Give IT to me!

I want to have sex!!

Ok, am I allowed to say that? lol.. But I do, I really do!

To be honest, I can't believe I'm writing this (as I can be very conservative... well in public! lol) but as I try to be as honest as possible in my writing/on this blog, allow me to be real.

So let me do a recap... I'm a single, Christian (born-again) Christian who loves Jesus! I have made a commitment to keep myself until marriage (i.e no sex before marriage, for avoidance of doubt) and I'm a strong advocate of  pre-marital sexual purity by God's grace!
So this blog is all about my journey with God to meeting The One! And I try (well key word being 'I try' :-) to write about different experiences on my journey to meeting The One.

I have had many some upheavals on this trip and I am just trying to waiting patiently on God to bring that wonderfully wonderful man my way and then we love happily ever after!

Now, as many of you will agree with me, it's one thing to make a commitment, it's another to be faithful to it! So recently, or more apt, let me say as I have begun to grow in age (I'm not getting older, just growing! lol), my desire to 'know' this man called my husband is growing oh! I don't know if it comes with age or just the fact that my body can tell that the time is ripe and it's wondering 'One, how far now?'

I'm sharing because I believe that some people go through the same. The other day, my friends and I were discussing and sharing our growing frustrations concerns about the increasing need for us to meet this God-blessed man so that we can also know what this 'sex' is ALL about! (in addition to other things of course!)..
I have wondered about how it will be, the pleasure of knowing that with him I can finally go ALL the way and revel in it. Actually, just to know and to see indeed how pleasurable the act I have so often heard (well I pray that my husband and I would have an explosively delightful and fulfilling sex life - it's even a prayer point, no dulling! Yup, God made sex to be beautiful in marriage :-)

Anyways, that over, I still choose to wait over and over again! But in waiting, I can't wait, in terms of seriously seriously looking forward to it :-) May my expectations not be cut short, AMEN!!

Besides the fact that I choose to honour God with this, I have heard so many testimonies of my girl-friends who chose to wait and how much of a blessing it has been to them in their married life. Truth is, no matter how long the wait is, the appointed day will surely come (can I get an amen!?).

Memo to One

                                           
In the mean time, I am waiting patiently and carefully so that I don't 'burn' lol.
Just a few helpful pointers
1. Try as much as possible to avoid sexually explicit materials including books, audio and visual materials
2. If in a relationship, limit the amount of intimate/alone time you spend together.
3. As nice as preparation is, don't dwell on sex ALL the time, especially when preparing for it means you think about every single detail, to the extent that it affects your body's response.
4. If in a relationship, limit the amount of kissing etc to avoid further 'problems'.
5. Very importantly, pray for grace because having said all, it's only by grace!

Lots of love peeps! xxxx

The wait will be worth it!

I saw the above picture earlier on and it made me smile :-)
In a funny way, I hope it encourages someone. I know how frustrating it is during the waiting period for THAT guy to come your way. Sometimes it seems like everyone else but you has a proposition or the other!

Good things are not for the 'every'. You know it takes a special guy to approach a special girl and sometimes like the picture states, the good ones are seen as hardwork so lesser men will prefer to settle but I am confident that a man who is worth his salt is coming soon and he will be very willing to go more than the extra mile when he realises what a treasure you are and that you are sooo worth the effort!

Don't get tired or exasperated, be encouraged!

Have a wonderful week folks! xxxx

The Case of in-laws!

What is it with in-laws and why is there such hoo-haa when it comes to dealing with some in-laws?
Unfortunately, the woman (wife) usually gets the brunt of these in-law problems and sadly, women are their own worst enemies as they are the ones who are the main perpetrators aka Mothers-in-law, sisters-in-law, female cousins-in-law, aunties-in-law and if you're very unfortunate, nieces-in-law! (That's not to exclude men cause some men are just as, if not more terrible in some cases!)

