HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

It's VALENTINE'S DAY!!!

Lol...I just feel it's appropriate to blog on a special day such as this :-) {Yeah right}

So how do you feel today?? Happy/Sad/Indifferent/Jumpy/Nervous/Expectant/Bitter/Wistful/Jealous/Holy (lol)/Naughty/Depressed/Fortunate.....

Hmm, I am actually not that sad hehehe. That would actually make me sad - feeling sad because it's valentine's day.. Why? Please! lol...

But yeah I know the day does hit people (single) HARDDDD!! But I hope you are able to see the beauty in everything today to distract you...Beauty of the sun, beauty of the little baby that's in the pram on your way out, beauty of having a family, beauty of erhmmm EVERYTHING! Beauty, beauty and more beauty!! (Please anything to take your mind off an acute sense of loneliness is accepted)

I lost someone close to me recently and he was buried yesterday Friday the 13th...I love and would miss him a lot! Just wanted to publicly acknowledge him and to say thank you God for a good old life well spent.... One of my worst fear is losing someone close to me, it's such a terrible thing but unfortunatley it's as sure as life itself. For everyone who has lost a loved one, may you receive God's comfort and the strength to carry on.

So, just a thought for today...Hope you enjoy every bit of "love is in the airism" and be pleasantly surprised!! xx

DATING RULES THEY NEVER TELL YOU!!

How goes it!!
It's your ever faithful erratic blogger lol.....at least I'm faithful at being very erratic :-)

The topic I want to blog about has been playing around in my head for a long time but my busy (lazy) lifestyle :-) has prevented me from doing so....

I have been thinking lately about past relationships and the things I would change/not do if I had to do it all again!! I wouldn't really say I regret them (oh well, is it not an unwritten rule never to regret past occurences even if the very thought of them make you CRIINGE! lol).....So the thing is; I kinda came up with my own personal dating dos and don'ts - Let's call it a sort off guide lol

*DISCLAIMER*

These are entirely my thoughts...some are personal experiences while others are observations (I haven't experienced EVERYTHING ). I'm sure a lot of you might be able to identify with some of them :-)...Welcome to a bit of my world, buckle uppppp hehehe.....

1. Don't go out with someone for the wrong reasons e.g your friends convince you to, you think "what the heck he would do", to convince people that you are really not gay, his friend is your friend's boyfriend so you might as well go for it.......you would most likely wind up being single again after about 2 days....

2. If he doesn't make you giggle silly, maybe he just isn't the one.

3. It is not possible for EVERY guy to "kinda like you"... It is just not practical. Because he smiled at you at the mall doesn't necessarily mean he wants to introduce you to his folks, neither is the fact that the other guy brushed past you mean he was on his way to purchase an engagement ring for you lol...You're hot but not THAT hot!

4. Don't say yes because he said that he cannot handle being "just friends" with you. It might shock you that he would use the same mouth later to say "we can still be friends".

5. Don't kill yourself over pleasing his sisters/brothers/mum....relatives in general if it's not altar-bound. Yes they love you now but they would also love the new girlfriend. It's nothing personal, he's their blood. Not to worry though, if you were really good, they would speak fondly of you at gatherings and you might even get one or two invitations to special occaisions (only snag is that you would have the pleasure of the "new" girl's company as well).

6. Do pay him compliments. Let him feel that he is a hunk/hot/gorgeous/stud/the best. Men also need affirmation even if they pretend like it does not matter.

7. Don't compare him to anybody especially if he comes up wanting. Not even the hot guy on TV whom you would probably never meet. Trust me, don't don't don't.

8. No matter how close or comfortable you become with him, always make an effort. Endeavour to look good as much as possible. No jumping trousers with white socks expecting unconditional love, he may just run out of supply.....

9. Do let him feel like a man, he's got an ego - deal with it! Allow him to pick the bills, buy you nice things, pay for stuff...Yes you have your money and all but let him....

10. Don't fall for a cheap-skate...If he is more than happy to have you pay for stuff more than necessary please don't "manage", find your square-root and FAST!!

11. Don't pick unnecessary fights so that you keep making up...Don't believe what the Mills and Boon books say....Fighting and making up is exciting but it gets pretty old and is a sure way of ending things quickly.

