Guy, I'm doing YOU a favour!

So yesterday I was at a meeting and while people were sharing some stuff and counting their blessings, it was the turn of a young man who looked relatively newly married cause I could see his young wife and months old baby.

Anyways, he was talking about having what could have turned out to be a very embarrassing, disappointing and sad situation and one thing he said was that in the midst of it all, his wife kept encouraging him and being positive saying that all will be well in the end (thank God for good wives ey?)

Anyways, thanks to God it had a very good ending and all was indeed well.

Next, it was time for the wife to speak and the first thing she said was "I have always told him to thank God for marrying me. The bible says when a man finds a wife, he finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord. I have said it that when he married me, God started to favour him in new ways"..

When she said so everyone laughed and were urging her on, especially the ladies and you could hear chants of "yes sista" "tell them!" "that's right!" etc lol..

Now, what she said and the conviction with which she said it was for me wonderful and truly beautiful. The truth is that we as ladies need to start recognising and confessing our immense value and worth.

She was so sure and confident about what she was talking about and believed it so much that when she was saying it, her husband was just nodding... The blessing he got benefited her and their daughter immensely BUT she did not fail to recognise God's promise concerning her presence in his life.

Ladies, know your worth! You are a good thing.. Even to that totally popular and blessed and gifted and talented young man! It is YOU that God says in finding, the man obtains favour from God.. So He may have been incredibly favoured but I tell you, meeting you increases favour upon his life.. He has to be grateful to God for that.

Do you know that God does not answer the prayers of a man that maltreats his family? Yup! God places a lot of emphasis on him treating you right!

Don't be satisfied with a man who feels he is doing you a favour by being with you.. nah ah! The favour is mutual - infact yours comes with a cast iron guarantee :-)

"He who finds a wife, finds a good thing, And obtains favour from the Lord" Proverbs 18:22

How far is far??

'But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people' Ephesians 5:3 (NIV)

Now, I believe I have mentioned / asked about this before on this blog and in many cases, I have had ladies ask this all important question with all sincerity and a desire to get a clear answer..

In a relationship / engagement / pre-marriage, how far is considered a sin?

Please be reminded that I made a pledge to take it back Old school, I failed and then renewed my decision to take it back 'God's School' by God's grace'. I have a desire to do things right and to glorify God in my relationship as much as possible. No compromise by His grace.

Now, most times I have had this discussion with others, there's always a debate about what one should and should not do in a Christian relationship / courtship.. Usually 'fleeing from sexual immorality' a lot of people say is relative.. So it depends on what you and your partner can take or when it becomes wrong / a sin to you. So for some, it's holding hands, for others its kissing and for some, it's a little bit more as long as the line of sex is not crossed...

I have usually agreed with this - so in the past I have subscribed to kissing, then unsubscribed.. but always held firm to the fact that as long as both parties steer clear from sex.. As of course that was a no-no!

However, I saw the above verse of scripture recently on a friend's status and it made a lot of sense.. I have been thinking recently, like real deep thinking of sex and purity before marriage and it has cropped up a lot in discussions with my friends...

The bible says 'even a hint of sexual immorality' must not be found.. So infact, not just sexual immorality itself but anything that resembles, looks like, is close to, or could be....... Hmmmmm

God says it is improper for it to be found amongst God's holy people.

I cannot claim to sit here and say that it is the easiest thing to do in this world but I tell you that if you believe it and purpose in your heart, it is possible. It is not easy but by God's grace it's possible.

So, just to encourage you already in it, you can do it. You can make a decision to handle your relationship God's way. For those preparing to go into a relationship, it is possible by God's grace.. You can honour God with your relationship and put Him first before your desires, emotions and strong feelings.

So, how far is far.. Right now, for me, anything I cannot do with any other male-friend is far..

I choose to guard my heart, body and soul by God's grace.... So help me God xxxx

Who makes the first moveee?

Hiya, it's your faithful runaway fwend here again, doing what she does best, sneaking in and out! What can I say, forgive moi, life is busy..

So, just a quick-ish one right: What's your thought on a girl making the first move? ie whatever your interpretation is, so could be from initiating the first contact to THAT question "So what's happening between us" to actually plunging right in and asking him to be in a relationship?