Why can't we all live together in peace?! :-)

I know that in many parts of Africa, in-law problems are very common but I realise that it also happens in many other parts of the world, only that the way it is demonstrated may differ. So, while in Africa we tend to be more expressive, in Europe for instance, it's more a 'cold' war, with the parties giving one another the cold treatment and staying away as much as possible. (you need to read this story to believe her experience! https://www.mamamia.com.au/relationships/4-rules-for-dealing-with-mother-in-laws/)

I am particularly perplexed as to why a woman would want to destroy another woman's home?! I have heard of cases where mothers-in-law have thrown the legal wife of their son out of the house! The question is that would they rather their son be with a broken home than for them to try as much as possible to get along with his wife?

I have already seen some ladies I know gearing up to be in-laws from hell! Their demands and expectations of their brothers' wives are so ridiculous it's laughable! Would it be too much to live and let live?
Personally, I believe a lot of the issues stem from possessiveness, competition and jealousy that another woman has come to win the heart of their beloved male relative!

So what do you think? Should we start binding the 'spirit' of evil in-laws? Is it possible to get along greatly with your in-laws? Any tips for those struggling?
As for me, I have started active prayers and preparation oh! lol.. One has to be prepared! :-) xxxx

Journey to the One (2)

... Here's the other part of the tale of my first love (FL). I would do this post differently and start to mention the things that I learnt from this particular experience. Some from the upheavals I experienced, while some are things that occurred to me with the fortune of hindsight (hope it makes sense!)

1. I always had a bit of an unrest in my mind about the fact that he wasn't a born again Christian but I was so into him, I was fine with him being just a good guy : Now the danger here is that there were certain things that I believed in that he didn't necessaray share the same values. Chief of that was my stance on pre-marital sex which was a no-go area and I wasn't willing to compromise. Truth is that he never did put any pressure on me but I believe the thought that he would have to remain celibate throughout the life of our relationship(!) was one of the things that contributed to us breaking up. The importance of being honest and open about expectations in  your relationship at the beginning cannot be over-stressed. It would help to avoid heartbreak in future. Trust me, it's worth it! Don't avoid the 'serious' talk, face it full on and be prepared to act on the outcome..

2. From this relationship, I understood that love is real and can be a beautiful thing! Truth is I am grateful for this experience because even though after this, along the way I have come across a lot of love 'look-alikes', my relationship with FL made it possible for me to know first hand that 'that' kinda butterfly-inducing tingling sensation is VERY possible. It's not a myth as some love-cynics may suggest but it is very possible. I have had discussions with people who have lost faith in the possibility of true love as a result of things they have been through and they are quite adamant that there is no such thing as real love. Others have said that ALL men are terrible and that relationships/marriages are meant to be endured not enjoyed. Well I strongly beg to differ. Not only did I have the absolute delight of being in a loving relationship, I have seen marriages of many years to support my view! So, I am always grateful to FL that my first real relationship set the pace for me to keep on believing, keep hope alive! I refuse to settle for less than the best as I have experienced that the best IS possible :-).. Oh and of course with GOD all things are possible.. YES!!

3. Romance books can damage your sense of reality: Now, I am not against romantic novels or literature (Myne Whitman, I believe, I believe :-) but I would say that it is very necessary to not get lost in fiction and forget how to live in real life! I read a LOT! And 90% of my reading are romantic fictions (especially Mills and Boon and the likes at that time). Now, my favourite part of a romantic novel is that part towards the end when something will happen that will make the main characters have a disagreement (almost or actually leading to a break-up) and then something happens to bring them back and the reconciliation bit makes the time spent reading the novel worthwhile. I used to look forward to the fights! Oh la la! Usually after a 'successful' fight, both parties admit that they actually do love each other or there's a proposal or there's a tearful and beautiful reunion with a stronger affirmation and profession of love for each other *swoon* (did I forget to mention that I love love?? :-) Anyways, so when I was in my first real relationship, I had a serious case of 'UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS'... My goodness, was I infected badly! I used to instigate mini-fights and 'let's go on a break' just to spice up the relationship I SMH for myself! As you would imagine, it was very bad for the relationship! At first, FL would beg and accept and it would be just like in the books and movies but after a while it started getting OLD! Infact I have learnt that a good relationship is one in which both parties have realistic expectations of each other without given one's partner the impossible task of being like a fictional character.