12. ...Same goes for arrogant and jealous guys. After a while, it becomes a burden and huge frustration.

13. Do state clearly at the beginning what your views on sex outside marrige is from the onset, don't assume that he knows.

14. If he doesnt share your views on pre-marital sex, don't expect that he would "endure" for you. He might do at first when the adrenaline is still pumping fresh but after a while, let's just say his patience might start to wear thin.

15. If he really loves and cares about you, he would define the relationship and not have "something" with you. He would proudly show you off and be "in a relationship" on facebook.

16. Don't be too shattered if he doesn't live up to full expectation all the time. He is human afterall.

17. Do play hard to get when it's necessary but not TOO hard. Forget the 21st century ideology, the thrill is in the chase.

18. If he is cheating on his girlfriend with you, sweetheart he would do the same with you if you end up together...this time it might be your sister or cousin he can't help falling in love with!

19. Do run away from a guy who tells you that him and his girlfriend are "having problems" but he really "doesn't have the heart to break up with her" and "it's you he really wants" yet there's always a recently tagged picture of him and his girlfriend all lovey-dovey. Don't accept any excuses/reasons/explanations no matter how good they are...

20. Do show him frequent displays of affection. Let him know that he is special from the others and you really do care if he had a proper breakfast, lunch, dinner and midnight snack. When you go out together, pay him extra attention so that it is loud and clear that that's "YOUR MAN".

Oh well, that's what I have for today.....I have actually had fun writing but mehn I am getting kinda tired of visiting past memories lol
Whenever I remember anything I would surely put up a 2nd part....... All the best in your relationships!!
Above all, may God give us the wisdom to cater to the individual and peculiar needs of our better-halfs. May we revel in fulfilling and beautiful relationships to the glory of His name.....

Love youuuu loads xxxxxxxx

Time on My Side

Today I was going through the Nigerian Future Awards 2009 web page and I felt a bit old :-(
I also felt challenged.

First of all, I would like to commend the wonderful YOUNG trio - the brains behind this amazing project. Kudos to Emilia Asim-Ita, Adebola Williams and Chude Jideonwo. You guys are pace-setters, trail-blazers, fore-runners.....Inspirations!

As I browsed through the profiles of this year's nominees and took note of their ages I was like "wow, I need to up my game". Nigeria has produced some fine young men and women! It gives me hope that our future is indeed bright with such excellent gents and ladies.

It illustrates that age is not a barrier to achieving greatness. You are not too young to be great. A lot of people aspire to be outstanding in their field "when they grow up". When do you actually "grow up"? The thing is before you know it, time is far gone and you only have your past to reminisce about and you wonder where the future of your past has gone.

I remember when I was younger, one of my Sunday school teachers used to drum it into our ears then this verse in the bible where Apostle Paul was admonishing Timothy and he said "Do not let anyone despise your youth, but be an example....." (1Timothy 4 v 12). Now I understand and appreciate those words that used to be like a nagging in my ears (Thanks Dr B!).

Simply put, the apostle was advising Timothy and indeed all young people not to allow anyone look down on us nor under-estimate us because of our age but we should aspire to be leaders and achievers in spite of our youth. Your youth should never be a liability, rather it should be an asset to working towards your goals. Does not strength and enthusiasm lie in the bosom of the young?

Time is not on your side, you need to utilise and maximise every single second. A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hand.......


http://www.thefuturenigeria.com/organizers.php (Profile of the Organizers)

http://www.thefuturenigeria.com/nominees_profiles.php (Profile of the Finalists)

Violated....

Hiya,
Its your erratic blogger signing in today after like 2 weeks!! (Oh and I made up my mind to be consistent in my blogging this year!!)

It can only get better!! :-)

I hope you are all anticpating the 20th of January. I can only imagine how many parties would be going on around the world. I have been invited to soo many already. "Obama Inauguration extravaganza", "Celebrate history in Style", "Obama's official inauguration party", "Change is here", "Yes we Can party" lol (Ok, I came up with all those ridiculous names :-)
But yeah it's going down and it's going down in style! The whole world would be agog (at least more than half of the world population hopefully. I'm not quite sure Obama is a household name in Kotangora)

Anyways today's post is actually not about Mr Obama - just thought to keep up with what's News item at the moment. In the same vain, I just want to say a special THANK YOU to God for all the 155 passengers aboard the plane that crashed in New York yesterday. No life was lost and even observers have termed it "AMAZING". That's one of the names of our wonderful God!! Thank God that 155 families are not mourning at the moment!! THANK GOD!!