Secondly, on a personal note, would you do it / would you mind if as a guy you were asked by a girl?

This question was asked at an event I went to over the weekend and it provoked a debate and basically there were mainly 2 camps -

Camp 1 - Never! How can?! She's presenting herself as cheap! The guy will never respect her! It's not biblical, the bible says 'whoever FINDS a wife hence it's the man that does the finding, it's not in our (African) culture etc

Camp 2 - Why not? We are in the 21st century! Guys can be very slow so they need some help, Ruth slept at the foot of Boaz (technically translating to her making the first move - for non bible scholars, sorry!)

So what you say, yay or nay?

God bless xx

Walk into your future.. It's time to let the past go

Yesterday, I saw....

There's this girl who had been in  a relationship with this guy. She had loved him and thought they were going to get married. She wasn't being presumptuous as she had indeed been introduced to his parents, siblings and vice versa. He was everything she wanted in a man. I bet she must have confided in him her deepest secrets, shared with him her deepest fears and been grateful that after the rough experiences she had been through thus far, there was finally someone who made it alright in the end.. Her own man.

They shared a deep interest in the same thing, her mum loved him and supported the boy's family who weren't so well to do at the time and she whole-heartedly supported his dreams - she knew he was going to be very great.

His big break came and she couldn't have been more excited or proud... She threw herself in 100% to be able to support him, without expecting much in return from him, just his love and acceptance..

Alas, one day, he tells her in not the most dignified of ways that unfortunately he had to break off the relationship because he had been advised that in order to move far and quickly in his career, he didn't need to have any 'entanglement'.. She was devastated, she was hurt, she felt betrayed, she was ANGRY.. She cried and cried and hoped and hoped...

This happened a few years ago and today they are sworn enemies. She hates him desperately and still hurts from how he treated her. She can't stand to be in his presence or in the same vicinity as him and has vowed never to forgive him as long as she lives.

Now, this story just like any story about heart break makes me sad.. :-( Here's a lovely young girl who has been so affected by one guy's treatment of her that it is affecting her whole life and ability to move on in life...

The truth is that there are many people - male and female who are hurting right now.. who are bitter right now.. who are angry right now... who feel cheated right now.. who are asking 'why?' right now..

While no one may be able to fully understand your hurt or give you the answers or get things back the way they used to be, I just want to highlight the fact that when a man or woman ends a relationship with you and hurts you, you do yourself a disservice by being bitter.

Bitterness only eats you up slowly and makes it difficult to move on. You give permission to that person to keep a hold on your mind, heart and life as long as you remain bitter. Without being flippant, the truth is that it has happened and as sad as it is, you have to find a way to forgive and let go so that you can get freedom from your past..

God has so much more in store for you, so much better prospects for you but if you keep holding on forcefully to how much the person has hurt you or done you wrong, you keep blocking yourself from receiving what God has for you..

Try collecting something with your fist clenched or palms closed (holding on to the past) it's not possible but the moment you choose to open your hands and let go, you simultaneously open your hand to receive.

If you're struggling, please ask God for help. He can help you.

I will also be very happy to pray with you... If you would like that, please send me an email oneplustheone@gmail.com and I promise to pray with you. You don't even have to share what it is if you are  not comfortable. You may just need to have someone (virtually) hold your hands, joining you in prayer.

May God release you from the burdens of the past to walk into your glorious future.



Lots of love xx

Cleaning out the Closet...

*Hoovering the dust*
**Side note: But One, this is getting kinda old! *sheepish smile*

Hiya everyone.. It's been a while..

So I was reading an article on Myne Whitman's page here about who gets to keep the engagement ring after a breaking off of the engagement?
The comments were quite interesting but majority of the people supported the fact that it should be returned to the guy since he probably bought it.

Now, I have never been engaged so I don't know what I would do, I guess probably return it to the individual but also I have come to realise that it may also depend on how the engagement ended...

Now, I want to ask as well, after the end of a relationship, do you return the gifts ie the ones that are quite significant and/or expensive?

When I was going out with HOG, one of the great things he used to do very well was give gifts - very nice and poignant ones.
In the past, I haven't had any qualms about using an ex's gifts after breaking up but this one is kinda a bit different and I have been wondering what to do.. To keep? To continue using? To discard? To give out? To sell?