Anyways, all these factors coupled with a few more (he never cheated, thank God!), the poor fragile relationship didn't survive.
Interestingly, I had the opportunity to ask him recently what didn't work out from his perspective and his response was that he wasn't able to handle how serious we seemed to be and at that age he couldn't come to terms with the fact that as he was newly in University, he wouldn't have options etc.. Ah well, like I teased him, he wanted to sow his university oats!

Journey to the One... (1)

Hiya lovely people!

I would never have thought that I would take such a long time in doing a follow-up post to the last one! A lot has been going on and I kinda couldn't find/get my blogging mojo.. But like Stella, I'm trying to get my groove back! (Cheesy I know hehehe)..
So I don't know how to assess the last month.. On one hand it was really good and on another hand it was :-(.. I will spare you the details.

So in my last post, I introduced a series that I hope to continue in the next coming days (not weeks nor months nor years, but days - So help me God!). I was doing a sort of flashback and was evaluating how past relationships have moulded me - knowingly and unknowingly - to the kind of other half I am today.

Now, let me start with my 'first love'..
Most people have one of these, the first guy/girl who showed you what it means to fall deep into the ocean of love. The first person that made your stomach dip whenever you saw him/her or heard their voice. That first crazy/beautiful love. The one that you usually don't forget.
For me, it was the innocent, the world is black and white, love is a simple thing, kinda love. And I loved it!

Growing up as a Christian and coupled with the fact that I was an unrepentant, die-hard romantic (still very much am!), I always wanted and totally believed that I would marry my first boyfriend. I had thought that having waited quite well through my teen years, the boy/man I would finally meet would be the one I would settle with and live happily ever after!

Oh well, when I met my first love (FL), I didn't even think we would ever be in a relationship! It started out as a very innocent friendship and because he was a year younger than I was, I always had it at the back of my mind that 'nah, no go area'.. We grew as friends (thanks to hi5.. who remembers the days of hi5? lol) and in my naivety, I didn't even realise when we started getting closer and my feelings towards him started changing. To be honest, I didn't even think I was ready for a relationship.. besides he wasn't a Christian-Christian like that.. Just a very good guy...

To cut a long story short, he asked me out, I thought 'No way!'... He did again a few weeks later at which point he noted that we had grown so emotionally close and he couldn't hack it any longer as being 'just friends'.. I had a long think about it.. In real terms, we were emotionally involved and saying yes would only make it official (I was SCARED! Me, in a real relationship??!?!!).. In the end, I realised that I really liked him and thought I had grown so attached to him that losing the friendship would have been blahhhh!

...I remember the simple but sweet  things.. the first day he said 'I love you'.. I remember how innocent and almost child-like our relationship was. I remember how having never been hurt or experienced the realities of a relationship (apart from what the endless rom coms and novels I had fed on hitherto taught me), I felt so relaxed and care-free.. I had no issues with trust (Well.. apart from when I conjured things in my head...), I was so confident in the relationship and in myself as a person (healthy self-esteem :-) that I could never even imagine him looking at another girl!

Anyways, then came the lull in the relationship, we both had some growing up to do etc etc.. I will have to continue this in a bit as I have a meeting to attend now :-)

xxxx

Warning, Excess Luggage!

Mehn I need some baggage detox!




One very important thing I am learning in my new 'journey' is that each one of us bring with us into new relationships our own baggage. Some resolved, others unresolved yet still baggage.

Having lived a considerable amount of time on this earth, I have had my fair share of experience and so has the Mr (let's call him 'my love'). I realise that our characters and attitudes are moulded and shaped after the things we have been through, our backgrounds, the people we have met along the way of life and of course our faith and relationship with God. More importantly, many of these things are things that we allow to come along with us as we move forward. And we all know that every successful relationship, should consist only of 1+1 + The One aka God (Eventually, all things working out, 1+1 will = 1).

I am discovering that a lot of times, I relate with my love based on some of the things I have experienced in my past - relationship-wise. The thing is I never imagined that any of these things were lurking in my memory bank only to reappear again now.

