited: Lollll, I meant dividing yourself into 2, 3,4 5 etc in the name of commitophobia..
One: Oh, thanks Pumpkin... *whisphers* (Do you guys understand what 'movement of the cheese' and now 'commitophobia' means?)...
Nubian Princess: I have definitely never been on the giving end... I'm sorry, it's just too much work.... Yes, I love domestic stuff but just to be cooking like that.... Ahn... No oooh!
But I have had a male 'friend' who did and said everything a significant other should without any commitment. I gave myself brain and removed myself from the equation. (Fast forward 2 years plus later and bobo wants us to try a real relationship.... *le sigh*)
I had a point.... Yes!
We (men and women) should learn to occupy ourselves with other things. We'll have less time for things that waste time.... #MyTwoCents
Ms MIA: I agree with Nubian Princess and Miss PumpkinUnited, the maybes are just endless joor! Plus I just don't like when people give mixed signals, the heartache is unnecessary and I don't even think it's a Christian attitude (note to brothers et sisters)!
Ms MIA: I agree with Nubian Princess and Miss PumpkinUnited, the maybes are just endless joor! Plus I just don't like when people give mixed signals, the heartache is unnecessary and I don't even think it's a Christian attitude (note to brothers et sisters)!
To my Bro, you've searched your heart to see that you want to be with her, please ask her on a more serious note to get her honest stick out and tell you whether or not she's feeling you too. For me, if I had that conversation with any guy and he didn't come up with any concrete decision, like Nubian princess said, I will give myself BrainPlusWisdom and allow brother his space....QED!
| True or False? |
I haven't been on the receiving end but I've been friends with guys where we were so close like that (no cooking, washing or any domestics however) but I'm ever so clear that I DON'T WANT ANYTHING! Even that one, now that I'm grown, I'm checking myself and holding the breaks cause that can cause hurt too no matter how clear you are!
Dassal!
Dassal!
One: You're right, it's important to check ourselves.. Sometimes we need to help the other person: If you are not interested, don't be extra-friendly.. I probably have been guilty/accused of this. To be honest, it was only going to be 'just friends' with the individual but he was a great friend and sometimes I guess the lines were blurred... So as often as I told him it wasn't happening, he just wasn't getting it!
| This is just mean lol |
I have been both the 'giver' and the 'receiver' and it ain't pleasant at all... Like everyone has said, it's important to have 'that talk'.. I believe very much in defining relationships as much as possible... No 'what ifs', just straight-talk.. As a lady, it's usually a bit dicey because you don't want to come across as being pushy or desperate so you wait sometimes endlessly! for the guy to bring up the topic.. I think like you all have said, it's best to 'keep stepping' but mehn that thing is easier said than done.. When you like someone, it's not that easy to just move away (except feelings were not that deep).. The faith and hope is real that maybe one day, one day, they will see the light.. Or am I lying? lol
 |
| Waiting on 'the promise' |
***********************
Ok beauriful people, over to you, what do you think? Should he wait for her or forget about it? Also, have you ever been either the 'Giver' or the 'Receiver' of mixed signals? Please share! xx
PS, I noticed that none of the guys on the panel said anything.. Is it in solidarity with the guy? lol
Do you have any question? Please do not hesitate to ask!
Email - oneplustheone@gmail.comTwitter - @1plustheone
Facebook - www.facebook.com/1plustheone
@1+ a pity I did not win the ticket. I like a lot about you. Are you in a r/ship?
ReplyDelete-Seun
@ Seun: I really like your style.... I don't know much about 1+, but reading through her posts I can tell she is in a relationship with Jesus, her mum and her sister...... With regards to the event, If you are insistent on seeing One, just go to the event on the said date. No wahala! (you are welcome). Please do not derail the conversation. Stay blessed.
ReplyDeleteKunle
Note to self: There is a thin line between showing interest and heckling.....
hmmm now why will I invest so much time on doing girlfriend duties when I'm not a girlfriend ? I have never been on both sides but one thing I know is to always communicate with each other. CONVERSE! that your friend should ask missy what she's up to.