Now to the real "koko" of my post today. I recently watched on of my favourite Nigerian...actually scratch that, make that one of my favourite movies of all times - "VIOLATED". I was sooo excited when I stumbled upon it on youtube. You see, I had been looking for it for soo long and infact given up on ever watching it again until that fateful day lol...

So, after watching it, I started going over every bit of the movie in my head as I usually do. And I was thinking to myself how Mr Amadi (the uncle of the lead actress who raped her when she was younger)......Hmm actually it would make more sense if I actually wrote the synopsis of the movie but mehn it would be quite long cause I would probably give you every single detail, in the process killing the suspense for those who haven't had the good fortune of watching it (Have I mentioned how much I love that movie?? lol). So I will leave you to the joy of watching the movie first-hand! (Bear in mind it's a classic romance)

Yeah anyways, Mr Amadi didn't really get "very very" punished for his sins as much as I would have thought was due him. Yes his wife left with the son and he lost his job but I felt it wasn't enough cause he was not brought to justice. Then I thought again that this bit was probably one of the areas that made the movie realistic. Sad but realistic.

In Africa, it's sad that a lot of "uncles", "big bros" and the likes get away with rape (statutory and otherwise) almost on a daily basis wthout being brought to face the law.

Most times, the shame and stigma attached to being a victim of rape is enough to make one keep quiet about the incident. Other times, the victims are so young and naive that they do not understand the full meaning of what is going on and the extent of the crime. Sometimes, fear is a factor that makes the crime go unpunished. The perpetrator would instill such deep fear in his victim through threats and in some cases just his position of financial or familial security to the girl.

Another big obstacle to justice being served is that though I'm sure there's a provision for such a crime in the laws of the land, not many people are aware of it. Victims don't know what help is available to them, where to go for help and who to talk to...leaving no option for the victims who are even bold enough to speak up. Besides no one talks about it so victims are misled to believe that it must be the norm...

The victims bear the scars for a long time and in some cases for life. This unfortunate incidence stops them from achieving their potential , it lowers self-esteem and kills dreams before they are born. It's a very sad sad issue......but it still persists. I have met a numebr of girls who have been sexually abused in one form or the other usually by "close" family members or friends and their stories are disheartening. What's worse, the perpertrators are most often not ever found out by others never mind being brought to justice!

Something has to happen! We definately need a change! We need a massive campaign to bring this ugly crime to the knowledge of people. The governemnt owes it people that they serve this duty; to educate and empower. We need a stronger, tougher and uncompromising justice system for the perpetrators and an accesible, open, confidential help and counselling center for the victims.

This decay can and must end!

The truth is that although the justice system may fail sometimes, God never fails. Whatever a man sows that shall he reap. Anyone who thinks he has escaped the law can NEVER ever hide from God.

My heart goes out to everyone who has or is a victim of rape/sexual abuse. May God heal you completely of every hurt and pain that has been caused. May He embrace you with His everlasting love and make you feel free again. May He breathe on you a new lease of life and wipe out the ugly memories of the past. May He make you see the gift of today and the beautiful promise of tomorrow that you have in Him and that no one can take away from you. May He spoil you with His love and make you undertstand and experience true love.

God bless you, Lots of love xxxxxx

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

WELCOME TO THE YEAR 2009!!

Wow! Aren't you glad you made it!! It's always a beautiful feeling at 00:00 of the first day in a new year. There's always this joyous even euphoric, expectant feeling.

It's great to see another year gone past!!

I pray that this year would be better than anyone before. May we all be great achievers in this new year, may our expectations not be cut short. May we have the grace to dream BIG!! And may our dreams become reality....

I wish you all the best from the very bottom of my heart. There's nothing that you cannot achieve nor become with God, for with Him all things are possible. If you can think it, you can see it, if you can see it, you can say it. If you can say it and believe it you can most definately achieve it by the grace of God almighty!

Don't let anything limit you. Don't put barriers to your dreams.....dare to dream impossible, that's why God gave you a mind and a heart! For with Him, nothing shall be impossible!!.