This is the reason why when someone has been hurt many times in the past, they find it difficult to trust a new person even if he/she is the best person on this earth. We hear things like "I've been hurt before, I'm only trying to protect myself"..
When you've been used to a certain pattern, you either conform and be the same way or rebel in a new relationship and ensure that you do the exact opposite.. Either way, your experience is having a direct or indirect effect on the way you relate to your significant other.

For me, there are a few things that I notice that I am afraid of them repeating themselves in this relationship that I am sometimes over-wary and too careful with my love and the effect is not very pleasant for him and for my peace of mind! I am learning and praying to manage it properly and get to relate with him on virgin territory and not interpret some actions as similar to what person A or person B did..

Oh, to have the same frame of mind as the days of my first love when it was the purest and most innocent love-affair. I had nothing to worry about because then, I had never suffered a heart-break so relationships were black and white to me, I had not heard the stories of my girlfriends who had suffered terribly in the hands of undeserving men.. I did not know or understand what it meant to feel insecure as in my little innocent heart, I was ALL his and he was ALL mine and no one had ever given me reason to doubt or snoop around etc.. In essence, I was coming as I was, no Person A's experience + Person B's effect, just me, myself and I.

In this step to letting go of this baggage, I will be reflecting in the next few posts the things that I have learnt from past relationship experiences and hopefully as I do so, I will pick up the bits and pieces that still affect my now and bin them forever and ever (So help me God!)

xxxx

                                       

Everyone desires a GREAT man.... But can you handle him?!

Hiya!

Saturday is usually not a blog-day as I have noticed that there are less activities on the internet social scene on Saturdays.. People are too busy catching up with their weekend 'swag' to think about blogging/poking/twittering etc - Well of course we have the loyal faithfuls, never disappointing, ever sure, always faithful lol *iKid*

I was treated to dinner a few days back by one of my dear friends *thank God for great friends*, we were all ladies and of course it was a great rendezvous for catch up on God, life and love! Every time I have the opportunity to sit down with my girls, I have a splendid, naughty and educative time rolled into one + at this particular restaurant, the manager is always kind to give us free drinks *the pleasures of being female! (Everyone loves freebies #fact) lol

So, a few things that I want to share from our conversation :
- Everyone wants a GREAT man but are you willing to be a GREAT woman?
You see, my friends and I all believe in 'The List' and writing the vision of the kind of man we desire to have and to hold as ours (or is it to have and to hold us?). We are as detailed as possible in what we pray to God for The One to have.. And from my point, just reading my list out loud to myself makes me fall in love with the man already! lol.

I have a habit of bringing out the list periodically and reading/confessing what I desire using Psalm 37:4-5 as a base scripture and thanking God for bringing SUCH a man of a man *swoon* into my life.. I wish I could share this list with you... odikwa too much *shakes head* lol.. I must say though that none of the things on my list are unreasonable.. I tried to be as practical and real as possible. And so far so GOOD.. :-)

In addition to writing this list for HIM, I also chose to write a list for HER. You see, a lot of times, we can be so focused on the right kind of man and the qualities that he must possess that we neglect to think about what kind of woman we desire to be.

The questions I usually ask myself is "When this amazing man comes my way, would he himself want me? Would I be the kind of woman that he would also desire to have if he had a list? Would I qualify to be a man's prayer point? Would I be irresistible to have and to hold and to show off for this man?

I have come to realise that as I pray for this man, he is by God's grace becoming a greater asset, and of course we all know that as his value increases so does his taste as well as the interest of some 'others' *rolls eyes* lol.. My point is this, everybody wants a good thing .. you and HIM.. As you desire to have all these wonderful qualities in your partner, it is very important that you are also checking yourself and ensuring that you possess all those things and more! If you want a partner who loves God, do you? If you want a romantic partner, are you? If you want to have a partner who is sound in the word of God, are you?

Having said this, I have to say that my list for the kind of woman I desire to be is longer than his! I also read it out to myself periodically so that in the areas where I am lacking I can ask God for help and also actively work at improving myself..