So he loves jewellery a lot and I got a few from him. One of the first gifts he got me was this expensive friendship bracelet which he had a similar type.
On our 'first week anniversary' he gave me a nice Swarovski necklace that had some kind of significance (there was some explanation involved)
He also got a matching ring over Christmas (not engagement) but another thing we had in common, as well as a nice watch.
On another occasion, he got me another nice necklace

So, a while after we broke up, I stopped wearing these things cause:
1. They were quite personal
2. I saw him a few times and I didn't want him to see me wearing them (*covers face*)

Thing is sometimes, I think "What's the big deal, they are mine now" and other times I'm like why are you still holding on to these things.

I have been tempted to sell them (££ hehe) or give them away or give them back.. But I have some reservations about thse options.

At the moment, they are just lying in a box on my bedside table and I'm thinking 'what a waste!'

So what do you think, to keep, to give back, to give away or to make some money? :-)

xxxx

In need of a Miracle?

Miracle: An event that appears inexplicable by the laws of nature and is held to be supernatural in origin r an act of God (www.freedictionary.com/miracle)

I don't know if you believe in miracles, but I DO! God does miracles. 'Big', 'small', 'medium'.. He does them.

Many people have tried to take the glory from Him by terming it a "coincidence", a "mistake that was not detected", "mis-diagnosis" etc But one thing I know is that it was God and only GOD!

(read my lips or watch me type) HE IS A MIRACLE-WORKING GOD!

God works on a day to day basis, it's either we fail to recognise it or sometimes very comfortable with the available physical resources or sometimes 'managing' the situation. But I tell you, God desires that you and I have life and have it in abundance (John 10:10). He is still working! You can go back to Him and ask Him for yours! Don't be satisfied with average, be hungry for more and let God in His awesomeness fill that hunger.

I want to share what happened to someone I know recently and I believe that it will touch somebody, encourage your faith in this mighty God and believe in Him for your miracle. God says in His word, All things are possible to all who believe (Mark 9:23)... Including that 'impossible' situation!

Let's call her Divine.
So Divine had been dealing with this protracted illness for so long. It had to do with her womb and there seemed to be no way out. She always fell ill and had multiple Doctor appointments. Eventually the Doctor said that in order to prevent her developing cancer, the only solution was to have a hysterectomy ie take out her (uterus) womb. Implication being that Divine will be unable to conceive naturally. Meanwhile, Divine is a young lady and not yet married.

It was a very difficult decision to make but in order for her to prevent something even more fatal, she had to consider having it done, hoping against hope for the best. Now, the date for this had been fixed. A day to this procedure, she raised a prayer request at her Home Cell Group, a simple prayer was said and everyone prayed that God will intervene (in fact most of the prayer point was that God make it successful, let there be no complications etc).

Well, we serve a God who does beyond our expectations, beyond what we can ever ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). The next day as she was being wheeled to the theatre, they did the routine pre-operation scan and to the Doctor's amazement, he saw nothing.. Yes, you read that right, NOTHING! He was very surprised to say the least. He exclaimed saying "this is not what we saw the last time!" and immediately, Divine said "God has done it!"... He asked her to repeat her statement and she said it "God has done it!".. He said well whatever you believe in, hold on to it! She got up and walked out of the hospital in floods of tears.. God just changed her life! And HE turned it around from something that would have changed her life in another terrible way to a miracle!

This happened about a fortnight ago in a very good British Hospital where things are checked meticulously and where they try to avoid having operations on the National Health Service (NHS) - so the Doctors must have been certain that they saw something that had to be removed. The Doctor saw one thing weeks before but GOD corrected it in His own wonderful way! We call Him" the Surgeon who operates without spilling blood!"... The Balm in Gilead, The Mighty Healer, The Jehovah Rapha, The One that has the FINAL say, the MIRACLE worker, the same God yesterday, today and forever!

I tell you, God works, the bible says that there is NOTHING impossible for Him to do, if HE could part the red sea to make a way for His children, your case is too small. If HE could bring out water from a rock, how difficult can your issue be? If HE could send down manna from heaven? What is it that you are asking for? If HE could raise Lazarus from the dead after 3 days! What situation is too hopeless for Him to sort out?