It's a new start, a new beggining... the latter shall always surpass the former!!

God bless xxxxxxx

And He jumped.....

Today, I made up my mind that I was going to 1. Blog and 2. Study

Thank God I am able to do the first, the verdict is still out on the latter though :-)

To be honest I have LOOONGED to blog. Infact I have blogged tens of times in my mind but I have not found the strength to put fingers to keyboard - I don't know what the problem really is but I won't focus on that now so I don't ramble on and on and on and on......

This is quite a sober piece...

Yesterday, I travelled to a neighbouring city for the evening and was glad when the programme I went for finished earlier than expected. I was happy to jump on the train back home to get to my lovely housemates, facebook and bed (and maybe books.....maybe) when it was announced at the station that the train had been delayed indefinately as a result of a fatal accident.

What happened was that someone had jumped in front of a train in what was most probably a suicidal attempt (of which the person succeded). A lot of commuters who had just had a long day at work and were looking forward to getting home were quite disgruntled to say the least even whilst they sympathised with the poor victim.

Surprisingly (or not), the general attitude of people was more disgruntled than sympathy....

Whilst being delayed for 2 hours, I had time to wonder a bit about the situation. The death of a human being is never a pleasant one, added to the fact when the end comes in such a brutal manner. I used to believe that no one really wants to die, even for christians who know the joy of a better place in heaven, meeting face to face with their father, hence the joke "everyone wants to go to heaven but no one wants to die".

What I wonder is, what compelled this person to want to end it all? Why did he feel the need to take his own life? What could have happened in his life for him to believe that jumping in front of a speeding train was the best way out? Did he not have something to live for - Family, friends?? Had he made a cry for help but no one took him seriously? Why would he voluntarily do that to himself?? Why did he choose that particular exit route? Was he trying to make a statement??

Why were people not moved as such? Has it become normal to commit suicide? Is it just another "unfortunate" incident?

So many questions.... some of which may never get a proper answer.

It's a sad sad thing. The only thing he got out of it probably was the stand-still of rail transport for 2 hours. Sad truth is that he still remains a faceless and nameless statistic even to us who heard about the "incident". I feel sad for the wasted life, the wasted destiny, the wasted opportunity.....I wonder if he heard the saying "Where there's life, there's hope". He probably did, but didn't believe it enough to want to stay alive.

Maybe, he knew that there was something wrong and he genuinely sought help but didn't find anyone to listen. Such a shame.....He could have looked up and said softly "Please help me, I need Your help".
This is also a learning curve for us to be sensitive to people who are down or just miserable...it just might be their cry for help

It's funny how people struggle each day to keep alive whilst somewhere else someone has just wasted one. May God bless his family if he had any and may He always give us the grace to see at least one thing in our lives worth living for.

The Headache

Hiya, it's been a most hectic but interesting past couple of weeks for moi

It's soo hard being able to have some "ME" time! Arghhh

I wanna take a long holiday where I would be pampered and waited on hand and foot..........Oh, how I wish....... *sigh*

I sometimes wonder how I would cope when I get into a relationship/married... You see I love being BUSYY and I usually am!! My family and friends have actually started to complain that they hardly see/hear from me......the only people that see my brake-lights are my housemates :-)
After a long day, I just wanna come home and relaaaaaaax, read a book or just chill/sleeeep... I imagine if I had a man, he prolly would want to have the nightly gist which I would be soo loathe to do! I remember when I was with my ex-boyfriend, as much as I LOVED talking to him, there were some nights I would be soo tired, I would just ignore his calls (I felt soo bad but mehn....). He would ring me like 10 times but I would just pretend like it was just noise from the street :-)

That brings me to the question and debate about women who work and how possible/achievable it is to be a successful working woman + successful home-maker, wife and mother!! (Sheesh that is HARDWORK)

Imagine if I feel this way now, how about when I am married and my hussy wants to do more than talk after work?? No wonder women came up with that phrase that men hate to hear "I have a headache".
Imagine coming home after a very busy day at work, children are screaming and scrambling for your attention that they feel they have been unjustly deprived of all day... Worse still if you live in Britain where getting a nanny costs a small fotune. To fulfill the role of good mother, you check their homework, muster up some energy to play around with them, then get them ready for school the next day. Then off you go to perform your wifely duties (that's after you have managed to lay a sumptious dinner)

Please why won't such a woman have a "headache". At that point conjugal duty is prolly the last thing on her mind!
Gosh, women are SUPER-HUMAN!!!!