You see, as I do so, my value increases, I will be able to boldly and confidently give any competition a run for their money (Compe whatt??! lol) we will be a very compatible match *wink wink* and most importantly we will both give God glory!

So what kind of woman do you desire to be? Write it down.. When that GREAT man comes (or if he is already here) then you can definitely handle him :-) xx

Why am I like this??! - 7 things I have learnt so far...

Hiya good people of blogsville!

Hope the year has started on a very good note asides the #OccupyNigeria issue for Nigerians home and abroad as well as the civil tension.. I join you all in saying to our God in heaven a very hearty "Lord save our nation".

Thanks to all those who commented on the last post and wished me well on this new journey.. So far it's been 2 months in and all I can say is thank GOD! I have learnt (and still learning) a lot in only 2 months; things about God, things about him and the most surprising of all are things about me! Honestly, sometimes it takes allowing someone into your life to open your eyes or reveal some other facets of you that you didn't even know existed *eyes wide open*.. The thing is, not all of these 'revelations' are pleasant.. my goodness!

So, in the past 2 months I think my prayer life and communication with God have definitely increased. In fact I say to Him "Lord, you need to help me cause you know that if you leave me alone to my own devices I would surely 'use my hands' to spoil this thing"... I am learning, I am growing, I am being developed.

I have been able to discuss with a few of my girl-friends and it's amazing how some of the experiences we have are very similar with only some slight variations. I would write down below some of the points I have realised and you tell me if it's common or peculiar to just me:

1. Independent women feel just as insecure as the next person: I am not your overly independent woman, but I believe that I have good self-confidence to a large extent and I am very comfortable in my own skin. Nevertheless, I have come to realise that one of the most important needs of a woman is 'SECURITY'.. This doesn't only have to be financial but emotional as well in a very huge way.. There are times I do certain things to 'test' how deep his love and commitment are to me and usually it does not make sense! lol.. I am learning to let go and just trust him and trust God to make all things beautiful.

2. I OVER-ANALYSE: Mehnnnn... I have become Inspector One overnight! When he says A, I would see how A relates to B and how P may affect A and how A may actually mean Y... lol. I don't know about you, but I have a VERY over-active and over-imaginative mind.. I am always 'thinking'..  I am praying to God to deliver me from 'over-thinking' and just let go (again that word)

3. Dejavu!: In my previous relationships, there were certain things I did that I made up my mind never to do again. For instance, I remember with my first boyfriend (and I blame romance novels especially M&Bs particularly for this one), I used to instigate little tiffs aka little disagreements, and you know how the story goes; you disagree, boy says I'm sorry, girl fronts small or vice versa, eventually there's a making up and it feels like you are back to the honeymoon stage...perfecto! Unfortunately, this gets OLD after a while and only works in novels after a while.. 

To this effect, I am trying and trying not to take offence easily, to allow trivial things go, not to pick on every word that is said and use as a reason to give 'silent treatment'... Motto is: 'Out with the old, in with the new' *so help me God!*.

4. There are no set rules for relationships: Each relationship is unique and special in its own way. What works for A usually may not work for B. How C and D get on may not be the same way for you. You need to find your own relationship niche that works for both of you and stick with it. Never compare, (well except to learn something good for yourself or improve yourself), don't use another relationship or circumstance as a yardstick for yours.

5. Appreciate the little and big things: This one speaks for itself. Always use words of affirmation and words of encouragement, say 'thank you', 'I appreciate you', give compliments. It helps a lot. Be his/her biggest cheerleader. There's always the tendency to lose sight of why you chose him/her in the first place. Go back to that place and learn to value the person you're with because if you don't now, you may remember those good qualities you ignore now when it's too late!

6. Communication is key: It is important to be able to freely express your feelings to each other. Nevertheless, what I have learnt is that in expressing yourself, you have to be sensitive to the feelings of the other person. Sometimes, we may express ourselves to make us feel good or vent and it may really not be necessary. 

7. PRAY and PRAY and PRAY: At the end of the day, every good thing is worth fighting for. I choose to fight on my knees! Rather than nag, pray about it! (Honest truth is I'd rather have it all out here and now than wait for the prayer to be answered, waiting can be long mehn! lol.. But I have learnt that it is more profitable to wait for the Holy Spirit to work things out His own way - God help us!)