I can tell you countless experience of miracles from a personal point of view and even from others.. You can even read more in Aloted's account here and here

God is able to do ALL things, do you believe right now? Then hold on TIGHTLY to Him for that expectation

xxxx

Let's talk about SEX!

I know you would be eager to read this post.... hehehehe

Today, I just wanna share an excerpt from a message given by Pastor Matthew Ashimolowo this morning at the RCCG Youth Convention in Nigeria (Yup! I'm a bonafide RCCG-ite :-D)

Judging from my 2 previous posts, the issue of sex is one that a lot of people are interested in for a variety of reasons. For some, it's that we they are looking forward to it excitedly, some are wanting to keep themselves from it until it is done rightly in the context and security of marriage, some are looking to get away from it as it has been dabbled in before marriage and are looking for a way out.

We certainly need to know more about sex from God's point of view and I hope that the following write-up will help someone who reads this blog:

(It's quite lengthy but it's worth the read)

LET's TALK ABOUT SEX

Proverbs 4:23, Proverbs 6: 23-27

Be careful what you take in, the music and movies you watch could desensitizes you to the truth. It is the truth you know that will set you free.

Colossians 3:5-6

You are to honour God with your body, sex is not allowed outside marriage.

Even though Nike may say 'Just do it!" You're not to with SEX!

The simple thought of sex crossing your mind is not a sin but the desire for sex is the sin!

Sex goes beyond the physical, it's spiritual and emotional!

In the bible, when a man sleeps with his wife the bible says "He knew his wife" but when a young man sleeps with an unmarried woman the bible says "He laid with her"

Don't let anybody deceive you, you can know them by their words. e.g "You don't need to tell anybody what we are about to do!"

If a guy comes to you with a condom, he is a con(artist) and you are dumb!

Virginity is something you give away and not what is taken from you by force! If you were violated and tampered with, only your virginity is broken, you destiny isn't, so don't mess up yourself! You are still so precious in God's sight. God values you, He values your body so honor Him with it!

85% of those who live together before getting married end up divorced. 50% of marriages in UK and 80% of black marriages in US end up in divorce!

If you sell yourself cheap, you end up being treated anyhow. A man who cannot treat you like a lady doesn't deserve you and any woman who cannot treat you like a prince doesn't deserve you!

Don't start what you can't handle! The skin is only a few centimetres deep and beneath that skin, there are 18million nerves passing information round. When ever someone touches you sexually, your nerves sends info that are stored somewhere in your brain. That's why when you see the person later you remember the touch! You have imprints of people on your life through sexual relationships.

Don't let anyone touch you in a way that is not holy. From hugs to kissing and then the deed happens unplanned!

Once you mess up your sexual life, it messes up your spiritual life! Get it right!

Exodus 26, 27 gives a summary of the Tabernacle. It was divided into the outer court, the Holy place, Holy of Holies. As a human being, your body is the outer court, your soul the holy place and your spirit the holy of holies!

The outer court gave access to many levities and they brought their sacrifices there. Your body is your outer court many people will have access to you, you'll meet many boys/girls but be careful, many will come and go. Proverbs 4:23

Only the priests were allowed into the holy place. The holy in your body is your soul. Your emotions are conceived there. Before you let anyone touch your soul, be very careful! The reason many broken relationship ends up a soul tie is because they let someone else make an impact on their soul and no matter how much they try to forget the person it is difficult.

Guard your soul, don't let just any nice person get in. The holy place had a lampstand in it, anyone who must get into your holy place was be a lamp. Ladies, any man that wants to court/date/marry you must have more light than you already have! He needs to be the lamp! Don't settle for less!

Only the High priest was allowed to enter into the holy of holies (Hebrews 9:7) ! He had to break through the veil to get in. There is only man allowed to get into you and that is your husband! When a man sleeps with a virgin, it's more than just sex! It's spiritual, it's a blood covenant!

Guys note, everywhere you go as a man and have sexual releases, your testicles will testify against you! The reason God gave you two testicles is because the bible says out of 2 or more witnesses, a statement is established (Deuteronomy 17:6).

There is a point when sexual activities goes beyond the physical, it becomes a demonic activity! It is spiritual!

Easy sex does not make more romance, neither does not give joy and happiness!