ReplyDelete@Seun, I'm sorry you didn't win, thanks for entering. I hope to still see you at The Convo!! Am I in a relationship? Maybe, maybe not lol. I'll let you know when I see you on the 23rd!
ReplyDeleteLol@Kunle, thanks. Hope you got your ticket to The Convo too?
Ok, so what's your take on the topic guys?
@Simply Bellz, thanks for your comment. COMMUNICATION - very important. I'm also of the opinion that he should have a frank discussion with her. Lay his cards on the table.
This Ayo is very smart.lol
DeleteWhich one is maybe,maybe not.
Commitophobia lol I like that word. I always learn something new here! :-) I have definitely suffered from (or let's say committed) this, just keeping up some friendships without really knowing which one might be "upgraded", thinking double portion might be better than single portion lol... I hope by the grace of God I have become a little bit more purpose- and careful recently. God and life taught me to be more hesitant and to not fool myself with "completely normal" cooking sessions, repeated meetings. I think pride definitely plays a role in these messes we create, thinking we can "handle" all situations with ease, being in full control. It takes humility to consider my own and other people's soft spots. May God help us.
ReplyDeleteOne last thing I want to throw into the discussion though is the fact that a "DTR" talk can happen too SOON. I once talked with a girl who complained that some guys approach her (just after some laughter and very little time spent together), telling her "You know I really like as a friend you but I don't want to go further" which she found ridiculous and awkward since they just chatted small-small and this guy went too deep too soon. Although I think this is less frequently a problem, compared to the vice versa situation.
I have been on both sides and i do not pray for any woman to be on the recieving end cause it can be devastating-being more emotional. However for the man its totally different cause if he wants to be the head he has the responsibility to either draw the lines or play along-which ever one, he must decide. That being said those on the recieving end need to decern what void they fill and for the love of love help the person out but ensure that they protect themselves:dont ask me how cause its different ways for different people. All in all try to have fun being on the recieving end and when you see that void that you fill, it might just help you do that.
ReplyDeleteWhy are we talking too much? Abeg, let them sit and do a honest round-table discussion. No time for iranu.
ReplyDeleteLol @ilola @no time for Iranu.
ReplyDeleteWhat extra do I even have to say?
Personally, I think kicking your butt out of messy situations salvages things.
I once had a 'home boy' keeping me around as 'destiny friend' and he never told me (I never knew) he was engaged. I was busy liking him, and he was doing everything that a confirmed bobo should do... The day I found out he was engaged, I deleted everything I had of him- it was HARD for me. I CRIED, but I reminded myself that with time I'd be fine.
I am very very fine now (extra fine dey worry me sef!).
Long story cut shut, he's getting married in a few months, and I'm sincerely happy for him. Why? Because I ran from danger!
Imagine that we were still 'destiny friends' and he suddenly announced to me that his wedding is in a few months?! Na to kill that babe/him straight up! LOL
So I say again, kill that emotional confusion before it kills you!
...
Presently, I ask any guy coming around and being over comfortable straight up- "what do you want?!"
Then I ask myself, "can I give it?!" (And reply him IMMEDIATELY)
This way, we save ourselves from having to pour acid on ourselves when either of us suddenly announces that we have another significant other!
Call me paranoid or whatever, I know that I'll not allow fire to burn me twice!
Merci beaucoup!
Danke !
@Sebs, lol@double portion.. You are right, in trying to not lose on both sides, we try to keep as many interests as possible until we choose one - which is a great recipe for heartbreak..
ReplyDeleteHaa, I have experienced your friend's experience lol.. I'm like "What?! Did I not meet you only yesterday?! lol
@Unborn thought, welcome! Thanks for stopping by.. It's very important to guard our hearts.. Protect yourself, ask questions where necessary!
@ilola, LOL.. QED!
@Anonymous.. LOL...
@Debby, Wow! @your destiny friend.. That is serious o! I wonder why people do this?! I have heard that a few times now and I am like help your destiny, don't shy away from asking questions so that you don't get any 'surprises'!