So, how about you, what nuggets of wisdom borne out of experience can you share with us? I look forward to hearing yours! 

God bless you xx

It's a brand NEW journey!!

Happy New Year my darling blogville!

It's been 2months too long and I have missed you all. I'm glad and grateful to God almighty (I just love my Big Daddy!!) that we've had the good opportunity to see the year 2012 and oh my, the days are going by sooo fast already!
So, I guess it's apt for me to ask "What's going on?" "What's new folks?" "What's changed/happened, etc etc?".

Well as you may have already guessed, I have newsssss!!!! lol..
Well, some of you may know that with this blog, I hope to share some of the things I experience on my 'journey' to meeting The One, with the main One the One aka God, my Father being my senior partner.. Well, (don't worry I'm neither married not engaged yet lol) the direction and focus of my writing will change slightly as I am now officially official with an official somebody (if you get my drift hehehe) and if you don't, come back another day when I put up another post..

In this new journey of getting to know and develop a solid relationship with the Mr, I have begun to learn NEW things. I have been able to apply OLD things as well. You know, the interesting thing is that I have come back to this blog a few times to read some of the things I wrote previously as a check/guide in my new relationship. I even shared 'Taking it back Old School' with him lol.. (Truth: It is NOT an easy something at all but God dey :-)

I have come to realise that writing down one's desires and hopes is a great thing to do. It means you can go back again and again to read/have a look at it.

I have always believed very much in 'writing the vision down' as Habakkuk 1:1-3  in the Bible (be honest, did you know there was a Habakkuk in the bible? lol) rightly suggests. One important thing I have learnt so far is that it is profitable and highly recommended to write the vision! Write down your hopes and desires, write down your dreams, write down your requests to God, write down both the important and trivial things for posterity sake. When you come back to the written down vision, it gives you a clearer idea of how far you have come and/or how far behind/below you have reached in order to give you that boost to push harder.

I encourage you to begin to keep a 'vision diary'. Write down what you 'see' or hope to 'see' in your life, in your future, in your walk with God, in your home, in your marriage, in your career, in your finances.. and the list goes on and on! Be as detailed as much as possible and most importantly pray about the things you have written down.

Read it out loud to yourself again and again often (that's word confession!) and I can tell you that very soon, you will begin to see what you wrote come to life. Every time you read them out loud to yourself, they become more real to you!

I hope to share with you on this blog, the things I learn on this journey with this blessed man who has (holy) waltzed into my life and is making such a huge difference in a wonderful way! And my prayer for everyone who desires this as well is that it will come very soon and it will not tarry.

Psalm 37:4-5 "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will grant you the desires of your heart. Trust also in Him and He will bring it to pass"

God loves you MUCH! xxxxxx

HE DOES NOT LIKE YOU LIKE THAT! SHIKENA (Finish/Finito!)

Hiya!
So I was reading a FAB book the other day and it was a REAL eye-opener.. The writer was brutally honest -  something that we all need a healthy dose of.
You know in life, many people are very careful or shall I say frugal when speaking the truth so as not to cause offence - especially in this day of 'political correctness' and 'everyone has a right to their personal opinion' syndrome... Oh well, I do agree that it is good to be sensitive to people's feelings when talking to them or giving constructive criticism but mehn sometimes we need to simply call a Red spade a RED SPADE... Not a cutlass or table knife or even a brown spade but a RED SPADE! So for instance, you know the guy your friend is eyeing is an unserious fellow but because you know she really likes him you say things like 'Oh, don't worry, some guys are not very good at expressing their feelings, he really does like you'.. NO! Tell her the truth now before she gets hurt even more.. 'Sweetie, that boy is not right for you, let him go, your man will soon come!'.