When you have sex while waiting to be married, you crush the foundation of your marriage

Don't let anyone blackmail you to stay in a relationship! After giving your life to Christ break away from every ungodly relationship!

Titus 2:11-12

To get out:

It requires the decision to maintain your integrity!

It requires a bold step to confront ungodly relationship you are in!

Break away and make a vow to be pure!

Keep yourself and honour God with your life!

No sex is safe sex!

Desire change, deny yourself!

I need your help please!

Hiya lovely people!

First of, I have good news, especially for Toinlicious and Aloted.. I am happy to say that captcha has finally gone! Our relationship is over - done and dusted :-D Thanks to Myne Whitman for showing me the way! (See, I value your wonderful feedback :-)

A huge thanks to everyone who commented on the last post (Let me just say, I'm really grateful for having very nice people who visit this blog)....

I was particularly touched to receive an email from a lovely lady who reads this blog and decided to ask for help for what is quite a dilemma for her in her relationship. I admire her desire to want to do the right thing and I say thank you to her for giving me the opportunity to share on here so that people wiser and more experienced than me can give her useful tips.... 'In the multitude of counsel, there is safety'...

She would really appreciate your input, thank you!

I am a lady in her twenties, I am a Christian who respects and adores God, although I am not perfect but I am trying. when I was in my teens I made a vow to God in church to keep myself and not have sex with any man till I get married. I got into a relationship 2 years later with a dude in my university and the issue of getting 'petty' came up, but one thing I always made sure i did before going into a relationship was 'define my vow and get him to understand the situation'...he said he understood and wasn't in a rush to do anything but fast forward 2 years later he started 'stylishly' demanding sex from me, I told him I couldn't give in (I always did the kissing, necking bla bla bla but no going further than that) so we had to break up.

A few months later, I fell in love and started dating again. This dude was crazy in love with me and as usual said he'll do without the sex because it's me he loves and not my body. That he did quite alright, but I noticed whenever we were together he was always getting 'touchy'...he'll start caressing and fondling and you know how hard it is to resist all that sometimes (I'm still very human)........ I'm not going to bore you with all the long story, but I ended up having sex with him last year.... I felt really bad giving it up despite the vow I made with God and all. The issue now is I want to quit the relationship because he's always very touchy whenever we are together and it's very hard to resist that and I don't wanna keep going back to sin. but at the same time, I am really scared that I may not be able to get over him or find someone else cos we've been together for 5 years.

I know it may seem like I am so tied to him, but the truth is I love him with all my heart and I always wish I'd spend the rest of my life with him but he's always leading me to sin...typical example, I could just be lying down and working on my laptop and he'll just come and start touching my butt, boobs n all and the funny thing is he knows where to touch to get me very aroused. then eventually I give in and we get very sexual...but afterwards, this very weird and painful feeling of regret and guilt fills my soul and I just can't shake it off. it's like I feel I've let God down over and over again.

I'd appreciate some advice or comments or anything, because I am tired of fighting this battle alone.......it's really weighing me down and all...

P.S - We also work for the same organisation and in the same department, so you can now begin to imagine how hard a break-up will be.

Help Please? God bless you all! xx

So we Kissed....

I have a confession.. don't take it personal. I have a confession (please) you gotta listen.. (Thank you D'banj! :-)

Ok, on a more real note, I have wanted to write this post for a while but I haven't had the 'energy' to do so but I feel that it is quite important to do so.

Some of you may remember the note 'Taking it Back Old School' where I expressed how I desired my relationship / courtship to be like and hoped it would work out that way. I think I wrote it a few months to my next relationship. I knew that in order to achieve something, it was important to plan ahead for it. I wanted to 'purpose in my heart' like Daniel in the bible did concerning certain decisions, dos and don'ts in my relationship with the One so that things wouldn't 'just happen'. Summary of the post was that before marriage, I wanted to do zilch / nada / nothing sexually with my intended.. so including but not exclusive of kissing, 'quaving' (I don't know if that word still exists!), petting, necking, rubbing etc etc lol

Anyways, thanks to you wonderful people, I had so many encouragements and comments and 'yes you can!' and 'Yes, I will too!'. It was something I desired intently to adhere to and sometimes I would tell my friends, speak it, plan towards it etc.