MEMORIES...

I'm in my room, listening to slow love songs and going through the archives of my old facebook messages :-) (sent and received). I don't know how I'm feeling- up/down, good/bad.... what I do know is that there is this feeling of melancholy and "what could have been" and "what should be now". It's been going on for the past couple of days. Don't know why but I have been feeling the need to just be on my own and I've been in quite a somber mood....You see the reason why it's particularly unusual is that I am not one to be on my own at ALL...oh yes, I love having people around me ALL the time, I could almost run crazy if I have nothing to do or find myself on my own. But for some reason, right now I feel like withdrawing and spending some "me" time...Oh well, it's only temporary, believe me :-)

Tonight, I've been doing some sort of "soul-searching". Just taking a trip down memory lane..... I remember when I had that caption as my facebook status, someone wrote cheekily on my wall, "hope you come back via third mainland bridge". It was some HOT guy and I think I might have had a little school girl crush on him (old woman like me) so imagine how pleased I was that he commented on my state of mind lol....
Anyways, I was just going through my messages and that particular HOT guy is now a part of that memory trip. As it happened, that wall post was just a start of many more messages as well as night phone calls (you know you don't discuss lecture notes or the weather at that time :-).

When I go through old stuff like old messages and diaries..I smile and sometimes wish I could turn back the hands of time in some circumstances... I read little notes or messages I wrote in the past to that special someone and I long for days gone past.. I remember that special thing he did, how we could keep talking and talking,. How we were such good friends who understood each other so much! Sometimes I wonder what went wrong or in some cases I remember where it all started to go topsy-turvy.

On the other hand, sometimes what jumps out at me are those things I did/said, and now with the fortune of hindsight I wonder why I said/wrote such a thing. Nevertheless there are times when I am actually impressed with what I said/did and I'm like "you actually did/said that!".

The simple act of going through my archives of old messages brings up so many emotions, it's amazing that such a simple act is capable of evoking so MUCH! It's worth it though because as the memories start to form a story in your mind, it's like watching a movie of your life! Better still, it's a time to re-evaluate and re-examine. It gives you the opportunity to stop and analyse areas you could have done better or situations you could have handled better. It also sometimes makes you see loose ends that you probably forgot to tie up or unexplored opportunities that you have forgotten to get back to...... At least I found one or two. Hope to let you know how it all turns out. By God's grace, I hope as usual for the best!!

Wish you the same
xxxx

LETTING GO 1

One thing I have learnt over the years is that letting go is one of the hardest and most painful things to do in this world! But the sad thing is that like change it is inevitable, you could call it a necesary evil... :-(

It may be letting go of a relationship, a position or even a favourite top! Letting go is quite different from losing something or someone, the latter sometimes may be something good or bad that you may not have control over -and it goes without you having a lot of control in the matter. On the other hand, in letting go, you may have control over it and you may well have to make a conscious effort to do so ( I hope I have been able to convince you and not confuse you...lol).

Personally, I have had to strive/work hand to let things go. It ranges from the serious - emotions/feelings, position, boyfriend.. to the trivial - shoes, clothes etc... As I am sure those who have had to go through this process know, it is not funny business at all!! But it has to be done..

I remember when my first ever serious relationship broke up, it was hell!! Oh my goodness!! I thought I would just die (thinking back I know that was quite drastic :-) but to be honest I understood what those novelist used to say about preferring a physical pain to heart-ache cause at least the physical pain could be seen and would soon be remedied but with your heart it's like you can't see it and there is no solution... lol (I am just a romantic fool! lol). But the breaking up wasn't the hardest part, the letting go process was.....

It was hard letting go the fact that I would go to bed without talking to him (all those looooong phone-calls) I mean, who would I tell all those meaningless nevertheless "news-worthy" events that happened in the day? It was hard letting "my" boyfriend go. Breaking up meant that special bond we had was gone, no more talking to each other with our eyes or a covert gesture in a crowded room. No more hearing that special "my boo" ringtone that I have specially for him (the song won't be the same again). No more special preference with him nor being so close that we were able to exchange passwords to high important accounts like facebook or hi-5 lol!.... These bits are what make letting go very tough after the end of a relationship! Long after the first few weeks of awkwardness (the first few times you see each other again), you are able to put up a "I'm good and alright" face up yet inside you still haven't completely let go......