In our quest to be 'nice', we end up doing the other person a disservice and actually do more harm than good, especially when the truth is critical. On the other hand, some people DON'T want to hear the truth (I see you nodding, lol). So sometimes, the truth is wasted on them because they will either pick a fight with you or simply refuse to grant you audience. Nevertheless, as the saying goes, 'do your best and leave the...'
Anyyyways, I digress, back to the book.. It's called - 'He's JUST Not That Into You' written by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo (mainly the former).... Ladies, especially my fellow single ladies :-D.. This book is a must read I tell you!

This writer speaks the truth in a way that a lot of our friends are unwilling to do for fear of causing us emotional distress. He didn't mince any words in letting a girl know how to not only identify, but also accept when a guy is not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. You see, many times guys are not so subtle in letting us know that they are not feeling our steez aka romantically interested in us. This may not be because you are a bad person or not good enough, rather it could simply be a case of not being compatible. Unfortunately, many times when a girl is head over heels in love(?) she fails to recognise nor read nor accept to see these signs until it's too late and the guy ends up breaking her heart. The book is not a Christian book but it does contain some sincere truths that will be very useful for keeping unnecessary heart palpitations at bay.

Are you interested in finding out some of the things he mentioned???? Of course you're curious just as I was! hehehe. Anyways, I will mention a few but I have modified some things based on some stories and examples that a lot of ladies I know *cough cough* myself included, have had.....

1. If he's not calling you - Forget the excuse of 'I'm just not a phone person' or 'I'm too busy for words'.. If he is into you, he WILL call you. He will love hearing your voice or even you being silent on the phone! Whenever you find out that you're the one who keeps calling him, you need to step back a little and maybe get the message. Remember how it was with that guy who was totally crazy about you, who called you a LOT? Yup! it wasn't a mistake, that's how guys behave when they like a girl, they want to talk to them (bb-messaging does not count :-P)

2. He has a lot of ex-drama that he hasn't quite sorted out: Yes, you really like him and you want to be patient with him but know that a guy who really cares about you will go the extra-mile to make you feel secure. He will want to make you know that it's only you, and you have his FULL attention. You will not need to be checking his phones/computer or creating fake facebook accounts to check on him. In other words you will not need to die of a stroke before your time. Respect yourself enough to step back and let him sort himself out. If he really wants you, he will come back.

3. He's not defining the relationship: Ah-ha! This one is a VERY important one (infact, I shall be writing a full post on this soon). If there's something you have to remember, it's this.. 'ALWAYS DEFINE YOUR RELATIONSHIP'. Do not assume or do not make him make you assume. A guy who wants to be with you, will be with you and not leave you speculating. Like I said earlier, he will want to make you feel secure. Please let's ditch 'We are having something'.. No, you are not having something, perhaps the only thing you are having is a nice recipe for heartbreak. Please, be bold enough to talk about what you want out of the relationship and know that you deserve that much.

4. He blows Hot and Cold: I'm sure a lot of ladies will understand this concept. One minute, he seems very interested, the next you're not so sure anymore. One minute, he's calling 5 times a day checking on you at random times, the next you don't hear from him in 2 days, 5 days, 2 weeks. Then he calls again and the cycle starts again. Please RUN! A guy who cares about your feelings will not mess around with it in such a manner. He will be straight with you and be honest with you. Again I say, you deserve that much!

5. He pressures you about sex: As a Christian, I have found out that when you are walking with a like-minded guy, he helps you in your decision to wait. What I have found is that a guy who really cares about you, cares about the things that you care about! When he knows how important your relationship with your Father in heaven is, his desire should not be to break that relationship but to help you in building that relationship. he will do this because he will understand how much it will hurt you to spoil that relationship and friendship with God. A guy who is for keeps will not want to satisfy his urges and hurt you in the process. He will be willing to wait. Note that it will NOT be easy at all but he will care enough to be disciplined for the good of both of you. In addition, we are hoping that he will share the same beliefs as you, therefore even when you are weak, he can be strong for you and vice versa. A man like that knows where you are headed and wants to support your destiny and not mar it. And of course, if he knows that he is making plans in such a way that he will be getting it as much as he wants in the near future, he will hold body and bear it with a grin (well not quite :-)!

Please note that this list is not by any means exhaustive so ladies AND gents, feel free to add to it! xx