So, when I met this Christian, tall, talented, gorgeous human being whom I totally totally 'digged' a few months down the line, I was like YES! Thank You Jesus. It was a very flash-fast point from properly meeting / talking / liking / joy / relationship. In fact, point of interaction to relationship was under 1month (God is good! lol). He ticked all the boxes and the most important thing and attractive for me was his walk/relationship with God (that has the potential to make me fall in love with you in seconds haha + the extra summin' summin').

So the day he 'asked me out' (lol) aka for us to become exclusive, inside I was dancing but I was like ok, before I answer, I just have to set out some things and what I had wanted my relationship to be like so I shared with him the 'Taking it back Old School' vision - that was the deal breaker ( I even showed him the post!).. He was mega impressed and totally sold on it agreeing that it was what he wanted as well and could definitely abide by it by God's grace. Haa I was like singing "Jesus, I love you oh!" lol.

The next few weeks was great! We saw each other weekly (we lived in different cities) and it was lovely, just holding hands and hugs when we see + talking, sharing plans and hopes and vision for the near and distant future - it felt GREAT!... But as the days grew by, my attraction shot up by 1000 x 1000 x 1000! I was like mehnnnnn what manner of dilemma is this one? You mean actually 'no kissing'? Oh my! Lord have mercy!

So, One initiated the first kiss.. Yes I did.. I was just like nothing more, just the kiss (I didn't say it loud, just thought it) and it just felt very good, like *sigh* with a tinge of guilt. But as we know, usually after the first taste, other things are bound to follow. We didn't have sex or go deep but there was some kissing and touching (Lord please protect this post from my mother!).

Anyways, why am I sharing this with you? I want to be quite honest with you. From my heart, this was something I wanted to do ie taking it back old school. Not just for the sake of achievement or punishment but more because I honestly wanted to honour God in that way. I have seen people who have done it and I really wanted to commit my relationship to God and honour Him in every way possible. That was my decision and commitment to Him + there are so many things that have started innocently and small and trivial and have ended in a way that we never expected nor planned and I don't want to take that risk at all!

So, I kissed + more... I didn't 'old school' it at all! BUT, I repent. I want to take it God school by God's grace. We broke off the relationship and in a way I thank God for the perspective it's brought back again. I know it's easier said when you're not in a relationship and the attraction is not there to propel you but I believe it's possible. God knows I sincerely want it to work in a way that is pleasing to Him and in a different way for Him.

I have decided that I won't give up my desire and given the opportunity and grace, I would attempt it again - only by GRACE. I have also learnt a lot of things for my future relationship that I hope to share in coming posts.

Also, may I encourage you that if you made a pledge / commitment / decision and for one reason or the other you have failed to do so, God is wonderful in the way He has mercy and forgives, He never gives up on you and I so don't give up on yourself irrespective of how many times you have tried! I believe that He honours effort and gives grace to achieve.

So, ladies and gentlemen, One is taking it God's School! .... So help me God :-)

The 100th One! Yayy!!

This is my 100th post on 1 + The One, yay!! I don't even know what to say but laugh hehehehehehe.. I'm smilinggggg... Thank you Jesus! I have actually never celebrated a landmark on here so allow me to be happy :-D :-D

So as you may have guessed, I am intrigued by relationships :-)

I love love, and everything about it! I love the love of God and I love the love that I have experienced thus far in my life..

I have always wondered if it is worth falling in love even if it doesn't last or it's cut short. So, would you rather fall in love and experience heart-break it's end or would you rather not love at all than go through the whole hurt.. 

Hmmmmm, I've always wondered as sometimes depending on what frame of mind I am in at the time, I'm like 'Oh, I don't regret being with him at all, the joys of being in love with him I will not trade at all' and other days I'm like 'Oh Lord, if you knew it would not work out, why did you make it happen? I would rather have not than have to face this intense sadness'.... You see, I belong to the category of people who when they love, love hard! It doesn't happen easily but when it does, it hits hard!

So what do you think? Which school of thought do you belong to?

To love and lose but be grateful for the experience or to love and lose and wish you never had to go through it?

At the moment, I'm in a grateful place so I am dedicating this post to HOG!

You have a special place in my heart bebe! Love you still xx