For a lot of us, we can't turn on/off our emotions like a tap. It takes time to fully completely let go. That's why we usually secretly despise (ok, cannot be friends) with our exes immediate new girl/boyfriend after our exit lol (admit it!!). It's either his/her nose is a bit on the large side or he/she isn't just good enough lol (alright, some people are nice/weird like that and they actually become bff with them :-)

But is this behaviour normal or are we (me and you) a bit out in the head lol....How hard is it for others to let go? Is that why some people would rather stay in a draining relationship, rather than face the harsh reality of a break up?

Well if it is partially normal behaviour :-) then I can only say that one thing that never fails to work or help is God! TRUST ME, when I am in the lowest of lows, I try to remember how special I am with Him even if "he"-the boyfriend doesn't think so at this point lol....or even if I am not feeling it myself!! God does wonderful things to my self esteem!! I definately whole-heartedly recommend that!! :-)

I shall continue in the nearest future...hehe

God bless xx

One Fine Day

How goes it? I stumbled upon this write up on someone's hi5 page, it was soo funny, I just have to share it!! (You see, I really do think about you!! :-)

It was just like any other day, the sun shone the same way it had been shining since the beginning of time, the same sound of everyday activity, the same set of people going about the same job, all around me people carried out their mundane tasks, but to me, it was not an ordinary day it was the day I had been waiting for I had longed for a day like this since like forever.

Though I have been greatly anticipating this day, I have mixed feelings about it. Don't get me wrong, I am filled with euphoria, but you know how you get like butterflies in your stomach when such a day comes. You want everything to be perfect, you want none of your plans to fall out of place, and you pray and hope for the best. Anyways, so far so good, nothing seemed out of place. I went to the dry-cleaners to pick up my outfit for tonight.

My lovely dress was ready and waiting for me hanging beautifully just behind the reception desk. I'm sure even the dry-cleaners felt proud at being giving the task to clean such gorgeous attire (it is my most outrageous expense, but worth every penny it cost) As soon as I got home, I took my time to get ready; my friends kept calling to ask "how I felt", "what was going through my mind", "how envious they were". I only managed to get them off the phone by promising to give them the whole gist of the evening.

Finally, I was ready and good to go. I took a final look at the mirror in the foyer and had to admit to myself that I looked absolutely fabulous (even I have to say so myself). The assigned chauffeur was waiting patiently for me by the limo, I stepped in gracefully as if I had been riding one all my life (yeah rite).

Walking into the restaurant, I had to struggle to keep my cool cause all I wanted to do at that moment was scream and jump for joy to release the tension in my body. Then I saw him waiting patiently for me like the gentleman I had heard he was. He was signing on a tissue for a young woman and her daughter, and then he looked up and gave me one of his famous smiles that have been known to drive girls crazy.

I sauntered up to him like a model strutting her stuff on the runway (at least that's how it seemed to me). I could hear him saying "Hello, Boris Kodjoe, but please feel free to call me Boris" I smiled and said "Hi, One plus the One, feel free to call me One plus the one (like duuh!! Why I said that, I am still wondering). We both laughed and I guess that kind of broke the ice, he took my hands and was just about to say something when I heard someone call my name out loud, strangely it sounded very familiar, I thought I was just hearing things when I heard that noise again, then I opened my eyes and saw my mum shouting my name saying, "ONE look at the time, you are still sleeping!!"

Teehee
God bless xx

P.S I am soo excited/happy/joyous...lol, I just discovered how to attach pictures and videos!! Makes for even more exciting blogging!! hehehe... I just realised I had been getting one tiny part wrong, gosh I am soo bush, God help me! lol.

P.S2 I don't know why but I am so loving Naeto C's "Kini Big deal". Maybe just for the heck of it, I would upload the video- just to show off lol. (I would be doing that also to my previous posts so erhmm expect moreeee...yipee yayo eyyy!!

P.S3 Ok I just tried to upload the video and it's not exactly going according to plan so erhmm please I still need help with uploading videos :-(
Here's the link to the video though

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7HJbCOvCRfI